words in movies
RACHEL: Horrible and degrading list of reasons not to be with me?
MONICA: Look at these authentic fake medals. I tell ya, mom's gonna be voted best dressed at the make-believe military academy.
CHANDLER: Ya know I remember my father, all dressed up in the red suit, the big black boots, and the patent leather belt, sneakin around downstairs. He didn't want anybody to see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.
ROSS: Yeah, what're you guys doin' here, aren't you supposed to be Christmas shopping?
CHANDLER: Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff like that?
ROSS: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I know what'll make you feel better. How 'bout you make a list about me. RACHEL: Wha... forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna stand here and make a list of. . . ROSS: C'mon Rachel. RACHEL: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair. ROSS: See there, you uhh, alright, ya, you did what I said. RACHEL: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do feel better, thank you Ross. [she walks off and Ross puts his hand to his hair] [Scene: Back at Phoebe's. She is on the phone] PHOEBE: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number of Frank Buffay. . . OK, um, in Ithica. . . alright, um, Saratoga. . . Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you shouldn't call youself information. [hangs up] [Phoebe's grandmother enters] GRANDMOTHER: Hey. PHOEBE: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real name. GRANDMOTHER: C'mon now Phoe, don't still be mad at me. How's it going? PHOEBE: Well, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's pretty small, you do the math. GRANDMOTHER: Well, I think you're better off without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy but, but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who knocked up your mom and stole her Gremlin. PHOEBE: No I just, just wanted to know who he was, ya know. GRANDMOTHER: I know. OK, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know exactly where he lived. PHOEBE: Whattaya mean? GRANDMOTHER: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far. You can take my cab. PHOEBE: Wow. Thank you. GRANDMOTHER: Now, remember, nobody else drives that cab. PHOEBE: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad. Wish me luck, Grandpa! [blows a kiss to a picture of Einstein]
CHANDLER: Hey, don't worry. I figure it'll be 2 hours to Phoebe's dad's house, they'll meet, they'll chat, they'll swap life stories, we'll still have plenty of time.
MONICA: No, if he doesn't like our cookies, too bad, I am not gonna be blackmailed. Look if worse comes to worse, it gets a little warm, we'll call it a theme party.
ROSS: [sitting at table talking to a girl] It's hard to tell because I'm sweating, but I use exactly what the gel bottle says, an amount about the size of a pea. How, how can that be too much?
PHOEBE: Yeah, maybe, yeah. You know, and, and I'll knock on the door and, and he'll hug me and I'll have a dad. Ya know and I'll, I'll go to his pharmacy and everyone will be really nice to me 'cause, you know, I'm Franks daughter.
JOEY: Yeah, and when you do, he'll be lucky to have you.
JOEY: Uh, listen Phoebs, I know you're not goin' in there but do you think it'd be alright if I went in and used his bathroom? Oh, that's fine, never mind. Cool, snow, kinda like a blank canvas.
Ross: So do I. (Slowly walks in.) Okay Rach, before anything happens (He takes off his coat) I just want to lay down a couple of ground rules. (Turns back to face her.) This is just about tonight. I don't to go through with this if it's going to raise the question of "Us." (Rachel's confused) Okay? I just want this to be (Kicks off his left shoe) about what it is! (Kicks off the other one.)
Monica: Oh, I so can't believe this! My uterus is an inhospitable environment? I was trying so hard to be a good hostess!
Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Mommas Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, Im a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Chandler: Oh, I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up they sure seem to be in a hurry to get places!!
Joey: Just... seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist... it's fun, yeah!
Chandler: it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh, but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)
Ross: Ooh... so sad... Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard? Especially after working alongside a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer?
Joey: Come on Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it!
Charlie: (to Rachel) So, you know what, I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads on them. Where do you think those would be?
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Stranger: Just be honest with her.
Rachel: Oh, God, do you think she heard? It would be so bad if she heard!
CHANDLER: Do you have to be a Century 21 real-estate agent to get to wear those really cool jackets?
Ross: (To the still half asleep Professor) Oh my God! You really want me to be the keynote speaker? Thank you! (hugs him whilst still on his lap)
Ross: It's I just know they're gonna be a couple of windbags wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches.
David: Well, after eight years of research I discovered that it can't be done.
David: Yeah, I know. Well... this is probably a stupid question, seeing that you look like that, but do you have some place that you need to be right now?
Monica: (excitedly) Oh my God, we're gonna be parents!
Chandler: We are gonna be great parents.
Monica: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it: right now, somewhere out there (they go look through the window) our baby could be being conceived.
Chandler: Yeah. I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey.
Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
(Joey gives him the okay symbol, and Ross rushes towards him to be stopped by Chandler. Meanwhile, Phoebe goes over to the snack table as some guy, which turns out to be Ursula's fianc�e Eric, walks in and smacks her butt.)
Charlie: But maybe we can have dinner later? On the balcony? Will be romantic.
Charlie: So you'll be ok?
Monica: This would be a beautiful place to get married, yeah, but I wouldnt put the aisle there and I would never have the ceremony there! (Points to both places.) I mean youd have the ceremony under this big beautiful arch. (The arch at the entrance to the room.)
Chandler: That would be advice!!
Charlie: It's great. You're gonna be the hit of the conference.
Ross: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).
Chandler: It must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.
Chandler: Well, you must be pretty mad at yourself right now...!
Monica: This is Monica! I'm Phoebe's friend. Listen, Phoebe is back with David and he's going to propose to her, and she is going to say "yes" but I know she really wants to be with you!
Steve: Yes, that's right. We're excited about the level of sophistication you'll be bringing to the job.
David: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)
Monica: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true. (Phone rings)
Chandler: I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? (doing David) "Uh, Phoebe, uh, I would be honoured, uh..." Spit it out, David!
David: But well, now that we're together again, I don't ever want to be apart. So, to that end...
Mike: Actually yeah, that'll be great.
Chandler: How can she be great if shes from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they all look at him) That joke wouldve killed in Albany.
Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster [1] is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
Monica: Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! Yeah, and then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they'd look just like you!
Charlie: Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun!
Monica: C'mon guys, it'll be fun!
Rachel: Ok...this could be a little awkward...I'm just going to blow past it... well can't you just use that method actor thing where you use your real life memories to help you in your performance?
Rachel: (pretending to be offended) What, hey!
Joey: I mean, she should be with someone like... Ross! You know what I mean, he uses all those big words too! Man, smart people are dull!
Joey: Well.. hey, you know what else I could use? There's a scene where Drake sneaks into Olivia's bedroom, and she doesn't know he's there - which never happened with us! And he knows he shouldn't be there, but he just wants to look at her... you know? (In a romantic voice) And I remember all those mornings before you even put on your make-up, when I would think to myself, my God, she...is... beautiful... (Rachel looks very moved) and it hurts so much, cuz I knew I could never tell you (pauses, while looking at her with sentiment) but it was worth it just to be there looking at you.
Joey: NO! No-no-no-no-no-no! Hey! Hey, we'll be fine! Li... hey, like you said: no big deal!
Joey: I know, I know! But I've thought about it a lot since, and it just wouldn't be right... (painfully) I'm sorry...!
Rachel: I don't know, I'm not trying to do anything, it's just, we have such a good time when we're together, you know... I mean, aren't you just a... little curious... (insinuating) what that would be like?...
Joey: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!
[Scene: Hotel's bar. Ross is running to Charlie trying not to be seen with two cocktails in his hands. She's hidden behind a huge plant]
(Three paleontologists walk by and Ross hugs Charlie trying not to be seen)
Dr. Green: Oh come on! Dont be such a baby! (Goes after him)
Ross: I mean, you just went out with my best friend, and I just think it'd be a really really bad idea. (pause) Or-or not! (they kiss passionately)
Charlie: Ooh... Is it because of what might be on the bedspread, because I saw that news report too, with the infra red and the ... I could just...
Ross: Anyway, one thing lead to another, and... oh... before you know it, we were kissing. I mean, how angry do you think Joey is gonna be?
Ross: You know, I gotta go find him. He's gotta be here someplace.
Joey: Yeah, I think that'd be best... So, so I'm gonna... I'm gonna take off...
Rachel: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner.
Rachel: Ross is coming over. I think now would be a really good time to talk to him.
Joey: It's okay. You know, I totally understand, alright? You guys, make way more sense than her and I ever did, you know. And... I want you to be happy.
Mike: One more thing... There... might be a picture of Precious on my coffee table.
Precious: Oh, my God, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need him. I deserve to be treated with respect.
Phoebe: Ok, well that's bad. But don't you think it might be different with someone else? Perhaps a blonde who always uses a toilet. Except for once in the ocean.
Steve: Chandler, hi! I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience, you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.
Ross: Weird? What? What's weird? The only thing weird would be if someone didn't like Mexican food, because I'm making fajitas!! (Storms off.)
Joey: Look, don't you think that will be a little weird?
Monica: Thanks, that would be great. Hey, honey, wouldn't that be great?
Sandy: Well, please welcome... The Snufflebumps... Who wants to be mr. Wigglemunch and who's gonna be the Grumpus?
Rachel: Well, what would we be doing?
Joey: Ah, can I just say I know we're doing this for Ross, and that's cool, but if it was up to me, this is not what we'd be doing on our first date.
Joey: Alright, then you go to that party and you pretend to be over Mike. And afterward you come to my place and I'll get you good and drunk!
Phoebe: Well, they may be a handful, but they're so cute.
Frank Jr.: Yeah, I really cherish these moments, 'cause before you know it, they're gonna be awake again.
Chandler: Hey, you must be Owen.
Joey: Dude, are you okay? And when are the fajitas gonna be ready?
Ross: Fajitas! Be careful, very hot plate, very hot plate!!
Phoebe: Okay, well, this is crazy. Can't seriously be talking about me taking one of your kids, can we?
Frank Jr.: Oh, you'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day he made up this joke.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, Frank. I didn't realise things were so bad. You know, I'll help out more. I can - I can babysit any time you want. You name the day, and I'll be there.
Phoebe: Well, that's not good. But you know, I can move some stuff around, and I'll be there. You and Alice just take the whole day together.
Ross: Wasn't it? And you thought it would be awkward with Joey and that you never really liked Rachel.
Ross: Oh, oh. Of course. God, I'm so stupid. You guys are a couple now. I mean, you probably just want to be alone.
Rachel: Uh-huh. Okay. You know what, Joey, I don't think he's ever gonna be okay with this.
Ross: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?
Chandler: Wow! So tonight may be the night! You're nervous?
Chandler: How can you be so confident?
Phoebe: By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico. (BEAT) Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.
Joey: I thought you paid. (Rachel does not answer and seems puzzled) Ha, guess we won’t be going back there!
Rachel: Ok, ok, ok. I promise, I promise, I promise, I won’t do it again. I really do. I promise. This is gonna be great.
Rachel: I am sorry! Again... I don't know, I don’t know what happened, I must be nervous!
Monica: It could be Amanda!
Chandler: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, 'cause that could be a sign of clinical depression.
Rachel: Ill be right there! (to Ross) Okay, Ross, please come on! I thought we have moved on! I thought weve gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other! I mean was that just me?
Monica: Why don't you just be straight with her? Tell her the truth.
Rachel: (panics, turns around, picks up the phone, and pretend to talk on it) Hello?! (Listens) Oh, yeah! (To Tag) This is gonna be a while. Excuse me. (Tag leaves and she closes the door behind him, disgustedly.) Yeah!
Rachel: No, I mean with us, you know. I mean, is it supposed to be this... difficult?
Phoebe: Yeah, I can see where Id be your best shot but, no. Im sorry, but I think its twisted.
Rachel: Yeah, and if doesn't work, then we'll be just one of those couples that never have sex.