words in movies
Teleplay by: Mark Kunerth Story by: Peter Tibbals Transcribed by: Cassie With Help From: Eric Aasen
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, theyre returning from the party.]
Ross: and then, we couldve gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar!
Ross: Hey! All that stuff you said about true love, you were right, I mean, we did learn a lot from Mom and Dad! And that picture of Chi-Chi with her mischievous grin. And what you said about Nana. Ohh, yeah she really wouldve wanted to be there. And you know what? I think she was.
Phoebe: Okay, what about after I give you these candies? (Hands them each one from her purse.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; continued from earlier. Joey is closing the door after Rachel leaves and is about to confront Chandler and Monica.]
Chandler: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.
Monica: You stole them from me!
Rachel: You stole them from me!!
Joey: Good evening. Im Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you dont have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.
The Director: All right, from the top.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
[Scene: The Wedding Chapel, continued from last season. Chandler and Monica are about to get married.]
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
Russell: Yes, this Russell, Rosss divorce lawyer, just tell him that since I havent heard from him, I assume hes decided to give the marriage a try.
All: (they all recoil from the smell emanating from him) Oh! God! Wow!
(There is a cry of disappointment from the crowd of men.)
[cut to Phoebe and Rachel as Monica returns from the bathroom]
Woman: (the same one from before approaches) Hi Joey.
Monica: (entering from her room) Hey!
Rachel: (entering from her room) Pheebs, I was wondering
Rachel: So-so, you missed a message from who? Chandler or your mom? Or Chandler? Or your mom?
Rachel: Sure, Ill just sit next to the trans-sexual from purchasing.
Chandler: Yeah, at least you hid your feelings well about it. (Removes a smashed racquet from his bag.)
Rachel: "Im Monica, I dont get phone messages from interesting people. Ever!"
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler is trying to get Joeys money back from Ross.]
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! (She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!
Phoebe: (calling from her room) Are you under the sheet?
Joey: (shocked) From the land down under? I didn't know that either!
Chandler: So, uh, wh-where ya from?
Monica: What are you talking about? (Pointing out the window.) She obviously lives on the second floor, seventh apartment from the left!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are returning from their brunch.]
Chandler: Yes, but I feel like Ive really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think were two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.
Rachel: Oh, Kim, Hi. (Kim doesnt even look up from her report.)
Joey: Look, I just need a wire something to jimmy it. Oh hey, one of you guys give me the underwire from your bra!
Rachel: Oh, please, I don't care about you enough to bug me. In fact, from now on, I'm going take the high road. And I'm going be very very nice to you, you "momma's boy", starting right now.
(Another professor walks down from the back of the lecture hall.)
PHOEBE: Um, is, is there any chance that you're rounding up? You know, like from, like 20?
Rachel: Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. (Sitting down on the couch.) You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren.
Joey: (running from his bedroom) Oh my God! I overslept! I was supposed to be on the set a half an hour ago! I gotta get out of here!
[Scene: The street down the block from Central Perk, Joey has found the Porsche and is writing the note.]
Phoebe: Okay. (on phone) Ooh, Im setting the phone down. (does so) But Im still here! Just dont go anywhere Im still here. (starts to put on the sweater) Dont-dont switch or anything, cause Im, Im right here. (She has pulled the sweater over her head, but her head is stuck in a sleeve.) Just one sec. One sec! One second!! (She is now frantically trying to get the sweater on, as Monica returns from the bathroom.) Wait! One second! Just
[Phoebe walks from the living room to the kitchen and talks quietly to Rachel.]
[Ross goes to look in the magazine Rachel got her recipe from.]
Emily: I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. (Chandler is shocked.) Its a joke. (They all laugh.)
[From the background we hear a crash and Gunther comes running out of the back room, pushing people aside, reaching for Rachel.]
Chandler: (entering from his bedroom) Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe!
[Phoebe comes back from Rachels old room.]
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica is returning, but before she enters the apartment she stops on the step and changes from wearing tennis shoes to the boots and she moans in pain as she puts each boot on.]
Tall Guy: Hey, pal, you have about three seconds to get away from my partner.
Rachel: Uh, its from yore. Like the days of yore. Yknow?
Monica: You got it from Pottery Barn?!
Phoebe: Well, what period is it from?
RACH: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]
(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call, from a nurse she'd hoped never to hear from again.)
RACHEL: Terry is a jerk, ok? That's why we're always saying "Terry's a jerk!" That's where that came from.
Monica: (from the hallway) I do not like that woman!
[Scene: Joey and Janines, continued from earlier.]
Joey: Uh, I dont know. Ya see, its just, see I was a regular on a soap opera yknow? And to go from that to this, I just Plus, Id have to wait on all my friends.
Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.
Phoebe: No! Look-look! Theres the coffee table they stole from us!
Monica: (entering from her room, excitedly) Im getting married today!!! (She trips and falls.) (Getting up) I think I just cracked a rib. But I dont care because todays my wedding day! My day is finally here!! (Runs back into her room.)
Ross: Hmm, a lot of this stuff is from Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods Rachel? (She glares at him.)
Monica: Its coming from the living room.
Rachel: Well then honey, buy the lamp! Hey, we have that 60 bucks from Ross.
Monica: Thats right. (A noise comes from the living room.) Did you hear something?
Phoebe: (coming in from the bathroom) Oh, good, good, you guys are here! Listen, how would like to spend tomorrow taking care of three incredibly cute little puppies?!
Ross: Well I have to. Okay? If I dont, theyll take the class away from me. And I already put it in my family newsletter.
Phoebe: (returning from the bathroom) Rach, youre in my seat.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving the bill to the same beautiful woman from before.]
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Mrs. Geller: (lying) Ive gotta call my friend Mary and tell her how good this is, from Monicas room.
Phoebe: Did you ever feed him a poison capsule that made him bleed from the eyes?
Monica: (calling from the bathroom) Is someone there?
Ben: (yelling from off camera) Crap!!
[Scene: Central Perk, They are returning from the rugby game, Joey and Emily are carrying Ross.]
[Two guys walk over and interrupt her. Theyre both names youve already heard. Ones Billy Crystal. Yes, that Billy Crystal from City Slickers. The other one is Robin Williams. Yes, that Robin Williams from Mrs. Doubtfire.]
Ross: Sometimes, you should come over (Joey returns from the bathroom) sometime! Ill play you one of my other
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Monica: Thats because their nerves are probably deadened from being so stupid. But hey, y'know if you dont believe me, please, by my guest.
Rachel: (interrupting him and seeing Joey) Oh my God! Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives, just walked in here!
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
Phoebe: (yelling from Monicas room) No-no!! No!!
Monica: Oh, Ive got it! I have got it! (Gets up and gets something from the dresser underneath the TV.) Pictures from your childhood. This will get you going good!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier.]
David: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)
Rachel: Thats a line from the show too!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still sick and is hobbling out into the living room for some help from Chandler whos on the couch reading.]
Chandler: Oh. (Goes and gets Phoebes book as Rachel comes in from her room.)
Phoebe: What make you think I can?! (Shields her eyes from it.)
Director: Next on the platforms are (He points to the right of Ross and Monica, so they dance over to where hes pointing to. He points away from them) you two! And (He points the other way, and Ross and Monica follow his arm. Again he points away.) You two!
Rachel: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Mon? Im gonna check my messages.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming from across the hall.]
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Joey: Well, maybe thats because youre closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk, Ross is walking up and sees two women that look like Phoebe and Rachel from behind.]
Ross: Wh-haa-haa! Look what cha did! (Rachel has her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.)
(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.)
Chandler: Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me!
Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that ones actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
Monica: But you should eat them now because theyre hot from the oven.
[And with that we start off on a series of clips from the entire history of Ross and Rachel, from Rosss point of view. The first clip is from The Pilot.]
Phoebe: What the smell from Joeys? No, I can hardly smell it over here.
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)