words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, everyone except Ross is decorating the tree.]
Chandler: Let me ask you, why is everybody using these tiny lights nowadays? I remember when people used to use big lights.
Chandler: I dunno what it is, it just doesnt quite feel like Christmas to me.
Chandler: See now it feels like Christmas!
Chandler: Hey Joe whats up?
Chandler: I can see why thats hard to resist.
Chandler: You are aware that shes not a monkey, right?
Chandler: Ah, youre still just a little fat girl inside arent you? (He kisses her on the cheek)
Chandler: What, what are you laughing at?
Chandler: I dont think so.
Chandler: (To Rachel) Oh my God!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, Chandler is there. Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
Chandler: I can save you time ladies, Im right here.
Phoebe: Yeah, Chandler why dont you take a walk? This doesnt concern you.
Chandler: What? Thats terrible!
Chandler: Oh well, that makes it not terrible.
Chandler: No not okay, you cant look for Monicas presents!
Chandler: No, you dont have to, and you cant because I live here too.
Chandler: Why?
Rachel: Chandler, arent you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
Chandler: No, I have a great idea for a present for her.
Phoebe: Oh, thats it? (Mimics Chandler) A great idea!
Rachel: Chandler, thats not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And youve just gotten her one great present? I mean thats just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?
Chandler: If I help, we can find em faster!
Rachel: (Reading) Dear losers, do you really think Id hide presents under the couch? P.S. Chandler, I knew theyd break you.
Chandler: Yknow when you guys said you were gonna go across the hall and look, you dont, you dont do that every year do you?
Chandler: You dont, like go into the back of my closet, and look under my gym bag or anything?
Chandler: Because thats where Joey gave me some stuff to store that Ive never seen before in my life! Okay, that did not just happen! (He does a weird clicky motion with his fingers, that kinda hard to describe.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are there and Chandler enters.]
Chandler: I couldn't find anything at Joey--Hey-hey, oh hey!
Chandler: Those are my gifts, I got them for you.
Phoebe: Ohhh. Thanks Chandler they're great!
Rachel: Well Chandler, what is this very weird, metal A Z thing?
Chandler: Those are book ends! That's a great gift!
Chandler: Make sure you put all that stuff back in the closet, okay?
(Chandler does the weird clicky thing again.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, Chandler and Rachel are there, and Phoebe enters with the Chick and the Duck.]
Chandler: Oh, hey guys!
Chandler: Yes, if the presents are hidden south for the winter.
Chandler: Oh, the duck seems to think that Monica got me garbage! Hmm, I wonder what I could get Monica thats as good as garbage?
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: Oh, this ones for Chandler. Here.
Chandler: Oh great!
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Okay!
Chandler: Wait, we cant do this.
Chandler: I dont wanna know what Monica got me. Yknow? I mean, look, Im sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I dont know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monicas face when I give her my present, and Im sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Chandler: Fine!
Monica: Hey guys! You found the presents? Chandler, you let them find the presents? Great! Do you know how long it took me to find you that water purifier?
Chandler: Thats what you got me?
Chandler: Now you do that, youre on TV.
CHANDLER: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
Chandler: We are. Hes meeting us here.
CHANDLER: You can tell us.
CHANDLER: We can talk about that.
CHANDLER: Well, listen, this has been great but I'm officially wiped.
Chandler: Yuh-huh.
CHANDLER: So um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before?
CHANDLER: Together.
CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?
MONICA: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look.
Chandler: Well, come on, Ive been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party.
ROSS: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope?
CHANDLER: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky in the hall.
CHANDLER: If you guys feel this big, maybe that's not our fault. Maybe that's just how you feel.
CHANDLER: Why did you look at me when you said that?
ROSS: Chandler!
CHANDLER: Yeah?
CHANDLER: Fine.
CHANDLER: Yeah. Just let me grab my jacket and tell you I had sex today.
CHANDLER: So, uh, how was he?
CHANDLER: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
CHANDLER: Well, that makes me feel so good.
CHANDLER: Eh?
CHANDLER: So, let's go.
CHANDLER: So, uh, you met someone, huh?
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?
CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it.
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this.
CHANDLER: Chandler.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now.
CHANDLER: Yeah, we really missed you guys.
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
CHANDLER: Yes.
CHANDLER: No.
JOEY: Let me get that. (to Chandler) You got five bucks?
CHANDLER: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.
CHANDLER: We'll watch him.
CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
CHANDLER: You understood that?
CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
CHANDLER: No, I got him.
CHANDLER: Oh, seriously you want him?
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
CHANDLER: Well, we are great guys.
CHANDLER: Your boyfriend is so cool.
CHANDLER: (to taxi driver) Just practicing. You're good. Carry on.
[Joey starts whistling, Chandler finishes the tune. Joey whistles again.]
Chandler: Oh, and Ive got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.
CHANDLER: You done?
Janice: Oh, we go way back. Before Monica made an honest man out of him, Chandler used to be my little love muffin! (does her irritating laugh). So? Are you guys thinking of getting this house too? Ooh! Are we gonna have a bidding war? I'd better warn you, I'm a toughie (playfully punches Chandler, who tries to get away from her)
CHANDLER: You know it?
CHANDLER: Oh, sure, they love us over there.
CHANDLER: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord.
Chandler: WENUS. (Coughs) Weekly Estimated Net...
Monica: (indignant) I give good massages! (Ross laughs.) I used to give them to Rachel all the time before she got allergic! And-and-and Chandler loves them! Watch! (She starts giving Chandler a massage.)
Monica: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much
CHANDLER: Ok.
CHANDLER: That's me.
Chandler: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.
CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)
CHANDLER: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.
CHANDLER: Yeah?
CHANDLER: What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do?
CHANDLER: Heads it is.
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
CHANDLER: You're welcome. Hey Joey, thanks for parking the car [passes the dollar back].
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.
CHANDLER: You, you are gonna love this.
Chandler: Okay uh, heres the electric bill. (Hands it to him.)
ROSS: I'm here. How's my little boy? Want Daddy to change your diaper? So, did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?
CHANDLER: I think they get it.
JOEY: No problem. Hey Chandler
CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.
CHANDLER: There's the man.
Chandler: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch. Rachel is working.]
Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!
CHANDLER: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.
JOEY: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."
Chandler: FREE PORN!!!
Chandler: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
[Scene: Hallway between the apartments. Chandler comes out wearing spandex, jogging in place. Monica is there.]
ROSS: Chandler. When did he... when did he... when did he?
RACH: Chandler told me.
Chandler: Seriously sir, my brains? All over the wall.
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
MNCA: [to Chandler] Yo, Bing. Racquetball in 15 minutes.
CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.
CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.
CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
(Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, then away from, Monica)
CHANDLER: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he thinks he's too pink.
(He licks his fingers, liking it. He offers Chandler a taste.)
[Chandler enters with his hair full of mousse and a cheesy moustache]
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Chandler: All right everybody! Just be quiet! Be quiet! Be quiet!! Pipe-pipe-pipe down! (They settle down) What is the matter with you people?! This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you. She was making candy so she could try to get to know all of you, and Ill bet that not one of you can tell me her name! Am I right?
[Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.]