words in movies
[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
Chandler: Y'know, I can't believe I'm getting my nails done! And you said it was gonna be fun! (pause) Which it kinda is. Also, you said there would be other guys here. There are no other guys here!
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Joey: I know what it did! Nothing.
Janice: Oh well, Im divorced.
Janice: Yeah, Im riding the alimony pony. (Does the now famous laugh.)
Janice: I just came up to say, "Hi!" Hi! (to Chandler) And you, sweetie, Ill see you tonight.
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)
Phoebe: What?! I thought you were crazy about her!
Chandler: Yeah, I know, but all of those little annoying things she did before we fell in love? Like her voice, her laugh, her personalityWell, theyre all back! Yknow? And shes picked up like nine new ones!
Chandler: Dont worry about it. Im taking care of it tonight. (Chandler opens the fridge and grabs something to drink.)
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around and then back at Joey.) Im tellin ya!
Emily: I cant believe you really walk alone here! I mean, you hear such stories about New York.
Ross: No, its really not that bad. I mean, I-I for one, feel perfectly safe.
Emily: So how are you? Ive been meaning to ring you ever since I arrived but umm, well, Ive been rather busy.
Emily: Oh my God. I think youre right.
Liam: (puts his arm around her) Well, actually the last time you and I saw each other was that morning.
Ross: Oh, Liam. So uh, what, were you guys playing soccer or somethingor should I call it (In an English accent) football?
Emily: (laughs) Ross play rugby? I dont think so.
Emily: Well I mean, youre American to start with. You dont even have rugby here.
Janice: Oh boy, I just love to sing!
Chandler: Yes, I-I know that you do, but I think one of the reasons people were complaining though, was that they paid to hear the actor sing Old Man River.
Chandler: (laughs) Okay, we have to talk. Im just getting out of a very serious relationship
Janice: I know! And Im just getting out of a marriage, I mean talk about meant to be!
Chandler: Right! I just think that this is happening too soon.
Janice: Oh, too soon, too schmoon. Face it honey, I am not letting you get away this time.
Chandler: I hear ya. (Pause) But! Unfortunately, my company is transferring me overseas!
Chandler: Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? (Thinks) Yemen. Thats right, yes, Im being transferred to Yemen!
Chandler: I dont know exactly.
Janice: Ugh, well I will just have to soak up every once of Chandler Bing until that moment comes.
Chandler: But I do know that its some time tomorrow.
Monica: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them dont work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
Joey: (to Rachel) I bet I stopped listening before you did.
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
Phoebe: Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.
Ross: Oh, just hold on a second. Im watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I dont know what the big deal is. Im man enough to play this sport.
Chandler: Well, I-I thought I did but, I-I guess I did not!
Chandler: Oh, Im packing. Yknow Im-Im packing cause Im moving to Yemen tomorrow.
Chandler: Im only going to pretend Im moving to Yemen, its the only way I can get rid off her.
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, I do that cause it makes me look taller.
Joey: Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I cant believe you said youd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
Ross: Hey, I can handle it! All right?
Ross: Well, you shouldve seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, hes like Joe Rugby.
Phoebe: Youre kidding! And he plays rugby?! Thats so funny. (Realises) Ohh! I see how you did that. All right.
Ross: Anyway, she thought the very idea of me playing rugby with him was like hilarious. So Im gonna show her how tough I really am!
Rachel: (starts laughing, Ross stares at her) Im sorry. Im sorry. Youre right, you are a tough guy. Youre the toughest palaeontologist I know.
Ross: Look, dont worry about me. Okay? Ill just stay real energetic and stay away from the ball. Ill uh, Ill be that guy right out of the circle. (He points to a player who starts running and then gets viscously tackled from behind.)
Emily: Im just going to say hi to the lads. All right?
Phoebe: Whoa! (The player leaves and to Joey) I kinda liked it.
Ross: Okay, I know what I have to do. Ive got to go Red Ross. (Joey and Phoebe dont know what hes talking about.) Yknow, Red Ross!
Joey: I totally dont know what youre talking about.
Ross: Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves and that one guy cut in line in front of us and I just lost it?! Screamed at him! Turned all red! Red Ross!!
Rachel: No. But I was showing him some cufflinks and I felt his pulse.
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay should I be scared?
Monica: I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.
Chandler: Well, were really not that close. (Pause) Okay, so I guess this is uh, good-bye then.
Janice: On no! No! Its not good-bye, Im not leaving until you get on that plane.
Chandler: Okay. Then I guess its just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no. No, no, no, I just, I just need a pretend ticket.
Ticket Counter Attendant: Im sorry sir, I dont understand.
Chandler: No. All right, yknow what, shes (Points to Janice) gonna think that Im handing you a credit card, but what Im really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Emily: I cant believe theyre doing that to him! I told them to go easy on him!
Ross: Did you see me? I was pretty good, huh? That is one fun game!
Ross: Thanks. (When shes gone he collapses into Joey.) I-I think Im dying. I really do.
Ross: (to Phoebe) Tell my son that I love him. (Emily returns with the water.) Excellent! Well, okay, I gotta have some more fun!
Ross: What? No! No, Im not stopping. Im Red Ross!
Ross: I dont care! I am not quitting! I insist on finishing this game!
Emily: No. Thats not what Im saying. I just may know a few things that might help you inflict some pain.
Ross: I like that.
Emily: And that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh, and David over there, I heard he doesnt wear a cup.
Ross: Yeah? I can use that, trick hip, no cup, okay! Okay!
Emily: I dont care! You just get him!
Ross: Im gonna go get him! Okay, I am going back in! (Squeals like a madman.)
Monica: Oh, just some pictures I made and hung up. I thought theyd brighten up the place. They do dont you think?
Monica: I know that theres no hole there, I just really liked that picture.
Monica: Okay, but there is a wire back there! I mean that switch is connected to something!
Rachel: I dont care! The wires have come loose in your head!
Monica: I just thought that if I could follow the wire I could find out what it did.
Monica: No. It disappears back there behind that baseboard. For a minute there, I thought it went downstairs.
Ross: Oh no! That-thatll just bring me down! This was great! I mean I-I-I was great! This is a great day! Yknow what? Im buying everyone coffee. All right? If someone would just grab my wallet, its in my pocket.
Joey: Uhh, look, your eyes still popping out a little, Im gonna go get some ice.
Phoebe: Ooh, ice! I am so in the mood for ice! (They go and get the coffee and the ice leaving Ross and Emily alone.)
Ross: Oh, I kinda was, wasnt I?
Ross: I made a man twice my size cry. I mean, I havent done that since I was four and I washed my dads Porsche with rocks.
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody noseI mean I-Im not proud of it but, I really am. And its all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Emily: I think youve got concussion.
Ross: No, no, Im serious. Thank you.
Emily: Youre welcome. (She hugs him tightly and he winces.) Im sorry. Did I hurt you?
Chandler: Well, I-I guess I gotta go.
Janice: Oh, my Bing-a-ling. Ill wait for you. Do you even know how long youre going to be gone?
Janice: Oh. Well, Ill right you everyday. (Reading the address) 15 Yemen Road, Yemen.
Chandler: Janice! There you are! There you are! I had to have one last kiss, and also-also you said that you were going to leave right after I got on the plane!
Janice: No! No! I wanna see you take-off.
Chandler: Well, I then guess Im going to Yemen! Im going to Yemen! (To this old woman also going to Yemen.) When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?
Monica: All right. The super couldnt figure out what it did. A $200 an hour electrician couldnt figure out what it did. Ive had seven pretty serious shocks. I officially give up.
Monica: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
Phoebe: See? Im doing it. I am totally doing it. (Suddenly it stops working.) I lost it.
Joey: Yeah, did I fool ya?
Ross: I know when Im 90 shell be like 80 and it wont seem like such a big difference.
Rachel: No Yeah, all the time, constantly. It's terrifying. But you know that I figure it it has to work out.
Ross: (entering) Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay, clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?
Chandler: Yeah okay, I was just talking to the guys. Just look at them I mean, is it okay if they come visit?
Chandler: Yes, and I was saying the actual words.
Joey: Oh yeah, I added three.
Chandler: (looks down at his clothes) Am I naked again?!
Chandler: Well Ive-Ive never done that with you before.
Chandler: I messed up. Okay? Im sorry, I really messed up.
Chandler: Im not even getting married! Okay, this is a question for science fiction writers!
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
Rachel: I cant talk to you. I cant even look at you right now!
Ross: Hmm? (Turns around and sees that its Elizabeth) Oh, a student I dont know.
Joey: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.
Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her.
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and
Monica: Oh my God, it was the best funeral ever! I mean, everyone loved the food, and guess what? I even got another funeral for tomorrowthe dead-guy-from-today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident!
Phoebe: Oh no, no, no, no... That's okay, that's okay... I mean, I'm... I am a vegetarian... except for veal... Yeah no, veal I love...
Chandler: Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
Ross: Sure, because women never like Joey. Yknow, I think hes a virgin.
Chandler: I cant believe I did this! What an idiot!
RACHEL: Yes, but I, I think about who's apartment we're gonna sleep at tomorrow night and, and where we're gonna have dinner next Saturday night. I do not think about what our childrens' names are gonna be. You know what our childrens names are gonna be.
Joey: Yeah! Much! Listen uh, not that Im yknow insecure about my manhood or anything yknow, but I think I need to hook up with a woman like right now.
Ross: I fell asleep!
Ross: I didnt know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didnt finish the whole letter!
Ross: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
Chandler: (coming out from behind the door) I KNEW IT!!!!
Phoebe: (entering from Rachel's bedroom) I found it!
Rachel: I did not sell you out.
Phoebe: Probably? Yeah, I don't like that word. (Chandler and Monica look surprised) Kind of what probably really means. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, oh, "Your mom probably won't kill herself," yknow? I'm sorry, but I'm not hanging all my hopes of Rachel and I living together on-on "Probably!" Yknow? You gotta take care of yourselves! (She starts to walk out) In this world history teaches us nothing! (Exits)
Ross: Thats okay. Shes still in there enjoying her fake party and uh, its too late to do any of the things I had planned, so
Monica: I wont give you anything, but youll owe me 2.95.
Phoebe: I know! I know! I know!
Leslie: Yeah, but, I dont do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldnt come up with anything good, so they fired me.
Phoebe: Alright, now I will let go if you both stop.
Dina: Joey, I am scared to death about this. But I really think I can do it, Im just gonna need some help. And Bobbys gonna be here the whole time.
Joey: Look Chandler, it was instinct! Okay? I just went for it!
Chandler: Youre right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Joey: Oh, well Im uh
Joey: Oh wow! Okay man, Im sorry. I did not mean to make you feel bad.
Joey: I cant believe this Chandler!
Chandler: (angrily) Is that supposed to be funny! I was really worried over here!
Phoebe: All right I I gotta call my mom and ask her a left handed cooking question.
Joey: Wow! (Back to reading the scene.) Well then Ill just have to carry you.
Chandler: I think so. Yeah, get off me.
Chandler: Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won YOU over, didnt I?
Jill: (To Ross) And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you?
Ross: What? No! Of course, of course I do! Are-are they gone?
Ross: Thank you! And I have to say that first scene when you meet Mac
Ross: Oh my God. I mean
Chandler: Yknow I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal.
Monica: I think our lovers spat will start a little early this month.
Phoebe: (in a sexy voice to Chandler) Ill be waiting.
Chandler: (totally not crying) Well see now that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon!
Phoebe: I want to see what he wants first.
Chandler: Don't ask me, I was in there canoodling you!
Chandler: Yeah, I wanted to make a dramatic scene, but I hate packing.
Joey: Okay. Hey uh, when do I get to meet the robot?
MONICA: And, well, don't you have a lot of wild oats to sew? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh my God, am I an oat?
Ross: We are four short of a bush-o (pause). God I feel so alive, I love being in the country!
Joey: They uh director. Uhh, her. (Points to an old woman standing behind him. Who glares at him and walks off.) All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here.
Ross: No. No. You-you can't help. I mean, I kinda have to do this without your help.
Joey: Im sorry, it justI dont know it doesnt really look like it can do anything.
Paul: Im Irish.
Dr. Gettleman: (To a patient) I think you just have a cold, it's definitely not Strep.
Monica: All right Rach, for what its worth, I think that youre doing great. I mean yknow lets face it, no one handles this well.
Rachel: No, no dont get mad because lookthis is what happened. So I-I started packing, then I realized, "What am I doing? I am lousy at packing!" Right? But you love packing! So, as a gift to you, on our last night, ta-da!
Joey: Hmm thats weird. I dont remember being in a move called benefits lapsed.
Paul: I get that a lot.
Paul: I usually prefer Elizabeths boyfriends to address me as Mr. Stevens.
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, its me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
Paul: I had a sister.
JOEY: What? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids. Come on, we wanna do it, don't we?
Paul: Im already here.
Joey: I can still hear you!
Rachel: Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. (Sitting down on the couch.) You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren.
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Rachel: Oh, Sophie, I guess you didnt hear about Joanna
Paul: Im just me, my wife died shortly after Lizzie was born.
Paul: Yes I did.
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
CHANDLER: Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? Ya know, because I think actually mine's growing back.
Monica: Its harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!
Rachel: Oh no! Yes! Of course, I know that! I justI meant yknow are you still a We or are you just You?
Monica: I am!! (Enter her room and closes the door behind her.)
Monica: I dont know. (Picks up a big plate from the coffee table.) Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.
Joey: Pretty great! Except I did get a little attitude from the robot.
Rachel: I was just getting him to like you.
Ross: Okay, Ill just wait for him in here!
Chandler: I bet he can.
Paul: Ill call you later. Bye Ross. (Leaves)
Rachel: Ross, whats the big deal? So I kissed the guy!
Monica: And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a (aloud) HOTTY!! (Charlie looks at her) HI!
Rachel: Of course I packed! Monica relax! I just wanted to ask Phoebe her opinion on what I should wear tonight.
Monica: Yeah! Thats why Im sleeping with him on the side.
Phoebe: Im not writing about you! Im writing about other people.
Phoebe: I see what youre doing!
Monica: (still writing) Phyllis sees what Im doing.
PHOEBE: Yeah. Oh, except one of the strings on my guitar is broken. Hey, Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?