words in movies
All: (simultaneously) Oh yeah! Come on! Yeah right!
Ross: Hey, do you guys think that if all those things happened, wed still hang out?
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Monica: No Joey! Chandler could be your assistant! See, he could answer all of your fan mail and stuff!
Joey: All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I dont need any assistance in there, take a break!
Chandler: All right!
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Joey: All right, heres a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work Im delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)
Chandler: But the Kit-Kats are all right?!
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is uh, is she gonna be all right?
Joey: All right, and over there is Bradys Pub where I like to unwind after a long day of surgeoning.
Joey: All righty, what do you say we head back to my place?
Joey: I thought we talked about this. I dont like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isnt juice. All juice, okay?
Chandler: Its not all juice! (Rachel quickly gets out of the way.)
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Monica: Yeah I can! (Laughs) And dont think I dont, because I do! I mean all the time, you betcha! (Laughs.)
Monica: Say it louder, I dont think the guy all the way in the back heard you!
Guy All the Way in the Back: Yeah, I heard it.
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
Nurse: Youve done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.
Carol: Ooh, actually Ive been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!
Monica: All right relax Mr. Ive Had Sex Four Times!
Joey: All right!
Joey: All right! So, was it amazing?
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Barry: You-you-you said you were gonna be away all weekend!
Phoebe: All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?
Phoebe: Thats all right, Ill work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
Jack: Are you all right?
Ross: Look I-I dont know whats going on with you and your husband and what is hopefully an adult dog walker, look can I just say not all men are like that.
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Joey: All right!
Rachel: All right? (He sets the award down.) Thank you.
Lewis: Yeah, Im all in love with you and stuff. So could you change my grade?
Monica: Cause I just keeping thinking about all these things that Im not gonna have and its freaking me out. I dont know what to do about it.
Monica: Phoebe! Come on Im serious! I just got to talk to him about all this.
Phoebe: That is correct! Yes, youre supposed to take all of that stuff and put it in a little box in your mind and then lock it up tight.
Monica: Okay, but all right youre a guy, does it not freak you that youre never gonna sleep with anybody else?
Karin: Actually, Im dating at all anymore. See, I figured out that I was only dating guys that were like yknow bad for me, so until I work that out
Rachel: Okay. Okay. (They sit down.) I think we can do this if we just get organized. All right? We have two days to plan this party. We just need to make fast decisions! Okay? All right, where are we gonna have it?
Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Cassie: Im all done.
Phoebe: Who the hell are all these people?
Ross: This-this is crazy! I can do this! All right, uhh, I bet I can get all 50 before dinner.
Rachel: Well, I dont know. I called all the people in Monicas phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.
Phoebe: Thank you. (To the other woman) No? (She nods.) All right. (She goes to another pairing.) Oh, its so nice to see you.
(Suddenly, everyone stands up and comes out of hiding. All of them are glaring at Monica.)
Monica: Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents (Motions to the pile in the corner) without having to talk to people I dont even like!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is sitting on the chair, and theyre all talking.]
Rachel: Hey! Out of all of us, who do you think is gonna get married next?
Rachel: Oh no-no, no! Its good! Its all good! I-I actually work at Ralph Lauren!
Monica: Okay, I think thats it. The seating chart is done. This is our wedding. They all look like theyre having fun dont they?
Rachel: (motioning to a rack) So now, these are all the tuxedos that we make and if theres anything that you like, we can make you a deal. Anything at all. (Grabs a few) But these are the three that Monica pre-approved.
Phoebe: Okay! All right! Yeah! Cause I just cant picture it.
Rachel: All right, yknow what? If you dont want to believe me about this, why dont you just come with me to dinner tonight and she will tell you.
Ross: Well, you need something to make this day special? Hello! You-you-you have the most special thing of all! You are marrying the woman you love.
Monica: Hey. Oh good-good youre here! All right, I figured it out. Im gonna take two tables of eight, Im gonna add your parents, and Im gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two extra meals, we are good to go!
Monica: 007 gets all the ladies.
Monica: (telling Chandler the seating arrangement) Okay so this is where the band is. (Points.) And this is where the bar is. (Points) And all these pins have peoples names on them. (She has pins to show the seating at each of the tables.) And Rach, here you are. (Points to Rachels place.)
Phoebe: Rachel, its okay. You dont have to do this. I believe you. All right? Okay, if-if you say that you kissed Melissa, then you kissed Melissa.
Monica: All right thats it, I give up! Whatever you want you can have it! You wanna sing a song? You wanna do a dance? You want your mom stand at the Alter and scream racial slurs? I dont care!
Phoebe: I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Joey: All right, uh (To Ross) Oh hey, youve done this before Ross, well what did you say when you made up your vows?
Rachel: I just finished getting Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents. She's so nervous, it's so sweet!
Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7 7.. 7 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7 (mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Monica: Then all your stuff would be here.
Monica: Then youd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesnt make any sense.
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
Phoebe: Well maybe you dont talk about your feelings back then. Maybe you just say something about yknow all the things that hes taught you. Like (They all try to think about one example and dont succeed.) Or all the things you taught him.
Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable!
Joey: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!
All: Bye!
Rachel: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Chandler: (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very happy were gonna have all the sex.
[Flashback to the gang in Central Perk in The One Where Nana Dies Twice, theyre all going through an old photo album.]
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
Monica: They all came from the list you handed out to us two weeks ago.
Phoebe: Okay, I can fix this! Okay Monica, Rachel thinks all you can talk about is the wedding. (Rachel glares at her.)
Phoebe: Ive never driven it! Okay? Not once! Okay once. Okay, I drive it all the time.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there as Ross enters with his all his hair sticking straight up.]
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Rachel: All right. (She starts off.)
Phoebe: There is nothing wrong with Jake! Okay? He is all man! Im thinking even more than you.
Rachel: Oh Ross youre so tense! You just gotta relax okay? Just need to relax all right? Just need to relax (She takes her hands off of the wheel.)
Rachel: Here we go. Im serving my last cup of coffee. (the gang starts humming the graduation theme) There you go. (hands it to Chandler) Enjoy. (they all cheer)
Chandler: Yeah, hes made phone calls, written letters, he even came to New York, but I always said I was too busy to see him. Yknow its all very Cats in the CradleI dont want to get into it. (The show starts.) Here we go.
All: Gay!
JANITOR: Of course they're gonna say he's dead. They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great big cover-up. Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes?
Joey: Pantyhose! Yknow? They way they start at your toe and go all the way up to here (He mimed that and stops when he realized he went to far.) I should go take these off shouldnt I?
[The next one is from Episode 711: The One With All the Cheesecakes.]
Helena: Well I wouldnt miss it for the world. Oh! Im getting all misty here! Youd think I was having my legs waxed or something. (Goes back on stage.)
Monica: Do you realize this is probably the last time well all be here in the coffee house as six single people?
Joey: No, I-I just heard lunch. But yeah, I can go. Sure! (They all exit.)
Monica: Im making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.
Rachel: Hey! Those are all the things Im responsible for!
Joey: I know! All right, Ill see you guys over there! Im off to fight the Nazis.
The Director: Okay, all right. Lets do it. (He walks off.) And Action!
Chandler: Yeah. Yknow I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come up and Ill go all Chandler. But nothing has.
Ross: Well I I told him that if he ever hurt you I would hunt him down and kick his ass! (The girls all laugh.) What?! What?! What is the matter with everybody?! I am serious! I would kick his ass! (The laugh harder.)
Mr. Bing: (entering) Hello all!
Monica: Nobody wants to do it? All right, Ill do it myself.
Monica: All right, Im gonna go steam my wedding dress okay? Who wants the responsibility of making sure nothing happens to it?
Joey: Great! All right. Ill see you later. (He starts to leave.)
All: To the Bings!
Joey: All right.
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! (laughs) You don't think he's here, do you? (Joey looks around)
Rachel: All right, weve got to tell her hes gone. (Starts to leave.)
(They all go into the hallway.)
Rachel: All right, well how much time do you need?
Phoebe: Ross, youre tired. Youve been looking all night. And clearly you suck at this.
Rachel: All right, Ill see you guys later.
Phoebe: All right. Good luck.
Richard: All right.
Ross: Aw, yknow Yknow, maybe were-were just approaching this all wrong. If youre Chandler and-and you wanna hide, where is the last place on Earth people would think youd go?
Rachel: Okay. All right. (Gets up.) Honey listen. When I tell you what Im about to tell you, I need you to remember that we are all here for you and that we love you.
Joey: No! No, Im the minister! All right, look-look, put em both on the phone, Ill marry them right now.
[cut to later, Joey, Rachel, Ross, and Tim are watching the football game, and they all cheer loudly.]
Chandler: I know, And then all of the sudden your Mom pops into your head. And your like 'Mom, get outta here!' You know, but of course, like, after that you can't possibly think of anything else, and you can't, you know, stop what your doing. So it's kinda like, you're, you know. You know...(Ross just stares at him). You don't know!
Chandler: 99...100! Ready or not, here I come! (He opens his eyes and sees that the chick and the duck are still sitting in front of him) All right, let's go over the concept one more time.
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
Joey: Okay uh, look I know youre a great actor, okay? And you play all those Shakespeare guys and stuff
[Cut to Central Perk, to the theme from The Dick Van Dyke show Joey runs into Central Perk carrying a stack of Soap Opera Digests and falls on the step. He does bounce right back up making it all that much funnier.]
Jennifer: Lisas laugh though TheresIts so infectious. Its one of those things just forget about it. Once it starts, its all gone.
(They all start laughing.)
Ross: (To Chandler) All right! All right! All right! (To Joey) We are fixing it.
Monica: I thought I was making headway, everyone was smiling at me all day, I get off work and I find out that they wrote this (puts on her chef hat) on my chefs hat. (The hat says Quit, bitch)