words in movies
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
[Scene: Joey in his hotel in room in Barbados]
(Trying on a hat and talking to his own reflection in the mirror)
Charlie: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
Joey: I wasn't gonna swim, I was gonna dig a hole! (removes a small plastic spade used by children to play on the beach from his backpack)
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
[Scene: Ross's hotel room. Ross and is reading his keynote speech to Charlie from his laptop]
Charlie: Ross just read me his speech. It's fantastic!
[Time lapse: Ross looks likes he's been trying to fix his computer but just closes it as if giving up]
[Scene: Mike's apartment. His phone rings and he picks up]
Charlie: Didn't you feel so stupid that you didn't see the signs? My fiancé was always going away on these long weekends with his tennis partner.
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!
David: That's fair, you've had a long trip. (he leaves his seat to Mike, and stands there looking for a chair. He finally goes to Monica and Chandler's table)
[Scene: Conference room. Ross is making his keynote speech]
Ross: (concluding his speech)... in a very real way we can bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century. (pauses) Thank you!
(Everybody stands up and applauds. Ross looks flattered and surprised. His friends and other members of the audience go to congratulate him)
Ross: (with a frozen smile on his face, realizing something's wrong with Jarvis) Ok... now... now we're just holding hands! (pulls his hand away)
(Rachel, Joey and Chandler pat him on his shoulders and walk off, together with Monica)
Ross: (realizing his joke wasn't so good, but still giggling) Look, I took it too far!
Chandler: She gets crazy! This scar (points to his forehead) is from Pictionary!
Mike: Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.
(They shake hands, he walks out and shuts the door, then seems to change his mind, moves to open the door, than changes his mind again and leans over the door. Just then, Rachel opens the door)
[Scene: Hotel's bar. Ross is running to Charlie trying not to be seen with two cocktails in his hands. She's hidden behind a huge plant]
(Joey says nothing, but enters the room and kisses her. They are kissing passionately only to stop for a brief "oh" from Rachel. They continue their passionate kiss and Joey closes the door with his foot and it shuts in the camera's "face". And that's the end of the ninth season.)
[The next one is from Episode 603: The One With Rosss Denial, Joey is amazing Phoebe and Monica by holding his breath.]
Monica: (entering) Ross (who has his foot on the coffee table), foot on the floor or come over no more!
Chandler: Look out kids, hes coming! (Ross continues to leave with his head down in shame.)
[Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]
(Monica takes the bear, grabs his hat, and rips off his head.)
MONICA: Wow, for a guy who's recently lost his job, you're in an awfully good mood.
MNCA: Alright, here you go, sweetie. [hands Fun Bobby his coffee]
Woman: Im pressing, a policeman is on his way.
Monica: So, you think you'll do it on his couch?
Rachel: Yeah! His name is um, Mark something.
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. (He starts to sit down on the bed. There's one problem though, he's about two feet to the left of it. Needless to say, he misses and falls on his butt.) (Looking up at Joey.) Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?
Joey: No, come on Ross! (He grabs his bag so he cant leave) Look, Ross, we have to get past this.
Ross: (to Rachel, as she gets his number) What, he gave you his home number? As in like, to, to his home?
Joeys Sister: (whispering in his ear) Just do it.
(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out. Ross clutches his chest.)
[Cut to the elevator lobby, Phoebe walks up and sees a man in a wheelchair with his broken leg extended.]
MONICA: So what, he's a little older, big deal, I mean he's important to me. Ya know if you ask him, he might take you on his Jag. [walks off]
Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.)
Joey: What the?! (Joey pounds the table and starts yelling at Rachel, and which is drowned out by applause. Rachel is desperately trying to tell Joey that hes on TV right now. He finally notices and he does his gracious loser face.)
Chandler: (following Monica) We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didnt think we could make it. (He goes to put his hands on Monicas shoulders but for some reason can quite complete the action and pulls back.)
Steve: Oh look, you don't have to give it too me right now! You can slip it under my door. (Points to his apartment across the hall.)
Phoebe: (to one of his sisters, Cookie) Hey!
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
(Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune.)
Ross: Okay, come on! (blows on the dice) Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! (They all look at him, and he shuts up and rolls the dice.) (he moves his piece) Okay. (reading a card) Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and lets see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.
Richard: (standing behind her, without his moustache) I can help with that.
Rachel: Oh honey, this is his office too. I told you we're Joanna's two assistants.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are sitting on the couch. He's showing her the pictures in his wallet.]
(Ross nods his head.)
Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here for his adjustment.
Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)
Chandler: Youve got it. (he starts to look at his sisters, but he still doesnt know which one is Mary-Angela.)
[Scene: Chandler's Office. Chandler is playing with a toy as his boss Mr. Douglas knocks and opens the door.]
Ross: Ohhhhh yeah, that's, that's funny. Why ah, why isn't he goofing around in his own office?
Chandler: Yeah, hes really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an optionwhat's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
Joey: Hey, Pheebs! Check-check this out. (Holds up his hand in one of Phoebe's chords.)
Phoebe: God, I hope they kick his ass!
Chandler: (to Joey) Well hes probably mad after you called him this morning to borrow his goggles.
Rachel: Oh. (puts her hand over his mouth)
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
Monica: Oh, can I borrow this? (points to his milk) My milks gone bad.
CHANDLER: OK that's not what he was doing. Alright, he was looking for his bus money.
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Phoebe: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I dont know where his country is.
CHAN: And we're changing. [jogs back in his apartment]
[Scene: The lecture, Rachel is listening closely, Ross is bored out of his mind.]
Joey: (entering, limping, and holding his arm) I dont like this anymore. (He sits down with them in pain.)
Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, its all Joeys fault, cause he left his nose open!
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the size of his Christmas Balls.
[Scene: Rosss Kitchen, Ross is taking some aspirin and checking his messages.]
Rachel: Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with me. (Ross has a worried look on his face) What?
(There's booing around them, and Mike sinks in his chair, holding his hand in above his eyes, hoping no-one would recognize him)
Ross: Its okay if he bumps his head, kids bump their heads all the time, y'know, it was your first time babysitting, I figured you did the best you could.
Phoebe: Oh, its Ross on one of his drives!
Dina: I cant believe shes really gone. Look around you, all of this is ours. (They move into kiss but; theyre stopped by Joey entering with a huge bandage wrapped around his head.)
(He picks up his bat and holds it up, but then Monica and Laura enter the living room again. When Laura sees Joey, she freezes...)
[Scene: Outside Chandlers Office, Chandler is just about to go into his office when Bob calls for him from behind.]
(Ross lets them both sit in his chair.)
[Scene: Frank's tailor shop, Chandler is getting his pants measured.]
Rachel: Yes, Joey, I remember, she's annoying, but you know what she's-she's his girlfriend now. I mean what can we do?
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
JOEY: (entering) Man, I got this close to him (holds up his fingers) and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on?
Chandler: Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?!
[Scene: Rachels office, Mark is packing his stuff into a box.]
Chandler: Cause its-its not his last name.
(Joey whispers in Rachels ear to confirm his response.)
Phoebe: Ahh, his work is done.
Rachel: I dont know, his uh, his hair never really bothered me that much, and yknow it was always more crunchy than it was greasy.
[Chandler crumples up his cigarette pack and throws it on the ground.]
Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!
Kate: And then she could rip off his shirt and kiss his chest, and, and his stomach!
Chandler: (coming up under center, just like a real quarterback does, and puts his hands between Rosss legs.) Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! (Ross stands up and looks at him) You wanna go shotgun?
ROSS: Alright you know, why don't I just meet you upstairs. [Drops her on the couch and walks out holding his lower back.]
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
Phoebe: Okay, ah, before you get all talky again, umm, could you also please tell Sergei that I really like his suit.
Rachel: What a jerk! You want me to kick his ass?
Monica: Maybe we could call the phone company. Maybe they could change the message. Maybe they can change his number.
Ross: Well, hes finally alseep. About that ah, bump on his head?
Ross: (in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching)
Joey: Why did I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couldn't I have said... (Looks through his address book) There's no guy in there!
(In horror, Joey wipes his neck and smells it.)
Ross: (checks his watch) Sure, okay.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is setting up for his time with Marcel. Joey is there.]
Chandler: I confronted her, and she didnt deny it! (Pause) I dont live here! (Goes back into his apartment and they all follow him.)
(They start making out. She opens his shirt and feels inside and stops.)
Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back.
Ross: Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I? (Pokes his eye)
[Chandler and Monica are by the window pressuring Ross to tell his parents the truth.]
Mrs. Tribbiani: Of course I knew! What did you think? Your father is no James Bond. You should've heard some of his cover stories. "I'm sleeping over at my accountant's," I mean, what is that? Please!
Ross: Wait, wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall! How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello? (he slowly turns and the spraying begins, on his face) Ah, oh, ah! (he turns, but then he turns again and is sprayed in the front again) Ah! (he spits and angrily goes out of the spray-on tan booth and the assistant enters the room) The same thing happened again!
[Scene: Joey's room: Joey is sitting on his bed reading DooL transcript when Rachel walks in]
Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer). This old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his tight pants.)
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is returning from her disastrous attempt at an affair to find that Barry was much, much more successful with his.]
Ross: Oh sure, "Ross will do it!" Its not like he has a job, or a child, or a life of his own.
Phoebe: No-no-no oh, keep your name, dont take his name.
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Chandler: No. He.....hes coming out of his shorts.