words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
Phoebe: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle;and away they all flew like the down of a thistle; but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!"
Monica: I can't believe you're not gonna be here for Christmas.
Monica: It's just... It's hard enough not seeing you during the week, but for Christmas... alright, if this is what you have to do, I understand.
Chandler: All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas Eve and you'd rather be with your families, but there's *no* call (he takes it off) for writing "Screw you, Mr. Bing!" on the back of my chair! (he looks at it) -- By the way, you can all call me Chandler.
Wendy: I was, uh, checking out that insurance company's Christmas party on three, oh, it was really beautiful, they have all these decorations and this huge tree and I just, uh... to hell with them, we have to work. -- So I stole ther ham. (She turns the cardboard box upside down over the conference table, a big piece of ham falls out.)
Chandler: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order.
Wendy: *Now* it feels like Christmas.
Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your families tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Hanukkah. Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.
Rachel: Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Chandler: (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Chandler: Did I not tell *anyone* about New Year's Eve? -- Alright, look, go! Go home, okay? Merry Christmas! Go.
(All are leaving, wishing each other a Merry Christmas, peace on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.)
Wendy: Besides, I can't leave until their Christmas party downstairs clears out; there are some *pissed off* insurance people looking for that ham.
Monica: Hi Honey! We're all here; we just want to wish you a Merry Christmas.
Others: (simultaneously) Merry Christmas! (except for Phoebe...)
Chandler: Ahh, Merry Christmas; I miss you guys!
Chandler: Merry Christmas.
Monica: Merry Christmas.
Chandler: Merry Christmas, you guys!
Others: (simultaneously) Yeah, Merry... Christmas. (again, Phoebe...)
Wendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me?
Joey: Hey-heeyyy - Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle!
Phoebe: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.
Joey: Absolutely! Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas and their birthdays. Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And anytime theyre hungry or sleepy. Yknow, kids are tough. Good luck with that. (Walks away.)
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the size of his Christmas Balls.
Phoebe: Watch, watch. (She turns a strand of Christmas lights strung around the house.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.]
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Chandler: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.
Monica: Having a perfectly decorated tree is not what Christmas is about. Its about being with the people that you love.
Chandler: I dont wanna know what Monica got me. Yknow? I mean, look, Im sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.
Chandler: Well, you still havent taken down the Christmas lights.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small side window.]
Nurse: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up?
Monica: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmas lights, and and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or or ankle or something.
PHOEBE: Happy Christmas Eve Eve. [sees Ross's picture frame] Oh my God, where did you get this?
MNCA: Especially the after taste, you know, I'll tell ya, that'll last ya till Christmas.
CHANDLER: Who said anything about Christmas?
RACHEL: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
ROSS: Yeah, what're you guys doin' here, aren't you supposed to be Christmas shopping?
ROSS: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him cash, Rachel give him your earrings. Something, now, anything. MONICA: No, I will not cave. RACHEL: Yeah, I'm with Mon. ROSS: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize the day? Well, alright, even though he's your super, I'm seizing. [approaches Mr. Treeger] Mr. Treeger, here is 50 bucks, merry Christmas. [Gives him the cash.]
CHANDLER: Hey, guys, it's after midnight, merry Christmas everyone. [Ross and Phoebe hug, Monica and Rachel hug, Chandler is left standing]
Monica: (walking around with her headset still on) OK LET'S GET THESE CHAIRS OUT HERE! Gunther, hit the Christmas lights. (He does so and the lights above the chairs light up. Monica looks satisfied) Okay, who left the ice sculpture (picks up a piece of ice from the ground) ON THE STEAM GRATE? (nobody answers)
Chandler: (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree.]
CHAN: Y'know, maybe this isn't such a big deal. Y'know, I mean, the way that I see it is you get a great job and you get to have sex. Y'know, I mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got Christmas.
RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?
Joey: Yeah, the ah, trees that dont fulfil their Christmas destiny are thrown in the chipper.
Phoebe: Duh!! Christmas!
MONICA: You guys haven't gotten your presents yet? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, what're ya gonna do?
Monica: (entering) Hey, guys. Im here to pick out my Christmas tree.
Joey: And I gotta go sell some Christmas trees.
Monica: Christmas cookie?
Chandler: Its like Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees.
Monica: Oh honey, is that cause your Mom died around Christmas?
Phoebe: This is the worst Christmas ever.
Joey and Monica: (jumping up from behind the couch) Merry Christmas!!
ROSS: No no, no, that, that's your Christmas tip, alright. Oh, hey, do you think there's a chance you could fix that radiator now?
Ross: Well, she wore it all Christmas day, and then uh
Rachel: I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
Mike: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Is this, hot Rachel, that you took to the Christmas party, Rachel?
Chandler: Hey, look at this! (Holding a newspaper) Theyre lighting the big Christmas tree tonight.
Joey: Well, I know what Im giving you for Christmas.
Ross: Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?
Rachel: Its not Christmas!
[Scene: Joeys work, selling Christmas trees.]
Sophie: Yknow why? Shes got the Christmas bonus list in there. I saw her working on it this morning.
(At that Ross plugs in some Christmas lights to light the place up.)
Monica: (interrupting her) Okay, now Thanksgiving's over, let's get ready for Christmas. Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?!
Phoebe: Speaking of Christmas, umm since Monica and I are starting a new business and have like no money, umm, this year maybe we could do secret Santa, and then we each only buy one gift. And-and theres the added mystery of who gets who.
Ross: (answering it) 1987, the day after Christmas, at Sean McMahons party. I played you one of my songs, yknow Interplanetary Courtship Ritual.
Phoebe: Oh, no, I have the cutest Christmas story!
Rachel: Chandler, arent you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
Chandler: See now it feels like Christmas!
Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.
Joey: Yep! Looks like its gonna be a leeeeean Christmas at the Dragon house this year.
Monica: Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?
Joey: Hey! Great, youre home! Guess what Phoebe got me for Christmas! (Starts drumming.)
Chandler: Well seeing that drunk Santa wet himself, really perked up my Christmas.
Salesman: Two days before Christmas? Sorry, man.
Maitre d': I'm sorry. Christmas is a very busy time, sir.
Ross: (to Monica) Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas.
Ben: Christmas.
Ben: Christmas eve.
Ross: You're welcome, Ben. Merry Christmas, ooh, and Happy Hanukkah!
Joey: Well, at the Christmas party him and Santa did some definitely gay stuff!
Joey: (entering wearing a Superman costume) Merry Christmas!
Chandler: (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. (She grabs the skull, pulls out a stick of licorice, and takes a bite.)
Ross: Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didnt actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely. (Apollo 8 was the first one that orbited the moon and the one that read the Christmas Story from the orbit of the moon on Christmas Eve, 1968. They also took the famous Earthrise picture of the Earth rising over the moon.)
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Joey: All right. But, youre gonna have to tell them. (He opens the cabinet to reveal the chick and the duck living inside with Christmas lights and a disco ball as decorations.)
Present Chandler's voice: Remember that big party? Freshman year? A week before Christmas vacation? I do. You had some visitors.
Monica: Okay? (She starts to walk which causes her to start crying) Ooo wee! Christmas party in my boots! (Runs into the bedroom and mixes saying ow with laughing.)
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Ross: I don't know. I could talk to her boss. Yeah! I met him at that Christmas party. We really hit it off.
Joey: Look now, Phoebe remember, hey, their just fulfilling their Christmas....
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
RACHEL: [answers door] Hi, welcome to our tropical Christmas party. You can put your coats and sweaters and pants and shirts in the bedroom.
Joey: Well, Im pretty tired from lugging the trees around all day. Hey, Phoebe listen, you got this all wrong. Those trees were born to be Christmas trees, their fulfilling their life purpose, by, by making people happy.
Rachel: Well Ill tell ya! (Pause) See uh my-my boss and his wifeThey-they cant have children. So umm, and thatwe were at the Christmas party, and he got drunk, and he said to me, "Rachel, I want to buy your baby."
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Chanukah. Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And plese tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
Phoebe: Happy Holidays. Feliz Navidad. Allo, and Merry Christmas. (A man put some change in her bucket.) Ohh thank you sir. Here's some joy. (She waves her hand up and down as if she is spreading joy.)
Joey: Now go! Cause you can still catch her! And Merry Christmas from youre secret Santa! (Chandler runs out and closes the door.)
Chandler: Because, if Santa and the Holiday Armadillo? (Ross nods) ...are ever in the same room for too long the universe will implode. Merry Christmas!
Ross: Yeah, I'm a friend of Rachel Green's. Uhm, actually we met at the Christmas party about two years ago.
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Phoebe: Ohh, they gave me a great spot. Right by Macys. Yeah, they hardly ever give such a good spot to a rookie, but Im the only one who can sing "Merry Christmas" in 25 languages. (She smirks.) I lied.
Phoebe: Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so, but she had this Christmas ribbon, and I thought, 'All right, fine I'll be political.'
(They start to go into Monica and Rachels, their apartment is filled with all of the old Christmas trees from Joeys work.)
Chandler: Now that's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum.
Ross: and thats the story of the dreidle. Now, some people trace the Christmas tree back to the Egyptians, who used to bring green palm branches into their huts on the shortest day of the year, symbolising lifes triumph over death. And that was like 4000 years ago.
Chandler: I dunno what it is, it just doesnt quite feel like Christmas to me.
RTST: No, ma'am. Well, anyhoo, we should be getting our F.D.A. approval any day now, hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. See, the way we look at it, chocolate already dominates most of your major food-preparation holidays: Easter, Christmas, what have you.
Phoebe: Okay but thats why you have to buy it, so it can fulfil its Christmas destiny, otherwise there gonna throw it into the chipper. Tell him, Joey
Ross: ...and these come in the shapes of your favourite Christmas characters, Santa, Rudolph, and Baby Jesus.
Joey: Only if you think its better than this... (holds up an aerosol can) snow-in-a-can!! I got it at work. Mon, you want me to decorate the window, give it a kind of Christmas lookie.
Chandler: Get in here! (They head for the door and Chandler sees Smokes-A-Lot Lady standing next to the door and smoking, to her) Hey, and you can not smoke in here! (Takes the cigarette and takes a drag for himself.) (Exhaling in ecstasy) Merry Christmas.
Monica: No! No! No! No sweetie! No! Not like that! Were not at a barn dance. Youve gottayou wanna fold them like swans. Like I showed you at Christmas time, remember?
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.