words in movies
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: How long has it been since you had sex?
Monica: Oh my God! Thats great! Oh wow! (Hugs him.) Youre a published writer! I wish I had a present for you!
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
Monica: All right relax Mr. Ive Had Sex Four Times!
Chandler: Four different women! Ive had sex way more times!
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Ross: No! The reason Im asking is that I sorta had one last night.
Chandler: Say, Joe, I had a strange idea of what we could do for our last night. What do you say we play a little uh, foosball for money?
Monica: You had no right to go out with him.
Joey: (shocked) Thats mean! You really had me going there!
Paul: I had a sister.
Rachel: EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! (She runs over to him and finds that it was a dummy and that she had been had.)
Paul: Well, we were very young when we had her.
Chandler: Because, I-I shouldve called! Yknow if I had just called her after our big, stupid fight, she never wouldve gone out with Nick, and they wouldve ended up in bed together. I threw her at his man nipples!
Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why dont you tell me what happened.
Monica: Well, if you had kept listening, you-you would have heard me call him Mr. Big (Thinks) ot.
Phoebe: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think Im partly at fault. You see, I didnt, I didnt tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so yknow lets just face it, thats just kindling! So I think its better that I stay at Joeys.
Joey: Oh, you are the best friends anyone has ever had.
Monica: I dont know, Ive never had to use the other one. Im just saying yknow, if were having sex, hes not gonna be talking.
Chandler: Okay umm, before I meant you I had really little life and I couldnt imagine growing old with
Rachel: Phoebe, dont you think youve had enough to drink?
Chandler: I can do that, Ive had 30 years of practice.
Richard: Well yeah, Im sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you.
Ross: So listen uh, I know you and I havent really had a chance to talk since uh, Emily and I decided to get married, and uh, I was just wondering how you were.
Richard: Well she said she had to think things over.
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, we never had that,
Rachel: Oh, I know. Hey, yknow what we never did? (Ross looks at her.) Oh no, not that. (Ross nods okay.) We uh, we never had bonus night!
Chandler: Uhh, youve had a lot of sex right?
Phoebe: Yeah, I thought I had one a couple of minutes ago, and now I know that was definitely one.
Ross: Thats impossible! I mean we have had a deal for years! We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that.
Kristen: Oh okay. But yknow what? Be careful. Because a guy was helping me before had to leave because he hurt his back.
Ross: Well, you-youve always had glasses.
Jill: (entering, carrying a bunch of shopping bags) I just had the hardest day. Those bags are so heavy. (Sets them down.)
Monica: (entering) I had to go all the way to the basement because some idiot keeps stuffing the trash chute with pizza boxes!
Joey: Well it hit me anyway! And it wouldve hurt a lot less if I had finished that last beer.
Joey: Yeah, because it is slim pickings. I had this date last night: Yuck! But we should probably keep it down; she's still in the bedroom.
Joey: How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin!
Chandler: Hey, I had a terrible childhood and I dont do porn.
RICHARD: Well, that's not bad at all. I mean, you had me thinkin it was like a fleet.
Rachel: Yeah and you had fun teaching him how to be all Joey.
Joey: Listen, sorry I didnt stop by last night but I had a date.
Joey: I had a donut. (Chandler nods.)
Rachel: So uh, heard you had some fun with Tag last night.
Monica: But getting over was the hardest thing that Ive ever had to do. And I never let myself think about you.
Joey: Come on! Admit it! That was the best nap you ever had!
Ross: Ive had better.
Joey: Yes we do! Now look, that was the best nap I ever had!!
CHANDLER: Look you have to help me out here. I thought we had a deal. I thought by the time...
Ross: Eh, her-her uncle already had planned on doing it. And yknow, we-we said our good-byes this morning, so
Joey: Oh, unbelievable! We had the best time!
Chandler: No-no-no, yknow what? I really shouldnt have said that you were embarrassing me, I mean that really wasnt cool. And if it makes you feel any better, Ive had a really lousy day.
Melanie: I don't know, I-I guess I just had you pegged as one of those guys who're always 'me, me, me.' But you... you're a giver. You're like the most generous man I ever met. I mean... you're practically a woman.
Chandler: Had the money in the wrong hand. (Shows her his left hand with the money in it)
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Phoebe: I never had a bike of my own.
Joey: (about to cry) Those two only had each other!
Mr. Geller: Which means you had seven years of beach fun and you cant put a price on that sweetie.
Kori: We weren't but we had one class together. He was such a great guy and he talked so passionately about science. I always remembered him.
Phoebe: Well, Ill tell you Rachel Karen Green, I had plans with Joey tonight and he left me this note. (Hands it to Rachel.)
Chandler: Oh really? Uh, Monica said she had a date at 9:00.
Joey: So what? I drove down, sold T-shirts, had a blast. And yknow who knows how to party? Drunk college chicks.
Rachel: Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music and uh, two months later the couple got divorced. And now Im not saying that theres any connection here yknow, but they did tell me thats why they got divorced.
Rachel: No-no, they just had a big blowout over what to do with my room.
Joey: Wow! Im so sorry; I had no idea it would bother you this much.
Chandler: Well thats not fair, youve already had some!
Chandler: Look all I know is when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun! And theres another reason too.
Monica: I know!! (calls him) (on phone) Chip? Hi! Its Monica. (listens) Kay. (listens) Kay. (listens) Okay. (listens) Okay, good-bye. (hangs up) Oh my God, we just had the best conversation!! (goes into her room as Rachel enters)
Monica: Yeah and if I had seven, maybe I wouldve said something like this, "Wow! My boyfriends such a wise assseven!"
Rachel: Oh! Y'know what? You're right! We meet, you flirted and then bamn nine years later you had me!
Rachel: Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.
Joey: Yeah, they do! Quit being a baby and leave me alone! There, youve just had your first class!
Ross: Well I had a great time! Umm, Chancy on the other hand
Monica: (looking through it) Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.
Ross: (in his head) Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was such a grown-up about it! She didnt seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge mistake?
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Monica: All you had to do was buy the card!
Rachel: Phoebe, you had a date three days ago.
Joey: Well, I think its ridiculous that you havent had sex in three and a half months.
Joey: Oh, man! I wouldn't have had breakfast if I knew there was going to be corsages!
Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!
Monica: (chasing after him) Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, dont worry about it!
Joey: Rach we had to get out of there because, look what I won! (He whips out the award for Best Supporting Actress that he accepted for Jessica.)
Phoebe: Wow, a year and a half ago I didnt even know I had a brother, and now I have a sister too. (They all hug, and Frank and Alice start kissing.) Okay. Okay. Stop it, dont. So, I gotta get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Rachel: Yknow, like the thing when you put the phone in your pants? (He starts laughing.) Tag! Im serious! This isnt funny! Those contracts absolutely had to go out today!
Phoebe: I just like him so much that I just feel like Ive had 10 drinks today and Ive only had six.
Monica: Yeah. We-we had sex and then we fell asleep.
Rachel: Hey, come on! I had this friend from college and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey that one time she and I yknow kissed a little bit.
Monica: Chandler, if that dog's been here that long, and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog?
Phoebe: Yeah! Yknow, we were really huge too, but then they had to shut us down when Regina Philange died of alcohol poisoning.
Rachel: So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up, so Ross selflessly, offered to take me.
Chandler: I had too okay?! Were getting married! Married couples cant keep secrets from one another!
Rachel: Wow! I mean I had no idea that that was gonna
Phoebe: Ive had better.
Rachel: Oh, with the mother, just... just constantly tell her how amazing her son is. Take it from me, moms love me. Ross's mom one time actually said I'm like the daughter that she never had.
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
Monica: I had to go with the odds Rach.
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
Joey: Come on, Ross, that didnt mean anything! She just had the baby, she was all freaked out about doing it alone, she would have said yes to anybody.
Rachel: Really?! You think so? Yknow, I had just rolled out of bed.
Ross: Yknow of-officer I uh I had the weirdest dream last night
Rachel: Yeah, we ended up spending the day together and had such a great time!
Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, Im just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
Helena: Chandler? What an unusual name! You mustve had terribly fascinating parents.
Rachel: No, she had to have just taken that test because I took out the trash last night.
Monica: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial.
Ross: Um.... no. See, I might've had feelings for her at one timenot any more. I justI...