words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are hosting a New Year's party. So the place is crowded and in a shameless promotion for NBC they're watching Jay Leno's coverage of New Year's from Time Square.]
Jay Leno: (On TV to Dick Clark) Is there any entertainment there? What are people doing?
Chandler: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know
Ross: Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.
Phoebe: Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Phoebe: Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
Joey: All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play the guitar.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to a beautiful woman as Chandler and Joey enter.]
Joey: Nice!! Yeah! Is that part of your resolution, your new thing for today?
Ross: Yes it is. See. (Shows them the piece of paper she gave him with her name and phone number on it.)
Joey: You all right Chandler? Is there something funny about that name?
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with Rachel.]
Chandler: (notices something) Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? (Pause, no one speaks.) Someone comment on the pants!
[Scene: Elizabeth Hornswoggle's apartment; Ross is there on his date with her. They are sitting on the couch watching a movie. Ross is obviously hot.]
Ross: (talking to himself) My God! These pants are burning up! (He's still wearing the leather pants.) (She snuggles closer.) Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! (Out loud.) Are you hot?
Elizabeth: (yelling from outside) Hey, my favorite part is coming up!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is drilling Joey on the chords as Monica looks on.]
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
Chandler: (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)
Monica: (on phone) Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big
Joey: Oh. That is quite a situation. Uh, do you see any like, powder?
Joey: Really?! Uhh, what color is it?
Joey: What-what is it, what is it?
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
[Scene: Elizabeth's apartment; Elizabeth is inquiring as to the delay in Ross's exit from her bathroom.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is there to apologize to Phoebe.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is returning from his horrible trek back home without pants on. The whole gang is there.]
Rachel: That really is something; that's really cool.
Chandler: Oh yeah, me too. Y'know if this shirt is dirty. (Smells it.) Yep.
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
Rachel: Chandler and Monica?!! Oh, this is unbelievable!! How long have you known?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is struggling with the fridge. He finally gets it open and falls on the floor]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Chandler is talking with his mom.]
Chandler: Oh yknow, Ive been living here a while and Ive never seen whats inside that closet. What is, what is in there?
Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Oh my God, you guys, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is so un-me!
Fake Monica: Yes necessarily! I mean, I dunno what it is, maybe it's the Amish thing.
Larry: (entering) A 98. I deducted 2 points because you are not wearing your chef's hat, and that is a Section 5 violation.
Phoebe Sr: I realise I dont have any right to start get all parenty on you and everything now, but umm, (Sees that Phoebe isnt paying attention and is busy mimicking the puppy.) uhh Phoebe, would you please look at me and not the puppy, its very important.
Monica: Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha haaaah!
Jessica Lockhart: Oh yes there is!
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.]
Ross: (To Katie) Yeah, Im just gonna grab my coat. And uh, and my whip. (Katie looks worried.) Yknow because of the Indiana Jones? (Katie laughs) Not-not because Im-Im into S&M. (Katies worried again.) Im not-Im not into anything weird. Yknow? Just-just normal sex. (Katie is uncomfortable.) So, Im gonna grab my coat. (Does so, leaving Katie and Rachel alone.)
Monica: Joey, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it'snot really true, is it?
(David is feeding Phoebe popcorn. Max walks up)
Ross: You want me to take some girl Ive never met to the opera so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy, hmm, that-that is a toughie.
[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Before you start handing out wedding rings and planning bachelor parties, dont you have to decide who your best man is gonna be?
Ross: (pauses) I'm pretty sure that it is...
Phoebe: Excuse me. Excuse me! (Mrs. Bukart stops singing) Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go.
Susan: Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be?
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross is trying to talk to Carol about what Phoebe told him.]
Chandler: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is all this pressure?! Is this some new kind of strategy? Why dont you put down your copy of The Rules huh mantrap?!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.]
(Monica Enters. Chandler is in the kitchen with his laptop)
Monica: Phoebe, what is it?
(She walks up to where Doug is finishing another joke to another group.)
Supervisor: So basically this is very easy. You read from the script and try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.
Phoebe: She is gonna hate me.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch reading as Rachel enters. Its the next day.]
Mrs. Green: Now dont worry! Everythings gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)
(She is still yanking on the bra, but it is stuck in her sleeve. Finally, she gives up.)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world.
[Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, meeting Angela and Bob, who Monica thinks is Angela's brother.]
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is throwing Paolo's clothes over the side.]
Chandler: And here is the bottle of wine for you to bring over tonight. (Hands it to him.) You were also going to buy Monica flowers but you couldnt afford it, because you paid dinner last night.
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? (He gets up from the couch and goes into the bedroom to find Monica, still in the robe, lying seductively on the bed. Or at least shes trying too and as he enters the room, she takes the robe off on of her legs.) Oh-ohhhh!
Joey and Chandler: What is it?
Joey: I wish. See, I guess another thing I probably shouldve told you about Ginger is that she kinda has a ah, artificial leg.
Rachel: No, you wait! This is ridiculous!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel and Phoebe are having dinner with Dr. Green, and everyone is looking at the menu.]
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Rachel: Okay. 'Cause this is where I wanna be, okay? No more messing around. I don't wanna mess this up again.
(Scene: Central Perk. Everyone is there.)
Phoebe: Oh, this is my friend Roger.
Chandler: Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Joey: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.) Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Ross: (Entering) What is this dive? Only you could've picked this place.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
(Cut to later. Rachel is in tears)
Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]
Mr. Tribbiani: Yeah, but this is
Ross: You dont understand! Elizabeth was about to ask me to go on a trip with her! Is that taking it slow?! No, Im not ready for this! Okay? What-what do I tell her?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is standing in the doorway, not wanting to participate in the festivities.]
Monica: Is he really coming? Because I can see right into your apartment!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is there with Roger.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is lamenting to Chandler and Rachel about his troubles in his new building.]
Phoebe: And then... your face is bloated?
RACH: Closure, that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters.]
Phoebe: well there is no Vicrum, Ross made him up because I never really have been in a long-term relationship, I've never lived with a guy, and I've never even celebrated an anniversary so. (Pause) if that's too weird for you and you wanna leave I totally understand. In fact I'll close my eye's make it less awkward (She sits with her eyes closed and Mike kisses her, Phoebe opens her eyes and like a little child says.) You kissed me.
RACHEL: I can't believe this is happening.
Joey: I mean seriously, shes like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadnt and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and (Realizes everyone is staring.) I havent bummed you guys out like this in a while have I?
[Scene: The Hospital. Erica is moaning and about to give birth. Monica, Chandler, a nurse and a doctor are there with her.]
Chandler: Hey. (He sees that Ross is packing all of the hotel toiletries) Soaps? Shampoos? Are you really taking all this stuff?
Joey: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. (He takes off the robe.) And the robe is lost.
Monica: Cause I ran into him at the bank, he is still soo cute.
Ross: (To Rachel) Yeah, I still don't know. (To the salesman who is hovering nearby) I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, (In a sexy voice) "Come here to me!"
Rachel: Oh, Joey, look who it is.
(Janice turns around, Monica sees who it is.)
[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.]
(They notice that a woman is sitting by their door)
Ross: Ok, well, uh, I can maybe grab a sleeping bag, or...(There's one of those moments. They're staring at each other, no word uttered, and then she leans toward him in order to kiss him, but he ducks and avoids her more than once.) Oh, oh. (he then hugs her and when she tries to kiss him again, he stands up and she falls down on the bed). No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just don't think this, this, this is a good idea.
Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.
(Mike opens the door and there is a gigantic ice sculpture standing in the doorway)
Chandler: (surprised) It is?
Phoebe: Well, Vince is great, y'know `cause, he's like a guy, guy. Y'know? He's so burly, he's sooo very burly. (giggles)
Chandler: Oh no, you see, actually it is.
Chandler: This is ridiculous. (He heads for Phoebe's bedroom)
Chandler: Yeah, I'm fine. (trying to cover up what he is saying) I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Chandler is sitting on the table.]
Joey: Fungus! Yeah. Place is full of it.
(Carol takes off her jacket, her pregnant belly is exposed.)
All: What is it?
Dr. Drake Remoray: Thats right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, youre not a real doctor! And that womans brain, is fine!
Chandler: Oh yes! Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.
Monica: Well, what kind of food is he looking for?
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)
Chandler: It is a crime that you and I don't spend more time together.
Phoebe: Oh, is this the bug lady?
Monica: Is it better than the other salmon mousse?
Monica: Yeah, well, is that better?
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh is he still in love with her?
Phoebe: What... I could, I could do it. What is it?
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man...