words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their bathrobes, eating cereal]
[Joey finishes his cereal, licks his spoon, and puts it back in the silverware drawer.]
JOEY: Well, you know that guy that's on my show that's in a coma? He's havin' a brunch.
MONICA: OK, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know what? Ross, let's - let's switch places. You get in the middle. No un-, ya know, unless this looks like we're trying to cover something up.
ROSS: Monica, Monica, you could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it. [opens door] We're here.
FRIEND: Well, you kids take the train in?
FRIEND: Oh. Speaking of whom, I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city. [Monica sprays whipped cream all over the place]
MRS. GELLER: Sooo, Richard's shopping in the junior section.
JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.
JOEY: Yeah, can you see me in a place like this?
TATTOO ARTIST: Alright, blonde girl, you're in room two, not so blonde girl, you're with me.
PHOEBE: No. You are the boss of you. Now you march your heinie in there and get that heart tattooed on your hip. GO!!
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica is in the bathroom and Richard comes in.]
RICHARD: I know, I know. Just hang in there, OK. OK, I'll go out first, alright.
[Monica jumps in the shower. Right after Mrs. Geller enters the bathroom, Mr. Geller peeks his head in.]
MRS. GELLER: I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
MR. GELLER: Apparently, he told Johnny Shapiro that she's quite a girl. In fact, he told Johnny that he thinks he's falling in love with her.
MRS. GELLER: So Jack, you ever think about trading me in for a younger model?
JOEY: Can we drop this? I am not interested in the guy's apartment.
CHANDLER: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica and Richard are alone in the kitchen.]
ROSS: Mom, there are so many people in my life. Some of them are seeing people and some of them aren't. Is that crystal?
MRS. GELLER: Jack. Could you come in here for a moment? NOW!
MR. GELLER: That's impossible, he's got a twinkie in the city.
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .
MONICA: Upstairs in the bathroom right before you felt up mom.
PHOEBE: I know, I know, and I was gonna get it but then he came in with this needle and uh, di-, did you know they do this with needles?
JOEY: These'll go great in my new place. You know, 'till I get real ones.
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
RACHEL: That is not a tattoo, that is a nothing. I finally got her back in the chair, bairly touched her with a needle, she jumped up screaming, and that was it.
RACHEL: Oh, what a load of crap. That is a dot. Your mother is up in heaven going, 'Where the hell is my lily, you wuss?' OK, Phoebe, that is not a tattoo, this is a tattoo. [she bends over and bears her tattoo right when Ross returns]
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house. JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. CHANDLER: Yeah. [Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.] CLOSING CREDITS
[Cut to Chandler entering his and Monicas apartment alight with a thousand candles in The One With The Proposal.]
Joey: (To Ross in the kitchen) All right, it's another commercial; I still haven't told her!
Chandler: (in a British accent) Hello, Janice.
Ross: Here. (Hands her, her cough drops) (to Rachel) At least I made ten bucks in my relationship.
Phoebe: 'Cause, you know, (in that voice) if you don't look good, we don't look good. I love that voice.
Rachel: Throw in the duck too!
Chandler: Well, I have a call in about that.
Phoebe: Nothing! I swear to God I didnt know you guys would be here! And the good news is you didnt believe in soul mates. So
[Kathy whispers something in Joey's ear]
(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. La-la-la. See, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la, la, la )
Cheryl: Um, would you like to come in?
Rachel: Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. (She sits down next to him.) All right, you are settin sail up the Hudson! Youve got the wind in your h(sees that hes bald)arms! You-you get all that peace and quiet that youve always wanted! You get back to nature! You can go fishin! You canooh, you can get one of those little hats and have people call you captain, and then when youre old, Cappy.
Monica: Oh, is everything in the car?
COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: Can't get the monkey off your back? Then put it in your mouth...
Joey: (sarcastic) Oh no this is devastating! My faith is shaken. Im so glad I have the new chair to get my through this difficult time in my life.
Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.)
[Scene: Back in the kitchen at the funeral. Phoebe is there, Monica enters.]
Robert: Oh, no thanks. I always carry one in my sock.
Joey: So you're gonna have to do it in the mess!
Ross: Ohh, God, nobody likes him, and hes so cheap, hed never fly to London in a million years. Yeah, invite him? Hey, did I do these neat enough? (Hands her some envelopes.)
Mrs. Burkart: (in grief) Jack used to handle the finances! (Breaks into tears)
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, my neighbor... (Listens) Yeah, the brunette... (to Monica) She says you looked very pretty the other day in the green dress.
Rachel: You guys, come on, it doesn't matter why we're late. We're all here now, please let us in so we can have some of your delicious turkey. (A slice of turkey on a piece of aluminum foil is slid under door)
[Scene: In the living room at the funeral]
Chandler: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen.
Chandler: (in a deep voice) If I broke up with you, Id miss you.
[Sequence 4: Ross hikes the ball to Chandler, and the camera pans down to show Rachel standing deep in the end zone, playing with her gum. Something hits her on the head and she looks up to see where it came from.]
Monica: Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident?
Chandler: Why cant we talk in here? With, with, witnesses.
Kathy: I'll be in in a minute.
Ross: Well maybe she wouldnt have to be selfish in bed if someone else knew where everything was!
RACH: When you were in China.
Chandler: Come in!
Phoebe: (reading from the note) Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. Ill miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk. You just wrote this!
Phoebe: I just felt so bad, missing this. So I just slipped him a little something, you know. As long as I'm back in five or six hours, it will be alright.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
Rachel: Ross, I watched you get hypnotised in Atlantic City.
Ross: No, but ah, theres coconut in the Hanukkah Menoreoes. I tell you what, Ill put you down for eight boxes, one for each night.
(They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the phone.)
Mr. Geller: Well, I dont know whats in the boxes down here, but I do know there are six or seven Easy Bake Ovens in the attic.
Monica: You just put an empty carton back in the fridge!
Mrs. Geller: No-no-no, that was all true. This was just in case you pulled a Monica.
Rachel: When she sees that youre gone, shes gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and Im gonna get fired!
Phoebe: ( in a soothing voice) Relax every muscle in your body. Listen to the plinky-plunky music. Okay, now close you eyes, and think of a happy place. Okay, tell me your happy place.
Joey: It's easy, you just walk in on them having sex.
Joey: If you wanna get back in the car, we need the wire, your call.
Ross: Correct. In what part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14?
[Phoebe puts the car in gear and starts to back out.]
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you should play in public!
Chandler: Look, Im sorry! But theres nothing I can do, I think Im in love with her!
Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She runs after him, but sets of the security system, which locks the stores door and brings down a set of bars behind her, caging her in.) No! What?! Help me! Let me out! Now! (Points the musket at them.)
Chandler: Oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear and then in Rosss ear.)
Rachel: (standing in her doorway) People are trying to sleep in here!
Woman: (looking through her peephole, we see Ross standing in the hallway.) Yesss?
Joey: No! Im putting that in my room.
Rachel: Okay! (Grabs a knife and cuts it in half.) All right, pick a half.
Joey: (Something in Italian.) (Storms out.)
Kate: No, thats not it. So, youre a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm?
Joey: Dont you think I asked him that before he got in?!
Rachel: Is he okay in there?
Chandler: (He is now in the box, in their living room.) Sounds like a really bad idea to me.
Melissa: Of course I remember our kiss. I think about it all the time. I can still hear the coconuts knockin together I (Phoebe is shocked.) I just didnt want to tell you cause I didnt think that youd return my love, and now that you have (Leans in to kiss Rachel.)
(They all cheer and Rachel, Ross and Phoebe join in for a group hug. Joey also joins, but he stands back a bit, because he is all sticky of the food on him)
Monica: Why? (in a motherlike tone) Do you have a report due?
All: Whoa. (they all lean in to get a closer look, Ross isn't pleased)
Phoebe Sr: Well, because youd be giving up a baby, and I-I really dontI dont know if theres anything I can say that could make you understand the pain of giving up a baby. So, umm, (Picks up a puppy in the box next to the couch.)
Benjamin: Alright, it's true. I behaved horribly. But it's only because I still love you. And I would do anything to have you back in my life.
Chandler: Thats not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Dont say that I dont have goals!
Joey: In the box.
Monica: She's this girl who used to live in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and she picked up this fake British accent. On the machine this is her message. (she apes Amanda using an awful British accent) "Monica, darling! It's Amanda calling!"
Joey: Well, it looks like it wasnt heeled after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now! (Sits down in it and groans.)
Ross: (in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
Monica: All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?
Joanna: Really? Well, in that case
Ross: Well, so, you-youll get a job here! I mean, Im always hearing about uh, them foreigners coming in here and stealing American jobs; that could be you!
(Ross wears the jackets and look at himself in the mirror)
[Scene: The Gellers kitchen, Phoebe is bringing in some dirty dishes.]
Phoebe: Monica slow down! Ok? I'm just excited to be living with him. You know I mean, I don't know, Can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure! Yeah. Y'know..I can picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious yet classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut...you know..near the good schools where Mike and I can send Sophie and Mike Junior.. Oh my god I do.
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
Chandler: Id carry you around in my pocket.
Joanna: Sophie, get in here! (Sophie enters) You see! Now youre making Sophie uncomfortable!
Joey/Drake: How can I? Knowing I'll never hold you in my arms again, or touch your skin, or feel your lips, knowing I'll never make love to you? How can I accept that... I can never kiss you again when it's all I can do not to kiss you right now.
(They both shiver in horror.)
Monica: So, did you play in college? (She points to his NYU Soccer (football for the rest of the world) sweatshirt he's wearing.)
RACHEL: Ya know, I just, so weird. I mean I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other and all I kept thinking about was the fourth of July.
Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh is he still in love with her?
Joey: Arg... Alright, I'll take care of it. <throws hands out in the air>
Rachel: Oh, hi Mrs. Lynch! Is Joanna in already?
Joey: (to Kate) That guys like a cartoon. What do you see in him anyway?
Chandler: (answering it) Hello. (listens) (to Ross) Its Gandolf!!! (on phone) So, are you in town? (listens) (disappointed) Oh, well, well maybe next time then. (Hangs up)
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
RACHEL: I know. And Mom, I realize you and Daddy were upset when I didn't marry Barry and get the big house in the suburbs with all the security and everything, but this is just so much better for me, you know?
Monica: Excuse me, Mrs. Burkart? Well, we're all cleaned up in the kitchen.
ERICA: You told me I was the only one. [throws a glass of water in his face]
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
Chandler: Look, I-Im just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up Im moving right back in with you!
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Rachel: Oh, in my head he's done some pretty "not-gay-stuff"!