words in movies
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: How long has it been since you had sex?
Monica: Oh my God! Thats great! Oh wow! (Hugs him.) Youre a published writer! I wish I had a present for you!
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
Monica: All right relax Mr. Ive Had Sex Four Times!
Chandler: Four different women! Ive had sex way more times!
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Ross: No! The reason Im asking is that I sorta had one last night.
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
PHOEBE: Yeah, but, ah, ah, nothing has to happen.� We're just having fun.� You know, not everything had to go as far as "eye-contact."
Charlie: Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense.
Chandler: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
Rachel: (on tape) I-I knowI had put them in in-in my desk at work and I completely forgot about them until today.
Rachel: Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh
Ross: Yeah. It wouldve been good if we had gotten in, but still real fun.
{Transcribers Note: She puts the key into the ignition, which is on the left side of the steering wheel. Does anyone know why that is? Its a tradition left over from Porsches racing history. The worlds greatest endurance race is the 24 Hours of LeMans. Which is in France and runs for 24 hours straight from noon on Saturday through the dark of night and finishes at noon on Sunday. In the 60s LeMans had a unique start where the drivers would actually start the race outside of the car and across the track. At the start of the race, the drivers would run across the track, get in the car, buckle up, start the car, and drive off. Porsche wanted to reduce the amount of time that took. Since all cars to that point had the ignition switches on the right side of the steering wheel, that required the drivers to use their right hand to grab the seat-belts, put the car in gear and start it. The drivers left hand did nothing. Porsche in order to save a few seconds in a 24-hour race; moved the ignition switches to the left side of the steering wheel so that the driver could start the car with his left hand while grabbing the seat-belts with his right hand. Thats why every Porsche car built since then has the ignition on the left side of the steering wheel.}
Ross: And I can even understand that you couldnt tell Rachel, but why couldnt you tell me, huh? You had all day to and you didnt.
Joey: Shes gone. She had a bag and she left.
Chandler: Y'know I had a big meal on Monday, y'know. So that's just gonna get me straight through the week.
Ross: I had no idea. And that-that pillowcase thing, I thought you guys were just doing the flying nun.
Monica: How dirty do you think I am? Im telling you, if you had some candles and some bubbles and some music, you would love it! It would take all of your stress away.
ROSS: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but yknow I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? Cause weve had our first fight, and now we can move on. Yknow, I know for me(Notices a pair of mens pants on the chair.) Nicks pants?
Ross: Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y'knowEmily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?
Monica: You had sex in his chair?!... I said that a little too loudly, didn't I?
Ross: I mean look, that-that one night we had was fun and and certainly passionate, but dont you think its better if we just stayed friends?
Phoebe: Rachel, come here. (Rachel walks over to Phoebe. Chandler sits down on the lounge-chair.) Okay, I was just starting to take my Thanksgiving nap, and I had another dream about Jack.
Rachel: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. (To Chandler) He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Chandler: Nine times! Okay, I had to put on lotion! But, its gonna be okay, because as of tomorrow Im conducting an experiment, and if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack free.
Monica: Oh, I havent had that feeling since I first started going out with Chandler. Wow, Im never gonna have that feeling again am I?
Monica: I couldnt eat it! I had five friends who couldnt eat it, and one of them eats books.
Ross: Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, dont I have to wait a while?
Joey: Never had that dream.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him that it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had...
Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.
Monica: The ones we had right after you almost threw up.
Ross: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.
Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?
Stu: Either that or shes just the best, most expensive date I ever had.
Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends.
Joey: No, no, hey, no! Too late for apologies... ok? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you? (and he leaves the apartment, leaving her shocked)
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, and laughs.)
Ross: If you have to call me name, I prefer "Ross the Divorcer". It's just cooler. Look, I know my marriage isn't exactly work out. But I love to be that committed to another person. And Carol had some good times before she became a lesbian... and once afterward. I'm sorry.
Joey: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?
Laura: (laughing nervously) I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm so embarrassed...
Joey: Ah! Okay, well then you dont judge me. Im gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before. (They both do as they planned.)
Tag: No. We had a really good talk. I dont think Im gonna do that bar scene anymore.
All: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
All: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
Rachel: Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Chandler: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army...
Phoebe: Rach, Rach, I just remembered. I had a dream about Mr. Geller last night.
Rachel: That had to hurt!
ROSS: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of this, alright. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat.
Monica: I swear you said you had the keys.
Monica: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her?
Monica: Well, if I had them taken out, then I wouldn't be able to do this. (she pushes Chandler on the couch and brushes her hair and shells against Chandler's chest) You like that, right? (again, she brushes her hair against his chest and hums...)
Mike: How do I and Joey know each other? Wow, if I had a nickel for every time somebody has asked me that.
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
Chandler: Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had.
Ross: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you.
Joey: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not.
Rachel: Hmm, mild discomfort. So I take it youve had one of these Braxton thingies?
Rachel: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys.
Ross: I can't belive you two had sex in her dream.
David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a
Ross: (outside her room, talking by himself) Haven't had sex in four months, I should get a medal for that!
Rachel: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were...
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Ross: Thats, thats, thats a big candy bar. (Shes holding one of those huge Toblerone bars.) I had the most amazing time with you.
RACHEL: Ohh, I'm gonna have to get over it. God, see I didn't know that's I had to do, I just have to get over it.
Chandler: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
Janice: I had them made special.
Ross: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? Well, she's not, quite..
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Rachel: Wow! I dont know if I could ever do that. I always figured the first time I had a baby was with somebody I love and that baby would be a keeper.
Ross: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?
Chandler: Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?
Frank: I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who doesnt want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah, now-now I always will, cause y'know, itll be me. Right?
Phoebe: OK, Monica? I had another answer all ready.
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
Rachel: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart.
Monica: (gasps) We had a characturist!
Chandler: (to Ross): I thought we had them!
Chandler: Y'know, I've had dates like this.
Rachel: I had a bra.
Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.
Monica: Okay, Ben, I wont tell your daddy that you had ice cream for dinner, if you dont tell about our little bonking incident.
Rachel: Yeah, but it was different with him today! And he wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy, y'know? I mean, we had fun! Is there anything wrong with that?
Phoebe: Oh my god. (Chandler downs another espresso.) How many of those have you had?
Amanda: Well, it was 1992, and I remember because that was the year I had sex with Evil Knievel (She starts laughing very proudly).
Rachel: Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, (She puts her hands on his desk blotter and he moves it. Rachel then doesn't know where to put her hands.) who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. (Suddenly realizes that she said courage twice.) Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got (counts them off with her fingers) courage, you got integrity, you got (Pause) courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr
Ross: You-you had what?
Ross: Oh absolutely! It has been in my family for generations, and every bride who has worn it has had a long and happy life.
Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch!
Young Ethan: I just had sex.
Monica: (Takes it) That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. (Sees Rachel's look) Lucky. To have had a friend like you.
Joey: Uh-oh. I hade a pretty hectic day at work too, today I had to open a door and go (looking scared) ohhhh!
Joey: Oh, just had a baby.
Guy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself.
Monica: Okay, Ive got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?