words in movies
[Scene: Rachels Room, Joey moves Rosss coat to get the tissues Rachel wants and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that its an engagement ring.]
Monica: (entering with everyone else including Mr. Geller) Hi! Hey look whos here!
Mr. Geller: Wheres my granddaughter? Ive been practicing my magic tricks.
Mr. Geller: She went to pick up Aunt Liddy.
Mr. Geller: So when do I get to meet Emma and show her this? (Pulls a bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve.)
Mr. Geller: Look at her, my first grandchild.
Mr. Geller: Well of course Ben, I meant my first granddaughter. (To Monica, mouths) Wow.
Mr. Geller: Noted.
Mr. Geller: Are you kidding me, I could stay and look at her forever.
Ross: (noticing something) Actually umm (He turns Mr. Gellers head to look at Emma.)
[Scene: A hallway, Joey and Ross find Mr. Geller with his ear up against a janitors closet door.]
Mr. Geller: I think there are people in there having sex.
Mr. Geller: Wanna peek?
Mr. Geller: Come on!
Mr. Geller: Well Im peeking. (He peeks.) Oh my God!
Chandler: This is okay. Were all adults here; theres nothing to be ashamed of. Now, lets put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door. (They do so and find Mr. Geller leaning against a wall stunned.)
Mr. Geller: Of course. Ill always be your dad.
Chandler: (To Monica) Why? Why-why-would youWh-why (To Mr. Geller) Look, I just dont want you to think that were animals who do it whenever we want.
Mr. Geller: Oh, I dont think that. Before today I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time.
Mr. Geller: What?
Mr. Geller: Oh my God! This is so exciting! Well, get back in there! (Points to the closet) Ill guard the door!
Mr. Geller: Whoa-whoa-whoa! I dont think so! Arent you ovulating?
Mr. Geller: Well you gotta get at it princess! When your mother and I were trying to conceive you, whenever she was ovulating, bam, we did it. Thats how I got my bad hip.
Mr. Geller: This one time I had my knee up on the sink and your mother, she was
Mr. Geller: Youre right, youre right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good.
Mr. Geller: But pleasure is important, (To Chandler) and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task sailor?
[Scene: Outside the Janitors Closet, there are people having sex and Mr. Geller is trying to give them some pamphlets.]
Mr. Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up this pamphlets on how to get pregnant. (He slides them under the door.)
Mr. Geller: (pause) Sorry to bother you again, but could you pass my pamphlets back? (They do so.) Thank you.
Mrs. Geller: You too sweethart!
Mr. Geller: Oh my!
Mrs. Geller: I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry.
Mrs. Geller: Jack, thats what they call the subway.
Mrs. Geller: Sweetheart. Oh sorry were late, my fault, I insisted on riding the tube.
Mr. Geller: Ohh, I thought that you....
Mrs. Geller: We know how expensive weddings can be, besides this may be the only wedding we get to throw (patting Monica on the shoulder.).
Mrs. Geller: Oh, well, I'm so glad you brought him here then.
RACHEL: Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy. [goes in the bathroom]
Mr. Geller: This bill for my half of the wedding. its insane.
Mr. Geller: Theres no way in hell, Im paying for it.
Phoebe: yeah well (pause) yeah you know Emma's birth certificate might say Geller but her eyes say Mookurgee.
Mr. Geller: And you tell him no one takes advantage of the Gellers.
Mrs. Geller: I just hope...
Mr. Geller: Okay, okay.
Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian.
Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?
(Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.)
Mrs. Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents?
Mrs. Geller: Ooh, Jack....(He looks over to her) Sometimes I forget how powerful you can be. (They embrace and kiss passionately.)
Mrs. Geller: Rachel's coming up the path. Doesn't she look pretty. Jack... (Rachel enters with a huge nose)
Mrs. Geller: How could it be so much? The receptions at their house.
Mr. Waltham: Goodbye Geller.
Mr. Geller: Well Judy, you did it! She's finally full!
Mr. Geller: (going downstairs) Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shiningOh no. (Chip has shown up and the four are leaving.)
[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Mrs. Geller is cooking and Rachel, post nose job, is helping her.]
Mrs. Geller: So Rachel, your mom tells me you changed your major again.
Mr. Geller: (entering) Hi Rachel.
Mr. Geller: Wow, love your new nose!
Mrs. Geller: Jack.
Mrs. Geller: I'll get it.
Mr. Geller: (To Chandler) God, your hair sure is different!
Joey: Well I guess I shouldve thought about my wife and kids before I talked back to chef Geller!
Mrs. Geller: Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend.
Mrs. Geller: Theres nothing to discuss. Were not paying for your wine cellar.
Mr. Geller: Dude!
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Well, everyone seems to be enjoying your dish.
Mr. Geller: Of course it did. They're made of wicker.
Mr. Geller: Oh, I'm not falling for that one!
Monica: Yeah, the best you got in high school was Wet Pants Geller.
Mr. Geller: All right, enough! I dont want to hear about it anymore! (Under his breath) Good luck, Chandler. (Chandler takes another drink.)
Mrs. Geller: Oh my God! There's a toe in my kitchen.
Ross: Oh hi! Ross Geller. And this is my friend Phoebe.
MRS. GELLER: I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
Joey: Shhh! This is a museum, no talking. Right down here, (Motions to a fossilised dinosaur foot.) we have a large foot. (Sees Ross working in one of the display cases.) Uhh, and over here we have Ross Geller. (Knocks on the glass) Everyone wave Hi to Ross. Ross is one of our most important scientists, look at him, hard at work. (Ross does the old "Putting a cigarette in your ear and pulling it out of your mouth trick.") Okay, moving right along. Come on.
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
Mrs. Geller: (incredulous) You dont know how that happened?! Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy!
Mr. Geller: Ohh forget it. Too hell with tradition, were happy to do it.
[Scene: The Geller household, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner. The doorbell rings.]
Monica: Go! I have it in my book. Go! (Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs. Green.) (To Phoebe) Wait a minute! If youre in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call herHello Mrs. Green! Hi, its Monica Geller.
Mr. Geller: Hi!
Joey: Oh, little party favours, check it out! (Its a shirt that reads, "Ross Geller, Bachelor Bash 1998")
Chandler: So, has anyone talked to Dr. and Mrs. Geller yet?
MRS. GELLER: It seems your daughter and Richard are something of an item.
[Camera pans to the Geller family table. Ross, Rachel, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there.]
[Enter Jack and Judy Geller]
Mrs. Geller: (less than pleased) Oh yes of course, hello Chandler.
Mr. Geller: Monica, all this food looks wonderful, you should think about doing this for a living.
Mr. Geller: (angry) No.
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you hear, let us take off your coats!
Mrs. Geller: It was you?
Mr. Geller: My joke wasnt funny.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, thank you Chandler! I just bought it.
Mr. Geller: Whats the matter with him?
Mr. Geller: (also lying) Ill help you dial.
Mrs. Geller: Hello everybody!
Mr. and Mrs. Geller: What?!
Mrs. Geller: Ross, drugs? Divorced? Again?
Mr. Geller: Boy, Im glad I wore the big belt today.
Mr. Geller: What happened son?
Mrs. Geller: (lying) Ive gotta call my friend Mary and tell her how good this is, from Monicas room.
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
Ross: No, no-no, Ross Geller.
Rachel: (reading) 'Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller.'
Mr. Geller: (embarrassed) Judy, the kids..
The Professor: Dr. Geller, Kurt Rathman, Im a professor in the paleontology department here.
Mrs. Geller: (pointing to herself and Jack) Well we left ours in Monicas bedroom.
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
Elizabeth: You wanted to see me Professor Geller?
Elizabeth: Professor Geller?
Elizabeth: Professor Geller?
Mr. and Mrs. Geller: Yes. (They look at Chandler angrily.)
MR. GELLER: There you go. So she dips into her savings, that's what it's there for. She's gonna be fine, and if you need a little extra, you know where to find it. [pulls a quarter from behind her ear]
Rachel: Oh-oh Professor Geller.
Mrs. Geller: Do you know what it's like to grow up with someone who is critical of every single thing you say?
Mr. Geller: And we kinda figured about the porch swing.
Professor Feesen: Professor Geller!
[Scene: Mr. Geller's party. Mr. Geller and a friend are questioning Richard while Ross observes.]
Benjamin: Certainly. Dr. Geller, which 1965 Shirelles hit was later covered by a popular British invasion band?
Monica: Well Im Monica Geller, ball like a baby.
Mrs. Geller: Not that old crow, my mother. (They stop and she kisses Monica on the cheek.) Congratulations darling.
Judge: And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.
Elizabeth: This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.
MR. GELLER: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I cou. . .
Mr. Geller: I remember when we first got engaged.
Mrs. Geller: Stupid Jack, the word is stupid.
"Whenever I get married, guess who wont get to sing? Somebody named Geller! And somebody else named Bing!"
Mr. Geller: (ignoring her) Well, Id gotten Judy pregnant. I still dont know that happened.
Mr. Geller: We have it. Only now, we call it the beach house.
Ross: Im a professor here uh, Ross Geller.