words in movies
(Chandler glares at him. At first Joey doesnt know why, it takes him a little bit to figure it out.)
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
Joey: Okay, here! (Gives him the camera.) I wanna be the on camera guy. All right, first stop, Westminster Abbey. (Joey folds out his "pop-up" map of London. All of the major landmarks pop-up like in a pop-up book.)
Monica: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. Thats what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake (Starting to cry), with the little people on top. (Ross gets thrown a box of Kleenex from the bathroom and he gives her one.) Thanks. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was.
(Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, hes happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
Housekeeper: This is the housekeeper speaking. And by the way, young lady, that is not how one addresses oneself on the telephone. First one identifies oneself and then asks for the person with whom one wishes to speak.
Mr. Geller: (Pointing items out on the bill.) Flowers, liquor, recarpet first floor. New guest bath, landscaping. Im paying to remodel this guys house. (Angrily gets up.) Im going to give that son on a bitch, a piece of my mind.
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now Im not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as much as I love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?
Phoebe: Okay! Oh my God! My first bike! Thank you for the best present Ive ever gotten.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
Phoebe: Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You dont hire an assistant because theyre cute, you hire them because theyre qualified.
Rachel: Well, the first time didn't really count... I mean, y'know, 's'Barry.
Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.
Rachel: Oh, no, no, no. Presents first. Food later. (walks into living room)
Chandler: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! (she leaves)
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.
INTERCOM: Dr. Remore, report to first floor emergency, stat.
Chandler: (shocked) Well I mean, let me get the door first. (Goes and opens the door.) Oh, hi! No one. (Exits.)
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Fireman No. 3: It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control.
PHOEBE: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you've been with?
Chandler: Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea.
Rachel: No! None! I mean, my first night in the city, he mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever happened, so I just... (to Joey): W-well, what else did he say? I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me?
RACH: Yeah, what, so? You had feelings for me first.
RACH: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then, oh, god, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
JOEY: Ok, let's start with the cons, 'cause they're more fun. All right, Rachel first.
Rachel: No, it's just... look, you know, when I first moved to the city I was a lot like her! I was spoiled, self-centered and you guys really took care of me.
CHANDLER: No, no, this is the first time.
ROSS: Yeah. Ya know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully the girl will come first so Ben here won't feel too competitive.
Joey: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice.
MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?
JOEY: No, my first fan mail.
PHOEBE: OK, Rachel, why don't you start talking first.
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
RACHEL: It is our first official date. Our first date.
MONICA: Maybe we should just tell your parents first.
Rachel: And I mean, you know, you guys... This is a big deal. I mean, how can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle!
(They both walk over to where Rachel is opening her gifts. Rachel sees her first gift is a fruit basket.)
RACHEL: God, oh God Monica, I forgot. This is our first date.
RACHEL: I know, I just didn't want to wear my glasses on my first date.
RICHARD: I know, I know. Just hang in there, OK. OK, I'll go out first, alright.
CHANDLER: But we had one of the greatest talks we ever had last night. I mean it was, it was like when we first started living together.
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
ROSS: Well that's the first time we've said that.
Ross: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Carol left me? (the buzzer on the washer goes off) I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Ross...(opens up the washer) Uh-oh.
Rachel: Okay Joey, first of all Kash Ford is not people. Second of all, what did he say when you told him I was pregnant?
GUNTHER: Fellas, these guys were here first.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
RACHEL: Guess what. Ben just said his first word.
ROSS: Oh right, right.� (They pause and exchange a glance. Then, Ross looks away.)� So, are you . . . ah . . . you excited about your, your first night away from Emma?
Charlton Heston: I dont know one actor worth his salt that didnt say at one time or another, "God, I stink!" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?!
Chandler: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear. This is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwearyou want it to be dirty?
CHANDLER: This isn't your first surprise party, is it sir?
MONICA: You flicked me first.
ROSS: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.
Phoebe: Whoa!! He is soo unreasonable! God, although I think I understand what he means. Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first youre really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.
MONICA: Oh, I ordered mine first.
Joey: All right, all right, all right. (Starts to leave, stops, and turns around) I mean Ill have to check with him first, but Ill think hell be cool with it. (Monica shoos him out.)
CHANDLER: Hey, how's the first day goin'?
Rachel: I can't believe this. This is her first birthday. She's awake. We're not even there. Everybody left. We still have this stupid obscene cake.
Phoebe-Estelle: Don’t take that tone with me. Who you think you are? Alan Lemond, the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic?
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Chandler: Yeah! All right! You go first.
Ross: Okay, okay, I'll go first.
Joey: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?
PHOEBE: Oh alright, stop, STOP THE MADNESS. This is crazy. Who can even remember why this even started in the first place?
Monica: First, I need a boyfriend, then I can have a list.
Ross: They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?
Joey: Okay now, before I make my final decision I uh, I just want to make sure our personalities match. Okay, so I made up a little test. Now, Im gonna say a word and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.
Chandler: He started mine first!
Joey: You know what, you guys? It's their first time, why don't we just forget about the money, alright?
PHOEBE: Yeah ok, well at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date.
Frank: No, she touched mine first!
Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first well start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesnt work we can go back to
Ross: And his first name.
Chandler: I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot?
Chandler: Yes, but this is Pete. Okay? Hes not like other people, on your first date he took you to Rome. For most guys thats like a third or fourth date kinda thing.
Phoebe: Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh cool, this is my first huddle.
Rachel: No, hey, come on, if he asked you first, thats only fair. (leaves)
Phoebe: Well, okay, I made a touchdown. It was my first touchdown. So?
(Meanwhile, another waiter has come up to the first waiter.)
Ross: Ill tell you what Mon, Ill give you the first box for free.
Ross: Its no surprise that your winning, cause you got to pick first, so you got the better team.
Ross: Yknow actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. (Kristen crinkles her nose at that.) Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep! (He stops when he realizes what hes talking about.)
Joey: Why don't you go see Frankie? My family's been goin' to him forever. He did my first suit when I was 15. No wait, 16. No, 'scuse me, 15. (still confused) All right, when was 1990?
Chandler: Look, Im telling you this is just like my parents divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place.
Rachel: Oh, hey, I have an idea. Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever loses goes in first. (they all agree) Ready? (they do the rock-paper-scissor thing with they hands and Rachel has paper, Phoebe and Ross both have rock, while Joey is doing a strange upward wiggling with his fingers. They all look a him confused).
Chandler: Its gotta be the first one.
Monica: Were really sorry, but um, she did ask us first.
Rachel: Oh!! I love this job! (her phone rings) Wow! My first call.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her first day.]
Ross: (to Chandler) It's her first day at this new job. Your not supposed to start with her!
Rachel: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? Im asking you first, right?!. I mean Im playing by the rules.
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Gunther: Do you remember when you first came here, how you spent two weeks getting trained by another waitress?
Phoebe: Dead. (everyone is a bit upset) Oh, it's OK, no, he was old, yeah! And he lived a full life, he was in the first wave at Omaha Beach.
Ross: First of all its Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didnt fly.
Phoebe: Yeah. And, first heres a gift.
Monica: Wow! You might just get the first Nobel prize in rubbing. So what country is this guy from?
RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, first there was my aunt Mary, and then there was umm, John, my mailman, and then my, my cowboy friend Albino Bob.
Ross: So its looks like were the first ones here.
Chandler: Y'know what, I can handle it, handles my middle name. Actually its the ah, middle part of my first name.
Chandler: Y'know, I wouldve bet good money that hed be the first one of us to get married.
Mischa: (to Monica) Oh, hes unbelievable. I mean for the first time in three years somebody wants to actually want to talk to me, but do you think he would let me enjoy that, no!! (to Sergei) You silly diplomat, why dont you learn some English, Sergei?
Joey: Ah, can I just say I know we're doing this for Ross, and that's cool, but if it was up to me, this is not what we'd be doing on our first date.
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.