words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Ross: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The deans office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?
Rachel: Well thatyknow its just uh, Ive never done that before. Me and him alone.
Ross: I dont know! Just-just talk to him-entertain him and keep him alive.
Ross: Okay, Ill see you soon buddy. (He hugs and kisses him.) Be back in an hour.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Monica: Well, were trying to find someone to perform our wedding and theyre all either boring or annoying or yknow, cant stop staring at the ladies. (Points to her chest.)
Phoebe: No! No! Its-its uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff!
Phoebe: Yes! A friend of mine did it and its totally legal!
Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
Rachel: Ben yknow when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. Cause I was, I was your daddys girlfriend.
Rachel: (checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes. (Pause) So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You dont have to share stuff.
Rachel: Oh, youre one of those. But yknow what? I have two sisters of my own and we just-just tortured each other.
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch as Joey enters.]
Joey: No-no-no-no look no! I wont spit, and I wont stare at Monicas breasts! Yknow? Everyone knows Im an ass man!
Joey: Yeah and the most important thing is that it wont be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. Itll be me! And I swear Ill do a really good job. Plus, yknow I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
Joey: Oh! My head! Oh! (Hes sitting on the chair, lies back, and puts his feet up for Monica to rub.) Oh!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is reading and there is knock on the door which she answers.]
Rachel: Oh yeah? Did he pull the old (She is waving her hand up and down her face. Shes thinking about the pencil mark.)
Ross: Yeah that! You know I hate practical jokes! Theyre mean and theyre stupid and-and I dont want my son learning them!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: Oh, I love you Hexadrin! (She kisses the box.) Oh look! It comes with a story! (She pulls out the instructions and side affects paper.)
Monica: No Phoebe, those are like the side affects and stuff.
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
Carol: Umm uh, Ill make some coffee and we can uh, chat.
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and " And then I cant think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)
Joey: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?
Chandler: No, not us (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)
Joey: Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing yknow youre in the bathtub together and shes feeding you strawberries?
Chandler: Isnt that what happened with you and the brides maid?
Monica: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much
Chandler: And I was a perfect gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said goodnight.
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Chandler: You kidding? Youre the most beautiful woman in most rooms (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whats going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
(They do so and they take off their clothes.)
Monica and Chandler: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
(They start making out again, and it takes Joey trying to enter to stop them.)
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Monica: Okay, fine but please dont be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted just sex. So, when I went to your room that night I was actually looking for Joey. (Joey smiles.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier.]
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Chandler: I dont believe it. The most romantic night of my life and Im runner up.
Joey: Hey! (Monica turns and looks at him) Now Im a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings!
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Chandler: Okay, its just weird! Okay? I dont want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need I dont know what I need. I need a walk.
Chandler: It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin. (Walks out and slams the door.)
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Ben: That you and daddy were not on a break.
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
Ross: Nice. And by the way that uh, that line down my face?
Carol: What? (Goes and checks.)
Rachel: Or Carol! But theyre funny to kids and who is it hurting?!
Rachel: That was you?! We heard about you in Junior High! Did you really just shake your fist in the air and shout, "I will be revenged?!"
Rachel: Fine. Fine, but Ill have you know that once I taught him that stuff he called me Fun Aunt Rachel. And I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel but Ill go back to being Boring and Uncomfortable Aunt Rachel if thats what you want!
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Chandler: How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first!
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Joey: Well I dont know remember exactly but, its-its pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
Rachel: Ohh, okay. (Ross has a sign on his back that reads Poop.) WhAh-ha! (Ross stops and turns.) Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I cant do it.
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
Ross: I-I-am(Suddenly Ross starts screaming and comes falling down the stairs landing just in front of Rachel.)
Rachel: EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! (She runs over to him and finds that it was a dummy and that she had been had.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important.
Monica: Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.)
Phoebe: Im really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two (Points to Monica and Joey) actually had hooked up.
[Scene: Monica and Joeys, Monica is cooking.]
Monica: Yep! And lots of it!
(Monica gets behind him and in combination with his sliding the chair forward and her pushing with her leg manages to get up to the table.)
Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin?
Professor Spafford: (speaking very slowly) And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
Ross: Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway?
Ross: Hi (sees Rachel and forgets her name for a moment).
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
Chandler: All right everybody! Just be quiet! Be quiet! Be quiet!! Pipe-pipe-pipe down! (They settle down) What is the matter with you people?! This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you. She was making candy so she could try to get to know all of you, and Ill bet that not one of you can tell me her name! Am I right?
Phoebe: Hi! And you're going into what grade?
[Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.]
(He runs out and Frank watches him go.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney and Matthew are getting ready to do a scene where Monicas sick.]
Phoebe: (interrupting) What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie!
Minister: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife.
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna want to keep all of their children!
[Scene: Joey's room, his doctor, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The girls are talking with the firemen.]
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Frank are there.]
(Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.)
Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in?
Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing her checkbook as Joey enters from his room wearing a hockey helmet, gloves, and shin guards.]
Dr. Harad: All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky.
Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.)
[Scene: The delivery room, later on, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Frank are there as Dr. Harad is checking out Phoebe.]
[Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.]
(Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.)
Monica: Yeah, you were, but you decided to make salmon because you had some left over at the restaurant. And then you realised if you (Points at Rachel) bitched about it, then you (Points to herself) would stop cooking, and you (Points at Rachel) would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.
(They all kiss her and wish her luck.)
Monica: Oh no-no-no, its only one night a week, and plus I get to take all of you out for a lot of free dinners.
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
(Phoebe screams in pain, and Frank screams with her.)
[Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.]
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
Monica: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around.) Don't do the dance.
Rachel: (entering) Hi. (To Phoebe) Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to tell you that they're still outside making phone calls.
Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he starts snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera!
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not goof around with him.
(They hand her the babies and leave them alone.)
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone is hanging out with Phoebe. Frank, Alice, and the kids aren't there.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just gotten home and is going through the mail. She finds something that's Monica's and goes over and knocks on her closed bedroom door.]
Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.)
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Ross: Well I'm sorry but you were! Okay? And besides if anyone should be hitting on her it's the guy who's single, the guy that who-who-who can do something about it.
Monica: (Panicking) Okay, umm, okay, umm (Rachel opens the door.) It's just Joey and Ross.
Rachel: Y'know what, just give me a second and I'll be out of your hair. I'm just gonna grab a jacket. When I get back, I want every little detail. (There's a knock on the door.) Maybe that's him. (Goes to answer the door.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
Ross: No, wait ! You guys, no, no, you can't leave! Rachel already feels bad that the cake's messed up. How do you think she's gonna feel when she comes back here and all you guys are gone?
Joey: Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing and all, but it made you feel really good right?
Joey: Its no big deal, okay? Phoebe and I talked about it. Its just a crush! Its going to go away! (Looks down) Dude, you gotta rearrange your bubbles! Oh!
(Ross's phone rings and he answers it.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Phoebe: Right. (She turns and opens her eyes in shock.)
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
Chandler: Because I'm very happy for him! (To Monica) And you, you lucky dog!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there.]
Ross: Ah, yeah, yeah. Umm, we started talking after she y'know, did her thing. And it turns out she's got a boy about Ben's age, so we're taking them to a gym-boree class. Why, is that okay?
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
Rachel: But yknow what, if you think its gonna be okay well just work out a system. Yknow, itll be like college, Ill hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, Im gettin lucky." (Laughs.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, back to the present day.]
[Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]
(They quickly take their places and Here Comes the Bride Begins to play. Everyone seated looks back. Emily is being escorted up the aisle by her father. She kisses him on the cheek and takes her place by Rosss side.)
Emily: And then after decided to forgive you, seeing you at the airport catching our plane with her.
Emily: All right. I'll come to New York and we'll try and make this work.
Ross: Emily, there is nothing between Rachel and me. Okay? I love you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler about Emily's ultimatum.]
Phoebe: Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life.
Phoebe: Y'know what, you should like, you should buy a state and then just name it after yourself.
(Chandler and Monica both turn, take the rings from Ross and Rachel respectively, and place them on each others fingers.)
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Monica: They really were pretty, werent they? (Rachel and Phoebe both agree)
[Scene: The Telethon, Joey's phone rings and he answers it.]
Phoebe: (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.
(Joey gets up and moves to the other end of his row to talk to the guy sitting there.)
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Rachel: Monica, number one, I dont think Ben understands the concept of bribery, and number two, I... (Joey starts laughing in the background) (to Joey) What?!
(Chandler enters and sees what they're watching, panics, and runs to turn off the TV.)
Joey: (to Monica and Rachel) He's talking to London!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day. Monica is coming out of the bathroom carrying her cleaning gear.]
Chandler: I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH MY GOD.
Monica: Well, if we owe it? (She throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into his arms.) Oh my When is Joey gonna be home?
(He carries her over to the door and opens it.)
(Joey enters and Chandler pushes her away.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.
Joey: A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!
Chandler: Why are you screaming and hugging?
Ross: I told Emily to come. And I just need to y'know, talk to Rachel about it.
Joey: So I'm thinking, basically we pick it up and then we flip it.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
[Scene: Atlantic City, New Jersey, Chandler and Monica are about to start their weekend of sex, sex, nothing but sex.]
Monica: Come here. (He does, and they kiss.) Okay, be right back.
Chandler: (looks at what she's holding and shies away) Oh dear God, they gave us glasses!
[Another group of flashbacks begin with Episode 513: The One With Joeys Bag. Joey is carrying the bag and has entered Central Perk to the amusement of Ross and Chandler.]
[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Mrs. Geller is cooking and Rachel, post nose job, is helping her.]
Rachel: He got all weird and sputtery and then he said uh, "Yeah, I hear those hemorrhoids are a bitch."
Chandler: Okay, great. (He grabs the remote and turns on the TV to the chase.)
Chandler: Yes, and I was saying the actual words.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading a magazine and has two tissues stuck up her nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding and as she hears Ross enter, she quickly hides her face behind the magazine and removes the tissues.]
Rachel: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another machine for pants?
Ross: And while that was good advice, you should know that what-what she wants