words in movies
(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)
(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.)
Chandler: Y'know, I wouldve bet good money that hed be the first one of us to get married.
Monica: Yeah, ah, but Pheebs dont you think hes a little young to get married?
Phoebe: What, hes 18.
Frank: (entering with his fianc�e Alice, who is obviously much, much older than he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fianc�e, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her)
Alice: And he was my best student.
Joey: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.
Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think hes gonna enjoy it when hes up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-its not fair to the babies, and y'know what, its not good home economics.
Ross: Pheebs, if you dont tell him, soon hes gonna be married, and then youre gonna hate yourself.
Phoebe: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then hes gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I cant. (pause) But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it.
Monica: Nah, he doesnt do anything for me.
Rachel: Hey Mon, lets give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so Id call him.
Chandler: Whos he huggin?
Ross: Yeah, he-hes right, hes right. This is your time y'know, yeah, youre young, youre-youre weird, chicks dig that.
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
[Scene: Petes office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]
Chandler: (in a feminine way) Oh my God! (and he jumps all around)
Chandler: Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him anything.
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandlers bedroom.)
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is watching TV, and hes very depressed as Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, hes listening to the hypnosis tape again.]
Joey: (Hes recorded his voice on the tape) Joeys your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
Frank: Oh I know!! (Both he and Alice squeal hysterically)
Chandler: No, hes right, Im totally lying.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is entering. As he closes the door, Joey pokes his head up from a box enclosure built using the 2 chairs.]
Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. He tosses some forms onto reception desk.)
Joey: Well Ahh, (he sees Kate and the director kissing) yeah! Yeah, sure, a drink sounds great.
Ross: Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girls breast?
Monica: Okay, the owner of Allesandros came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!
Rachel: But you-you said black. Why would he want his blue blazer black?
(The apartment manager hung up on him and he hangs up the phone and throws in on the chair. Joey motions, "What the hell was that?" Chandler makes a face to say, "Think about it." Joey tries to divide 136 by 13; he's confused. Suddenly, light dawns on yonder dunder head. He gets it.)
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
Chandler: (To Ross) Why don't you cut him a little slack? Okay? Maybe if he relaxes a little bit, he'll get some work done.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is telling Monica and Rachel what he has to do.]
Rachel: Okay. (He starts to leave, and Rachel grabs him and gives him a passionate kiss.) I'll miss you.
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. Hes running a little late, he says hes sorry.
(He walks off.)
Ross: The guy who took Rachel to the prom? Why is he calling you?
Charlton Heston: (tosses him a towel, motions for him to get out of the shower and sits down on the couch) Every actor at one time or anotheropp! (Joey tries to sit down next to him and Heston makes him sit somewhere else.) Every actor thinks he stinks, even Lawrence Oliver at sometimes thought he stank, Bob Redford wont even watch himself.
Joey: (To the rest of the gang) Hey, see that? He just needed his pal to come home. All right, uh, Ive got to go memorise my lines. (Starts to go his bedroom) Me and Charlton Heston bright and early tomorrow morning! Yeah-yeah!
Joey: (getting up) Dude, I'm telling ya! I'm fine! (He tries to take a step and falls flat on his face.)
Phoebe: So hes probably really nervous around women, y'know? Maybe, you just have to make the first move.
Monica: Does it have to do with-with Chandler and that sock that he keeps by his bed?
[Cut to London, Chandlers hotel room. He is getting ready for bed by doing push-ups. One push-up. Just as he gets under the covers, theres a knock on the door.]
Phoebe: He just got a divorce right?
Ross: Well what is it? Is it a mole? (He moves closer to them, and they jump back.)
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, he is asleep and snoring loudly. Chandler enters wondering who left their engine running.]
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Joey: (approvingly) Oh! ok, yeah, I think I can do that. Yeah ok, there's this party scene coming up.. and Olivia and her husband are there and all Drake wants to do is grab her and kiss her, but he can't... And that makes me think about all those times when I wanted to grab you and kiss you, but you didn't know so I would just pretend everything was cool, but really, it was killing me.
Rachel: Ohh, God, I just got so nervous that he would say no.
Phoebe: Shhh!! Please! Whats he saying?
Monica: Hes with Emily at a Bed and Breakfast in Vermont!
Kathy: Wasnt Nick funny when he couldnt get his match lit?
Chandler: So yknow, uh, whens he getting back?
Joey: (trying to act like hes not the one that stinks.) Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?
The Salesman: He painted that. (Points to one of his paintings in the book)
Monica: Cause I ran into him at the bank, he is still soo cute.
Joey: Yes sir! Yes sir, Im-Im(he starts to leave)
Rachel: (entering) I cant believe it! He still hasnt called.
Monica: What, he doesnt like Josh?
[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside.]
Ross: Happy for you. (He punches her back.)
Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW!
[Scene: The theatre where Joey is auditioning. Phoebe enters when Joey's on stage and she sits down. He hasn't seen her.]
Joey: Wow! Thats pretty nice. I thought he cut off his ear cause he sucked. What else you got in there?
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is trying to find Rachel a date.]
Gary: Hey, it's okay. It was just a car backfire. (Joey slowly moves off of Ross.) Hey, look at that! You tried to save your buddy. You see that? You see what he did?
Monica: He had to go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.
Ross: Well, you shouldve seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, hes like Joe Rugby.
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are sitting at a table. Monica is checking her makeup as Chandler suddenly has a horrifying thought and starts patting down his pockets until he finds what hes looking for and sighs in relief.]
Monica: He asked you out?!
Chandler: What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with?
Joey: Well, maybe I can help. (he grabs her head passionately, closes his eyes and kisses... Ross in Rachel's dress! He realises it too late, and when he does, pushes Ross's/Rachel's head away)
Phoebe: After he passed out, we put the sand around him to keep him warm.
Phoebe: Ohh! Okay! Okay, cause when-when he said, "I cant wait to hear your first words," I thought, "Theres a trick."
Ross: Of course he is! What, do you think Id just use my son as-as an excuse? What kind of father do you think I am?
The A.D: Theres no way he smells, hes the only one around here with a shower in his dressing room.
Chandler: I dont think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. (He blows on his hand) Draw!! (He quickly pulls the lever to raise the foot rest, like a gunfighter in a Western.)
(Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, then away from, Monica)
Phoebe: Okay. (they start to leave, he is still following her) Okay, you don't have to walk behind me any more.
Joey: Oh, its great! Its a great place to just kinda, sit, hang around, drink a few beers, eat some chips. (He says that as he sits, hangs around, drinks a beer, and eats a chip.)
Joey: Yeah. (He goes over to her.)
Rachel: Hes not 11!
Parker: No, no, no wait! Dont tell me. Let me guess. (Points as he says their names) Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and, Im sorry Phoebe didnt mention you. (Chandler makes a face) Chandler, Im kidding all ready youre my favorite!
Joey: Well, hes too shy, he doesnt thing hes good enough to dance with girls yet.
Joey: All right, dont waste it, I mean its still food. (He picks it up and eats it.)
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Joshua: Hi. (He has just returned.)
(He does so, and immediately starts looking pathetic.)
Joshua: Man, I could really flash somebody in this thing. (He goes to put his hands in his pockets.)
Joey: (to Chandler) Why would he turn off the TV? (Chandler shrugs.)
(The player stands up and smiles. Showing that he has no front teeth.)
Phoebe: Ha-ha, its not my baby, ha-ha-ha! (He leaves.)
Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage and everything was fine until... (The flashback shows Paulo lying face down on the massage table and slowly moving his hands up Phoebe's legs and grabbing her butt.)
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay, this is it. Its my big fight scene coming up. (He looks over and Chandler and notices that hes asleep.)
Ross: No, Chandler, you have to find the line between stealing and taking what the hotel owes you. For example: hair drier, no, no, no, but shampoo and conditioners, yes, yes, yes. (pause) Now, the salt shaker is off-limits, but the salt (he opens the salt shaker and pours the salt into his hand) I wish I'd thought this through.
Mrs. Bing: Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me.
Joey: Yeah, he likes porn.
Joey: Why dont you ask Chandler, cause hes the one that fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin over Janice by groping my sister.
Chandler: (pause) Yes. (to Rachel) Okay, theres this one guy, Patrick, I think youre gonna like him, hes really nice, hes funny, hes a swimmer.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Phoebe: What about Glen? He could be a Glen.
Ross: Yeah, either that, or he has a really big cat.
Kathy: I'm sorry, you're right, I apologize, but I should tell you that I'm waiting for a date. (Joey enters) Oh, and there he is now.
Joanna: Sophie, would you please climb out of my butt. Why hasnt he called, Rachel? Why?
Joey: (voice-over) ...and he couldnt let it go, and... I dont really know what happened with that either.
Ross: Ohh! Thank you! I like mail. (He goes to kiss her again, but she turns away.)
Ross: Look, I-I know how miserable you are, I wish there was something I can do. I mean I wish I were a seahorse. (She glares at him) Because with seahorses its the male, they carry the babies. And then also umm, Id be far away in the sea. (He sits back down.)
Ross: Uhh, believe me when hes older, hell understand.
Monica: I know. Lets try a look of far off wonderment. Okay, well-well gaze into our future and well think about our marriage and the days to come. (Chandler is still not getting it.) Chandler! What is the matter with your face?! I mean this picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron!" (The photographer laughs.) Hey! Dont laugh at him! Hes my drowning moron!
Rachel: Monica! I couldnt find him for two hours! He was having sex with Amy Welch!
(He moves to kiss her, but stops when he hears the duck.)
Joey: Will you calm down, hes just a human guy.
RACHEL: Oh shoot.� I forgot to pay Phoebe for the drinks.� (She exits to the hallway and closes the door behind her.)� Wait, wait.� Sorry.� Did he call?� Did that guy call?
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Joey: (standing up) I will sit with you Dr. Geller. (He goes over to his table and they shake hands.)
Emily: He does that?!
Rachel: Well it happened about six weeks ago, and uh I had just got home from work and Ross was already there cause I guess he had been hanging out with Joey.
Monica: I mean, all Im asking for is just a little emotion! Is that too much to ask after six years?! I mean what? Are-are-are Rachel and I not as close as you guys?! I mean do we not have as much fun?! Dont I deserve a few tears?!! I mean we-we told Joey, he cried his eyes out!
Joey: All right, hold on! Hold on. Hold on. This is Ross, okay? He's our friend. He obviously went crazy. He obviously lost his mind.