words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.]
Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?
Ross: We're all alone in an empty apartment.
Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes (Ross starts kissing her neck) Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything. (they fall onto the couch)
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Ross: Noo! No, not cuddlily, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Okay, come here. (they sit on the couch and Ross puts his hands on Chandler's shoulder and thigh.) Okay, you're in bed...
Ross: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her (demonstrates on the cushion) and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you.
Joey: (with food in his mouth) You talked to him. Are you crazy?
Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.
Malcom: These are my night vision goggles. This is the book I pretend to read when I'm watching her in the park. And these are Mad Lips, they're just for fun.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Monica: Okay, all right, how's this? 27. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven sisters, and he's the only....boy. (they all turn and look at Joey) Oh my God, under personal comments: 'New York Knicks, rule!'
Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
Joey: It's a name, yeah. I saw you, you know, in this great house with a big pool.
Joey: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know.
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Monica: Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!
Ross: I can't believe you guys are moving in together. That's, that's great! I mean...I'm happy for you guys..
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
Rachel: Hmm. Do you thinkCould you tell me if shes hanging in, in a one bedroom or a two?
Gary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Chandler: Eh, somebodys in a good mood!
Waitress: Hey Monica, theres a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?
Ross: No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?! (The librarian brings his boss over.)
RACH: [coldly] When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means go away. That doesn't mean please climb up the fire escape.
Monica: Umm, listen I am sorry, but Ill put some out first thing in the morning.
Chandler: Oooh, did he put a little starch in your bloomers? (Sits up) Who said that?
Joey: Yeah-yeah I like that but just to go in another direction
Chandler: And I will cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and do anything in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
Mr. Treeger:: You think you could make a mess and the big man in coveralls will come in here and clean it up, huh? Well, why dont think of someone else for a change?
Rachel: Oh yeah! (She gasps.) Oh my God! That is our friend! (Monica covers her face.) It's Naked Ross! (Monica turns and buries her face in Chandler's shoulder.)
Rachel: Well yeah, I wish that you would. (He opens the top drawer.) Well, no its not in there! (Closes it.) How about that drawer? (She points to the bottom one and he opens it. She doesnt see the folder she planted and bends over to check.)
Ross: (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment.
Joey: It was, yeah. I kind of don't want it to end. Hey, you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage?
Tag: (interrupting) Uh Mr. Zelner, Im the one who filled in that evaluation.
Tag: I know I havent worked in an office before, and I really dont have a lot of experience, but uh
Monica: Come on, was it somebody maybe you dated in college?
Phoebe: Yeah, oh Im sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, its a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! Im so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, causeOh! Im pregnant!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is on the phone, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the kitchen.]
Rachel: (to Monica) Did you know he was in there?
Chandler: Stretchy pants! Why, those are the greatest things in the world! If I were you I would wear them every day, every day!
Chandler: Weirder than watching his two moms make out? (Monica nods in agreement.)
Chandler: Had the money in the wrong hand. (Shows her his left hand with the money in it)
Joey: Wow, thats in like 20 minutes. Youd better get dressed.
Rachel: The logic is, that there are two of us and we are both strong enough to break a chair in half!
Monica: Who? I mean have you seen a car come by here in the last hour and a half? I think we should call Ross, maybe he can get a car and come pick us up.
CHANDLER: Huh? Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the tri-state area?
Rachel: Joey, yknow that you could just not throw the sticks up in the air.
[Cut to Phoebes room, Phoebe has put her helmet on one of her teddy bears and is playing around with it. Ross knocks and pokes his head in the door.]
Doug: So thanks for the warm welcome. Its good to have you guys on my team, and I come to play. I hope you do too. Now, lets go out there and get em! Huh? And remember, there is no I in team.
Guy: Which bedroom do ya want it in Miss Geller?
Pete: Uh, absolutely, yeah, sEnd her in. (Monica enters) Hi.
Rachel: Its back in cage!
Joey: (yelling from the bedroom) Is it back in the cage?
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Phoebe has moved in and has a massage client on her table shes set up in the living room. Ross enters and is shocked to see a naked man lying on the table.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the kitchen, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the table writing one notepads while Chandler is looking over their shoulders.]
Rachel: (Comes in the front door and walks towards the kitchen.) Hi.
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start looking at the screens in order to find the gate.]
Monica: Of course not. I mean gosh, Chandler what you did, it's, it's a wonderful thing and I really appreciate it. I know I have this weird thing where I want everything to be in the perfect place, but I'd never expect you to worry about that.
Chandler: Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?
Joey: (returning from a deli) Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!
Joey: There was a seen in Footloose...
Joey: (mocks him, in a whiney voice) look both ways before you cross the street. (Turns and walks headlong into the closed door.)
Rachel: Because I think I just heard her moving around in there.
Rachel: I mean what if this keeps happening? Y'know, they'll-they'll be outside smoking, making all the decisions and I'll just be up in my office breathing my stupid clean air, y'know? And then when the day comes when Kim wants to promote one of us, who do you think she's gonna pick? Me or Smokey Smokerson?
Joey: (Looking around) Uhh do you happen to have a hot girl in there?
Mike: The woman I love... (he walks to Phoebe) I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...
Monica: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, "Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!" I mean, it is so annoying.
Monica: (gets up) Okay, y'know what, Im not fine, Im not. I mean how can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom.... (pause) Y'know what, what if were friends who dont see other people?
Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
Monica: Phoebe, hes gotta be in the room for that to work.
[Scene: Monicas Restaurants kitchen, shes cooking as a waitress sticks her head in.]
Ross: Hey, yknow what and if youre looking for a place? I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died.
ERICA: Sabrina. I know about you two. I saw you today kissing in the doctor's lounge.
Phoebe: When she comes out, you hold her nose, Ill blow in her mouth, and the kid will just (makes a popping sound) right out of her.
Chandler: Well you see in Cups, once you get $700, you have to double it.
Chandler: Where is she? Im not scared of you! (Averts his eyes and walks in.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, Monica is sleeping and Chandlers sitting in bed, wide awake.]
Monica: It is in the living room where there is also a light! And no one will kick you in the shin.
[Scene: Rachels Office, shes at her desk while the mailman delivers her mail and calls Tag in.]
Monica: (entering from her bedroom carrying a present) Ok, these were unbelievably expensive, and I know he's gonna grow out of them in like, 20 minutes, but I couldn't resist. (There a little pair of Nike shoes.)
Joey: (nervously backing away) I-I-I-I did? (He puts a stool in front of her.)
Monica: Oh yeah, she didnt hire me out of pity, it wasnt so she could pick on me in front of her friends, she actually thinks Im good.
Joey: (looks at the ground and at Ross) I dont know Ross! I-I tell you what, lets flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right?
Tag: How could I have left them in the copy room?
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk. Rachel and Amy are walking on the sidewalk.]
[Scene: Phoebes apartment building, in desperation she has wrapped up the smoke detector in a blanket and is going to throw it into the trash chute.]
Chandler: No. We were in the middle of sex and you fell asleep.
[Scene: Rachels outer office, shes returning with two coffee cups in hand to find Tag sitting there.]
Tag: Well, its not out here. Is there any chance it could be in your office?
Rachel: Can I see you in my office for a minute?
Tag: How did you know they were in my bottom drawer?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sitting on the couch when some unknown guy comes in and sits in their easy chair.]
Rachel: This is a very critical time right now. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone, then you go shoe shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath. You want her back you have to start acting aloof.
Monica: I have to be up in seven minutes.
Molly: (with Emma in a basinet) She's out, I'm gonna take her home.
Joey: As in Rosita does not move.
Rachel: Im sorry, Rosita? As in
Rachel: Okay, so anyway Im sittin in my office and guess who walks in.
Phoebe: No, its New York magazine. Its an article about the best schools in the city. So how well do you know Sting?
Rachel: So, does this (The dress) come in another color or (The store owner walks away.)
[Scene: The Museum of Prehistoric History (Ross's work); Ross is in the break room eating lunch as his boss, Dr. Leedbetter walks in.]
Ross: So they said our table will be ready in just a few minutes.
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up as her boss, Mr. Waltham, walks in.) Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.
Monica: Y'know those are a delicacy in India.
Chandler: They put you in jail?
Chandler: Oh-ho, come here. (goes and hugs her) Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman Ive ever known in real life.
Ross: Hey, yknow what nickname never caught on? The Ross-A-Tron! (Monica shakes her head in disgust.)
Joey: Poor thing. Cut down in her prime.
Rachel: No, yknow what? Maybe somebody came in here and fixed it! Or something!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment. Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]
Phoebe: Now, its you little bunny friend. (She sticks it in Rachels face and they both laugh.)
Joey: In the dream I did enjoy the closeness.
Rachel: (stands up) Wow! Oh-okay, look pal, I am not in the mood to be hit on right now! But if you give me your number I will call you some other time.
Ross: Oh, I dont know how that got in there.