words in movies
[Flashback to Joeys thirtieth birthday party. It is being held in Monica and Chandlers apartment.]
Joey: (screaming) Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!! (He buries his head in Phoebes lap for comfort.)
Rachel: Yknow, Im still 29 in Guam.
[Flashback to Chandlers thirtieth birthday party. It is also being held in Monica and his apartment. He is about to blow out the candles on his birthday cake.]
Monica: Rach, youre in a great place in your life. Come on, youve got a great job! Good friends
[Flashback to: The Street in front of Central Perk, Ross and Joey are holding a yellow tape across the road and everyone is cheering Phoebe as she bounces around the corner on a hippity-hop.]
Rachel: Thirty. Ugh, I mean thirty! Monica, do you remember mean, old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was thirty!
[Flashback to: A street, Ross is sitting in his newly purchased MGB. Which is one of the better British sports cars ever made. Of course, better is a relative term. Which reminds me of a joke. Why dont the British make computers? Because they couldnt figure out how to make them leak oil. Anyway, the gang is all staring at his new purchase.]
Ross: How hot do I look in this, huh?!
Phoebe: Oh, well get in line missy. (To Ross) So, can I have a ride stud?
Ross: Hop in. (Phoebe hops in.) Get ready for the smoothest ride of your life.
(He starts the car and surprisingly in fires right up and comes to a nice idle. (Both can be rarities with British sports cars with their lovely Lucas ignition systems, which tend not to work especially in the rain.) Anyway, this being New York he is parallel parked on a street with the car in front of him only inches ahead of his bumper, likewise with the car behind him. Hes completely boxed in and cant move more than two inches. He tries to get out several times by bumping the bumpers of both cars to no avail.)
[Flashback to Monica and Chandlers apartment. Chandler has a bunch of people over in formal wear to give Monica a surprise birthday party. Joey is coming out of the bathroom and removing his tie.]
Chandler: Okay, here is the thing. We have thrown a very formal surprise party for you in there! All of your friends are in there and your parents!
Chandler: Thats still yours. Okay, now remember its a surprise party. So, when you go in, act surprised.
Monica: Ross, just forget about it. This guys got you totally wedged in.
Phoebe: (running up) Okay. Okay, heres what were gonna do. Okay, Im gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. (She opens her coat and reveals that thing car thieves use to break into cars as Ross jumps in behind the wheel. She inserts the device, unlocks the door, opens it, and the alarm goes off.) Haul ass!!!! (Runs off.)
Phoebe: Happy thirtieth birthday! Here! (Hands her the hippity-hop.) Its for the child in you, and the woman. Happy thirtieth!
Chandler: See? (Does his laugh.) Here we go. (Starts walking her to their room, and has to pass in front of Mr. Geller whos sitting at the table and Mrs. Geller whos standing next to him.)
(We hear Tag scream out in the hallway and jump into view of the open door on the scooter. He gives a hearty thumbs up to the group and rides off, with Joey following breathlessly behind.)
Chandler: (To Monica) Now all you have to do is just get through a little bit more, okay? Then we can put you in bed, okay? Just smile and dont talk to anyone.
Monica: I really like to say that Im-um (Pause) Yknow what Id really like to say? Im drunk!! (Mrs. Geller pulls the camera down.) Thats right mom and dad your little Harmonica is hammered!! (Ross grabs the camera out of his dads hands.) And guess what! Ive been drunk before! And Ive smoked a cigarette! And I got a box of Ding-Dongs hidden in my underwear drawer! Its all okay. Its okay because I turned thirty today. And, and I can do anything I want! Because I am a grown up. (Falls over sideways with Ross filming the fall.)
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes telling everyone what she found out at Ursulas while sitting in Central Perk.]
[Scene: Rosss birthday, his car is still trapped in its spot. Now Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are at the front of the car with Monica, Rachel, and Chandler at the rear of the car.]
Rachel: Not in the street!!
Joey: (entering, limping, and holding his arm) I dont like this anymore. (He sits down with them in pain.)
Ross: God, do you realize in ten years were gonna be 40?
Joey: (crying) Why God?! Why are you doing this to us?! (He buries his head in Rosss shoulder.)
[Scene: Rosss birthday, night has fallen and Joey and Ross are walking by where his car is parked to find that both cars blocking him in have left.]
Joey: All-all right! (They run and jump in the car.) Start it up! Lets go!
(Just as they are about to pull away, a big, fat, bald guy pulls up in the exact same car as Ross and stops next to him.)
The Man In The Sportscar: How hot are we? (He drives off.)
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Ross: Joey, we just saw you come in. You ran past us on the stairs.
I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitchin', How was I supposed to know That my mom was dead in the kitchen? (shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la...
Chandler: Hey it's the most eligible man in NY. How's the moving on going?
Chandler: That's fast math! We could use you in Tulsa.
Monica: You guys do that? Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom!
Phoebe: Left! (Rachel hands her the napkin in her left hand and they both unfold and read them.) Thank you.
Joey: (Grunting) Hmm. (Monica opens the front door and comes in.)
Rachel: (Emma starts crying in the other room) Oh sorry, hold on. Let me just check on the baby!
Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
Chandler: I dont know if Ive told you this, but hes kinda tried to get in contact with me a lot over the last few years
Pete: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! Its the most intense physical competition in the world, its banned in 49 states!
Rachel: (walking in hurriedly) Open your drapes! Open your drapes!
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Rachel is in the living room and Joey comes out of his room.]
Phoebe: What? What happened to the window in the attic?!
Monica: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them dont work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
Ross: do you have a compact in your purse?
(She takes it out of her mouth and hands it to him as Monica returns from her room and this time forcing Chandler to put the ring in his mouth.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is inside, Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Chandler: If marriage worked, Id be all for it. But do you know what the divorce rate in this country is? 97%.
(Amy comes in with Emma in a stroller)
(Rachel comes in, sees Amy and Emma)
Joey: Listen uh, Im really sorry, it looks like Im gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the car, the transmission wasnt there!
Chandler: Like war. Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator. Remember? It was in a milk carton but it looked like meat?
Rachel: (looks at Ross and then at Amy again in disbelief) What?
Joey: (Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)
[Scene: Rachel and Joey's. Joey is in the kitchen and the telephone rings.]
Rachel: You put holes in my baby's ears!
Monica: Tell them I'm a chef in a big New York restaurant!
Phoebe: It's in the cake, isn't it?
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Mona: Oh no-no, I-I had my eyes closed so I could concentrate and yknow take it all in.
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
(A blonde woman walks in. Supposedly Amanda)
Joey: That's great! Hey, can you cast me in it?
Joey: I can do that! (in a deeper voice) "Hello, I'm your professor. When I'm not busy thinking of important things or... professing. I like to use..." Oh, what's the product?
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, shes pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.]
Rachel: I'm sorry, this sounds like something I'm never gonna be interested in.
Monica: No. I dont think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think that we fell in love and work hard at our relationship. Some days we work really hard.
Monica: Just go get some! (Kisses him.) Go! (She runs to hide in the bathroom.)
Monica: No, that landed in your food!
Chandler:(In a sarcastic "of course not"!-tone) No!
Estelle: The thing is its kinda on the Q.T. The actor who has the part doesnt know he might be fired. Its the lead in a series, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Ross: Excuse me, I don't mean to be a jerk, but the baby with the rash came in after me.
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
Phoebe: Really? It doesn't have anything coming out of it. Or maybe there is some place for her in your bedroom?
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!
Ross: Ok well, I would like to do a dig in the painted desert.
Benjamin: Like I tried to tell you in the interview Ross, this grant is not based on your knowledge of pretty useless trivia.
Rachel: Yeah but, my assistant Tag does sit-ups in the office during lunch. Ohh! I could just spread him on a cracker.
Announcer: Get a load of this... She's proposing to him. Guess we know who wears the pants in that family. (people are laughing, while Mike still seems bewildered)
Rachel: Well, I like the pretty little drawing of you in the wedding dress.
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
Carl: (sticking his head back in) Hey, uh can I get a little piece of that cake?
Joey: (going out with the VCR in his hand) Well, I guess we'll never know whose it is!
(they shake hands the way friends would. There's a muffin on the table, and Ross breaks off a piece and wants to put it in his mouth.)
Monica: Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-youll let it go.
Rachel: Hi! Emma will be up in a minute!
Ross: (sarcastic) And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie!
(He then stops turning, facing one of the nozzles, which starts spraying in this face and front again.)
[That's all folks, no teaser; just the big cliffhanger for season 6. Yes, there will be a season 6, and it'll start again in September. Have a good summer everyone!]
Rachel: Ok. Oh God. (To Ross) Get the camera, it’s in the diaper bag.
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
Joey: Hey, (in the Joey voice) how you doin?
Monica: Hi, I am Monica and this is Chandler. Please come in.
Monica: I'm gonna miss this hand! Okay I know it's a lot to ask, but oh my God Chandler, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Monica: Why dont you phase it out? Yeah, fade the accent out and people will think youre, yknow, that youre adjusting to life in America.
Parker: Isnt this the most incredible fight youve ever had in your entire life?
Joey: Well, you wouldn't let me in, so I thought you were in trouble.
Rachel: Phoebe, his music could not get any worse. There are rats in the basement that are hanging themselves.
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
Amy: Oh, I can’t, honey. I’m gonna go get my eyebrows shaped. (points at her eyebrows) I am not happy. (to Joey who has a pizza box in his hands) Oh... sure you wanna eat that?
Rachel: Well I just came...(She touches him near his heart. Shes almost in tears.) I just needed to tell you...(Looking into his eyes. She takes a deep breath.) Congratulations. (He hugs her. She can barely hold back the tears.)
Chandler: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)
Rachel: Irrational, huh? All right, well, I’ll remember that the next time you freak out about a spider in your apartment!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]
Rachel: Ok... (and passes the spider to Ross who holds it in between his hands)
Monica: So, do you guys wanna come and eat dinner at the restaurant sometime in the next few weeks?
Ross: She's putting words in your mouth!
Joey: Don't you put words in people's mouths, you put turkey in people's mouths!
MRS. GELLER: I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in there, and Phoebe enters]
Chandler: How can she be great if shes from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they all look at him) That joke wouldve killed in Albany.
Monica: This dinner is gonna be so great! In your face, last year "me"!
Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
Monica: Ok, let's see... uhm, okay, the turkey is in the oven, the stuffing is ready...
Ross: No, no, no. Don't do that! I want you to look her in the eyes, and tell her the truth.
Joey: (takes out the mouth guard) I know I dont have too! It tastes good. (Puts it back in.)
Joey: So we'll leave before it's over, we'll be back in time.
Ross: Well, I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were caught up in the whole soccer mom thing? but is that really you? I mean can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
Joey: Ross and I were helping the girls pack, took a little break, I lost $1,500 to him in Cups!
Joey: Wow (He opens his apartment door and throws their stuff in.)
SECURITY GUARD: Yeah, and I have a time share in the Pocanos with Flipper.
Joey: Hmm thats weird. I dont remember being in a move called benefits lapsed.
Phoebe: You guys, there are people in there who are not getting any happier!
Monica: (gasps) Oooh! They are in for a world of pain!
[time lapse – they are still in the hall]
Ross: Well, let's just go in there and face them.
Rachel: Alright, enough, enough, come on. Let's just all go in at the same time.
Ross: Look at me! (Chandler squeaks in an attempt not to make fun of him.)