words in movies
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: How long has it been since you had sex?
Monica: Oh my God! Thats great! Oh wow! (Hugs him.) Youre a published writer! I wish I had a present for you!
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
Monica: All right relax Mr. Ive Had Sex Four Times!
Chandler: Four different women! Ive had sex way more times!
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Ross: No! The reason Im asking is that I sorta had one last night.
Monica: Oh, I havent had that feeling since I first started going out with Chandler. Wow, Im never gonna have that feeling again am I?
Monica: I couldnt eat it! I had five friends who couldnt eat it, and one of them eats books.
Chandler: Nine times! Okay, I had to put on lotion! But, its gonna be okay, because as of tomorrow Im conducting an experiment, and if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack free.
Ross: Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, dont I have to wait a while?
Joey: Never had that dream.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Rachel: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. (To Chandler) He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him that it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had...
Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
Ross: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.
Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?
Monica: The ones we had right after you almost threw up.
Stu: Either that or shes just the best, most expensive date I ever had.
Joey: No, no, hey, no! Too late for apologies... ok? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you? (and he leaves the apartment, leaving her shocked)
Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends.
Ross: If you have to call me name, I prefer "Ross the Divorcer". It's just cooler. Look, I know my marriage isn't exactly work out. But I love to be that committed to another person. And Carol had some good times before she became a lesbian... and once afterward. I'm sorry.
Joey: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?
Laura: (laughing nervously) I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm so embarrassed...
Joey: Ah! Okay, well then you dont judge me. Im gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before. (They both do as they planned.)
Tag: No. We had a really good talk. I dont think Im gonna do that bar scene anymore.
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, and laughs.)
All: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
All: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
Rachel: Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.
Rachel: That had to hurt!
Chandler: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army...
ROSS: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of this, alright. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat.
Phoebe: Rach, Rach, I just remembered. I had a dream about Mr. Geller last night.
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Monica: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her?
Monica: Well, if I had them taken out, then I wouldn't be able to do this. (she pushes Chandler on the couch and brushes her hair and shells against Chandler's chest) You like that, right? (again, she brushes her hair against his chest and hums...)
Monica: I swear you said you had the keys.
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
Joey: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not.
Mike: How do I and Joey know each other? Wow, if I had a nickel for every time somebody has asked me that.
Chandler: Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had.
Ross: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you.
Rachel: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys.
Rachel: Hmm, mild discomfort. So I take it youve had one of these Braxton thingies?
David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a
RACHEL: Ohh, I'm gonna have to get over it. God, see I didn't know that's I had to do, I just have to get over it.
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Ross: Thats, thats, thats a big candy bar. (Shes holding one of those huge Toblerone bars.) I had the most amazing time with you.
Rachel: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were...
Ross: (outside her room, talking by himself) Haven't had sex in four months, I should get a medal for that!
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.
Janice: I had them made special.
Ross: I can't belive you two had sex in her dream.
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Ross: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? Well, she's not, quite..
Chandler: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.
Rachel: Wow! I dont know if I could ever do that. I always figured the first time I had a baby was with somebody I love and that baby would be a keeper.
Rachel: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart.
Chandler: Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
Ross: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?
Frank: I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who doesnt want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah, now-now I always will, cause y'know, itll be me. Right?
Phoebe: OK, Monica? I had another answer all ready.
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Chandler: (to Ross): I thought we had them!
Monica: (gasps) We had a characturist!
Phoebe: Oh my god. (Chandler downs another espresso.) How many of those have you had?
Chandler: Y'know, I've had dates like this.
Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.
Monica: Okay, Ben, I wont tell your daddy that you had ice cream for dinner, if you dont tell about our little bonking incident.
Rachel: Yeah, but it was different with him today! And he wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy, y'know? I mean, we had fun! Is there anything wrong with that?
Amanda: Well, it was 1992, and I remember because that was the year I had sex with Evil Knievel (She starts laughing very proudly).
Rachel: I had a bra.
Rachel: Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, (She puts her hands on his desk blotter and he moves it. Rachel then doesn't know where to put her hands.) who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. (Suddenly realizes that she said courage twice.) Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got (counts them off with her fingers) courage, you got integrity, you got (Pause) courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr
Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch!
Ross: You-you had what?
Monica: (Takes it) That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. (Sees Rachel's look) Lucky. To have had a friend like you.
Young Ethan: I just had sex.
Monica: Okay, Ive got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?
Ross: Oh absolutely! It has been in my family for generations, and every bride who has worn it has had a long and happy life.
Joey: Oh, just had a baby.
Guy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself.
Rachel: Aside from the fact that you said you had them?
Joey: Uh-oh. I hade a pretty hectic day at work too, today I had to open a door and go (looking scared) ohhhh!
LIPSON: Hi, Dean Lipson, zoo administrator. I was told you had a question.
CHANDLER: Ooh, you almost had it.
Phoebe: Oh, ok. How, it's been so long since you've had sex, you're wondering if they've changed it?
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
Monica: You had a salad.
Rachel: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey enters.)
Monica: Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't.
Monica: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Phoebe. It's just a little shorter than what we had discussed.
Mindy: Okay, okay... when Barry was engaged to you, he and I...kind of... had a little thing on the side.
Ross: Uh.. uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.
Phoebe: About twenty, a couple people from work who had something else to do.
Phoebe: Pay the caterer! Look, I've had a lot of jobs, okay, and there are some people who just always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, "that massage wasn't long enough, or, "I don't recognize any of those songs," or, you know, "these sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!"
CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
CHANDLER: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
Chandler: (closing the box) Yknow what? Forget it! We are just hungry! We have not had lunch! We are just light-headed! So let us go out and have lunch and forget about the cheesecake.
Chandler: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Nothing.
CHANDLER: I don't know. I just had this weird sense. You know, but that's me. I'm weird and sensitive. Tissue?
Monica: We were shopping, and we had lunch.