words in movies
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
Phoebe: Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought yknow that if Id work with stocks, Id have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: Oh wait, dont you have to pay for your, (looks at his magazine) Busty Ladies?
Rachel: But! Dont you have to give him his money back?
Chandler: Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride.
Monica: Maybe Joey doesnt have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right?
Phoebe: Oh, if I were, would-would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm?
Ross: Come on Pheebs, its not that bad! Yknow most people would be excited if they didnt have to work for a couple of weeks.
Phoebe: Most people dont like their jobs, I love my job! I have not been working for three hours and Im already going crazy. I miss Joan.
Joey: Uh, yeah but uh, (In Drakes voice) I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
Ross: Well I dont know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carols shocked and obviously doesnt like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesnt like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, yknow we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Monica: (giggles) Of course I have! What do you think, Im some 30 year old virgin?
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
Nurse: Youve done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Joey: I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. Youll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.
Dr. Roger: They have parasites?
Monica: And then were gonna have a little Middle Eastern cous-cous. Something we can eat, with our hands.
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Monica: Its harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!
Monica: Umm, do you have any uhh, moves?
Chandler: I have some moves.
Monica: I have no moves. (He moves in to kiss her and she laughs and backs away.) Okay, whatcha doin there?! (Giggles.) Oh yknow what? Im sorry, this is just too weird.
Rachel: Because Im married. Thats right, I am a married woman! And I came to a TV stars apartment to have an affair! Uck!
Joey: Sure! As long as they dont find out you can keep whatever you want! And I want you to have it.
Ross: Hey Joe did Did you ever have a threesome?
Joey: Yeah? What did ya have?
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Jack: Uh, Phoebe you-you dont have an office.
Phoebe: Youre in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
Joey: Yknow, we dont have to imagine.
Monica: Because then I dont have to!
Joey: Oh, yknow what? Since Im here, I think Im gonna have me a little beer on the port side. (Grabs and opens one.)
Rachel: (shocked) You have been maid of honor before?!!
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Chandler: Do you have my credit card?
Chandler: So this is nice! I wish I didnt have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. (He gets up and Joey moves over next to Ross.) Oh uh, by the way, whats the name the girl youre dating?
The Doctor: (entering) (To the receptionist) Can I have the next one please? (Takes the form.) Joey and Tony Tribbiani. (Joey and Carl stand up.)
Monica: All right, I I have to ask.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica have returned from Julies.]
Monica: Why dont you just stop doing stupid things? Then you wouldnt have to apologize.
Monica: (sits next to him) Phoebe, its okay that you dont want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend.
Alice: Yeah. Y'know we-we talked about just living together, but um, we want to have kids right away.
Rachel: Well Joey, youll probably get it. But you should probably your-your gracious loser face. Yknow when like the cameras are on you and you wanna look disappointed but also that your colleague deserved to win. Yknow? So its sorta like (Does it, youll have to see it.)
Monica: Would it really have been that easy?
Phoebe: The coins have finally forgiven me!
Phoebe: She is so amazing! You have no idea.
Pete: Oh, one other thing. Hoshi thinks that you being ringside may have affected my concentration.
Ross: Now, I know you wanted to bond with my dad, but did you really have to bond to that part?
Phoebe: Thats easy! You just have to think of him as a-as a jar of pickles that wont open.
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, we forgot that party we have to go to.
Joey: How can you say that?! The Mets have no closer!
Phoebe: Does Joey have any idea?
Tag: I know I havent worked in an office before, and I really dont have a lot of experience, but uh
RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. [He walks to her and kisses her.]
Chandler: Well, yknow, youre-youre gonna meet somebody! Youre a great catch! Yknow when I was telling all those guys about you, I didnt have to lie once. (He sits down on the arm of her chair)
Joey: Hey! (Monica turns and looks at him) Now Im a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings!
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! You have to go!
Ross: Wow, how many have you got?
Rachel: Well, I was going to, but then I figured, you know... you're food is so delicious and perfect, you can never have too many of those pumpkin things.
Kathy: Okay. Understanding a little more why you're single. Ohh! Y'know, I have a friend you would like, she's really pretty. And then we could double date!
Joey: Dude-dude, who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?
Janice: (starting to cry) Do you have any tissues?
RACHEL: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a choice, I mean, you know, I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. We went to a Mets game, we got Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman. You have got competition buddy.
Joey: All right, well I guess Ill just have to do what I do on dates.
Chandler: (to Joey) I have to! Okay? It's time! (Joey shrugs as if to say, "Do what you have to do") Okay, I hate dogs.
Ross: A new place for a new Ross. I'm gonna have you and all the guys from work over once it's y'know, furnished.
Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?
Tag: You have all the answers, don't you?
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
Mr. Geller: Ok, I have dandruff. Theres no need to laugh and point.
Ross: Well, I dont think we are gonna have that problem, but maybe thats just because I am not emotionally unavailable!
Rachel: Ohhh! Well of course I will watch him! We have fun, dont we Ben? (He nods yes.)
Rachel: Okay, well, that's one less thing we have to do on Monday.
Tim: Well, youve got a little scratch on your cornea, your gonna have to wear a patch for a couple of days.
Rachel: Well, why shouldnt I be? I have great friends! I have a wonderful job!
Phoebe: Yeah! Why would my mother send me a fur? Doesn't she know me but at all! Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make!
Chandler: I am sorry, but some of us have to get up early and go to work! (Monica looks at him) (To Monica) He does not know that I am not some of us.
Monica: Some people have been saying its yknow little drops of heaven, but whatever.
Phoebe: Why? Why do I have to learn?
Monica: Well, theyre just gonna have to wait arent they? Ive only got two hands!!
Phoebe: We have good news, look whose back!
Mr. Zelner: You wrote that you have a cute touchie?
Joey: (stepping in and knocking the man over) Hey, if we know it can we have candy?!!
Chandler: How long have we been home?
Chandler: Forty-five minutes? We have tickets to the Musicman at 8:00.
Ross: Well, how about this year, instead of Santa, we have fun celebrating Hanukkah?
Monica: Who? I mean have you seen a car come by here in the last hour and a half? I think we should call Ross, maybe he can get a car and come pick us up.
Monica: Im with you Chandler! I mean I cant have sex with a sick person either, thats disgusting! But Im not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.
Phoebe: We did have fun, didn't we?
Phoebe: Oh, do you need a hug? You dont have to bring me anything!
Ross: Phoebe, you cant get out of this! Okay? You have to learn how to ride a bike!
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when youll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And Im ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, hes got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me Im stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
Phoebe: Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. (She points at each as she says it.) Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do (She picks up a shoe and proceeds to pummel the smoke detector. She then gets up and heads to bed, stops, quickly turns around, and is satisfied that the beeping has stopped.) Well done, Pheebs. (She resumes her trek to bed, but is stopped at the entrance to the hallway by the now steady and extremely loud tone emanating from the smoke detector.) (Yelling.) What do you want from me?!!!!!!!
Ben: No! Why does he have to go?
Maitre d': Oh-kay, we'll have a table for you in about 45 minutes.
Phoebe: Well, I guess well just have to put the wall back up.
Phoebe: You heard her too?! You have the gift!
Rachel: Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you cant have!
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start looking at the screens in order to find the gate.]
Chandler: Hey, you have got to try this cheesecake.
Rachel: (counting the place settings) How come we have one extra place setting?
Monica: Of course not. I mean gosh, Chandler what you did, it's, it's a wonderful thing and I really appreciate it. I know I have this weird thing where I want everything to be in the perfect place, but I'd never expect you to worry about that.
Monica: So I don't have to sing and I can just sit there and pass judgments on others?
Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.
Joey: No, not really. They give you all the information, its uh, its like memorizing a script. (Making like a tour guide) "And on your left, you have Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period.
Paul: Honey, we dont have any bears here.
Phoebe: Yeah, my mom sent me a family heirloom that once belonged to my grandmother. Can you believe it?! A year ago I didn't even have a family, and now I have heirlooms for crying out loud.
Ross: I dont think you have much choice.
Monica: Yeah, they were just slowing me down. Alright, I have to get back to the babies. I'll see you girls later.
David: Umm, anyway Do you want to have dinner tonight?
Phoebe: Well, I have plans with Joey tonight.
Phoebe: Yes! I will have the green salad, umm the house salad, and waters fine.
Joey: Yes! I will have the lobster ravioli.
Joey: Is to have a long, long talk. Yknow? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up.
Joey: A date?! No, no Pheebs you-you must be mistaken, because I know you wouldnt schedule a date on the same night you have plans with a friend!
Phoebe: Oh right, like theyre gonna let me have a passport.
Rachel: Oh! Yay! Look! Theres a piece that doesnt have floor on it!
Chandler: Well you see in Cups, once you get $700, you have to double it.
Rachel: This is a very critical time right now. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone, then you go shoe shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath. You want her back you have to start acting aloof.
Joey: That sketch you mentioned? Might it have looked a little something like this? (He shows her what hes been drawing.)
Chandler: Hey! I will have you know that... aah, who am I kidding. Let's call the kid Geller and let Bing die with me.
Joey: Oh whoa-whoa wait a minute! I have to do it?!
Ross: Well Im jumping! I have a son! Okay? He wont have a father if-if I die!
Joey: What? No! No Ross! No-no! Stop! Im not jumping! Okay, look I have an audition tomorrow and I cant go if I break my leg.
Monica: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, "Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!" I mean, it is so annoying.
Tag: How could I have left them in the copy room?
Monica: So the wedding caterer sent me this list of twelve appetizers and I have to narrow it down to six.
Rachel: Well you have to because maybe its stupid.