words in movies
Rachel: Are any of you guys free tonight? My boss is hosting this charity event for underprivileged kids and the more people I bring, the better I look. So, Monica? Chandler?
Phoebe: I can do that for the kids.
Chandler: Oh, so youre already doing your part for the kids.
Ross: Im sorry, its just one of my last nights together before she leaves for campto be a counselor!
Joey: (behind them) Oh!! Shrimp toast! (Walks right past the little group on his way for the shrimp toast.)
Ross: No! Okay! Okay! (Stops her.) Okay, look, can I, can I just-just talk to you for a second?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are sitting at a table. Monica is checking her makeup as Chandler suddenly has a horrifying thought and starts patting down his pockets until he finds what hes looking for and sighs in relief.]
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Chandler: Yes! Im fine. In fact Ive been fine for a long time now and I think, the reason is you.
Phoebe: Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink.
{Transcribers Note: For further reading on the above story, please check out The One Where Joey Moves Out.}
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning to find Ross is there waiting for them.]
Chandler: (stopping him from going any further) Before you say anything, have we got a story for you! Guess who we bumped into at dinner!
Ross: Yknow, maybe she is too young for me. Yknow, when I was over there and she was running around with her friends, I felt like I was a baby-sitter. I finally started to see what you guys were talking about. I dont know what to do.
Monica: Shes leaving for three months.
Chandler: For camp!
Phoebe: Its a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type thingy shes wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.) Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?
Phoebe: Oh, en chante. (She holds out her hand for him to kiss it, but he only shakes it.)
Mr. Bowmont: What the hell, its for a good cause! All right!
Phoebe: Look, she only suspects something okay? She doesnt know for sure, so just throw her off the track.
Ross: (in his head) Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was such a grown-up about it! She didnt seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge mistake?
Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.
Monica: Why?! To celebrate your relationship! To solidify your commitment! To declare your love for one another to the world!
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Rachel: No! Im so happy for them!
Phoebe: Me too! So happy for them!
Rachel: (staring at him) Whno, but yknow who did stop in here looking for ya, Tennille.
Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Lets take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs dont mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and thats just an ordinary pig not even a pig thats good at sports!
Chandler: If marriage worked, Id be all for it. But do you know what the divorce rate in this country is? 97%.
Rachel: Yeah, Im pretty confident about that. Thats what makes it so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler! It would be nice to have a little guarantee though.
Joey: This is for my boat, pretty cool huh?
Monica: What does he think? Does he think Im just gonna wait around for nothing?
Monica: (starts for the door) Well theres some people who do want to marry me.
Ross: Thats impossible! I mean we have had a deal for years! We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that.
Chandler: Okay. (Starts running for the bedroom) Im gonna get the ring! Im gonna get the ring! (Does so) Im gonna go find her and (starts running for the door) Im just going to propose!
Joey: Let me know about that coconut phone, it might great for the boat.
Chandler: It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this isnt fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because we are meant for each other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! (Sits down heavily.) I was gonna propose tonight.
(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)
Monica: Okay, weve been out here for two hours and we havent seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandlers getting chilly. (She walks over to where Chandler is bundled up in a big coat and shivering.)
Ross: Because he called here looking for you. So don�t tell me this...this kissing this guy from work is a one time thing,ok? You�ve been out there in bars and on balconies for over a month now. And you didn�t even have the courtesy to tell me.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! That would be very helpful! Yeah. (He opens the door for her and she exits into the hallway.)
Ross: It was pretty funny when I, when I hid it for a while, huh? Anyway, umm, I-I am worried about that bathing suit, not because its revealing which Im fine with, no Im concerned about your health, sun exposure.
Phoebe: Yeah, I wanted to call and tell you that there's no hard feelings for firing me.
Phoebe: Yeah no, Im telling you Rachel has such a great eye for this stuff. Ross, yknow if you ever decide you need to redecorateAnd I think that you should. You should, you should ask Rachel to help.
[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]
Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.
Monica: All right, listen up. There is usually only one dress in each size so when they open those doors, fan out. Now, this is what youre looking for! (Holds up a picture of it.) Memorize it! When you locate the dress, blow on these. All right? (She passes out whistles to them.) Three short blasts, when you hear it. Come running.
Fat Joey: Whats my little chef got for me tonight?
Rachel: No, she left a message. (He starts for the machine.) (Stopping him.) But it-it kinda got erased. There's just (Pause) something wrong with your machine.
Joey: (through the window) All right, he likes you back! Huh? Told ya, you should go for it!
Monica: What for?
Monica: How'd you pay for them?
Monica: And who pays for that?
Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Ross: Yeah, it does sound interesting, I mean, to listen to a woman complain for two hours, I don't think it gets bett... (Ross starts snoring, faking to fall asleep)
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...
Rachel: Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream. I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't wait up. (Exits)
Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.)
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.
Mr Zelner: (looks at Ross, for a long moment, confused) I meant with my son.
(He walks over behind Ross, thinks about it for a moment, and gives him a big hug.)
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.
CHAN: Ok, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, ok? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column.
Ross: But I'm not! (pause). You know what if you're in the mood for Thai food...
Phoebe: What a beautiful night to be running around the street, looking for tickets. And the wind sure made it fun.
Barry: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.
Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back.
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.]
Joshua: But, I was curious; do you have any plans for tonight?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is helping Joey rehearse for a part.]
Rachel: (leaving to serve others) Good for me!
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
PHOEBE: No. This whole like playing-for-money thing is so not good for me. You know, I don't know, when I sang "Su-Su-Suicide", I got a dollar seventy-five. But then, "Smelly Cat", I got 25 cents and a condom. So you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years!
Joey: Do you have any respect for your body?
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-
Phoebe: Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb.
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
Chandler: Yknow what the worse part was? I got to see what my life would be like without you. It was like Its a Wonderful Life with lap dances. Please promise that you will never leave me, that we will grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives.
Janice: Oh! Sid is still in his room. I don't allow porn at home so this is like a vacation for him. So did you do it? Did you make your deposit?
[Scene: A Theater, there is a casting session going on for a play.]
Joey: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.
Phoebe: in Reservations at 8:00 by Neil Simon. (To an imaginary Neil Simon) Thank-thank you Neil. Thank you for the words. (Blows him a kiss.)
Agency guy: So, these are the preliminary forms for an open adoption. There's a lot to go over, but I'll explain everything as we go through it.
Chandler: Were doomed. Okay, theyre gonna take 50 bucks out of our accounts for the rest of our lives. What are we gonna do?
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
Phoebe: I've had that dog there for three days and Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart.
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?
Rachel: Oh, you guys are gonna have so much fun! She's at such a cute age. Oh, a couple things. Now that she's eating solid food, she poops around the clock. And watch out for your hair, 'cause she likes to grab it. And oh, she's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams bloody murder, but ah... Thanks, you guys. Have fun!
Ross: (He interrupts her immediately, and drags her by her arm to the other side of the room) Well, can I talk to you for a sec.?
[Time lapse, they have set up a little assembly line for diaper changes. Phoebe wipes, Chandler adds the powder, begrudgingly, and Monica puts the diaper on.]
Joanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second.
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Rachel: (laughs) Okay. All right, stand up. (They do so.) Well, when were at the door, I lightly press my lips against his, and then move into his body just for a second, and then I make this sound, "Hmmm." Okay, I know it doesnt sound like anything, but I swear it works.
Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you.
Rachel: (She turns around very slowly, looks at him for a second and then turns back to her coffee) Sure. (She gives him the cup she was pouring for herself without looking at him)
Chandler: Oh, yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.
Chandler: For your information, I was staring at her baby. We're about to be parents.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, listen for it.
Ross: Unless (Rachel groans.) You anticipated that I would figure all this out and you know that it actually is a girl, and you really do want her to be named Ruth! Well, Im not falling for that! Okay? Ruth is off the table!
Chandler: Yeah! (Monica falls asleep) No! No! No! Dont fall asleep! Okay, I am going to make you some coffee. (Monica doesnt move as he gets out of bed and as hes heading for the door.) And I probably wont spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor.
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
[Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)]
Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until. (A flashback starts Paolo, lying on massage table, moving his hands up Phoebe's legs.)
Joey: Okay, heres a good one for ya. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler.
Joey: Well if its free food, how come youre charging me for it?
Monica: Good for you, Joey.
Monica: For what?
David: (annoyed) Ok, would you care for my seat as well?
Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!
Joey: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity.
Chandler: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like us.
[Time lapse, Monica is now wearing the dress while doing the dishes and is making like she is thanking her guests for coming to her wedding. Paging Dr. Crane. Dr. Fraiser Crane!]
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
Joey: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
ROSS: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
Monica: Okay, fine but please dont be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted just sex. So, when I went to your room that night I was actually looking for Joey. (Joey smiles.)
Ross: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. (Joey looks at him) What? What, now?
Rachel: Yes, yes, it does. Okay, look, the restaurant called, they wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work?
Chandler: Okay, what do you saw I go over there and say how much I like her? (Joey gives him a thumbs up) No-no it'll be good, I can tell her much I've been thinking about her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment I met her. That I'm so fantastically, over-the-top, wanna-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!!
[Scene: Rachel has gone off on her own to look for the cat's owner.]
Rachel: Hey Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on?
Chandler: Pheebs you didnt have to get us anything for our wedding you already sang
Joey: (angrily) Get your non-believer ass outta my chair! (She gets up and heads for her room.)
Chandler: Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... and for saving my life.
Joey: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.
Monica: My god, if I had a nickel for every guy I wish I hadn't...(Everyone looks at her), but this is about your horrible mistake.
RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays)