words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there including Janice.]
Phoebe: Oh, that is so unfortunate.
Phoebe: Cute naked guy is really starting to put on weight.
Ross: (to Phoebe) Sure, your dresser is missing but this she notices.
[Scene: Chandlers, Chandler is interviewing a potential roommate.]
Chandler: Yes, that is cool. Because I have models here y'know......never.
[Scene: Chandlers, Chandler is interviewing Joey.]
Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye.
[Scene: the hallway, Monica is coming up the stairs.]
(Joey is leaving and notices Monica, as Monica notices him)
[Scene: A bar, Chandler is entering.]
Monica: Is it the Italian guy?
Rachel: (sitting at a table with some of her friends) (to waitress) Oh, um, no, no, no, no excuse me, hello. Hi. My friend ordered an onion, not an olive, and uh I ordered a rum and Diet Coke, which I dont think this is.
Rachel: Thats all right. (to her friends) I mean hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh?
Rachel: Oh, I dont know. Well maybe its just the idea of Barry for the rest of my life. I dont know I think I feel like I need to have one last fling, y'know, just to sorta get it out of my system. (Chandler is listening in very intensely)
Rachel: Yes, his name is Barry, hes a doctor, thank you very much.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebes, Ross is on the phone, as Phoebe is walking by carrying a lamp.]
Ross: No real-, honey, really its fine, just g-go with Susan. Really, I, no, I think girls night out is a great idea. Okay, okay, bye
(There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr. Heckles)
Phoebe: No, no, Mr. Heckles no one is making any noise up here.
(in the hallway, Eric is moving in)
(inside Chandlers apartment, Chandler is coming in from his bedroom, sees Mr. Heckles, and screams.)
[Scene: the hallway, Joey is moving in, Monica is leaving.]
Joey: Like you wouldnt believe. (they go into the apartment) Wow! This is a great place.
Monica: This place is really my Grandmothers. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, Im 87 year old woman, whos afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
[Scene: Monica and Phoebes, Monica is vacuuming.]
Phoebe: Its not in the apartment? (Monica gives a Come on look) Oh no. I cant believe this is happening again.
Phoebe: Okay, this is what Im talking about, this. I-I need to live in a land where people can spill.
Phoebe: Aw, honey its not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I dont see that happening.
Phoebe: No youre not, youre wondering which cushion it is.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, (now) Joey is watching Baywatch, as Chandler enters from his bedroom.]
[Scene: Monicas, Monica is coming out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, as Chandler is entering.]
Monica: I dont understand, I mean am I so hard to live, is this why I dont have a boyfriend?
[Scene: the bar, Ross is entering, Phoebe is at the bar, they are the only two in the place.]
Ross: (all depressed) Hi. Where is everybody?
Phoebe: Oh, its already closed, Chris gave me the keys to lock up-what is wrong?
Ross: My marriage, I think my marriage is um, is kinda over.
Ross: Cause Carols a lesbian. (Phoebe is shocked) And, and Im not one. And apparently its not a mix and match situation.
Ross: (sets out a bunch of shot glasses and starts to poor himself a drink, many drinks) Im an idiot. I mean shoulda seen it, I mean Carol and Id be out and shed, shed see some beautiful woman, and, and shed be Ross y'know look at her, and Id think, God, my wife is cool!
Phoebe: Aw! Hey, do you think that Susan person is her lover?
Chandler: Umm, this is nice.
Monica: I know, it is isnt it?
Chandler: No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is it a hundred percent cotton?
[Scene: the bar, Phoebe is still hugging Ross.]
Ross: My foot is stuck in the pocket.
[Scene: the bar, Chandler is playing pool, as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: (starting to panic) Oh my God, everything is such a mess. Why is this happening to me?
(Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.)
Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster [1] is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
(Chandler turns to look at Monica, who has the biggest hair ever, is flushed and in a sweat, and is decidedly sniffing her armpits)
Chandler: I'm not scared. (moves towards Mike and Chappy) I'll just take little Chappy and... (he backs out) HE CAN SENSE MY FEAR. MY THROAT IS EXPOSED.
(Cut to inside Central Perk where Rachel is helping Phoebe. Chandler and Monica enter.)
Phoebe: Uhuh, uhuh... Oh my God! This is really happening.
GRANDMOTHER: Is it really your fa--I can't... well of course it is.
Phoebe: Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. (She bends down, picks up the dog, and waves with one of its paws) Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's room. Chandler is packing when Ross knocks on the door and enters...]
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross is at the Monkey cages.]
(Rachel finally manages to open the door, but the door chain is on.)
Ross: You guys know where Rachel is?
Chandler: Alright look, let's think about this, ok, do you really think that people are gonna stir up your family at this tragic time? That people are gonna post condolences on a website? This is not about people not caring that you're dead .This is about people not having a decent outlet for their grief.
Monica: I want you to meet someone really special. Phoebe, this is Erica. And this is the baby!
Monica: (sees what he is doing) Chandler, stop! It is not going to pop open!
Rachel: Ross, please, this is a hospital, ok? That actually means something here.
Ross: Right, is it painful?
Rachel: Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like Im going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of morning sickness, and Im wearing underwear that goes up to about (She snaps the waistband on her underwear that is just slightly below her breasts) there.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Phoebe is trying to teach Joey French.]
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Charlie: Benjamin Hobart is administering that grant.
Ross: Really? Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review, who was the voice of "Underdog"?
Rachel: Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room!
Monica: What is with you?
Chandler: That is the exact same thing.
Rachel: I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, "I'll just tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours." And he said, "Laundry? Is that my new nickname?" And you said, "No! You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big."
[Scene: The Craps Table, Monica is still on her roll, only this time Chandler's with her and she has a huge crowd of people around.]
Ross: (knew this was coming) There it is... (he comes back)
Ross: You've been quiet all morning. Is everything okay?
Phoebe: Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, thats him! Thats him!
Mr. Waltham: I-I was wondering, my niece you see is in from Londonwell Shropshire really but yknowwell shes about your age I say. Anyway I have tickets for the opera, Die Fledermaus, and I was wondering if youd like to keep her company this evening?
Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh, that is so hot. She walks around him to the other side)
Phoebe: Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)
Monica: Nope, she doesn't have to, I found out who the father is.
Monica: Okay, I umm, I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did. The only reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
Director: You really think this man is speaking French?
Ross: WhatYoure not serious. I mean shes a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her. Shell drive us totally crazy.
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, this is fun, couples night.
ROSS: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him cash, Rachel give him your earrings. Something, now, anything. MONICA: No, I will not cave. RACHEL: Yeah, I'm with Mon. ROSS: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize the day? Well, alright, even though he's your super, I'm seizing. [approaches Mr. Treeger] Mr. Treeger, here is 50 bucks, merry Christmas. [Gives him the cash.]
Rachel: Yeah, it is. Yeah, you know, it's tough. Single mom, career... You gotta get out there.
(Rachel mimes and mouths to mr Campbell "That is my boss", pointing to mr Zellner)
Joey: Hey Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk. (To Dirk) Dirk, this is my good friend Ross. (Ross and Dirk shake hands)
Chandler: That is a bad interview.
Ross: This is the single greatest day of my professional career. Gunther, six glasses!
Ross: So I told Carl, Nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur. But of course this went in one ear and out.....
Ross: Oh my God! Those werent albino kids, that was computer camp! Rach! (He hurries inside and Chandler is taking out the garbage.)
[Scene: Phoebe is at Central Perk. Mike enters.]
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Rachel: (annoyed) Ross, what is taking you so long?
[Scene: The fire escape, Joey is now hanging off of the bottom rung of the ladder that wont move and Ross is watching from above.]
Monica: This is so great! Now we can enter into doubles tournaments!
Charlie: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...
Rachel: Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. For the first time in weeks, I am somewhat comfortable.
Ross: Hey, is Rachel here?
Mike: Do you even know what a banana hammock is?
Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh yeah. There is a plan! Why don't I just start taking my smart pills now?
Phoebe: (coming over after returning the musket) Wait a minute, no, this is, this is the reason you brought me. Okay? I know how to haggle. So let me handle this from here on out.
Ross: Yeah, were not just doing a card! Yknow, she-she also wants to have the conversation about where the relationship is going.
Rachel: Oh, it was great. Mark is so sweet.
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (they all stare at each other)
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Rachel is finally giving birth.]
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (we see Ross stare in disbelief)
[Scene: Back at the restaurant with Joey and Sarah. Joey is holding Sarah's hands]
Ross: Yeah, yeah! (they hug) You sure this is what you want?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the whole gang is there, except for Ross and Rachel. Joey is trying to eat Chinese with chopsticks and fails miserably. Theres a knock on the door, and Chandler answers it to reveal Rachel]
Rachel: I think it is. (Ross looks very sad. Phoebe and Joey enter.)
Monica: How is that gonna happen?
Chandler: Is this the best way to use one of your three magic wishes?
Monica: But what if it is better than ours? Should we at least look?
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Mr Zelner: Yeah, his name is Ross. (Ross looks very surprised) What?
Mr Zelner: She is good!
Mr Zelner: But I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do... Ah, it's not true, there is... nothing I want to do.
Ross: (realizing) That is Mark?
Rachel: Ohh! Lucky me! Oh my God! That is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heard since Le Poo died!
Monica: Oh, you know, my flock is good, I mean, yeah, my flock pretty much takes care of themselves at this point. Good flock. Flock, flock, flock.
Joey: That’s it? You know, it seems all you do lately is drop the ball.
Monica: Ours is so much better! This living room is smaller, the dining room looks like a cave! What a hole!
Rachel: No-no! Dont dance for me! Please? Dont! (She gets up to yell at her friends.) What is the matter with you guys?
Monica: Is all this about you not being able to grow a moustache?
Lady: Oh, the woman upstairs is very nice. She and her husband have two kids, he's on Wall Street and she…
Phoebe: Because patience is the road to understanding (she thinks) which ... is the key... to a happy heart.
Ross: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is...
r Zelner: Who is it?
Receptionist: Here's your schedule for the day. Your first client is in room No. 1.
Mr Zelner: This is gonna make me very popular.
OPENING TITLES [Scene: Monica and Rachels apartment. The whole gang is there.]
[Scene: The house next door to Chandler and Monica's new house. Chandler is pacing worriedly through the living room when Janice enters.]
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is working on his laptop when Rachel enters with Emma.]
[Scene: Mr. Zellner's office. There is a knock on the door.]
Ross: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do.
Rachel: Oh, well. Everything that I need (she takes her bag) is in here and my travel documents are on the counter organized in the order that I will be needing them.
Mackenzie: Well, if moving here is gonna make them happy, don't you want them to do it?
[Scene: Phoebes Herbal Guys office, Ross is there about his thing. Ross is looking around the exam room, and he goes over to a large bank of drawers, pulls one out and almost spills it as the herbalist, Guru Saj, enters.]
Ross: Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk down the aisle with you! Now, I promise I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time!
Phoebe: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! (they all stop fighting, Chandler continues to dance.) Look what youre doing to Chandler!! (Chandler finally stops) (to Ross and Rachel) Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? (Ross starts to leave) You dont, all right you dont have to love each other, okay? You dont, you dont even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.
MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.
Joey: So what? Being funny is Chandler's thing... You know, like Ross's thing is... (he can't come up with anything)