words in movies
(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)
(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.)
Chandler: Y'know, I wouldve bet good money that hed be the first one of us to get married.
Monica: Yeah, ah, but Pheebs dont you think hes a little young to get married?
Phoebe: What, hes 18.
Frank: (entering with his fianc�e Alice, who is obviously much, much older than he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fianc�e, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her)
Alice: And he was my best student.
Joey: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.
Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think hes gonna enjoy it when hes up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-its not fair to the babies, and y'know what, its not good home economics.
Ross: Pheebs, if you dont tell him, soon hes gonna be married, and then youre gonna hate yourself.
Phoebe: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then hes gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I cant. (pause) But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it.
Monica: Nah, he doesnt do anything for me.
Rachel: Hey Mon, lets give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so Id call him.
Chandler: Whos he huggin?
Ross: Yeah, he-hes right, hes right. This is your time y'know, yeah, youre young, youre-youre weird, chicks dig that.
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
[Scene: Petes office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]
Chandler: (in a feminine way) Oh my God! (and he jumps all around)
Chandler: Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him anything.
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandlers bedroom.)
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is watching TV, and hes very depressed as Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, hes listening to the hypnosis tape again.]
Joey: (Hes recorded his voice on the tape) Joeys your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
Joey: Ok, thank you. And I promise you I will not forget this one. (he starts writing on his hand) Mandy.
Mrs. Geller: (whispers to Jack a little loudly) I think hes stoned again.
Missy: Sure, he was in your "band"? (she air quotes band)
Roy: So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take (he shakes his hips) downtown! (Monica points Phoebe)
(he uses his remote to turn on the music, "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, and starts dancing for Phoebe. He shakes his butt, moves his shoulders back, grabs his crotch and hops towards Phoebe. Phoebe is half horrified and half scared. He takes his hat off and throws it away, does some "Can Can" high kicks and swings his butt in front of Phoebe who looks at it in disgust. Then he tears open his shirt and shows her his chest and she flinches.)
Phoebe: This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can only keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up!
(Cut to Chandler. He's walking around looking for Ross. He sees him kissing a girl next to a vending machine)
Ross: (feeling the fabric) Wow, this is really soft (he looks the price). Three hundred and fifty dollars?
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. He deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.
Joey: (to himself) Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No! (He opens his eyes and sees a hitchhiker.)
Joey: So he can't come?
Ross: Hi! (he kisses Phoebe)
Chandler: Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... as he is me!
Roy: Whoa, whoa, whoa (he turn off the music). She cringed!
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What (He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God everythings ruined! Dad, shes gonna be crushed!
Joey: (on the screen there's the word "Supermarket") Uhm... ok. It's a store, like a supermarket. (there is a sound indicating he made a mistake as he shouldn't have said 'supermarket'. The next word appears, "notebook") Oh! I see-I see what I did. Yeah, ok, ok, uhm... I'm writing in my...
Chandler: He had sex with Mr. Girabaldi!
Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica.
(They shake hands, he walks out and shuts the door, then seems to change his mind, moves to open the door, than changes his mind again and leans over the door. Just then, Rachel opens the door)
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe he hooked up with that hot girl he was talking to.
Ross: (he enters) Hey.
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Ross: Is-is he ok?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]
Monica: (sees what he is doing) Chandler, stop! It is not going to pop open!
Ross: I'll see you in the morning (he leaves).
Monica: All right, all right! Lets just cut to the chase, okay? (To Phoebe) Youre single. (To Tim) Youre single. (To Phoebe) He gets off work at eleven. (To Tim) Shell be waiting for your call. (To Phoebe) Ill give him your number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! (Everyone in the kitchen stops.) I did not yell. I am not putting a dollar in the jar.
Chandler: So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too?
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
Phoebe: (noticing a guy sitting by the green post looking at her) Oh wait a second you guys for the last couple weeks Ive been that guy everywhere I go. We take the same bus. We go to the same bookstore, the same dry cleaners; maybe hes the tea guy. (He gets up to leave, and smiles at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Did he go out for a cigarette?
Ross: (knew this was coming) There it is... (he comes back)
Joey: Uh no Rach, hes gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake.
Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.) Okay, dont believe me, I know Im rightdo you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?
(The director looks at Joey and he nods.)
Monica: You see that guy? Hes in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave hes going straight to the porn.
Ross: Damn it. It's never off the table. (he leaves the apartment)
Joey: I AM NOT GONNA HELP YOU DO THAT! Goodbye! (he leaves)
Rachel: Well, it wasn't just me, alright? He freaked out too! He couldn't even undo my bra!
Joey: Hey, Im gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! Hed even make the girl pancakes! Plus, hed make extras and leave em for me.
Mike: Hey (He kisses Phoebe)
Joey: (his mood changes instantly) Just when I thought we could be friends. (he leaves the room)
Rachel: Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision," and under Problems with Performance I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not," and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing living room golf as Rachel enters. Rachel sees this and holds the door open until Chandler is ready to start his swing, when he is, she slams the door shut which causes the club to fly from his hands. He turns around, shocked.]
Chandler: It's seven years ago. (he looks surprised) My time machine works!
Ross: That guy Mark. From Bloomingdale's... She thinks he's just being nice to her. But I know he really wants to sleep with her.
Ross: We ran into him on the street today and he said he might have a job for her. But I know he just wants to get into her pants.
Rachel: He offered me one.
Rachel: He offered me one.
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! (laughs) You don't think he's here, do you? (Joey looks around)
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm not gonna mess with Jack, he's a great man, he fought for our country.
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?
Mr Zelner: Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?
Ross: He’ll be fine.
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. He’s there and Phoebe comes in.]
Phoebe: Okay, fine, I�ll move. Alright, you don�t have to manhandle me. (gets up) Where? (he points at a smaller table) Okay. Thank you. Wach.
Chandler: Well he doesnt have to know! Its not like we run in the same circles. I hang out with you guys, and he stars in a drag show in Vegas.
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Mr Zelner: (Takes a long look at the egg while he considers it) Wow, that's pretty cool (Takes the egg from Ross)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He walks in reading his mail, and plays back his messages on the answering machine]
(He takes a little piece of Sarah's dessert. At first he doesn't think it's that special, but then...)
(Phoebe whispers something in Joey's ear, but after hearing it he jumps up, shocked)
Joanna: Oh, I know and hes soo sweet! Listen, he said he was going to call, so put him straight through.
Ross: (He freaks out and starts jumping around brushing his sweater) WHAT? WHERE? WHERE?
Ross: No, no, I knew (he stares at her breasts).
MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.
Monica: Oh, no. He doesn't have time for that. But if you want, you can go help him and Joey pack up the guest room.
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
Joey: Ahaha, he might as well just give us the points.
Phoebe: Oh, he has a gig. I kinda like being married to a rock star, you know. My husband has a gig.
Joey: FINE, ok, if you love this house so much, then you should just live here, okay? I just hope you get used to that weird humming sound. (He turns his back to them and starts humming) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Party Guests: (chanting) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (Ross goes to investigate the noise) Howard! Howard! Howard! (They're holding Howard above their heads.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (He sees Phoebe chanting along with them.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!!
Joey: Yeah. Sorry about that. (He walks away and knocks on the next door which is answered by a little girl.) Oh, hey little girl. Uhh, is-is your mommy, or sister, or babysitter by any chance a hot girl?
(she knees him in the crotch. He jumps up a bit)
(He walks over and kisses her. They pull back, Rachel looks at him, and they kiss again.)
(He kisses her.)
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Erica: Is he okay?
Chandler: I know. He has your eyes.
Chandler: I mean, I know that's not possible, but he does.
(He hugs her.)
Rachel: I think I'm gonna take off. (pats Ross on his back, but he looks very surprised)
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, Im sorry about everything that happened and Id probably never be able to make it up to you, but heres a start. (He hands her a small box.)
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and Im not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
(He stands up.)
Monica: (On the phone) Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.
(Joey stares at Chandler and Monica and finally puts two and two together. He gasps.)
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all around.]
Ross: Well, I asked him if he wanted to eat, he said, "No." I asked him if he wanted to sleep, he said, "No." I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "No." So, hes sweeping. (We see Ben playing with a broom and a dustpan.)
Ross: Ohh, God, nobody likes him, and hes so cheap, hed never fly to London in a million years. Yeah, invite him? Hey, did I do these neat enough? (Hands her some envelopes.)
Chandler: I don't know. Except that, for one last time... (he touches the players as he says the following) Good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game.
(Phoebe tries to give her phone to Ross, but he won't take it. He mouths "no.")
Phoebe: Oh, he's at the doctor, he didn't poop the whole time we were there!
(He hugs her. Phoebe enters.)
Phoebe: He went home. He didn't want to see anybody.
(He walks over and kisses her.)
(Ross stares in shock at him as he angrily puts down the chicken and takes off his coat.)
Phoebe: (on the other side of the line, still pretending to be Estelle) Joey, it's Estelle. (Joey's eyes bulge up, he looks afraid)