words in movies
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: How long has it been since you had sex?
Monica: Oh my God! Thats great! Oh wow! (Hugs him.) Youre a published writer! I wish I had a present for you!
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
Monica: All right relax Mr. Ive Had Sex Four Times!
Chandler: Four different women! Ive had sex way more times!
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Ross: No! The reason Im asking is that I sorta had one last night.
Monica: This is so bizarre. I guess it kinda makes sense though, yknow she had such a terrible childhood.
Rachel: All right, I gotta go to bed. Honey, I had such a wonderful time.
Ross: Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. Thats-thats where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower
The Hot Girl: No, I-I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. I mean you had just moved in.
Rachel: No we werent! It was nothing! It was one night, senior year we went to a party, had a lot of sangria and yknow, ended up kissing for a bit.
Chandler: Ross had a ring?! And he was gonna propose?
Monica: I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.
Mr. Geller: This one time I had my knee up on the sink and your mother, she was
Monica: Is he crazy?! You just had Rosss baby!
Ross: So you said yes to him, and you just had our baby?
Gunther: So I guess Rachel had you baby?
Ross: Ah I had a little thing with Joey, if you think this is bad you should see him.
Ross: Hey! So what's the big news you had us rush all the way over here for?
Joey: He had to board.
Rachel: Thanks. (Crying) God this is so stupid! (Pause) How could I be upset over something I never had? Its negative?
Mike: hey wait wait wait wait wait! Is that true what you said Phoebe's never had a serious relationship?
Monica: Oh no! I dont know anything about cooking. I had to ask someone what its called when the, when the water makes those little bubbles.
Ross: umm. that you had a six year long relationship with a guy named Vicrum.
Joey: my god woman! How many people do you have to had been with not to remember any of this?
Mike: But Rachel I thought she just had a baby with Ross
Monica:: Oh well this is the only one they had at our video store, but they did have something called crocodile killers. Or does it always have to be sharks?
Monica: Yeah but it was because I-I had an eye exam and I dont like my new eye doctor.
Joey: What about me, he? Only had one lunch today.
Chandler: Ok. So if we both had Emma and I die <knocks on table> she'd have to give her up.
Monica: Well, we had a little fight.
Chandler: So you never had sex with a Kennedy, have you?
Monica: Umm, excuse me, we switched apartments. You cant eat are food anymore, that-that gravy train had ended.
Monica: Oh, well... That had been your window.
Phoebe: Okay, I knew I should have had this conversation with Joey.
Monica: What? I-I said you had a-
Phoebe: Thats so funny to think if youd just done that right after the last contest, no one would have had to move at all.
Monica: Naaaa... He still kills me. Last night he had me laughing so hard, I swear... a little pee came out.
Phoebe: I dunno, lets see! So, okay, I dreamt that we were gonna get married, and he left, becuz he had to go fight a fire. And, um, so okay, I went to a night club, and I saw him making out with a girl.
JOEY: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.
Chandler: Oh, okay, I have condom in my wallet that I've had since I was twelve.
Rachel: Uh, I-I had a drink with lunch. Did those cost reports come in?
Chandler: All right look, if youre not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
Joey: Man, I wish I had a nanny like you.
Monica: Daddy! I dont think we need to hear about the specific positions you and mom had sex.
Monica: No way! You had your party, now I have mine! Is everything alright?
Gavin: So I had fun last night
Monica: YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM! I just had the best first day ever! The kitchen: twice as big as Allessandro's.
Chandler: I thought I had to make the jokes!
Ross: Okay, first of all, I dont play with cheaters, and second of all, you know I had swollen glands!!
Joey: My beers?! Look you guys, shes a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I justI dont see it going anywhere.
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
Joanna: I seem to have had a slight office mishap. Could you please get the key off the back of the door for me.
Erica: (To Chandler) We had a good time. By the way, I wanted to ask you something. It would really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, that you name him after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob (Monica smiles at Chandler and his he looks shocked and scared, getting no support from his wife)
Joey: Yeah, that's because we had a bit of a falling out. Mike hit my mom with a car.
Joey: (BEAT) (Laughs.) You almost had me.
Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down and Ross strokes her forehead.)
Rachel: I just had a rough night.
Ross: Monica told me you had a blind date.
Phoebe: It's ok. I thought of the perfect lie for you. It's easy to remember and doesn't invite a lot of questions. You weren't at the parade because you had a family emergency.
Monica: Wow! I Had no idea you had this much pride.
Ross: Phoebe, I had no idea you were so conventional.
Mrs. Green: I just had the greatest idea! Im gonna come live with you!
Ross: Well, he had gravity boots.
Phoebe: I had to bring them! We killed their mother, they're our responsibility now. You know, they require constant care. You should know that, Rachel, you're a mother.
Chandler: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.
Rachel: Oh, Monica, you think Skippy liked you? Honey, all those buys had a bet to see if he can knock you over.
Ross: Did you hear that? Kori Weston had a crush on me!!
Rachel: Ok, well this is like that...in no way. I had a...I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.
Rachel: Have you ever had any weird romantic dreams?
Joey: And I like to think I had a little something to do with it.
Rachel: My father had an heart attack... (crying) ...while I was at Barney’s.
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
RACHEL: Well, um, first he told me he liked how I looked.� And, ah, then we had a little . . . um . . . eye-contact.
Charlie: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...
Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!
Rachel: Yes, I'm sorry. Do you have any extra pants? Umm, my friend seems to have had a little accident.
Phoebe: Umm Wow, all right. (Checks the book.) Wow! Yay! Ooh, Im gonna meet a guy! And really soon! And hes gonna be the man of my dreams. Probably not the guy I had a dream about last night. (Points at Chandler.)
Monica: Oh man! If I had known I was coming to this party I never would have gotten married!
Charlie: I had a great time.
Ross: Come on sweetie! Youve had to work late every night for the past two weeks, what is it this time?
Ross: Oh thank God, I thought she had two heads.
Joey: Well to tell you the truth, they uh, (Pause) they had a problem with the bag!
Rachel: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But its actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said hes not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)
Janice: Well, Sid and I are trying again and we had trouble last time because apparently we...
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window.)
Monica: Maybe he's bothering you so much because he likes you. It's like in first grade when Skippy Langwild always pushed me on the playground because he secretly had a crush on me?
Kori: You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you! (she leaves and slams the door behind her)
Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.
Joey: Yeah, he had a paper route.
Joey: come on, come on, search your brain all right. it was (thinks) a certain amount of time ago, I was here you were here, we had sex (starts pointing out the places) here, here, here NOT there. Anything?
PHOEBE: [handing him the papers] Here you go. You know what, I just have one more question, um, if you had figured this out sooner and um, I had been around, do you think that I would have been the one who. . . no, um, I'm sorry, don't tell me, I don't th ink either answer would make me feel better.
David: Just so I know, if I had asked first...
Monica: (as Rachel) Remember back in freshman year? (Talking fast before Rachel can catch her) Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.
Mona: Oh no-no, I-I had my eyes closed so I could concentrate and yknow take it all in.
Monica: Okay, I've had it with the hair jokes. Tomorrow morning, before we leave, I'm going to the salon.
Monica: (also hugs the wall) Yeah, we had a great time, thank you! (walks to Phoebe)
Phoebe: Still, he had to find out sometime.
Ross: Ah, yeah. We had a really good talk.
Ross: Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, Im a doctor, and I had a monkey. Im Doctor Monkey!
Chandler: I had the exact same conversation.
Ross: Are you kidding? I have had some very dirty dreams about this...
Phoebe: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-lifes gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?
Rachel: Well, I tried, but then he had a shampoo related emergency. So I guess now it's your turn again.
Ross: Well, it had some good ideas, take off your shirt.
Chandler: No, had it done to me though. Feels good !