words in movies
Joey: Oh well listen, anyway shes directing the new Al Pacino movie. You gotta get me an audition!
Elizabeth: (checks her grade) Oh, yknow what? Forget it, you already gave me an A.
Phoebe: Oh, its bad. Its really bad. The only thing in there that isnt burned is an ass. Which I do not remember buying!
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Monica: Youre right, Im sorry. Its not like youre yknow, going out with an ex-girlfriend.
Monica: All right, well why dont I go out with an ex-boyfriend and do Joey a favor?!
(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)
Rachel: Hey! Hey-hey, now this was no ones fault Pheebs. Okay? It was an accident.
Fireman #2: No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. Its looks like a curling iron.
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Monica: I dont have an atlas.
Monica: (interrupting) No! You have lasagnas! (Storms out and an awkward silence follows.)
(Chandler gets an idea)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler have trading the entertainment center for the canoe. Joey is sitting in the bow, staring off into space as to envision his future full of possibilities. Chandler is sitting at the stern, staring into space and is looking at an uncertain future.]
Monica: Ohh, Im such an idiot. I cant believe I actually thought she could change.
Monica: You just put an empty carton back in the fridge!
Joey: What kind of profit is that?! And you call yourself an accountant.
Ross: They make you take an oath?
Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that ones actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
Rick: Oh wow! That was amazing, was that really just an hour?!
Chandler: It still wouldnt be clean. (Rachel makes an Eww, disgusting! face) All I want is my freedom.
Phoebe: Ugh, okay, I have an enormous crush on you. But because youre a client, I cant ask you out, even though you give me yknow, the feeling.
Ross: All right, we have a tie. Luckily, I have prepared for such an event. (He opens up an envelope and holds up some note cards.) The Lightning Round!
(The interviewer watches her leave with an Oh my goodness face.)
Ross: How do you think it's gonna look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Joey gives her an orange?
Rachel: And not one of your coupons for an hour of "Joey Love."
JOEY: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was thinking maybe you could bring him.....Hello? Hello? (picks up a statue of an Indian and walks into his room)
Joey: (whining and heading toward the door) Look, it's too late, and I got an audition. I can't shop anymore! I...
Rachel: Oh, hey, I have an idea. Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever loses goes in first. (they all agree) Ready? (they do the rock-paper-scissor thing with they hands and Rachel has paper, Phoebe and Ross both have rock, while Joey is doing a strange upward wiggling with his fingers. They all look a him confused).
Chandler: No reason. (turns around, makes an 'Oh my God' gesture with his eyes)
Chandler: No, it came out to an even twenty.
Phoebe: Oh, theres no such thing as an innocent burger.
Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?
Julio: I can write an epic poem about this lip. (grabs her lower lip)
(An old West style showdown starts with Joey and the Hombre Man staring each other down as the store guy slowly lets in the first customer while Joey and the Hombre Man get ready to draw. In slow motion they spot the customer, eye each other, draw, and as the customer walks into the middle Joey's bottle misfires but the Hombre Man spays it into the customer's eyes.)
CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.
Chandler: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I found this great place called "Invisible things for Kathy." (Motions to an imaginary pile of presents next to him.) Can you give me a hand with all this stuff?
Joey: I dont know. I might stay there for a few days while I look for an apartment.
Tim: Youre an excellent patient!
(an awkward silence follows)
Rachel: Oh, uh, Joanna I was wondering if I could ask you something. Theres an opening for an assistant buyer in Junior Miss
Joey: I have an audition, but Ill definitely hook up with you later. Where are you gonna be around noon?
Ross: Joey, had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
Monica: Oh my God! You own an Italian restaurant and you think that tastes good?! Where are you even from?
Rachel: And an assistant.
Rachel: Hey Mon, little question for ya! How do you think this suit will look on an assistant buyer?
Rachel: How do you think this suit would look on an assistant buyer at Bloomingdales?
Rachel: Ohh, its gonna be so great! Im gonna get to help decide what we sell, Im gonna have an office with walls and everything. (turns to Monica) Im gonna have walls!
Rachel: Im an assistant buyer!!
Chandler: Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday. It's an early edition of her favorite book.
Joey: Well, ah, Im an actor. Im fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and dont worry Im totally okay with the gay thing.
[Scene: A hallway in an apartment building. Phoebe is knocks on a door and it opens.]
Rachel: Yes-yes, just a few seconds and shed still be with usnothing about an assistant buyer?
Rachel: Honey, this really is an incredible thing to do for them, but there are things to think about.
Joey: Well, that's gonna be tough Mon. I mean it's hard for me to be around an attractive woman and not flirt.
Monica: Its kind of an important one!
Older Scientist: Dr. Geller, theres a seat over here. (Motions to an empty chair at the white table.)
Chandler: Look, you dont have to draw an actual wowhoa! Shes hot!
Kate: Yeah! Yeah, it was definitely an improvement. Gnight.
Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. Its just so frustrating!
Ross: No-no-no, a bunch of out of control jackets take over an island. (Makes an unusual sound, then he realises that he still has his jacket on and quickly tries to shake it off, thinking its alive and attacking him.)
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up as her boss, Mr. Waltham, walks in.) Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.
Rachel: I have an extra ticket. An extra ticket. Not, two tickets, I have an extra ticket.
Joey: No-no-no, no, no, wait. You see, Im an actor, Joey Tribbiani, Im doing a scene with you today, and well, I stink.
Joey: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesnt mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise youre just an idiot in a box!
Ross: (popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun!
Rachel: Gimme an L!
Ross: Oh, Liam. So uh, what, were you guys playing soccer or somethingor should I call it (In an English accent) football?
Rachel: Oh, its just an anti-theft device.
Rachel: Gimme an M!
Rachel: Gimme an I!
(An 80's Rachel and fat Monica walk into the party room. Both with funny hair-do's and clothes)
Phoebe: I know! I know, and Ive only been playing for like an hour!
Emily: Oh, blimey, I still cant believe youve got an earring!
Joshua: Hey, heres an idea. Why dont uh, I put the food in the fridge and we can eat it later?
Chandler: No. No. Were not gonna do that, yknow why? Because its not an even trade.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no, I saw an ad for this video, people climb that thing everyday! We could totally do that!
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
Emily: So what did he decide? Does your Uncle Nathan get an invite or not?
Chandler: Im an alien. Im an alien.
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
Chandler: (laughing) You did look like an idiot.
Rachel: Ohh, yeah, well I wanted to give Emily a big American good-bye cheer. So okay! (Runs into the living room) Ready! Okay! Gimme an E!
Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?
Rachel: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him-
Phoebe: Well, lets see, its not. Really, like that. Because, you see that was an actual problem, and uh, yours is just like yknow a bunch of yknow high school crap that nobody really gives yknow
Joey: Ugh! I dont know what Im going to do! I called the company that sent and th-they dont care! Then I called 9-1-1 and they laughed at me, if this isnt an emergency, then what is?
(An embarrassed silence... finally broken by)
Ross: So it said that by the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same number of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically we could download our thoughts and our memories into this computer...
Monica: (in an Irish accent) Monica Gellerrr. (She rolls her R)
[Scene: An airport in New York.]
DOCTOR: No, under these circumstances it has to be an injection, and it has to be now.
[Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Chandler and Monica are lying in the bed together talking. Theres an awkward air between them. They are both clutching the covers in from of them.]
Phoebe: No! No, we have an emergency. Okay? Rachels coming to London.
Pete: Dont worry, Hoshi taught me how to use an opponents strength and weight against him.
Chandler: We have to leave for New York in an hour.
[Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]
Rachel: No, youre not an idiot, Ross. Youre a guy very much in love.
Rachel: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.
Chandler: (in the high pitched voice) What?! (Normal voice) I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
Nurse: You are an idiot. (She hands over a blank form).
Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!! If youre gonna get all sensitive about it! I dont want to lose you. What if I, create a position for you? Ill make you an assistant buyer in this department.
Joey: Why dont you tell me something I dont know! (He storms out, and once Treeger closes the door behind him, Joey makes an Oops! have.)
(There's an awkward silence then suddenly Phoebe gets an idea.)
Rachel: Because (laughs), because, I just heard it. I heard it, and it's ridiculous! I mean, you're married. You're-you're married and it's just ridiculous, and it's like, it's like when said it, I sort of like, I floated up out of my body, y'know? And, and-and then I heard myself say it and then the floating Rachel (laughs) was like, "You are such an idiot!"
Monica: Why? It's just that I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this, and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?
Chandler: Oh, I had an appointment to get my haircut
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are showing everyone the van they bought for the catering business. Its an old Dodge van, that has a cartoon woman riding on a dragon painted on the side of it.]
Rachel: Yes, Joanna really has been an incredible mentor to me.