words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Joey: So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh?
Rachel: (stunned) You are friends with Dr. Drake Remoray?
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is watching Days of Our Lives. Of course its a Dr. Drake Remoray scene. Its set in a hospital room, and Dr. Wesley and a nurse are talking about a female patient with a bandage around her head.]
Nurse: Youve done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.
Dr. Wesley: Good-bye and God speed, Hope Brady.
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Dr. Wesley: (with evil dripping off his tongue) Remoray!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Thats right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, youre not a real doctor! And that womans brain, is fine!
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
Dr. Drake Remoray: Hope! Hope!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Youre not dying Hope, youre gonna live a long, healthy life. With me.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is pouring wine for her boyfriend, Dr. Roger.]
Dr. Roger: They have parasites?
Dr. Roger: What people?
Dr. Roger: So oysters, huh?
Dr. Roger: Yknow, its funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases
Dr. Roger: Ohh! Didnt know! Okay!
Dr. Roger: Im sorry sweetie, its the hospital. The food looks great, maybe save me some?
Rachel: Joey, youre such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
Monica: Oh I cant. Dr. Roger is coming over again.
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Monica: Yeah, come on, eat, whatever you want. Dr. Roger got beeped again.
Joey: Well, I was Dr. Drake Remoray, Strykers twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right?
Dr. Miller: Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months.
Dr. Rhodes: He's good with rear things, bring him in too.
Dr. Franzblau: All right, ten centimeters, here we go.
Ross: Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. IWhat? (He notices something through the window.) No! Wh What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chandler: Is that a hint? Because we love you Doctor Connelly but we don't think we'd want you to be our child! (Dr. Connelly glares at him) Wow, talking about an inhospitable environment!
Dr. Leedbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.
Dr. Long: Congratulations. Ill give you two a minute.
Dr. Stryker Remoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, its your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?
(Dr. Long exits and Rachel starts to cry.)
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
Little Girl: Dr. Geller?
Little Girl: Dr. Geller, will you dance with me?
Dr. Long: Huh. Nice to meet you. Ill get started on this.
Rachel: Oh no Dr. Long, please come in. This is Ross, he is the father.
Dr. Long: (entering) Am I interrupting?
Dr. Long: Okay, everything looks good. Here it is on the screen. (We see Ross and Rachel looking at the screen.) Here is your uterus. And right here is your baby.
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Is it serious?
Dr. Drake Ramoray: What is it?
Dr. Green: Thats true.
Dr. Green: How about I order everyone the Moroccan chicken?
Dr. Green: Whats TiVo?
Dr. Green: Who is the father? Oh no! Please dont tell me its her! (Points at Phoebe.)
Rachel: Hey, that is the babys problem. (Dr. Green returns.) Oh, everything okay with the waiter?
Dr. Green: Are you really pregnant?
Dr. Green: I have no idea, I went to the bathroom. So sweetie, you were starting to tell me what is uh, what is new with you.
Dr. Green: The wedding! Theres going to be a wedding. Young lady, dont you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! (Rachel pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!
Dr. Green: Ill never understand you lesbians. (To Rachel) So baby, tell me what is new with you.
Dr. Green: Oh come on! Dont be such a baby! (Goes after him)
Dr. Green: Its chicken.
Dr. Green: (laughs) Poppy. (To Phoebe) Oh, Im gonna be a poppy. (Stops laughing) So when is the wedding?
(Dr. Green exhales in relief.)
Dr. Green: You did!
Dr. Green: What is it sweetie?
Dr. Green: I just called a friend of mine.
Dr. Green: I think I may be able to book The Plaza on short notice.
Dr. Green: What?!
Dr. Green: I dont believe this!!
Dr. Green: You think you can knock up my daughter and then not marry her?! Im gonna kill you!!
Dr. Green: Well why not? So you can spend your time with this tramp?!
Ross: Im sorry. Dr. Green, Mona. Mona, Dr. Green.
Dr. Schiff: So, hows it going?
Dr. Green: Oh? Really? Thats what my daughter means to you? Nothing?
Dr. Green: So? Come on! Explain yourself Geller! First you get my Rachel pregnant!
Dr. Green: (on phone) just because youre not in love with the guy you cant
Dr. Green: 74?! I ordered the 75! Thats a magnificent wine! The 74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?! (The waiters dumbfounded) Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why youre a waiter?
Dr. Schiff: Im a doctor.
Dr. Schiff: Uh, I dont have a wife or girlfriend, but I do like to ski.
ROSS: Hi Dr. Greene. So, uh, how's everything in the uh, vascular surgery....game?
Dr. Schiff: Okay then, would you like to lie down on the table?
Dr. Schiff: Im sorry, is there something going on here?
Dr. Green: Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?!
Nurse: Just so you know, Dr. Long cant be here today, she was called to the hospital, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.
Dr. Schiff: (entering) Hi Rachel? Im Dr. Schiff. (By the way, hes an attractive man.)
Dr. Long: Absolutely.
Dr. Long: Thats right. But if you dont want to know
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Well that sounds simple enough, lets just do that.
Dr. Long: Okay! All your tests look fine. Now, are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel and Phoebe are having dinner with Dr. Green, and everyone is looking at the menu.]
Burt: (exiting from a restaurant) Dr. Geller!
Dr. Schiff: So, are you experiencing any discomfort?
Rachel: Thank you doctor. (Dr. Long exits.) (To Joey) Oh thank you for being so nice and calm.
Dr. Long: You must be a little uncomfortable.
[Scene: The Restaurant, dinner has ended and Phoebe and Rachel are talking. Dr. Green is not at the table.]
Dr. Long: So, eight days late huh?
Dr. Long: taking a long walk, and then theres the one thats proved most effective: sex.
Dr. Long: Okay, theres an herbal tea you can drink.
Joey: (walks up) Uh, shes with me. (Introduces himself) Dr. Drake Remoray.
(Dr. Long enters.)
Rachel: Hi Dr. Long, how are you?
Dr. Long: Well do a quick check.
Dr. Long: You can take some caster oil, theres eating spicy foods
Rachel: Thank you. (Dr. Long exits.) Well, I guess we have some time to kill.
Dr. Long: Actually, theyre things you can do. Just some home remedies, but in my experience Ive found that some of them are quite effective.
Dr. Long: Ill be back in an hour to check you again.
Dr. Long: Three.
Nurse: Dr. Drake who?
Phoebe: No not you, Dr. Drake Remoray. You can ask him questions and see whats he like. People tell doctors everything.
Man: Dr. Wells is a woman.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Dr. Long is checking on Rachel again.]
[Scene: Room 816, Dr. Drake Remoray is entering.]
Man: Really? Ive been dealing with Dr. Wells.
Dr. Long: Shes gonna be fine. Okay, shes in a more difficult position so youre gonna have to push even harder now. Go! Push!
Dr. Long: Push. Push. Come on push for five seconds. 5 4
Dr. Long: Actually, I think youre ready to go to the delivery room.
Rachel: Oh. Look at you making up crap for me. Oh God! (Starts another contraction as Dr. Long enters.)
Dr. Long: Here we go! Okay, keep pushing! Wait! I see something.
Joey: Hi! Im Dr. Drake Remoray and I have a few routine questions I need to ask you.
Dr. Long: Here she is!
Dr. Long: Here we go!
(Dr. Long hands her to Rachel.)
Dr. Long: Do we have a name yet?
Dr. Long: Good!
Dr. Long: Twenty-one hours, youre a hero.
Dr. Long: Thats fine, for now well just call her Baby Girl Green.
Rachel: I'm on the phone! (On the phone) Dr. Wiener? (Ross and Rachel walk away)
Ross: Actually that-thats not true, in The Incredible Hulk uh, No. 72, Dr. Bruce Banner found (Sees everyone staring at him and stops.) Yknow, ugh, nevermind, my girlfriends a lesbian. (Leaves.)
Rachel: Yeah. Just to be sure I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener.
Monica: Why don't you go see Dr. Gettleman?
Ross: Dr. Gettleman? Yeah I know, I don't think that's a good idea. In fact, I think he's dead.