words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is in the kitchen as Joey enters from his bedroom.]
Ross: No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Goodie! Thanks. So, how is it living with Rachel again? I mean, apart from the great food.
Joey: You know what's crazy? These jars. What is it, like two bites in here?
Joey: Yeah, because it is slim pickings. I had this date last night: Yuck! But we should probably keep it down; she's still in the bedroom.
Phoebe: Yeah, you know what the best part of it is? I get to do my "plan-laugh." (A maniacal laugh follows.)
Rachel: So I'll bring her by around seven? Is that okay?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is drinking coffee by the counter as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: All right! Who is he?
Phoebe: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Emma is there in her playpen, while Chandler is behind the couch.]
Chandler: No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! It's okay, it's okay. I didn't go. Don't cry, it's just a bit! I'm your uncle Chandler; funny is all I have!
Chandler: Today is the sixth.
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross is waiting for his blind date to show up. A waiter walks past him.]
Ross: Excuse me, is there a woman waiting at the bar? Someone average height, dark hair, perhaps doing a puzzle?
[Scene: Another restaurant. Rachel is studying the menu together with her date, Steve. Steve is the stoned restaurateur from 115 TOW the Stoned Guy.]
(Steve makes a face as if his mouth is too dry.)
(Rachel is still at the restaurant, but Steve is gone.)
Rachel: This is the worst date ever. How could you set me up with this creep?
Rachel: I don't care! This guy is a nightmare!
Phoebe (to Joey): Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
[Scene: Delmonico's. Ross is still waiting for his date and drinking wine. The waiter comes up to him again.]
Ross: This is unbelievable. I - I have never been so insulted in my life. Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're done and come out of their bedroom. Emma is still gone.]
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk. Rachel and Steve are walking home from their date. Steve is sobbing.]
Rachel: Oh my god, this is the worst date ever!
Joey: Hey! It is unacceptable that you two would have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
Chandler: Your family name is Tribbiani.
Ross: But is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up?
Ross: Female body inspector? What size is that?
Phoebe: Oh my god! Look, it's Ross and Rachel. Oh, the plan is working.
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters]
Ross: Yeah? Hop on. (They start dancing and Mona sits down.) Is the pretty lady looking?
PHOEBE: Listen. You are not going to believe this but, that is not me singing on the video.
The Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I dont come to this city much so I dont know if youre crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.
Monica: Well what is it? What is it? If its gonna help bring the baby here, like today. I mean, I think you should do it.
Ross: Monica, what is the matter with you?
[Scene: Frank's tailor shop, Chandler is getting his pants measured.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is there as Joey enters.]
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) Thats supposed to be a duck right? Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
Ross: Okay enough! This is, this is not going to happen.
Robin: No-no, its ooozing, oozing. (to Rachel) Could you pass me the cream? Is there anyOh, theres the cream.
Phoebe: Is Rachel having the baby?
Rachel: (deadpan) Yes, the hard part is truly over.
Rachel: Hi! (Ross is stunned.)
Phoebe: Okay, I can fix this! Okay Monica, Rachel thinks all you can talk about is the wedding. (Rachel glares at her.)
Nurse: This is a hospital.
Rachel: Yeah it is.
Ross: This is Rachel. (Points at her.)
Julie: Hi. Is this your first?
Monica: Thats right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you dont want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer!
Monica: Umm, this is going to be fun. Watch me freak out Chandler. Honey?
Phoebe: Oh, this is fun.
[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
Monica: Thats it! Right there! Is all I wanted!
Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call.
Ross: Lady, he is people. He has a name, okay? He watches Jeopardy! He he touches himself when nobody's watching. Please, please have a heart!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, it is later in the party. The Spin the Bottle game is over and Chandler is making a sandwich as Phoebe watches.]
Joey: You guys, this is Shelley, shes interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest, and Shelley, this are my friends
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Ross is explaining to the gang what happened with his mother.]
Rachel: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What?
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, Chandler is looking at the babies as Monica walks up.]
Monica: What is going on with you? Since when are you so crazy about babies?
Chandler: Im kidding. This is going to be fun.
Monica: I have been looking for them all week and she is wearing them!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower is continuing as Rachel walks over to Monica and Phoebe.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Sick Monica is trying to entice Chandler to have sex with her.]
Joey: Hands! It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. Hes a patient of mine, Ive been treating him for years!
Phoebe: Oh yay! Great! Okay, what room number is he in?
Joey: And what is his name?
PHOEBE: Bye you. [Ryan's cab drives off. As Phoebe is going back in, she sees the Central Perk sign in the window and laughs.]
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Dr. Long is checking on Rachel again.]
[Scene: Room 816, Dr. Drake Remoray is entering.]
(Another woman with a nurse and doctor enter, the woman is screaming.)
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Janice: I mean this is so great! Were gonna be baby buddies! (Does the laugh.)
Ross: Okay is there some kind of magic tunnel to this hospital?!
Janice: Its you. This is yours.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
[Scene: Room 816, Phoebe is making her move on Cliff.]
Monica: I cant believe this is taking so long. How are you doing?
[Scene: A curbside newsstand, Phoebe is whistling and walking up to it wearing her fur coat. She stops and starts to look through a magazine and notices a squirrel on a nearby tree chirping at her.]
Phoebe: Somebody went to college. Wow. (Cliff gets uncomfortable) What is it? Im sorry. (She moves her arm, which was resting on the same pillow his leg is.)
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Janice is being moved to the delivery room and is screaming in pain.]
Monica: No! No-no! I love it! It is a great present! In fact, why dont you go home and wait for the thank you card?
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Ross: What is that?
Monica: Okay. Could the waiters gather around to hear tonights specials? Okay, first there is a Chilean Sea Bass prepared with a Mango relish on a bagWhy is nobody writing these down?
Rachel: Oh God. Is she gonna be okay?
Dr. Long: Here she is!
Ross: (patting his clothes like he is looking for his wallet) No, no hes not.
Joey: There she is!
[Scene: The Recovery Room, Ross is taking pictures of Rachel holding the baby as the rest of the gang enters.]
Pete: Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for 20,000 dollars, and she was mine.
Ross: Married couples send out cards, families send out cards, people who have been dating for a couple of months do not send out cards! What-what is she crazy?!
Ross: Wow! Umm, okay uh everyone this is Isabella. (Rachel starts crying.) What?
Joey: Yeah! Yeah Monica! You listen to me, okay? And Im not just saying this because Im your friend, Im sayin it cause its the truth. Youre food is abysmal!
[Scene: The Portrait Studio, Monica is waiting for Chandler to make another attempt at taking a good picture.]
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
Phoebe: Is she in there?
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, Ross is looking at Emma as Phoebe walks up.]
Joey: What is it? Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah thats true. Yeah, you love her. You always have. You have a child together. There is no right answer.
Chandler: Well yknow, they only give you three letters, so after A-S-S it is a bit of a challenge.
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Rachel is in bed as Joey enters.]
(Joey is stunned.)
(Joey is stunned.)
Ross: Yeah! I know! It was. Oh the only sad thing is I wasnt around when it happened for the first time.
Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.
[Scene: Rachels Room, Phoebe is entering.]
[The next one is from Episode 608: The One With Rosss Teeth, Chandler is accusing Joey of becoming less of a man.]
Rachel: And you really think this is a good idea?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is there as Rachel enters.]
[Scene: Chandlers Hotel Room, Ross is getting Chandler ready.]
Ross: Phoebe, there is no secret. Okay? I didnt propose.
[Scene: The Lobby, Ross is eating a sandwich as Phoebe rushes up to him.]
Phoebe: And so engaged. (Points to the ring that Rachel is wearing.)
Phoebe: So whose ring is it?
Rachel: Oh Im sorry. I I-I dont meanI didnt mean to stifle you. I This is all just a little overwhelming.
Phoebe: Is it an engagement ring?
Rachel: (gasps) Oh my God! Oh my God!! That is like the third most prestigious soap opera award there is!
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
[Scene: Chandlers Office Building, Chandler is walking by the elevators and sees Bob standing there.]
Mr. Geller: Youre right, youre right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good.
[Scene: Rachels Room, Monica is entering.]
Monica: Is he crazy?! You just had Rosss baby!
[Scene: An Office Building, Chandler is on his interview.]
Monica: Honey, the question is do you really want to marry Joey?
[Scene: Rachels Room, Ross is entering.]
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
Joey: Well, this is awkward. {See? I told you so.}