words in movies
Ross: The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadnt realized she was a lesbian.
Joey: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, theres Carol again!
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross is trying to talk to Carol about what Phoebe told him.]
Carol: Yeah! And maybe someday we could get a place with two bathrooms.
Ross: Look Carol umm, I was, I was thinking maybe uh, maybe we can spice things up a little.
Carol: What do you mean?
Ross: Carol our sex life isits just not working
Ross: Yay! (To Carol) Seriously, our sex life I was thinking, maybe I dont know, we could try some-some new things. Yknow? For fun?
Carol: Like what?
Ross: Well I dont know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carols shocked and obviously doesnt like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesnt like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, yknow we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.
Carol: (quickly) I love that idea!
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Carol is working on something at the table and Ross is reading a newspaper on the couch.]
Carol: Ooh, actually Ive been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!
Carol: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so
Carol: Oh, me too.
Carol: Oh umm, yknow I think it would be better if we just save it.
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross and Carol are waiting anxiously for their new partner to arrive.]
Carol: Looks like it.
Carol: (jumping up to get it) I got it!
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Carol: Thank you so much for coming.
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Carol: Thank you so much.
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Ross: Not-not really. Th-th-there was just Carol.
Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Carol has come to pick up Ben.]
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Ross: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!
Rachel: I don't know! I mean, we still care about each other. There's a history there. 'S'like you and Carol.
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
CAROL: I mean, I knew they were having trouble with this whole thing, but they're my parents. They're supposed to give me away and everything.
Carol: (running over and grabbing the phone away from Ross) (on phone) Phoebe, hang on a second. (Hands Ross her keys) Here, take my car, go pick up your friends.
Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.
Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?
Ross: I went thru this with Ben and Carol. One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
[Scene: The Airport, Carol and Ross are waiting for Emily and Susan to deplane. A gorgeous woman walks by and they both turn to watch her go.]
Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!
Carol: A lesbian?
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.
Carol: Sorry. You look good too.
Carol: I'm pregnant.
Carol: So.
Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?
Carol: Julia..
Carol: Thanks.
Carol: Yes, and she's very supportive.
Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
Carol: Dr. Oberman.
Carol: Marlon-
Carol: As in my grandmother.
Carol: All right, you two, stop it!
Carol: I know.
Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.
Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.
Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?
Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.
Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the last part)
(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
Ross: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away.
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?
Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh.
Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her belly.]
Carol: Anytime you're ready.
Carol: Just aim for the bump.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Ross: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...
Carol: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]
Carol: No, no that was the first.
Carol: I did.
Ross: Shh! (singing) Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! (to Carol) Hey, uh, did you just feel that?
Carol: Hey hey, come on in!
Chandler: Let me see what you wrote about yourself: "Doctor Paleontology, two kids... " (pause) You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest!
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Carol: Don't you want to know about the sex?
Carol: Do you want to know?
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Carol: Totally and completely healthy!
Carol: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be...
Carol: Uh, that's our friend Tanya.
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Carol: Well, thanks for the books.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Carol: Hello?
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
Carol: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine.
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Carol: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you.
Carol: That could be it.
Carol: Not her.
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Carol: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny
Carol: Oh, I love you too. But...
Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?
Carol: What that woman... did. I am not doin that. Its just gonna have to stay in, thats all, everything will be the same, itll just stay in.
Susan: Carol, not me.
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Carol: Life partner.
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Carol: Its a little complicated.
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.
Carol: This is impossible. Its just impossible.