words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Ross: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The deans office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?
Rachel: Well thatyknow its just uh, Ive never done that before. Me and him alone.
Ross: I dont know! Just-just talk to him-entertain him and keep him alive.
Ross: Okay, Ill see you soon buddy. (He hugs and kisses him.) Be back in an hour.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Monica: Well, were trying to find someone to perform our wedding and theyre all either boring or annoying or yknow, cant stop staring at the ladies. (Points to her chest.)
Phoebe: No! No! Its-its uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff!
Phoebe: Yes! A friend of mine did it and its totally legal!
Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
Rachel: Ben yknow when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. Cause I was, I was your daddys girlfriend.
Rachel: (checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes. (Pause) So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You dont have to share stuff.
Rachel: Oh, youre one of those. But yknow what? I have two sisters of my own and we just-just tortured each other.
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch as Joey enters.]
Joey: No-no-no-no look no! I wont spit, and I wont stare at Monicas breasts! Yknow? Everyone knows Im an ass man!
Joey: Yeah and the most important thing is that it wont be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. Itll be me! And I swear Ill do a really good job. Plus, yknow I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
Joey: Oh! My head! Oh! (Hes sitting on the chair, lies back, and puts his feet up for Monica to rub.) Oh!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is reading and there is knock on the door which she answers.]
Rachel: Oh yeah? Did he pull the old (She is waving her hand up and down her face. Shes thinking about the pencil mark.)
Ross: Yeah that! You know I hate practical jokes! Theyre mean and theyre stupid and-and I dont want my son learning them!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: Oh, I love you Hexadrin! (She kisses the box.) Oh look! It comes with a story! (She pulls out the instructions and side affects paper.)
Monica: No Phoebe, those are like the side affects and stuff.
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
Carol: Umm uh, Ill make some coffee and we can uh, chat.
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and " And then I cant think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)
Joey: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?
Chandler: No, not us (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)
Joey: Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing yknow youre in the bathtub together and shes feeding you strawberries?
Chandler: Isnt that what happened with you and the brides maid?
Monica: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much
Chandler: And I was a perfect gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said goodnight.
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Chandler: You kidding? Youre the most beautiful woman in most rooms (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whats going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
(They do so and they take off their clothes.)
Monica and Chandler: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
(They start making out again, and it takes Joey trying to enter to stop them.)
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Monica: Okay, fine but please dont be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted just sex. So, when I went to your room that night I was actually looking for Joey. (Joey smiles.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier.]
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Chandler: I dont believe it. The most romantic night of my life and Im runner up.
Joey: Hey! (Monica turns and looks at him) Now Im a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings!
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Chandler: Okay, its just weird! Okay? I dont want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need I dont know what I need. I need a walk.
Chandler: It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin. (Walks out and slams the door.)
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Ben: That you and daddy were not on a break.
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
Ross: Nice. And by the way that uh, that line down my face?
Carol: What? (Goes and checks.)
Rachel: Or Carol! But theyre funny to kids and who is it hurting?!
Rachel: That was you?! We heard about you in Junior High! Did you really just shake your fist in the air and shout, "I will be revenged?!"
Rachel: Fine. Fine, but Ill have you know that once I taught him that stuff he called me Fun Aunt Rachel. And I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel but Ill go back to being Boring and Uncomfortable Aunt Rachel if thats what you want!
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Chandler: How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first!
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Joey: Well I dont know remember exactly but, its-its pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
Rachel: Ohh, okay. (Ross has a sign on his back that reads Poop.) WhAh-ha! (Ross stops and turns.) Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I cant do it.
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
Ross: I-I-am(Suddenly Ross starts screaming and comes falling down the stairs landing just in front of Rachel.)
Rachel: EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! (She runs over to him and finds that it was a dummy and that she had been had.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important.
Monica: Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.)
Phoebe: Im really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two (Points to Monica and Joey) actually had hooked up.
[Scene: Monica and Joeys, Monica is cooking.]
Monica: Yep! And lots of it!
(Monica gets behind him and in combination with his sliding the chair forward and her pushing with her leg manages to get up to the table.)
Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin?
Ross: Im sorry, okay, Im sorry. I wa-I was disgusted with myself, and this morning I was so, I was so upset and then I got your message and I was so happy, and all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment as fast as possible.
Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. Youre not allowed to have cups out here, its a thing. (takes her cup and goes back inside)
Rachel: Hi! So Im out having lunch at Monicas and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdales and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and hes gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
Joey: No, I don't think it's just about just getting a girlfriend. Y'know? I mean, yeah, I can get a girlfriend! Yeah, we could sit in the chair and do crosswords, but y'know are we ever going to have y'know the closeness like-like you guys have?
Rachel: I didnt have to, because I was wearing my I heart Ross sandwich board and ringing my bell.
(She lets go of the steering wheel to get her cell-phone from her purse. Ross screams and reaches over in order to hold onto the wheel. Cut to the plane. Rachel is sitting in her seat when her cell-phone rings.)
(Cut to Ross and Monica)
EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
JOEY: Yeah, you missed, 'Takes money to make money,' and uh, 'Don't make me come down there and kick your wall street butt.'
Chandler: Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.
(Joey congratulates Ross, sees Chandler's look and abruptly stops.)
Joey: Thanks for stopping by. See ya! (Throws them out and closes the door.) (To Cecilia) I-I am so sorry. I
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)
PHOEBE: It was an accident, and, and the woman who did this would never ever hurt a dog on purpose. She's a vegetarian.
Joey: Really? Thats great! You and my sister, sittin in a tree.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is writing letters as Rachel enters.]
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and its a horrible shade of green.)
Rachel: (crying) No. I cant, youre a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever. God, and now I just cant stop picturing with her, I cant, (Ross stands up and backs away) it doesnt matter what you say, or what you do, Ross. Its just changed, everything. Forever.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is reading a letter that Chandler wrote.]
Chandler: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?
Rachel: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? Im asking you first, right?!. I mean Im playing by the rules.
Ross: All right, look, look, youve got to do this yourself, okay in person. At least you know her name. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary-Angela, okay, when which ever one she is comes to the door, you take her for a walk, you let her down easy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is playing "She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not" with the petals of a flower, alternately looking hopeful and annoyed. Phoebe enters, but not as herself, for she has changed the style of her hair and make-up to match that of her twin sister. She hangs up her coat, revealing her new cardigan. Nervously, she smooths out the identifying garment, approaching Joey who sits next to the main sofa.]
Rachel: I cant believe Mark didnt call. Its Sunday night, and he didnt call.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Monica: Wait a minute, why dont you just call Mark. (they both look up in shock) I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him, youve got to make stuff happen.
Rachel: Yeah, and you dont mind if I call, because you only want good things for me.
(Chandler walks into the living room, and sees all of Joeys sisters, all wearing red.)
Ross: Yeah well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, Id expect nothing less.
Phoebe: Well, I have ah, vodka and cranberry juice.
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isnt even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if youre right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
Joeys Sister: Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.
[Cut to the hall, Joeys sister runs up and grabs Chandlers butt.]
Chandler: (pats him on the shoulder) Youre it! Now run and hide!
Leader: Whos next? (goes over and stands behind Ross, whos feverishly writing on his form, and clears her throat to get his attention.)
Chandler: Eh, yeah, well ah, waitress at a coffee shop and cheer squad co-captain only took up so much room.
Rachel: (getting of the elevator and noticing Ross) Hey!
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really happens to like me.
Mark: Hi. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you. You got it, you got the job.
Rachel: (to Ross) Oh my God!! (she turns around and hugs Mark, not Ross)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The entire gang is there.]
Ross: Listen, Im ah, Im sorry Ive been so crazy and jealous and, its just that I like you a lot, so...
Rachel: I dont know, I mean I would give anything to work for a designer, y'know, or a buyer.... Oh, I just dont want to be 30 and still work here.
(We hear the sound of a bed creaking through the ceiling, and him moaning.)
(We the guys knock on the door upstairs, and the guy answering it.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her first day.]
Phoebe: W-wI justits thatI haveyknow I have-I have an appointment. And its very important.
Ross: Honey, just relax, it's gonna be fine. Hey, umm,. why don't I come down there and I'll take you out to lunch?
Phoebe: Umm, no, it's a purse. And there's a thermos in it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
Ross: Of Ross and Rachel.
Mark: And who may I say is calling?
[Scene: The Moondance diner, Monica is cleaning up with one of the waiters, with her back turned to him she removes her fake breasts and hides them under her wig.]
Rachel: Well then how come youre still at a job that you hate, I mean why dont you quit and get the fear?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading Joey's resume.]
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really. (She gives the sofabed a tiny push and it folds away)
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, it's umm... (she picks up this bug and it starts to play the theme from Love Story)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering the living room from her bedroom.]
Director: Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.
DR. REMORE: Amber, I want you to know that I'll always be there for you, as a friend and as your brother.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are babysitting Ben.]
Mark: (turning around) And wait, I've got something for you. (kisses her)
Joey: Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, and these are the only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone.
MONICA: So, I'll get candles and my mom's lace tablecloth, and since it's Rachel's birthday, I mean, we want it to be special, I thought I'd poach a salmon.
Mark: Okay, okay look, I know I'm being Mr. Inappropriate today, but it's just so tough, I mean see you walking around and I just wanna touch you and hold you, come on no one's around, just, just kiss me.
PHOEBE: What if the husband person is the wrong guy, and you are the right guy. I mean you don't get chances like this all the time, if you don't meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself when your 80, which is hard to do, and that's how you break a hip.
Monica: It was soo amazing, he is so sexy, and smart, which makes him even sexier. Oh gosh, I gotta so you this. Last night, we were fooling around and he stops to write a poem.
(They start to kiss, and Ross rushes into the office to break it up.)
Leader: Hi. And batting for Sarah, Ross Geller, 872. Although, it looks like you bought an awful lot of cookies yourself.
Director: Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to take these dancers and show them the combination.
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is tying a ribbon to a vase.]
Director: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are there.]
Ross: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away.
Ross: And hes, hes a total stranger?
Sarah: So thats two boxes of the Holiday Macaroons. On behalf of the Brown Birds of America, I salute you. (Does the Brown Bird salute, she blows on a bird call, then holds her hand, palm facing out, next to her face, and then waves it like a bird flapping its wings.)
Tim: Last time I saw you, it was the morning I left for college. And you were just standing outside The Dairy Queen.
Ross: I have been down in your store for twenty minutes trying to get a tie! What do I have to do to get some service?! (turns to Rachel) Hi Rach. (He's puts his hand on her shoulder and she knocks it away.)
(The rest of barbershop quartet enters, and joins him.)
(She runs over and gives him a very passionate kiss.)
Rachel: I'm not jealous. All right this is about, umm, people feeling certain things y'know about strippers. And y'know, and um, I...
Chandler: Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.
Clerk: Eight oclock is the cut-off and, (looks at his watch) aww, its 8:02.
Monica: Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kindve competitive and one year, Geller Bowl VI, I accidentally broke Rosss nose.
Ross: And what are you going to do for him?
Chandler: Well, she spent the last six months getting over him, and now shes celebrating that by going on a date with him.
Monica: Were not gonna have sex! Okay, nothings changed here. He still doesnt want children and I still do, so thats why were just gonna be friends.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
[Scene: Silvercup studios, Joey is taking a shower in Charlton Hestons dressing room. Heston enters the room, Joey panics, and walks over to the shower and confronts Joey about the use of his shower.]
Joey: Oh, I was reading it last night, and I got scared, so.
Joey: Havent you ever read the same book over and over again?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date Robert.]
Chandler: I wasnt sure which one Mary-Angela was. (all of Joeys sisters gasp) Look, Im sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient Im looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, hes like early to mid-thirties, very attractive.
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.