words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Ross: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The deans office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?
Rachel: Well thatyknow its just uh, Ive never done that before. Me and him alone.
Ross: I dont know! Just-just talk to him-entertain him and keep him alive.
Ross: Okay, Ill see you soon buddy. (He hugs and kisses him.) Be back in an hour.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Monica: Well, were trying to find someone to perform our wedding and theyre all either boring or annoying or yknow, cant stop staring at the ladies. (Points to her chest.)
Phoebe: No! No! Its-its uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff!
Phoebe: Yes! A friend of mine did it and its totally legal!
Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
Rachel: Ben yknow when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. Cause I was, I was your daddys girlfriend.
Rachel: (checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes. (Pause) So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You dont have to share stuff.
Rachel: Oh, youre one of those. But yknow what? I have two sisters of my own and we just-just tortured each other.
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch as Joey enters.]
Joey: No-no-no-no look no! I wont spit, and I wont stare at Monicas breasts! Yknow? Everyone knows Im an ass man!
Joey: Yeah and the most important thing is that it wont be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. Itll be me! And I swear Ill do a really good job. Plus, yknow I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
Joey: Oh! My head! Oh! (Hes sitting on the chair, lies back, and puts his feet up for Monica to rub.) Oh!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is reading and there is knock on the door which she answers.]
Rachel: Oh yeah? Did he pull the old (She is waving her hand up and down her face. Shes thinking about the pencil mark.)
Ross: Yeah that! You know I hate practical jokes! Theyre mean and theyre stupid and-and I dont want my son learning them!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: Oh, I love you Hexadrin! (She kisses the box.) Oh look! It comes with a story! (She pulls out the instructions and side affects paper.)
Monica: No Phoebe, those are like the side affects and stuff.
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
Carol: Umm uh, Ill make some coffee and we can uh, chat.
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and " And then I cant think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)
Joey: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?
Chandler: No, not us (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)
Joey: Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing yknow youre in the bathtub together and shes feeding you strawberries?
Chandler: Isnt that what happened with you and the brides maid?
Monica: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much
Chandler: And I was a perfect gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said goodnight.
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Chandler: You kidding? Youre the most beautiful woman in most rooms (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whats going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
(They do so and they take off their clothes.)
Monica and Chandler: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
(They start making out again, and it takes Joey trying to enter to stop them.)
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Monica: Okay, fine but please dont be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted just sex. So, when I went to your room that night I was actually looking for Joey. (Joey smiles.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier.]
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Chandler: I dont believe it. The most romantic night of my life and Im runner up.
Joey: Hey! (Monica turns and looks at him) Now Im a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings!
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Chandler: Okay, its just weird! Okay? I dont want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need I dont know what I need. I need a walk.
Chandler: It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin. (Walks out and slams the door.)
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Ben: That you and daddy were not on a break.
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
Ross: Nice. And by the way that uh, that line down my face?
Carol: What? (Goes and checks.)
Rachel: Or Carol! But theyre funny to kids and who is it hurting?!
Rachel: That was you?! We heard about you in Junior High! Did you really just shake your fist in the air and shout, "I will be revenged?!"
Rachel: Fine. Fine, but Ill have you know that once I taught him that stuff he called me Fun Aunt Rachel. And I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel but Ill go back to being Boring and Uncomfortable Aunt Rachel if thats what you want!
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Chandler: How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first!
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Joey: Well I dont know remember exactly but, its-its pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
Rachel: Ohh, okay. (Ross has a sign on his back that reads Poop.) WhAh-ha! (Ross stops and turns.) Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I cant do it.
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
Ross: I-I-am(Suddenly Ross starts screaming and comes falling down the stairs landing just in front of Rachel.)
Rachel: EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! (She runs over to him and finds that it was a dummy and that she had been had.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important.
Monica: Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.)
Phoebe: Im really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two (Points to Monica and Joey) actually had hooked up.
[Scene: Monica and Joeys, Monica is cooking.]
Monica: Yep! And lots of it!
(Monica gets behind him and in combination with his sliding the chair forward and her pushing with her leg manages to get up to the table.)
Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin?
Phoebe: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
Monica: Yeah, I do think its better this way. (listens) Yeah, were being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, Im sure.(she opens the door and its Richard)
(Trying on a hat and talking to his own reflection in the mirror)
David: I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
Joey: (to Charlie) Ok, you're gonna come back with some very classy clothes... (aside to Rachel)... and some slutty lingerie, SLUTTY!
Charlie: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
(Ross goes to the window and opens the curtains revealing that it's raining outside)
[Scene: Back in New York, Monica and Chandler in Central Perk on the couch]
Monica: Wow! That Mike thing was interesting! I don't know what's gonna happen with Phoebe and David.
(Joey spots them and walks towards them)
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
(Rachel turns around and sees Chandler and Monica arriving)
[Scene: Barbados, hotel lounge. David, Phoebe and Rachel have just arrived.]
Joey: Everything is upside down here! It rains all day long, nobody watches tv and Ross is famous!
Joey: Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in (Joey, Chandler and David leave)
(Monica and Chandler reach the group)
Chandler: That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross!
[Scene: Shop, Rachel, Charlie and Phoebe walk in]
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
Ross: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).
[Scene: Ross's hotel room. Ross and is reading his keynote speech to Charlie from his laptop]
Phoebe: Oh well, as long as it is under control, you know, you can't do anything about it, he's already dating her, and she is a nice person, that wouldn't be right.
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
Chandler: Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Dr. Green: Oh really? Thats how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) And make sure our room isn't next to theirs (points to Phoebe).
Charlie: Oh wait, Joey and I are supposed to have dinner (Looks at Joey).
Joey: (throws down a small wad of money, and as his hand twin starts to unfold it, Joey once again brings attention to their special gift to the world. {Y'know, looking at it now, they really don't have that similar of hands. Joey's are bigger.}) Ooh-ho-ho! (The dealer stares at him and he stops.)
Monica: Ok, Mike, enough is enough, now you love Phoebe and she loves you, so you need to get over your whole "I never want to get married" thing and step up!
Joey: Hey don't worry about that! I mean, Ross needs you! And Rachel and I will stay and help anyway we can.
[Scene: Mike's apartment. His phone rings and he picks up]
Monica: This is Monica! I'm Phoebe's friend. Listen, Phoebe is back with David and he's going to propose to her, and she is going to say "yes" but I know she really wants to be with you!
Mike: (sounds shocked and sits down) He... he's gonna propose?
Charlie: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
Mike: Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that and neither should you.
Monica: You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do! Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. And while I've got you, you've got curly hair. What do you do in humidity? (Mike hangs up the phone) Damnit!
Chandler: And there's not chance that will work?
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Joey: Kate Miller it is. (he picks up the Kate Miller badge and sticks it on Rachel's breast)
[Scene: The hall, full of paleontologists. Rachel and Joey are walking around]
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
Rachel: And... that's the most sex I'm gonna have this weekend.
Joey: In that case should I make sure it's on real good? (he does so, repeatedly tapping on her breast and stroking it)
Charlie: Oh yeah! Hey, save the cork and then we can fill the bottle with water and put it back so they don't charge you.
[Scene: Ross's room. Charlie is sitting on the bed, while Ross is walking up and down nervously]
Ross: Yes, but I did make a pyramid out of the bath products. This is amazing, thank you, thank you so much. (he leans in, and they look at each other for a moment) That's a pretty necklace.
David: Yeah, well, being a failed scientist doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. That's uhm... one seventieth of a karat. And the clarity is uhm... is quite poor.
Charlie: And then, and then you said that thing about, about bringing the Mesozoic era in the 21st century.
Rachel: Oh, Ross, this is just so messed up! What�s wrong with us? You know when people hear about our situation theyAlways ask, �what, you live together but you�re not a couple? And you have a baby, isn�t that weird?� And I say �No.You know what, it�s not, because it works for us!� But you know this doesn�t work. In fact this is the opposite of working!
Ross: No. (they clink glasses and drink)
Chandler: So great things are happening at work and in your personal life!
Phoebe: Now (Starts singing again) "Who will perform the ceremony! Who will perform the cer(Chandler enters and grabs her guitar and closes the door behind him)Ohoh! All right, Ill pound on him in the morning.
Phoebe: (shouts after David) Oh! David, get one for us too! Oh, oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one! And with mirrors on the ceiling!
Charlie: Right and then everybody finds out and they're like: "Oh, I knew all along"
[Scene: the Pharmacist convention. Joey and Rachel are walking out of it, drinking cocktails]
Rachel: Joey! (she walks away; Joey goes after her teasing and tickling her)
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
Charlie: (to Joey) I just left you a message! Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite, but now that you're here, maybe we can go have that dinner.
Ross: Oh my God, we did it! (he sits beside her and skims through her notes excitedly)
Ross and Charlie: Hey!
(Ross and Charlie walk into the hall from Ross's room)
Joey: Alright, hey look, and this isn't over, because I really wanna know who...
(Ross and Rachel watch them walk away and sigh. They look at each other, embarassed.)
Ross and Rachel: Ok, good night!
(Phoebe and David walk in)
[Scene: The restaurant. Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table]
(David and Phoebe sit down at a table close to Chandler and Monica's)
David: That's fair, you've had a long trip. (he leaves his seat to Mike, and stands there looking for a chair. He finally goes to Monica and Chandler's table)
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
David: Please, you don't have to explain. I mean, perhaps if I hadn't gone to Minsk things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn't have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip! (he leaves)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's room. Monica and Chandler are in bed.]
Rachel: Look at that woman sitting by the pool getting tan... so leathery and wrinkled, I'm so jealous!
Monica: Ok listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs, and I'll get the magazines and the lotion.
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Everybody down! Everybody down! (Rachel turns off the lights and everyone crouches. As everyone crouches, a ripping noise erupts from the assemblage.)
(Rachel, Joey and Chandler pat him on his shoulders and walk off, together with Monica)
Joey: Yeah, and so funny!
[Scene: the hotel lobby. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in from the outside.]
Ross: Oh, I can't tell you how great it was to look at the crowd and see your face! I mean... uh, did you know you were (giggles) mouthing the words along with me?
(Ross goes towards Charlie, who's conversing with a fellow paleontologist, and touches her shoulder to get her attention)
(Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk away, sipping their drinks)
Chandler: Because you know how competitive you get and well, I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm lying!
[Scene: Joey and Charlie's room]
Chandler: And...?
Phoebe: ... and...?
Mike: They have a game room downstairs! Ping pong and stuff.
(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
Phoebe: Well, on the bright side, now you won't have to see all these paleontologists with their shirts off. (Grabs a drink and notices that the two men are upset) Not you guys. You got it going on!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.]
Charlie: You know... I feel so bad! I haven't seen you this whole trip and (pauses) especially last night...
Phoebe: Are you leaving "The Supremes"? (Monica and Phoebe go to one side)
[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]
Ross: And then, you try to make the best of a bad situation, so you float the idea of a threesome?
Rachel: Oh its umm, its tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.)
(Monica and Mike start to play ping pong. Mike scores)
Dina: Loosening the saddle on mothers horse was brilliant Fredrick. And the electric fence, inspired.
Monica: (going through her pockets) No... (to Chandler and Phoebe) Either of you girls got a quarter?
Joey: Uh... Charlie and I broke up.
Chandler: Shes moving on! Okay, if its not this guy, its gonna be somebody else! And unless youre thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? Its over.