words in movies
Chandler: Hey, I can be smooth. (Walks back to the Maitre d', very smoothly) Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it. (Shakes his hand)
Chandler: Had the money in the wrong hand. (Shows her his left hand with the money in it)
Ross: No, hey-hey, come on, (He grabs Ben and sits him on his lap) Ben, Santa is not mad at you, okay? Hey, you're-you're his favorite little guy!
Monica: It's easy! Just keep it casual! Give him a kind word, shake his hand and give him the money!
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
Male Guest: (to the Maitre d') Good evening. (Shakes his hand)
Chandler: (finds his money) Ahh-hahaha! (Turns around to give the Maitre d' his money, but he isn't there anymore)
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Joey: Thank you. (He gets up and puts on his jacket.) (Phoebe enters) Hey Pheebs!
Monica: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, "Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!" I mean, it is so annoying.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting behind the drums wearing safety goggles, hitting them with his sticks as Rachel watches.]
Phoebe: It's a tarantula! (Joey almost falls down from his drum-stool jumping up) Oh! God! Rachel, look, I'm sorry. What was I thinking giving Joey this big, gross, scary spider in such a poorly constructed cage?
Joey: Is it on me? I feel, I feel like it's on me! I got, hey! (He storms into his room)
[Monica picks up the bag, while Ross closes the door and hits Monica with his tail. They walk into the living room, and Monica empties the bag.]
Chandler: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! (He shakes Ben's hand, but the money falls out of his hands) (to Monica) Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! (Realizes, that Ben is standing right there) Ho, ho, ho!
(Joey throws open his door and stands there still in the Superman costume then slowly makes his way to the bathroom while keeping both eyes on the cage.)
Joey: (speaking with his mouth full, enjoying his sandwich) What did they say?
Chandler: I'm sure that would mean a lot to him. And if heaven has a door, I'm sure he's pressing his ear up against it and listening intently.
Rachel: Okay, what? What is too sensitive? (There's music coming from the living room. Ross opens the door to the living room and he and Rachel see Sandy play a song for Emma on his recorder. Rachel is moved by this, but Ross only sees his point proven again, and walks back into the kitchen, angrily. The door he was holding, swings back and hits Rachel.)
Roy: So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take (he shakes his hips) downtown! (Monica points Phoebe)
(he uses his remote to turn on the music, "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, and starts dancing for Phoebe. He shakes his butt, moves his shoulders back, grabs his crotch and hops towards Phoebe. Phoebe is half horrified and half scared. He takes his hat off and throws it away, does some "Can Can" high kicks and swings his butt in front of Phoebe who looks at it in disgust. Then he tears open his shirt and shows her his chest and she flinches.)
Phoebe: Oh God no, I don't wanna see him take his clothes off!
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Rachel: No, I also had to go to a couple houses with him as his girlfriend. Oh, I am just awful with children!
(Chandler runs to the window, opens it, starts out, but returns, casually walking back to his chair.)
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Monica: YES! (Chandler gets an "oh no!" look on his face)
Ross: (waving his fist in the air in triumph) YES, YES!
(Joey comes out from his room)
(Joey has a "Yeah you do" smile on his face)
(They shake hands, he walks out and shuts the door, then seems to change his mind, moves to open the door, than changes his mind again and leans over the door. Just then, Rachel opens the door)
(Mike takes off his coat to give to Phoebe and the steel band plays "The Wedding Song")
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]
Joey: Yeah? I just figured yknow, after living with you itd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, yknow? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone whos different than me. And whats more different than me; a guy whos not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? (Points to his head.) Not just a hat rack my friend!
Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, partys over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parents basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right.
Rachel: Oh wow! What now Ross youre not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute, I know. (Mimics his breathing.) I mean youd think the damn jalepeno wouldve cleared up your sinuses, but no!! Thats not enough (Ross jumps over and kisses her.) What are you doing?!
Chandler: I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.
RACH: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?
(Ross looks at Joey, dumbfounded at his stupidity.)
Mike: (raising his glass) Thank you guys for having us over.
Ross: Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
(Ross enters with a bottle in his hand)
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
Maitre d': Mr Campbell's not here yet. Let me show you to his table.
Rachel: Oh, thank you... (looks at his face trying to remember his name)
RACH: Oh, no, Michael, it's not you. I'm sorry, it's just, it's this thing. It's probably not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is, is getting a cat with his girlfriend.
Chandler: (with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go.
[Scene: Ross and his date walk into a lobby. They are both wearing their jackets]
Mr Zelner: Yeah, his name is Ross. (Ross looks very surprised) What?
Ross: Yeah! Yes! Thank you! This is great. Thank you so much. And I swear, your kid is going to have the time of his life.
Chandler: No, no, Ross and Rachel will be back soon and then I gotta go to the office (Pulls another balloon out of his mouth) Am I producing them?
Joey: (going out with the VCR in his hand) Well, I guess we'll never know whose it is!
Chandler: Yknow what? I dont trust you with this cake anymore! And I got it first, and Im takin it back! (Grabs the cheesecake and heads for his apartment.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He walks in reading his mail, and plays back his messages on the answering machine]
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is working on his laptop when Rachel enters with Emma.]
Rachel: Well uh, his answering machine was very understanding. Ugh. I feel blue.
CHANDLER: All right. (reading her answer) "My husband is sleeping with his secretary." She's married!
MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.
(Joey takes the bubble wrap off his head)
Amy: Why, did something happen to his falafel cart?
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Phoebe: But no, because a doctor wont be able to help him, its just gonna yknow naturally pass through his system in like seven years.
Phoebe: Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes.
Rachel: I think I'm gonna take off. (pats Ross on his back, but he looks very surprised)
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)
(Chandler enters carrying his daughter.)
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
(He brings his hands in closer to his face then does it again.)
Chandler: Oh, yes. Well its very beautiful. Its cream-colored and tight [Realizes what he just said and looks worried. Monica and Ross also looked shocked. Judy and Jack give Chandler a very dirty look.] I dont mean tight, I mean its not too tight, not that I was looking at-[giving up all hope, he puts his head into his hands.]
Rachel: Okay, well you had asked me how long we had known each other, and I said, "Eight years." And the um, waiter came over and cut his tip in half, and umm now here we are.
(Ross opens his eyes.)
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Eric: Not really. You youre blurry, but you still look like Ursula. Youre Blursula. Okay wait. Maybe If I-if I just dont look at you for a while. (Stands up and turns his back to her.) See? It it works. Im not, Im not angry at all anymore! This is a great date!
Joey: Because its all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And Im not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.)
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
Rachel: Well of course I do! But yknow, favorite returning character is a tough category Joey. I mean youre up against the guy who survived his own cremation.
MR. BOYLE: All right, kids. Here's the deal. According to my client's will, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine".
(They move on the couch and start kissing again. Joey does his grazing on Rachel’s thigh and she slaps his hand)
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea. (he mimes hitting his head with his fist)
JOEY: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was thinking maybe you could bring him.....Hello? Hello? (picks up a statue of an Indian and walks into his room)
Joey: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, theres Carol again!
PHOEBE: Oh yeah. You know, I don't know if I was happier when um George Bailey destroyed the family business or um, Donna Reid cried, or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.
Earl: Well I only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his office that reads, "Todays Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it back.
[Scene: Cole-Geddes Casting Agency, Joey is there on his audition and thinking about that 2,000 bucks for the twins study.]
(There are scratching and squeaking noises coming from the living room, and Joey wakes up, terrified. He pulls his blanket higher. The doorknob is turning.)
Chandler: Mike didn't tell you? You have to chose one of us to be in your wedding. One of his groomsmen fell out.
JOEY: You want his yearbook?
Ross: (hitting Monica with his suitcase) (to Charlie) We should probably get going, you know, we got a lot of ground to cover.
[Scene: Rosss classroom, he has just finished his lecture and the students are filing out.]
[Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.]
Rachel: Oh wait, dont you have to pay for your, (looks at his magazine) Busty Ladies?
Joey: Yeah, I-I-I'm down with that. (He turns back to the woman.) Okay, here goes. (Thinks.) How (Holds up his hand like an Indian) you (Points at her) a-doin'? (Does a little twisting motion with both hands and ends up pointing at her, he then winks. She smiles and waves again.) (To Monica) It worked! She's waving me over. (Towards the woman.) Okay, I-I-I'll be right over. Let's see, she's on the third floor
Mike: Hey! You made it. Great! Chappy! Hi! (kisses his dad) Hi! (kisses his mom) Mom, I know getting married in the street isn't something you approve of...
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
Chandler: Yknow, I knew something like this was going to happen. (He starts to take off his pants, revealing that he is still wearing his sweat pants.)
(They start making out and she kicks the eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta off of his apothecary table from the days of yore and the magical city of White Plains.)
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
Monica: Okay. (Climbs back on his back.) All right.
Chandler: Ohh! (He quickly removes his hand and looks at it.)
Chandler: (Proceeding with his dinner) We're teeth people Zack!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Ross: Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she like freaks out. Watch! Watch! (He takes his finger and moves it towards his eye.)
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
[Time lapse. Bobby is talking about his grandfather. Everyone else is virtually in tears]
Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!
(She exits and as Chandler picks up his coat, the phone rings and the answering machine gets it.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is blowing a note from his beer bottle.� Ross stares off to the side.)
(Joey takes the plastic container to his mouth and starts to drink. Most of the milk gushes from the bottle down his chin and over his clothes to the floor. He keeps "drinking" and all of a sudden he lifts it up and half the bottle of milk pours out in an instant. He then continues to drink the rest. He then puts the empty container down on the counter.)
Ross: (Giggling) Hmm-Hmm-Hmm. (Picking up a piece of bread and covering his mouth.) Me, neither. Ive had a really good time too, you know. (Putting the bread down.)
JOEY: (sniffs his shirt.)� Oh yeah.� I rubbed a magazine on myself earlier.
Ross: Well, I have a PhD, so... (assistant walk out, not impressed by this statement) (Ross takes his bathrobe off and he enters the tanning booth. He stands up in front of the red light and the sprayer starts and sprays his face and torso)
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
[Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
Ross: Ahh, sorry, nothing you can do about it. Its one of my ah, rights as the ex-boyfriend. (closes his eyes again) Oop, oh yeah!
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
ROSS: I'm sorry, my pie was, was in your hood. Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7. [swats at an imaginary insect by his head, guy leaves promptly]