words in movies
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: How long has it been since you had sex?
Monica: Oh my God! Thats great! Oh wow! (Hugs him.) Youre a published writer! I wish I had a present for you!
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
Monica: All right relax Mr. Ive Had Sex Four Times!
Chandler: Four different women! Ive had sex way more times!
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Ross: No! The reason Im asking is that I sorta had one last night.
Chandler: She had a point. (Shows her the receipt.)
Rachel: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Joey: Hey well, you cant teach someone to be good with women. Yknow, thats why I never had any luck with Chandler.
Monica: I still say that if we had called your dad we coulda gotten better seats.
Joey: All right! There is something. I kinda had a dream, (pause) but I don't want to talk about it. (Starts for his room.)
Monica: Hey, I couldve had you if I wanted you.
Ross: So do we!! So do we!! (Ross notices a couple has been staring at them.) Im sorry you had to see that.
Joey: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.
Joey: Me too! Hey Rach, can I just say I think this is the best date I ever had!
Joey: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Rick: Wow! I had no idea! But you know, I could always find another masseuse.
Monica: I just had the most amazing bath.
Ross: I dont think you had an open mind about the name Ruth. I mean, come on, little Ruthie Geller, how-how cute is that?
Monica: Well, I actually had the weirdest conversation with Joey. He was talking about rules and right and wrong and
Monica: Oh, you had that?
Joey: (screaming) Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!! (He buries his head in Phoebes lap for comfort.)
Monica: Yeah. But of course we had to update it a little bit. (To Ross) Hey, by the way, great thinking about catching me!
Joey: Over there! (Points to the couch) Before, with the bills! You tried to give some charity, I said "No," you dropped it. Okay? Then we had a nice last night together, we had some fun, we gambled, nobody tried to give anybody any money! Now out of the blue, you start with the charity thing again!
Rachel: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in.
Rachel: Oh well yeah me too. Um.. I had a baby.
Rachel: Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
Amy: No, he was this creepy guy from high school who had this huge crush on her since like the ninth grade.
Phoebe: Oh my God! I had the best time with Tim last night. He is so sweet! Oh, I cant wait to get sous-neath him.
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a date with this guy, and I swear to God, he is her other half.
Rachel: Oh, its so sad they never had a chance to meet.
Monica: No, Ive had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?
Chandler: What problem did you tell him you had?
Rachel: Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! Yknow youI couldnt concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember whats its like to be 19 and in love.
Monica: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. Thats what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake (Starting to cry), with the little people on top. (Ross gets thrown a box of Kleenex from the bathroom and he gives her one.) Thanks. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, in honor of their 35th wedding anniversary, I had a star named after them.
Mr. Geller: Son, I had to shave my ears for tonight. You can do this.
Parker: What are they like? Ive never had one.
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
Joey: Well, I had the audition but Gunther said I had to stay here and be in charge so he could go get his hair dyed. So, I went anyway, and then he fired me.
Parker: Isnt this the most incredible fight youve ever had in your entire life?
Rachel: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal!
Monica: Well, we-we had to go back because I forget my jacket.
Mrs. Green: Its like youre a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You dont know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.
Monica: (To Phoebe) This is great! Now shes gonna be mad at Rachel! Yknow what? And Im just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.
Rachel: All right, fine! But I had too! I had to do it for my career!
Ross: Okay look, I had a lot of water before I went to bed. Can we do this after
Ross: Monica had such a crush on him. Yeah, she used to kiss his poster every night before she went to bed.
Chandler: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
>>> Joey's Subconscious So this is going pretty good. dinner was nice, got a lot in common. (Sees a magazine) Victoria's secret huh we even like the same books. (Walks over to a painting on the wall) Oh now there's a scary painting. wait a minute I think I've been scared by that painting before. (Looks around) You know what this whole place look familiar I have definitely been in this apartment I know I've seen this weird plant before (it's a cactus and he touch's it) AWCH! It did that the last time. Oh my god, I've gone out with this girl before yeah we had sex on this couch and then on that chair and no. no we didn't do it hear which is weird because it seems like a perfectly good place.
The Interviewer: You mustve had your hands full.
Monica: I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.
Ross: Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. Thats-thats where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower
The Hot Girl: No, I-I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. I mean you had just moved in.
Rachel: No we werent! It was nothing! It was one night, senior year we went to a party, had a lot of sangria and yknow, ended up kissing for a bit.
Monica: This is so bizarre. I guess it kinda makes sense though, yknow she had such a terrible childhood.
Rachel: All right, I gotta go to bed. Honey, I had such a wonderful time.
Chandler: Ross had a ring?! And he was gonna propose?
Monica: Oh no! I dont know anything about cooking. I had to ask someone what its called when the, when the water makes those little bubbles.
Monica: Is he crazy?! You just had Rosss baby!
Ross: So you said yes to him, and you just had our baby?
Gunther: So I guess Rachel had you baby?
Ross: Ah I had a little thing with Joey, if you think this is bad you should see him.
Ross: Hey! So what's the big news you had us rush all the way over here for?
Rachel: Thanks. (Crying) God this is so stupid! (Pause) How could I be upset over something I never had? Its negative?
Mike: hey wait wait wait wait wait! Is that true what you said Phoebe's never had a serious relationship?
Ross: umm. that you had a six year long relationship with a guy named Vicrum.
Joey: my god woman! How many people do you have to had been with not to remember any of this?
Mike: But Rachel I thought she just had a baby with Ross
Monica:: Oh well this is the only one they had at our video store, but they did have something called crocodile killers. Or does it always have to be sharks?
Mr. Geller: This one time I had my knee up on the sink and your mother, she was
Joey: He had to board.
Joey: What about me, he? Only had one lunch today.
Monica: Yeah but it was because I-I had an eye exam and I dont like my new eye doctor.
Chandler: Ok. So if we both had Emma and I die <knocks on table> she'd have to give her up.
Chandler: So you never had sex with a Kennedy, have you?
Monica: Well, we had a little fight.
Monica: What? I-I said you had a-
Monica: Oh, well... That had been your window.
Phoebe: Okay, I knew I should have had this conversation with Joey.
Monica: Umm, excuse me, we switched apartments. You cant eat are food anymore, that-that gravy train had ended.
Chandler: All right look, if youre not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
Phoebe: Thats so funny to think if youd just done that right after the last contest, no one would have had to move at all.
Monica: Naaaa... He still kills me. Last night he had me laughing so hard, I swear... a little pee came out.
Phoebe: I dunno, lets see! So, okay, I dreamt that we were gonna get married, and he left, becuz he had to go fight a fire. And, um, so okay, I went to a night club, and I saw him making out with a girl.
JOEY: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.
Chandler: Oh, okay, I have condom in my wallet that I've had since I was twelve.
Rachel: Uh, I-I had a drink with lunch. Did those cost reports come in?
Monica: YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM! I just had the best first day ever! The kitchen: twice as big as Allessandro's.
Monica: No way! You had your party, now I have mine! Is everything alright?
Joey: Man, I wish I had a nanny like you.
Monica: Daddy! I dont think we need to hear about the specific positions you and mom had sex.
Chandler: I thought I had to make the jokes!
Gavin: So I had fun last night
Joey: My beers?! Look you guys, shes a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I justI dont see it going anywhere.
Joanna: I seem to have had a slight office mishap. Could you please get the key off the back of the door for me.
Ross: Okay, first of all, I dont play with cheaters, and second of all, you know I had swollen glands!!
Joey: (BEAT) (Laughs.) You almost had me.
Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down and Ross strokes her forehead.)
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
Joey: Yeah, that's because we had a bit of a falling out. Mike hit my mom with a car.
Erica: (To Chandler) We had a good time. By the way, I wanted to ask you something. It would really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, that you name him after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob (Monica smiles at Chandler and his he looks shocked and scared, getting no support from his wife)
Rachel: I just had a rough night.
Monica: Wow! I Had no idea you had this much pride.
Ross: Monica told me you had a blind date.