words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is packing her belongings to move to Rosss. Shes standing in the kitchen.]
Rachel: So, which of this kitchen stuff is mine?
Ross: How weird is that? Yknow? Youre moving in with me and have the one thing I dont have. Its like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.
Ross: Oh my God! I-I see what this is! You are in love with Rachel!
[Cut to the living room where Monica is helping pack a box.]
Phoebe: Yeah, and I know you guys dont know a lot about psychic readings, but that one is pretty much the worse one you can get.
Phoebe: Oh, this is it. This whats gonna kill me.
Ross: (continuing) " subcategories. The first of these subcategories is "
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.]
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Theatrical Agency, Joey is there to see his agent.]
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, the scene is continued from earlier, only Ross has dismissed the class and is now talking to Monica and Rachel.]
Rachel: (in an Indian accent) Yes, yes, Bombay is bery, bery nice time of year.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.]
[Scene: Casting Director #1s office, Joey is on his first audition. His partner is an 8-year-old boy.]
Casting Director #1: Hold it. Im sorry, the surprise is a new swing set, if you could play it a little less intense?
[Scene: Casting Director #2s office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]
Casting Director #2: No, the line is pick a bag, so you need to pick up the bag.
[Scene: Casting Director #3s office, Joey is entering.]
Rachel: Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, wed like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: Because my psychic is dead! She mustve read the cards wrong!
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey has won the part of dying man and is now able to play the role he was injured for. Chandler is helping to carry him in.]
Chandler: Now, is that never talking about it again?!
The Director: Hey Joey, were ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex hes going to be playing your son.
A Crew Member: Take 36 is up!
Joey: Ah, just one thing umm, is it all right with you if I, if I scream right up until you say action?
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
Russell: (Rosss divorce lawyer.) Hello, is Ross there?
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, Ross is trying to phase out his accent.]
Ross: (British) Come again? Whats-whats this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, Im-Im not English. Im from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. Im sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because Im-Im hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression
Rachel: Ross!! Are you crazy?! I am still your wife!! What, were you just never gonna tell me?!! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!! Ugh, I could just kill you!!!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
Chandler: What the hell is going on?!
Monica: No, my eye doctor is Richard! I cant go to him when I dont have a boyfriend!
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way youre doing this wedding now. Okay?
Monica: You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you?! And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?! (She storms out.)
(Rachel is looking at the magazine and laughing.)
Chandler: Joey, why is your cable out?
Ross: No-no-no. I don't have a son named Jordie. We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie.
Phoebe: Well, how-how-how is that possible? You barely know her!
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isnt even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if youre right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Monica: Its wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel.
Phoebe: (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along. No, don't sing along.
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Rachel: All right, wherever you wanna go is cool.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is returning and finds Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
(There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr. Heckles)
Dr. Green: (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?
(Joey is looking at his check.)
Ross: Look, this is a disaster! Can't I please just go?
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Rachel and Monica enter.]
[Scene, The Park, Rachel is running and Phoebe is hiding behind a tree.]
Joshua: Yeah, that would be fantastic! My-my nephew is crazy about the Knicks! This is fantastic, thank you so much Rachel. (He takes the tickets and leaves as Mr. Waltham returns.)
Joey: I dont know, Chandler is supposed to be passin em around...
Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'.
[Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren Offices, Rachel gets in . Kim is there.]
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think Ive ever heard.
Chandler: Is not.
Rachel: Yeah! Its an apothecary table. Does anyone even know what an apothecary is?
Phoebe: Wow! That is a bad audition.
Joey: This is crazy.
Rachel: Oh it does, it does! It is a room separating apparatus from Colonial times.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Ross: Emily, there is nothing between Rachel and me. Okay? I love you.
Phoebe: Yeah Joey that is so gross!
Chandler: Quick! What time is it?! (Holds his watch in front of her face.)
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
Joey: Oh, man, I could totally get that part. Im sorry, that seat is taken.
[Scene: Their building's lobby, Danny is checking his mailbox as Rachel enters carrying shopping bags and goes to her mailbox. Danny has shaved his beard and cut his hair, Rachel doesn't recognize him.]
Chandler: (To Monica) If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: The hallway, continued from earlier. Monica is still locked out.]
Phoebe: Is it okay if I leave this stuff here 'til Rachel's birthday party?
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Rachel is putting away her new clothes as Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
Rachel: Oh there is no way.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving the bill to the same beautiful woman from before.]
Rachel: That is great. Hey, yknow who doesnt have to job hunt? Ross. He works at the university.
Rachel: Oh not-not so much. Umm, what-what do you, what do you mean is there something wrong with Ross?
Frank: I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? It's my son.
Monica: I cant believe it! What is it? Is it the rubbing or the smell?
Joey: Oh this is great! I might actually get to play Ben's dad!
Rachel: Oh, this is just terrible.
(We see that Ross is returning to his apartment with Jill.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
(We see that Ross is taking off Jills coat.)
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
Monica: Oh no its not, no its not. Its a first date. Im sure that nothing is gonna (as she is talking we see Ross close his drapes.)
[Scene: Joeys apartment, Joey is sitting at the counter as Chandler enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Joey is pacing around as Chandler and Monica enter.]
Monica: Are you kidding me?! Is this; is this turning you on?
Chandler: (looking) Is that a swing?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, The Halloween party has started. Monica is setting out some food as Rachel enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is poking his head in.]
Ross: Nooo!! Gandolf?! Gandolf is coming to town?
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
(We see the TV and its the last scene where ET is saying goodbye.)
Monica: (crying) This is my favorite part.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is getting ready for a date with Joshua.]
Phoebe: I know! Robin is so gay!
Phoebe: Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
[Cut to the hallway, Janine is entering as Monica is taking out the garbage.]
Chandler: (totally not crying) Well see now that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon!
Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.)
Rachel: Ugh, she is a slut!
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is hurrying Chloe out the door.]
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! Thats it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) Thats right!!
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
Chandler: Her ankle is what youre watching?
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
Monica: Ill get everybody else (Does so), finally we can start celebrating my(She gasps and is stopped by the sight of Ross and Rachel making out in the hall.) Im sorry, uh apparently Ive opened the door to the past.
Monica: What is wrong with you?!!!
Ross: Oh that is quite all right maam. (Elizabeth exits.)
Ursula: Who is it?
Ross: ALL RIGHT!! Phoebe now come on! Will you please tell me what it is I did that mad you so mad at me!
Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)
(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, Im going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so Ill have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, well cross that bridge when we come to it.)
Ross: Mark is that ah, the same Mark that helped you get the job?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Monica: Listen Rachel, I feel really bad aboutWhat are you doing? (She sees that Rachel is unpacking.)
Monica: Its so good, that I feel really selfish about being the only one whos eating it, that I think we should have everyone taste how good it is. Especially Ross.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Jill enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Rachel enters.]
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
Ross: Well, ok, it's for 25 thousand dollars. And if I get it, I'll finally be able to complete my field research! And there will be an article about me in the "Paleontology Review"! Yeah! That'll be the first time my name is in there, without people raising serious questions about my work!