words in movies
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.
Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!
Monica: And Mindy, your maid of...?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese.]
Ross: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. (Marcel brings the rice) Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. (Rachel ignores him) 'Bring me the' and- Rach?
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...
Phoebe: I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns and bombs and, like, buses going really fast...
Monica and Phoebe: Hugh! Hugh Grant!
Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
[Time lapse. Now everyone but Ross and Phoebe is back at Monica and Rachel's.]
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Monica: Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the first and second floor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.
Monica: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.]
[Cut to Monica and Rachel's.]
Rachel: (On the phone) Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian monkey with a white face... (Enter Ross) ...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side. Okay. Thanks.
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-
Ross: Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the wine)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?
Rachel: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! (Ross puts his arms around her and they act all sweetness and light)
(Luisa nods, but then Monica and Phoebe run in)
Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.
Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!
[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.]
(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)
Chandler: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking for something...
(Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend)
(Joey and Chandler shoot each other glances)
Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door)
Chandler: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu.
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.
Joey: We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out.
[Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement.]
Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?
Phoebe: Yeah, think so. Oh! (She notices the tranquiliser dart has hit her in the butt and removes it) Huh. (Sways back) Whoah.
[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside.]
Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.
(A man carrying a box of bananas walks past them. They stare for a minute and then hobble after him)
Phoebe: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.
(There is a monkey-like noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment)
Luisa: (Out of shot) Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! (Marcel runs to the door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams shut) Gotcha.
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Rachel: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. (He sits down and starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...
Ross and Rachel: Oh!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]
Joey: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties and dating and sex.
Phoebe: Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! (She stands up and starts to dance around) Ooh! My butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!
Monica: And Ross, if it werent for Rachels rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Monica: All right, listen youre just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Will: So you knocked her up but youre not gonna marry her. Dude! (Wants another high-five and Ross ignores him.) Anybody?
Phoebe: Okay. (Goes over and hugs him.) Its exactly how Id imagined it would be.
Monica: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-youve been through so much since then. And right now youve got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Cant you just let this go?
[Scene: Mike's parents house. Dining room again. Both Mike and Phoebe are not at the table, but the others still are.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Will has left and the rest of the gang is watching Joey finish the turkey.]
Joey: Well thats it. Im done. Whew! (Wipes his forehead.) There come the meat sweats. (Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is trying on a pair of new boots as Chandler enters.]
Monica: (on phone) Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday? (Listens) Okay, how about Sunday? (Listens) Okay umm, the week after that? (Listens) The week after that? (Listens) Yknow what Greg? Yknow what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny cant see that then (Listens) January 15th? (Chandler dances.) Well see you then! (Listens) Okay!
Monica: Im sorry, they just, they just look so good! And the saleswoman was looking at me like, "Oh, these are way too expensive for you."
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is talking to Rachels, who is now showing, stomach.]
Joey: Umm, can you do me a favor? I was talkin to my sister and she knows you work at Ralph Lauren
(Joey goes to get coffee and Rachel exits as the camera pans to Phoebe and Ross on the couch.)
Joey: Great! Thanks! Youre gonna love her so much. AndOh, shes the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, yknow the S.A.Ts?
Monica: Okay, all right, I think youre great, I think youre sweet, and youre smart, and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me.
Phoebe: You knew this and you never said anything?! With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us?!
ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner.
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there as Monica enters.]
Monica: The guy who made these hates feet and wants to see them die!
Chandler: You can wear them with shorts on a street corner and earn the money to pay for them. (Goes and gets some coffee at the counter.)
Phoebe: Well then get your money back and return them!
Ross: Well it turns out that Ben and Stings son do not get along.
Rachel: (stunned) And theres marketing
Dina: I I dont care about fashion! Im pregnant! And I know you are too, so you gotta help me!
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica is returning, but before she enters the apartment she stops on the step and changes from wearing tennis shoes to the boots and she moans in pain as she puts each boot on.]
Monica: Fine! If you want me to wear the boots, Ill wear the boots. In fact, Ill go into my room right now and yknow try the outfit on.
Monica: Anyway, I picked up this outfit that I want to wear and the, and the boots dont really go with it.
Dina: Joe, mom and dad are fine
Theodore: You remember her Michael, she's lovely and... well behaved and... single.
(Joey storms back in and covering his face so he doesnt see Dina grabs the sandwich and heads back out.)
Joey: I cant look at you right now! (Exits and slams the door behind him.)
Gunther: And when you have a second later, I wanna show you why we dont just trap spiders under coffee mugs and leave them there.
Phoebe: Him youre friends with. (Starts looking at the children trying to find Jack and a teacher notices her.)
Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Monica are walking down the sidewalk after his office holiday party.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Ross. Joey, and Rachel are eating breakfast. Chandler is holding a bottle of Herseys Syrup.]
Ross: Fine! No more dinosaur stuff! Can I talk about fossils? (Joey is about to sit down and hears this so instead he groans and exits.)
Dina: Do you ever worry that youll be walking and your baby will just like slip out?
Joey: Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman
Bobby: Yeah, he took the other one off and hit me with it.
Phoebe: Yeah... And that physique! You must work out all the time...
Phoebe: Uh-huh. (They go and sit down.)
Phoebe: Well, I heard youre having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now umm, the boys name is Stings son.
Trudie Styler: So, I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.
[Scene: Stings Apartment, Phoebe has come to talk about Jack and is waiting for Stings wife, Trudie Styler, to enter.]
[Scene: The Fire Escape, Joey and Ross have reached the last landing. Joey is tugging on the ladder that extends to the ground, but it wont budge.]
Joey: Oh? Oh! Okay! Okay! Lets hear their plan! Now, whats the future look like for Dina and Bobby?
Chandler: You said that you paid all that money because those boots go with skirts, dresses, and pants!
Monica: Okay. (She gets off him.) God well, we gotta go back and get them!
Mike: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...
Phoebe: Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes.
Joey: No! No! No! Its different for you. Youre so strong and together. Youre not some dumb kid who doesnt know what shes doing.
Rachel: Youre supposed to realize that they are adults! And that they can make their own decisions.
Phoebe: She was acting, she was pretending like she hasnt heard from him on years, but I found this picture on her fridge, and look (shows Monica)! Isnt this what he would look like now?
Dina: Joey, I am scared to death about this. But I really think I can do it, Im just gonna need some help. And Bobbys gonna be here the whole time.
Dina: And youre my big brother! I mean, youre my favorite guy in the whole world. Im not even scared to tell mom and dad. I was scared of telling you.
Bobby: And by you.
Rachel: Okay Bobby, why dont we just come over here and let them have a little moment. (Drags Bobby away from Joey and Dina.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Ross are there.]
Joey: Come here! (Hugs Dina and Bobby looks to hug Rachel.)
Rachel: All right Joey! That is enough! (Grabs him and pulls him away from Bobby and Dina) Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, its not legal. Okay? They-they dont have a marriage license, they dont have any witnesses, and the groom only has on one shoe!
The Teacher: Right. Are you looking for Jacks parents to discuss the problems hes having with Ben? (Phoebe nods Yes.) Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down and have a conversation.
Phoebe: Oh absolutely yeah! Oh and keep in mind, now, I was carrying triplets so in, yknow, medical terms I was-I was thrice as randy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are there as Mona enters.]
Ross: Oh great! Hey-hey Joey, do you want to check out pictures of me and Mona ice skating?
Mona: Yknow, every year I say Im gonna send out holiday cards and I never do it. Do you wanna, do you wanna send this one out together?
Chandler: I didnt know you and Carol were getting divorced, Im sorry.
Mona: Yeah, yknow. Happy holidays from Mona and Ross. Itll be cute, okay?
Doug: Tomorrow night it is then, I should be out of court by six. They keep throwing these sexual harassment cases at me and I keep knocking them out of the park!
Monica: No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. (Checks another rack and another woman tries to reach around her.) (To the woman) Dont crowd me! (Finds it) This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, its perfect! (She takes it off of the rack and someone has a hold of it on the other side of the rack and tugs on it.) Im sorry, this ones taken! (The other woman tugs harder pulling Monica through the rack.) Whoa!
Bitsy: The woman you what? (Phoebe overheard what Michael said and now enters the room)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, theres a knock on the door and he opens it to Mona.]
Mona: Now, do you think it should say, "Love Ross and Mona?"
Mike: The woman I love... (he walks to Phoebe) I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are there as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Come and get it.
Phoebe: Yeah! Lets do that!! That-that sounds good. We should sit down and talk, just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Umm, how-how will I get in touch with them?
Phoebe: Oh. Okay, well I-I was kinda hoping that I would just be alone yknow to think about my mom and her suicide.
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
Rachel: Oh hey! Hey Ross! Hey hows it, hows it going with you and Mona? Are you guys still together?
Ross: And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I!
Monica: You and Mona are doing a holiday card together?
Ross: Forget it. I-IYknow what? Ill just have the conversation. Ill just say I like things the way they are, and hope for the best. What do you think Rach?
Chandler: Because uh we-we we split up. Monica and I split up. Hold me.
Ross: Aw, we-we are so (Motions that theyre connected.) So umm, well I-I-I like you and I-I love umm, yknow hanging out with you. And I mean-Im having a lot of fun. (He pauses and thinks there might be more, but decides there isnt.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Emma is in her bed and Ross and Rachel are rapping and dancing for her.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is telling Rachel and Monica about yet another mistake hes made with a woman.]
Monica: Rachel umm, I was just talking to this guy and I think hell have sex with you.
Chandler: Oh thats all right sir, and thats just one girl.
Mona: I dont understand. You-you give me a key to your apartment and then you change the lock.
Mona: Ohh! (Hugs him.) And I love spending time with you. (Ross isnt happy.)
Ross: Okay, and oh Im gonna need a bunch of extra keys. Apparently I give them away for no reason at all.
Joey: Theres this woman, that I like. A lot. Well, its complicated. Shes with this other guy. For a long time. And I could never do that to the guy, yknow? Ccause were really good friends.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is eating dinner as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Yknow what the worse part was? I got to see what my life would be like without you. It was like Its a Wonderful Life with lap dances. Please promise that you will never leave me, that we will grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives.
Doug: No, its a wedding ring. You gotta get rid of it. Were gonna go to the East River right now and throw it in there!
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card yknow, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is on the phone.]
Rachel: Well, I gotta get up early and its almost seven oclock.