words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is eating breakfast as Chandler comes out of his bedroom, ripping his coat in the process.]
Joey: How many times do I have to tell you! Ya, turn and sliiiide! Y'know, turn and slide.
Chandler: You dont turn and slide, you throw it out! Im tired of having to get a tetanus shot every time I get dressed!
Joey: All right. But, youre gonna have to tell them. (He opens the cabinet to reveal the chick and the duck living inside with Christmas lights and a disco ball as decorations.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are there. Monica is checking the messages.]
Phoebe and Rachel: Oh no.
Joey: What kind of profit is that?! And you call yourself an accountant.
[Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat in. The cat then runs over to Phoebes guitar case and starts sniffing around.]
Phoebe: Oh my God! No! Shoo! Kitty! No! No-no-no! Shoo! Come on, you! (goes over and picks up the cat) Come on. Crazy. (looks into the cats eyes) Oh my God.
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is working as Monica enters.]
Monica: Look, you and I went to different high schools...
Monica: You went to one where you were popular, and you got to ride off Chips motorcycle, and wear his letterman jacket. I went to one where I wore a band uniform they had to have specially made.
Monica: Back then, I thought that I would never, ever get the chance to go out with a Chip Matthews, and now hes-hes called me up and asked me out. And the fat girl inside of me really wants to go. I-I owe her this. I never let her eat.
Rachel: Oh, you go out with him. (goes over and hugs her)
Rachel: Yeah. Just, if its possible, could you leave him somewhere and go have sex with another guy?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, they are all there eating breakfast.]
Chandler: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.
(Ross wants to say something, but just smiles and leaves.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are showing a couple of guys (Tony and Peter) the entertainment center.]
(Joey jumps up in excitement and without turning around Chandler holds out his hand stopping him, and ushering him back into his seat. Joey sits down, dejected.)
Chandler: All right, just, just take the entertainment center, and then when you get home, throw the canoe away!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Ross are there.]
[Scene: Central Perk, the same scene is continued from before the break. With Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: So great. Oh, we took a nap today and my Mom fell asleep on my tummy and purred.
Joey: Thats so sweet. (pause) Im gonna get some coffee. (gets up and leaves)
Monica: (sliding into Joeys place on the couch to try and talk to Phoebe) Huh? Whatd ya say Joe? Ill be right there. (gets up and joins Joey)
(Rachel and Chandler slide into position.)
(They both get up and leave Phoebe alone.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading at the kitchen table as there is a knock on the door.]
Monica: (running from the bathroom to her room, wearing only a towel) Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! (gets to her room and closes the door, as Rachel gets up to answer the door.)
Rachel: Im great! Im great. Ive got a great job at Bloomingdales, have wonderful friends, and eventhough Im not seeing anyone right now, Ive never felt better about myself.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is showing off the entertainment center.]
Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldnt, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
Joey: Oh yeah? (opens up the center and takes out the stereo) If I cant, Ill knock five bucks off the price off the unit.
Joey: Okay. (he gets in the unit and closes the door) See?! I told ya!
(The guys takes a hockey stick and slips it through the handles then proceeds to take the stereo and Chandlers computer and walk out.)
Monica: Thats what we used to call your ah, your motorcycle in high school. Y'know how a motorcycle is a Chopper, and youre Chip. Nevermind.
Monica: Umm. Well, theres Rachel, and umm, I think thats it. How bout you?
Chip: Oh yeah, I still hang with Simmons and Zana, y'know. I see Spindler a lot. Devane, Kelly, and I run into Goldie from time to time. Steve Brown, Zuchoff, McGwire, J.T., Breadsly.
Chip: Not so good, Simmons and I gave him a wedgie.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, its gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]
Chandler: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!
[Scene: Dots Spot, Chip and Monica are on there date, eating dinner. Chip is telling a story.]
Chip: ...and then Zana, just let one rip!! (laughs histerically)
Chip: Oh, like Id give up that job! Free popcorn and candy, anytime I want. I can get you free posters for your room.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]
Chandler: Oh, umm, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!!
Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel: Thats a good call. Right.
Phoebe: (she turns around and puts the cat on the entertainment center) Ross, how many parents have you lost?
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, listen, umm, Mom, I hope you know you still mean a lot to me. And youre welcome to come back anytime.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler have trading the entertainment center for the canoe. Joey is sitting in the bow, staring off into space as to envision his future full of possibilities. Chandler is sitting at the stern, staring into space and is looking at an uncertain future.]
Chandler: Okay umm, before I meant you I had really little life and I couldnt imagine growing old with
Chandler: Yes! Im fine. In fact Ive been fine for a long time now and I think, the reason is you.
Chandler: Hey-hey, hey! (Gets up and hugs him.) I dont know why I did that!
Joey: And-and-and-and-and-and, and were gonna be friends again!
[Scene: The Charity Event, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are sitting at their table.]
Zoe: Shut the door! Shut the door!! (Runs over and closes the door.)
(Mr. Thompson looks shocked and at Rachel, she suddenly starts laughing.)
(After hes left, Rachel stops laughing and glares at Joey again.)
Chandler: Its your parents anniversary and youre going to talk about their dead pet?
Monica: And so, were hiding in the bathroom.
Chandler: (clearly lying and hating the dessert) Yeah, this is so good, that Im gonna go enjoy it on the balcony so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You cant leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!
Monica: So I hide in the shower and the next thing you know theyre going at it right on the bathroom floor.
[Scene: A Dry Cleaners, Joey is there with Phoebe and is trying to get his picture put back amongst the other celebrities hanging on the walls.]
Chandler: (goes to hug him and stops short) HeyyyyWhat?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning to find Ross is there waiting for them.]
Phoebe: Yeah, but theres a two-year wait. And then what if you get engaged in two years and then you got to wait another two years for this place. Thats four years. Chandlers not gonna wait that long. Hes gonna find somebody else, yknow? Someone, someone who did put their name on the list. (Rachel agrees.)
Ross: Okay, good stuff. Umm, well shes-shes sweet and pretty and
Joey: (To Phoebe) Oh and uh the guy who got the Paris trip is at table four.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are sitting at a table. Monica is checking her makeup as Chandler suddenly has a horrifying thought and starts patting down his pockets until he finds what hes looking for and sighs in relief.]
[Scene: The Charity Event, Rachel and Phoebe are sitting at the table as Joey approaches.]
Joey: All right, look Im sorry you guys, but its just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And theyre really expensive, yknow? Im down to like three! Well, actually two cause one of em I kinda blackened in some teethWhy did I do that?! (Hits himself in the head.)
Chandler: Oh yeah, it's so cool. (He opens his coat and has it pinned to the lining.) Now I gotta go, Officer Bing has gotta, 10-100. (Pause, softly) That's pee-pee. (Heads for the bathroom.)
[Cut to Joey and Rachel approaching table one.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is taking out the garbage as Phoebe and Joey enter. Phoebe gasps.]
Joey: Nooooo!!! Y'know what? Now that I think about it, I constantly find myself without twenties and you always have lots!
Chandler: Who walks into a room and asks to see a persons hands?!
Rachel: (entering) Hey! (Sees Monica, gasps, and runs over to her.) Oh my God youre here, let me see your hand!!
[Scene: Outside of Elizabeths dormitory, Ross is exiting after breaking up with her and we can hear his thoughts.]
Ross: Okay, well here we are. Now were in a tough spot again, Rach. What do you want to do? How do you want to handle it? Huh? Do you wanna fight for us? Or, do you wanna bail? (sits down next to her) Look, I, (on the verge of tears) I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing. Okay? And Im sorry, I wish I could take it back, but I cant. (We see Monica and Phoebe are almost in tears.) I just cant see us throwing away something we know is so damn good. Rachel, I love you so much.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is looking out the window and Joey is sitting on the couch.]
(We hear the backup horn of a truck and see through the window that the Mr. Bowmont has arrived.)
Joey: (all excited) The Mr. Bowmonts here!!! (Jumps over the back off the couch and runs out into the street.)
[Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking.]
Richard: Well yeah, Im sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you.
Phoebe: Most people dont like their jobs, I love my job! I have not been working for three hours and Im already going crazy. I miss Joan.
Richard: Okay thats fine, Ill walk away. And Ill never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandlers willing to give you everything I am.
Rachel: Isnt it incredible?! Monica and Chandler, gettin married.
Rachel: I mean Im probably 98% happy, maybe 2% jealous. And I mean whats 2%? Thats nothing.
Rachel: Im so happy and not at all jealous.
Chandler: What?! Im Chandler! (She nods towards the doorway, Chandler turns and looks) Oh, thats Richard!
[Scene: A Pizza Joint, Chandler and Monica are eating lunch.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still talking.]
(She gets up and storms out. The people at the other tables are staring at Chandler.)
Rachel: (breaking the hug) Youre all gonna be aunts and uncles.
Ross: (realizes something) The photo album! There were millions of pictures of the apartment in the photo album. We just go through it and match everything to the pictures.
Kristen: You look strong, why dont I take that and you grab one of the boxes.
Rachel: Oh thank you. Hey yknow, Im so sorry to hear about you and Elizabeth.
Rachel: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal!
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
Phoebe: Oh, I want to look too! (She runs over and sits down and checks out a picture). Yikes!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
Joey: Or! You can just, yknow (He walks up close to whisper in Rosss ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
Chandler: Okay. (Starts running for the bedroom) Im gonna get the ring! Im gonna get the ring! (Does so) Im gonna go find her and (starts running for the door) Im just going to propose!
Richard: Oh, okay. Well, Ill just leave the door open and go sit on the couch. (Does so.)
RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. [He walks to her and kisses her.]
Monica: Yeah but it was because I-I had an eye exam and I dont like my new eye doctor.
Monica: But getting over was the hardest thing that Ive ever had to do. And I never let myself think about you.
Joey: Phoebe! Were both (points at Ross and himself) your backup?!
(She turns her head away and when shes not looking, Phoebe shakes her head and mouths, "No, Im not." Both Joey and Ross smile, look at each other, and then stop smiling.)
Chandler: Im saying that she is a devil woman! Yknow I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I dont hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.
CHANDLER: Hey I didn't kill your fish. Look Eddie...[puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder] Would you look at what I'm doin' here. That can't be smart. So we're just gonna take this guy right off ya and put him here in Mr. Pocket. Tangellon? [picks up the fruit an tosses it to Eddie, it hits Eddie in the chest and falls]
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Joey: (angrily and monotone) Any one of the brilliant actresses nominated for this award tonight deserves to take it home. Unfortunately only one can. (Shakes his head in disgust.) The nominees for Best Supporting Actress are from Passions Erin Goff. (There is applause, which Joey disgustedly waits to dye out.) From One Life to Live Mary Loren Bishop (They start to applaud again, but Joey interrupts in with the rest of the nominees), from All My Children Sarah Mchann, and from Days of Our Lives Jessica Ashley. And the winner is (Opens the envelope) Jessica Ashley from Days of Our Lives. (Applause) Uh, unfortunately Jessica couldnt be with us tonight so Ill be accepting this award on her behalf. (Realizes something) And Im sure that Jessica would like to thank my parents who always believed in me. Shed also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel whos sittin right there! (Points at Rachel.) (The music starts and his microphone is turned off, this angers Joey again and he disgustedly exits.)
Rachel: Okay, hold on real quick, hold on a second let me just uh, (sits on the counter and buttons her sweater to show some cleavage) get a little more comfortable here. Wait, now wait a second, this isnt too revealing is it?
Rachel: Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I mean, the connection, I mean yknow, emotionally, mentally, physically
Richard: Shes not here and please come in.
Mrs. Geller: She's upstairs. Monica! Come down! Everyone's here! Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.
Ross: (disinterested) Hey-yeah. (He hurries up to the counter.) Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? (To the gang.) Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!
Chandler: Where is she? Im not scared of you! (Averts his eyes and walks in.)
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
Announcer: From New York City, New York! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! Hes known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Pete Beck-errrr!!
Grandma Tribbiani: No, it's Sam Waterston! Crimes and Misdemeanors, Capricorn One.
Chandler: And what does she have to think about? I love her!
Ross: Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) There are tons of freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear!
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
Ross: Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me!
Chandler: It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this isnt fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because we are meant for each other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! (Sits down heavily.) I was gonna propose tonight.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is running up the stairs and towards his apartment, but Joey is taking out the garbage at the same time and stops him in the hall.]
(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)
Monica: Well umm, they both have a egg yolk and butter base, but a bearnaise has shallots, shirvel, and most importantly tarragon.
Chandler: Thats not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Dont say that I dont have goals!
Joey: To her parents I think and she said you shouldnt call her. But if I were you I would.
Joey: Shes gone. She had a bag and she left.
Joey: She was all crying. She-she said you guys want different things, and that and that she needed time to think.
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) Were engaged!!!
(Rachel turns and gives him a look, and Joey quickly apologises.)
(The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.)
(Everyone screams and has a group hug.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table drinking champagne as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Monica and I are engaged.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, continued from earlier, everyone is now in the living room drinking champagne.]
[Scene: Kleinmans, a horde of women including Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are waiting for the store to open.]
Chandler: Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?
(They all say to Monica, clink their glasses, and drink.)
ROSS: Ohh, big smoker. [Packs the cigarettes and flings one on Mrs. Greene in the process. Finally gets one in his mouth and it look really out of place] Big big smoker. In fact I'm gonna go ou into the hallway and fire up this bad boy. [as he walks into the hall, he comes face to face with Mr. Greene]
(They all agree and start to go and get ready.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, theyre getting ready.]