words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Fat Monica, and her boyfriend are sitting on the couch. Monicas boyfriend is getting up to get something. For future reference, for the rest of this episode Monicas fat, I wont be calling her Fat Monica throughout.]
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Carol is working on something at the table and Ross is reading a newspaper on the couch.]
Rachel: Wow! Tell me something Joey(She falls off the couch)Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there.
Rachel: Okay. (She climbs back onto the couch.)
Monica: Thats the couch.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, the next morning, Rachel is passed out on the couch.]
Chandler: Okay, okay, here she comes! (Sits on the couch next to him.) How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesnt want to get married?
Monica: Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch!
[Rachel walks past Joey towards the couch]
Rachel: Okay. Okay honey, hes fine, hes fine, lets just put him down. Come here, Ben. (sets him on the couch) See thats a good boy. (to Monica) How could you do that to him!! Ross trusted me, what is he going to say?!
Monica: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like this, (turns sideways on the couch) so that you can bunny bump against my back.
[Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.]
Joey: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. (Raises his eyebrows, questioning Ross to see if he wants to join him.)
Rachel: Well, yknow I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me. (Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen. Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.
Joey: Francette? What is she? A couch?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Tag are making out on the couch.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch in Central Perk]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.]
[Time lapse. Ross and Joey are cleaning the table while Judy and Phoebe talk by the window. Jack and Chandler are sitting on the couch while Monica sits on the coffee table.]
Ross: Well, I do, so let's... (Ben and Ross sit down on the couch) So, Ben, you uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't ya?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
(Ross gets all excited and starts to dance on the coffee table, but slips allmost immediatly, and falls onto the couch. Rachel wakes up.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is sitting on the chair, and theyre all talking.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch as Joey and Ross enter.]
[the bullies grab the back of the couch that Ross and Chandler are sitting in and tip back]
Joey: Yeah! Okay! (He notices a beautiful woman sitting behind the couch and goes to talk to her.) Hey! Hi!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch as Chandler disgustedly enters.]
Rachel: Oh my god. Ok you guys, theres Danny. Watch. Just watch this. (He walks past the couch to the counter.) See?! Still pretending hes not interested. Ohh, hes coming over. Just pretend like we dont know him. Weve forgotten who he is.
Joey: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... (Joey sits down on the couch, mimes opening a can and puts his hand down his pants) Yeah, I could see it.
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you! (He does so and Rachel sits down on the couch.)
[Cut to Central Perk, Fat Monica and Rachel are on the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel at counter, Phoebe, Chandler, and Fun Bobby at the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are watching a basketball game on the couch.]
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross and Mona are sitting on the couch.]
Eric: No wait! Theres only a problem when I look at you. (Sits down on the couch.) Oh I got it! I got it. (Puts his hands to his eyes.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch writing when Chandler enters to make his brief cameo.]
Monica: Hey. (Sits down on the arm of the couch.)
(Joey goes to get coffee and Rachel exits as the camera pans to Phoebe and Ross on the couch.)
Brenda: Okay. (Goes over and fluffs up the pillows on the couch.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Ross sits down.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
(Phoebe joins Chandler on the couch as there is a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is sitting on the couch reading a magazine as Mona enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch as Phoebe enters with Monicas soul mate.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels I guess I have to call it that now. Rachel is reading on the couch as Ross enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch still staring at the screen.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Chandler are on the couch.]
CHANDLER: Huh. [reaches over and grabs the hat and bolts for the door but slips and falls behind the couch]
Parker: That sounds great. (Sits down) My God this is the most comfortable couch Ive ever sat on in my entire life. (Bounces on couch)
Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7 7.. 7 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7 (mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica sits on the couch and Phoebe is pacing up and down the room.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is there for his interview and everyone but Phoebe are hiding on the couch.]
(Chandler tries to jump over the couch but everyone stops him.)
Rachel: Thats right, still no baby! (To Monica, Joey, and Chandler on the couch) Come on people! Please make some room!
(She walks over to Central Perk and enters to find Ross sitting on the couch, eating crab cakes. She takes off her coat while groaning and shuddering.)
Phoebe: No, no, it's not that. (they go sit on the couch) Uhm... Remember when you asked me if I was seeing someone and I said no? Well, uhm... I am. His ... his name is Mike.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Sandy sit on the couch. Sandy holds Emma. Ross enters the apartment. Sandy and Rachel wipe their tears away with handkerchiefs]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is sitting on the couch watching TV as Monica comes out of the bathroom.]
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are on the couch as a man enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are on the couch, holding hands, while Phoebe puts milk in her coffee.]
Rachel: (Reading from a tag that's attached to the shoe) "Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you."
[Scene: Ross's place, Molly and Joey are talking on the couch]
Ross: What do you think you're gonna do, have sex with her right here on my couch?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Joey, and Monica are sitting on the couch as Ross is up getting some coffee.]
(They sit down on the couch.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch. Phoebe and Mike enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler sits on the couch. Joey sits at the round table]
(Phoebe looks under the couch)
(Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Emma is there in her playpen, while Chandler is behind the couch.]
(Monica is getting up from the couch)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment: Phoebe, Monica and Mike sitting on the couch]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Charlie on the couch. Rachel enters]
(As they turn the couch, Chandler gets sandwiched between the railing and the couch.)
Monica: Yeah, well I dont think it really counts if you have to read them off the back of your hand after you fall asleep on the couch.
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) Ok.
Joey: (excited) Thanks dude!!!This is GREAT!! (leaves Rachel very touched on the couch and goes into his room)
[Scene: Central Perk. Frank Jr., Phoebe and the triplets are there. The triplets are now sleeping on top of each other on the couch.]
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]
[Scene: Back in New York, Monica and Chandler in Central Perk on the couch]
[Scene:Central Perk. Ross and Chandler are on the couch]
[scene: Joey’s apartment. Joey and Rachel are sitting on the couch]
Joey: Hey what do you say, we move this onto the likes of the couch?
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch.]
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter, the others are sitting on the couch.]
(Joey and Ross enter. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, reading a magazine.)
Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch.Monica and Chandler enter]
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's on the couch when Ross walks to him, with his jacket closed.]
Joey: I'm gonna say someone I'm gonna have sex with. (the girl leaves and Phoebe goes toward the couch) (to Phoebe) Hey!
[Scene: Ross walks into Central Perk, wearing a pink and white ladies shirt. Joey is on the couch]
Chandler: Hey! (He quickly tries to hide the book by throwing it under the couch, only the couch has no back and it slides into the kitchen.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch. Monica and Joey enter.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch. A waitress brings a coffee and Phoebe wants to pay.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.]