words in movies
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.
Rachel: Barry who I almost.
Ross: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. (Marcel brings the rice) Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. (Rachel ignores him) 'Bring me the' and- Rach?
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.
Rachel: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody.
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...
Ross: Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there.
Rachel: Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? Y'know? Someone who's like, who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?
Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very often, someone who you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes, might just be the one who...
Joey: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long as there's a little nudity.
Joey: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to see Lou Grant frolicking.
Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!
Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this discussion.
Joey: I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.
Chandler: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened already?
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
Ross: Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my monkey...
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Rachel: I don't know. The left one.
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.
Rachel: Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I gonna do?
Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it?
Mr. Heckles: I wasn't ready for it.
Rachel: Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? Let's not drink it here. I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark?
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-
Rachel: Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this.
Rachel: Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him.
Ross: (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment.
Rachel: I know, I know, I'm sorry-
Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.
Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?
Ross: That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the apartment!
Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!
Luisa: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in home room!
Luisa: You have no idea who I am, do you.
Luisa: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'?
Luisa: I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's mine. (Leaves)
Woman No. 1: Hi, can I help you?
Woman No. 2: Did I put too much rum in here?
Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Ross: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel any more!
Rachel: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.
Ross: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings...
Ross: I don't even wanna hear it, you're just...
Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey.
Ross: Alright, I want my monkey.
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Rachel: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart?
Ross: Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's just I...
Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your...
Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. (He sits down and starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...
Barry: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm still in love with you.
Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.
Joey: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties and dating and sex.
Chandler: Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.
Phoebe: I know, it's tough. You know what the first thing I did after my mother's funeral was?
Joey: Well, so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.
Rachel: I did not know you spoke French.
Ross: I can't believe we're gonna be the only people that aren't in this wedding.
Phoebe: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
Rachel: What? Ross and Charlie? (Joey nods) Wow! She's really making her way through the group, huh? Ah, who am I to talk?
Rachel: Oh, I really could.
Ross: Ok, ok. I'm gonna come out to Long Island with you, I mean, you can't be alone right now.
Joey: Look I dont know this baby. I dont know if shes a famous artist or not. You know, and I dont want to be a jerk but youre changing too much around here.
Monica: I want you to meet someone really special. Phoebe, this is Erica. And this is the baby!
Mona: No, its still wet. Yknow what? Let me get it out before it sets. Ooh, I have something you can wear. Here. (Hands him Rosss shirt.)
Erica: Thank you. It's really nice to meet you guys, I can't believe I'm here!
Rachel: Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore. I mean you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting. This could be the simple wedding you've always wanted!
Steve: I silk-screen t-shirts now.
Joey: Yeah? I just figured yknow, after living with you itd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, yknow? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone whos different than me. And whats more different than me; a guy whos not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? (Points to his head.) Not just a hat rack my friend!
Ross: Well, I came with Rachel, who should be back any second! (pause) So what's new?
Kathy: (on phone) Hey. (listens) Oh no its fine, dont worry about it. (listens) Yeah-no, stop apologizing, its okay. (listens) Yeah! Ill talk to you tomorrow. (hangs up) (to Chandler) I should uh, probably go.
Phoebe: Ok, it's too hard, I can't teach you!
Ross: I didnt know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didnt finish the whole letter!
Rachel: Ok I gotta tell ya, it's really weird when you use my whole name.
Rachel: (she's sad) Ow. I don't want him to wake up alone! I should go to the hospital!
Rachel: I just don't want to be alone tonight.
Joey: Yeah well, Im guessing after this shes not going to be crazy about electricity either.
{Oh, all right! Geez, I can't have any fun!}
Rachel: Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like Im going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of morning sickness, and Im wearing underwear that goes up to about (She snaps the waistband on her underwear that is just slightly below her breasts) there.
Rachel: Oh wow! What now Ross youre not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute, I know. (Mimics his breathing.) I mean youd think the damn jalepeno wouldve cleared up your sinuses, but no!! Thats not enough (Ross jumps over and kisses her.) What are you doing?!
Girl: Whatd you think I was, a hooker?
Monica: All right, all right! Lets just cut to the chase, okay? (To Phoebe) Youre single. (To Tim) Youre single. (To Phoebe) He gets off work at eleven. (To Tim) Shell be waiting for your call. (To Phoebe) Ill give him your number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! (Everyone in the kitchen stops.) I did not yell. I am not putting a dollar in the jar.
Joey: I now pronounce you... husband and wife.
Chandler: (looks surprised) What!? Of course I did!
Rachel: I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, "I'll just tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours." And he said, "Laundry? Is that my new nickname?" And you said, "No! You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big."
Rachel: No, wait. No there's gotta be something else that you can do. I mean, what skills do you have?
Rachel: Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear your head, I think itd be really good.
Phoebe: Really, can I hear some of it.
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!!
Monica: Okay, the reason why I asked you guys out to brunch today is because I have been doing some thinking about who should be my maid of honor.
Phoebe: But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks.
Joey: Oh, no, that's okay, I don't need your help. I worked on it myself and I gotta say, I am pretty good!
Joey: What!? But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda!
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Ross: Hey, I was looking out for you.
Karin: Actually, Im dating at all anymore. See, I figured out that I was only dating guys that were like yknow bad for me, so until I work that out
Ross: (half amused) Wait, wait, (looks around a little) You're mad at me about last night? I was just trying to do the right thing.
Charlie: You know... I feel so bad! I haven't seen you this whole trip and (pauses) especially last night...
Monica: Nope, she doesn't have to, I found out who the father is.
Rachel: Yeah, well Bettys kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. (Holding up the box of chocolates.) Now, while I distract her, you get in the office.
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Chandler: All right, but you cant use that again for a whole year. Im in.
Phoebe: Umm, I lost one of your earrings. I'm sorry! I am so, so sorry!
Chandler: Yeah, I know what youre thinkin! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.
Ross: So uh... I guess I wanna take off.
Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.) Okay, dont believe me, I know Im rightdo you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?
Ross: WhatYoure not serious. I mean shes a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her. Shell drive us totally crazy.
Rachel: Well, I guess that's all in the past, now.
Rachel: Okay... Hey listen, just before you go I-I again, I just wanna say "thank you" for coming with me.
Rachel: It's a shame though, I mean, when we did it, it was pretty good.
Ross: ...I hate waste.
Joey: That I can do.
Monica: (her hair bigger then before) I can't believe it's raining again! Oh, it's so unfair!!!
Joey: No-no-no! Look, Ive been thinking about it. Im an actor right? So I wont get nervous talking in front of people.
Chandler: Yeah, I don't know why we hang out with married couples more often.
Rachel: (entering) Okay, stop what youre doing, I need envelope stuffers, I need stamp lickers.....
Joshua: All those things I said about not being ready
Monica: Then, Id steer clear of Phoebe.
Ross: (entering) Hey, you guys... I have great news.
Monica: I don't know who I'm happiest for...
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Phoebe: What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something? Ooh, I like it.
Monica: All right. I know you're not happy about us moving, but you're the only one who hasn't seen the house.
Ross: But if I hadn't walked in here, would you..?
Roy: Ooh, boy. You should warn people there's no elevator! I should not have had that Mexican food for lunch.
Joey: Hey, hey... I can convince people to do anything, you know. I bet I can even get Mike to do that "thing". What is it?
Joey: Well, why dont you tell me what youre supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell cant figure it out! I talk to you and nothin. You look at me, and its nothin. (He kisses her) Nothing.
Ross: Look. Look, my mom gave me that ring because she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but all I wanted to do is if she maybe kinda wanted ah start things up again.
Clerk: How can I help you?
Phoebe: Well, not anything, I mean...
Chandler: Forget it! Okay, Im not giving up my bachelor pad for some basketball seats!
Rachel: Really, I shouldn't feel guilty?
Phoebe: Oh, not anymore. I changed it today.
Joey: (takes her hand) Listen, I hope... that you know... (has difficulty saying it) I don't want you to see your father cry, GO TO YOUR ROOM!
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh-no-no-no! Dont! Dont! See-see, youre getting me confused, Im starting to urn.
Joey: After she gave me that big speech?! She goes and makes a date with a guy on the same night she has plans with me? I think shes trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy!
Rachel: Wha... My resumé? I wouldn't... I wouldn't call my online dating profile a resumé.
Ross: Great. I feel like an idiot.
Rachel: (crying) No, it's not that. I got fired today. And I didn't get the other job.
MRS. GREENE: Oh well thank you. Such a gentleman. Thank you. [Chandler takes the hot pink coat and grimaces at it] Ahh, it all looks so nice, so festive, all the balloons... [Chandler, remembering that Joey and Mr. Greene are in the bedroom, throws her coat in a cupboard] The funniest thing happened to me on the way here. I was...[Joey peeks out]
Mike: Ah! I missed you
Joey: I-I did! I told her everything, Chandler! But she wouldnt believe me.
Mike: I intend to marry her.
Phoebe: Uhu, uhu, well, then, great. If you love it, I love it.
Mackenzie: (sighs) I hate my parents.
Phoebe: And I love Crap.
Mike: I do love it, and I love your name. I love Princess Consuela.
Ross: Because I am bored...Out of my mind. Ive already been to the bank, post office, and the dry cleaners.
Chandler: I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work stuff and/or are sick.
Mackenzie: I really don't.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, I guess.
Joey: What am I gonna do, I feel like I'm losing my friends.
Mackenzie: I read a lot.
Man: Hey Rach, I just heard. I'm so sorry.