words in movies
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.
Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!
Monica: And Mindy, your maid of...?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese.]
Ross: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. (Marcel brings the rice) Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. (Rachel ignores him) 'Bring me the' and- Rach?
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...
Phoebe: I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns and bombs and, like, buses going really fast...
Monica and Phoebe: Hugh! Hugh Grant!
Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
[Time lapse. Now everyone but Ross and Phoebe is back at Monica and Rachel's.]
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Monica: Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the first and second floor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.
Monica: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.]
[Cut to Monica and Rachel's.]
Rachel: (On the phone) Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian monkey with a white face... (Enter Ross) ...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side. Okay. Thanks.
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-
Ross: Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the wine)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?
Rachel: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! (Ross puts his arms around her and they act all sweetness and light)
(Luisa nods, but then Monica and Phoebe run in)
Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.
Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!
[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.]
(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)
Chandler: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking for something...
(Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend)
(Joey and Chandler shoot each other glances)
Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door)
Chandler: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu.
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.
Joey: We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out.
[Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement.]
Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?
Phoebe: Yeah, think so. Oh! (She notices the tranquiliser dart has hit her in the butt and removes it) Huh. (Sways back) Whoah.
[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside.]
Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.
(A man carrying a box of bananas walks past them. They stare for a minute and then hobble after him)
Phoebe: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.
(There is a monkey-like noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment)
Luisa: (Out of shot) Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! (Marcel runs to the door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams shut) Gotcha.
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Rachel: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. (He sits down and starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...
Ross and Rachel: Oh!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]
Joey: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties and dating and sex.
Phoebe: Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! (She stands up and starts to dance around) Ooh! My butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!
(They all get their wallets out and give generous tips.)
Rachel: Oh my God! (Rachel, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne all scream and hug each other.
Phoebe: Excuse me. Excuse me! (Mrs. Bukart stops singing) Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go.
Kiki: And while we're on the subject of news.. (She holds up here finger to show off her engagement ring and they all scream again.)
Joanne: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm? (She points to herself and they all scream again.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Janine are pretty much making out at one of the tables as Monica and Rachel look on from the couch.]
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to each other.]
(They all gasp and clutch each other.)
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are in pajamas and Monica is making something in the blender as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.
Joey: I know! I know! And Im going to talk to them about it. They mean so much to me. They Theyre like my family. If you guys are gonna be fighting all the time, I-I I dont think we can be together. It just, it just cant work. It cant. (Starts to break up) Im very upset.
Ross: What am I supposed to do? He's out cold! In fact he was just talking in his sleep before and evidently he wants someone named Fran to spank him harder.
Richard: And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in.
(Chandler sulkilty picks up a garbage can lid and uses it as an umbrella.)
Rachel: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the living room.]
Ross: (Reading letters) Oh God. (To Marcel) We didn't get into Scranton. (To the others) That was like our safety zoo. They take like dogs and cows. See? I don't know who this is harder on, me or him.
Phoebe: No, Jack and the Beanstalk.
Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?
Rachel: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like...
Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? (She and Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? (She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses.)
Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
Ross: So I'm a pimp huh? It's okay! Look, I know that sometimes I can be a pain in the ass, but you just have to talk to me. Tell me if something is bothering you. Okay? And for my part I will do everything I can to keep my annoying habits just (Does the 'quiet down' maneuver).
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading Ross in.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.]
Ross: (from his apartment) Man! They cannot get enough! (Makes like he's a robot and waves at the cutouts.)
Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! (She runs up and takes the binoculars.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all out on the balcony.]
Ross: Nothing. But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful. And then when I turned around she was gone.
Monica and Phoebe: Shut up!
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are still out on the balcony.]
Monica: (rolling towards the office) Im quitting!! Woo-hoo! (She rolls through a doorway and out of sight. We then hear a big crash, and see Monica roll past the door the other way.) Im okay!! Im all right!!
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.)
Chandler: Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves)
(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, and silently hands back the cushion.)
Rachel: Nooo! (She grabs the phone and Chandler takes her place on the mat.) (On phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. (Listens) Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really.
(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.)
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!'
Joey: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.
Phoebe: No, I mean you break up with Janice and I'll break up with Tony.
Rachel: I was laughing! You made me laugh! (Monica and Rachel start to squabble)
Chandler: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note.
(Cut to Ross and Rachel, talking next to one of the tables.)
Monica: (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait! Did you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?'
(Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter.)
Joey: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends?
Joey: You know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, Monica.
Phoebe: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!
Joey: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too.
Ross: (on phone) Ok, bye. (hangs up) Well, Monica's not coming, it's just gonna be me and Rachel.
Joey: Hey! I did not cry my eyes out!! Come on! Its like the end of an era! No more J-man and Channies!!
(Angela and Bob walk in. Bob is good-looking.)
[Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, meeting Angela and Bob, who Monica thinks is Angela's brother.]
Chandler: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date.
Richard: Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone! (He is spitting on the hard Ps and Ts.)
(Janice and Phoebe's boyfriend, Tony, walk in.)
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
(The drinks arrive, and Chandler downs his espresso in one gulp.)
(Chandler walks over to the counter where Phoebe is, and is asking her about the break-up.)
Ross: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it.
(The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Ross: (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist)
Chandler: Well yes yes... You look nice can mean that your face looks nice. I want to compliment your body. I mean..I wouldn't change it. At all. And more specifically, I wouldn't want anything to get any bigger.
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Monica, Joey, Angela, and Bob are seated at the table.]
Monica: (to Joey) He is so cute. (to Angela and Bob) So, where did you guys grow up?
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are talking.]
Joey: So, you and Angela, huh?
Ross: Oh My God, she-she made half a English Trifle, and half a...Sheperds Pie!
Ross: Hey, this- (she gives him a look and the guys back off) Heyy...
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, and laughs.)
(Her and Joey walk away from the table.)
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed.
(Ross starts stuffing pinecones in the suitcase. As the receptionist walks in, Chandler makes a bird's verse and Ross stops)
Pizza Guy: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion?
[Scene: The Vending Machines, Phoebe is buying a soda and Joey is shaking the candy machine.]
Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please?
(The same woman walks over and takes Rachel's laundry cart.)
Ross: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.
(She thinks it over, and then walks away.)
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
(Monica and Joey enter.)
Joey: We, we come back from our walk and the- the phone was ringing...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyond except Monica and Joey is watching Lambchop.]
Chandler: Yeah! (Monica falls asleep) No! No! No! Dont fall asleep! Okay, I am going to make you some coffee. (Monica doesnt move as he gets out of bed and as hes heading for the door.) And I probably wont spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor.
Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!
Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.
Rachel: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!
Ross: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her (demonstrates on the cushion) and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you.
Rachel: Yeah, and he does it every year! That's why he's sending you to that play! That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory!
[Scene: The Theater, the play has ended and everyone is applauding. As soon as the cast leaves, the gang all groan and sit down heavily.]
Chandler: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte over here, please?
(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is denoted by italics.)
Phoebe: (reading Monica's palm) No, 'cause this line is passion, and this is... just a line.
Ross: Then, Fred Astaire singing The Way You Look Tonight came on the sound system, and the lights came down. And I got down on one knee and written across the dome in the stars were the words "Will you marry me?"
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except Joey enter.]