words in movies
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.
Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it?
Chandler: You have to pick your moments.
Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.
Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean.
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder.]
Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.
Chandler: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that.
(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]
Chandler: You'll get one.
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Chandler: No, no, no.
Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?
Chandler: No reason. (turns around, makes an 'Oh my God' gesture with his eyes)
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)
Chandler: Where have you been?
Chandler: Mazel tov!
Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me.
(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)
Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple?
Chandler: (to nurse) Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?
Chandler: I know, I still am one of these.
(Chandler comes into the picture.)
Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.]
Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!
Chandler: Yeah okay, I was just talking to the guys. Just look at them I mean, is it okay if they come visit?
Chandler: (looks down at his clothes) Am I naked again?!
Chandler: As crazy as soccer?
Chandler: You mean you didnt get it from this?
Joey: How could you do this to me Chandler?! This part couldve turned my whole career around!
Chandler: I messed up. Okay? Im sorry, I really messed up.
Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her.
Chandler: How is that worse?!
Phoebe: Chandler, Chandler.
Chandler: Youre right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Chandler: (lets him out) What happened?!!
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and
Chandler: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
Joey: Thank you. Cha-ching! (Chandler starts to leave) Oh, well hello Mr. Lincoln. Better luck next time buddy. (Chandler leaves and closes the door) And the drinks are on me!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
Chandler: BEND OVER?!!!
Chandler: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!
Chandler: Janice?
Chandler: Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
Chandler: Well, actually its a hockey team, so its angry Canadians with no teeth.
Chandler: Janice?!
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. (Sees Chandler.) Well well, look what you brought.
Chandler: ...And what did you bring?
Chandler: Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite...
Chandler: Do you think hell ever forgive me?
Chandler: Cupping.
Monica: (on phone) Hello Greg? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica from the plane? Listen, the number that you gave me 853-5 (Listens) (To Chandler) That is their old number! Jennys been giving it out since they moved!
Chandler: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me.
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Ross are at a newsstand.]
Chandler: You didnt see how mad he was, yknow?
Chandler: Yknow what? I-I kinda have.
Chandler: I cant believe I did this! What an idiot!
Rachel: Of course he will! But Chandler the most important thing is you forgive yourself!
Chandler: (coming out from behind the door) I KNEW IT!!!!
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
(Chandler does this throat sound.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
Joey: Look Chandler, it was instinct! Okay? I just went for it!
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
Chandler: Please tell me you got the message!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey is entering to find Chandler waiting patiently for him.]
Chandler: Sorry! I-I-I dont know what to say.
Joey: I cant believe this Chandler!
Chandler: Sure! Thats one of the great things about being engaged. Im not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.
Chandler: (angrily) Is that supposed to be funny! I was really worried over here!
Chandler: Yknow, sometimes that fake out thing is just mean!
Chandler: Oh, we could do this all day.
Chandler: Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won YOU over, didnt I?
Chandler: All right!
Chandler: I think so. Yeah, get off me.
Chandler: You are gonna be a huge star! Im gonna hug ya!
Rachel: Okay, Chandler!
Chandler: Okay.
The Woman: Could you guys help me? (Chandler shyly exhales and looks away.)
Chandler: Yeah, Ross sure is a great guy, yknow Ive always felt that how a young man turns out is a reflection on his father.
(Phoebe winks and licks her lips while eyeing Chandler.)
Chandler: Hey!!
Chandler: (To Monica) Oh, well thank you in advance. (Kisses her.)
Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!
Chandler: Oh thats right. Its your first day! So are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick?
Phoebe: (in a sexy voice to Chandler) Ill be waiting.
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not Elizabeths dad?!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Are you judging them by their covers? Because youre really not supposed to do that.
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?
Chandler: (to Ross) Wellll?
Chandler: Well, maybe we can fix it yknow? Maybe we can send him some-some big-big flowers and scare him!
(Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe enter.)
Chandler: Ross!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-hey-hey! (Motions to Chandler, "Whats going on?") Hi, Paul is it? (Paul nods yes and still hugging Joey.)
Ross: (exhales) I got it. (He lifts the box and grunts under the strain.) (Calmly) So hi, Im uh, Im Ross and this is my friend Chandler. (He shyly waves.)
Chandler: Theres a Mr. Bing!
Chandler: Yes, we were just
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is working on her book at the kitchen table, Monica is on the couch, and Chandler is entering from the bathroom carrying a package of toilet paper.]
(Everyone clinks glasses and Chandler freaks out again.)
Chandler: This is going in your book?
Chandler: No, the little girl creeps me out.
Chandler: Why would the baby creep me out?
Chandler: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.
Chandler: Hey!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
CHANDLER: Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!
Chandler: So do you think uh, Joeys more charming than me?
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
Chandler: Who?
Chandler: Yeah, you wish. (Stops to think about it and gets depressed.)
Chandler: Oh.
Chandler: Oh-oh.
Chandler: Thats the thing, see I would like to stay in the pribe of mwha-ah-libe.
Chandler: Hmm.
Chandler: (singing) Ground control to Major Tom! Commencing countdown engines on!
Rachel: Whoops. (Starts to go into Chandler and Joeys.) Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
Chandler: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. (reading the candy) Chan and Jan Forever.
Chandler: We said seven!
Chandler: The only way that I said six would be if the sevens, let meet at seven, not at six.
Chandler: (disgusted) What does it say?!