words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.]
ROSS: That, that is funny. That is painfully funny. No, wait. Wait, yeah, that's just painful
PHOE: Ok, um, hi, hello, hi, ok, so, um, this is a song about a love triangle between three people that I made up. Um, it's called, um, "Two of Them Kissed Last Night".
[Ross and Rachel look at each other and then at Phoebe, realizing the song is about their situation.]
[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's (RTST) office. Monica is there about a job.]
RTST: This is a nice resume. Nice, nice, nice. Muy impressivo.
RTST: Go ahead. Try a piece. Yeah, we think that Mockolate is even better than chocolate.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are there. Monica is suggesting Mockolate recipes to Phoebe.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is up in arms about the Rachel/Julie situation.]
ROSS: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.
MNCA: Ok, this is pumpkin pie with mockolate cookie crumb crust. This is mockolate cranberry cake, and these are mockolate chip cookies. Just like the Indians served.
PHOE: Oh, oh sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.]
CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?
[Joey is looking at Rachel, smiling, and gesturing his head towards Ross.]
RACH: Oh, oh, this is good, this is really good.
RACH: Ok, he's goin' to get my coat. He's goin' to get my coat. Oh my god, you guys. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable. [notices Chandler's computer screen] What's that?
RACH: What's that? What? I saw my name. What is it?
RACH: Well what is it? Let me see.
ROSS: He won't? [remembers what it is] He won't! Because, isn't that, isn't that the, the short story you were writing?
CHAN: Yes, yes it is, short story, that I was writing.
RACH: What is this? Ross, what is this?
ROSS: No, that, that was, I mean, as opposed to uh, the uh, ok. Is this over yet Rach?
RACH: She is not Rachem. What the hell's a Rachem? Is that some stupid paleontology word that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress.
ROSS: No, Rach, come on. Rach! Rach, no, no! She's not Rachel, she is, she is not, Ra--Rachel?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, eating candy. It is raining out. Ross climbs up the fire escape and is knocking on the window.]
[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's office. Monica is there.]
RTST: Yeah, well, anyhoo, here is your check. [hands it to her] Thank you for all the trouble you went through. Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you?
RTST: Oh, some, that's fine. Some is fine. Some is not a lot. So, it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?
[Ross is at his apartment.]
RACH: [to Monica] Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighin' me down.
MNCA: [to Ross] Listen, I... I don't think this is the best time.
[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's office. Monica is there.]
Phoebe: Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins. So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway?
Ross: It's awful I know, I mean, I feel terrible but I have to do this if I want my marriage to work. And I do, I have to make this marriage work. I have too. But the good thing is we can still see each other until she gets here.
[Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]
ROSS: You know what, this is ridiculous, ok. This is your birthday, this is your party. I say we just put 'em all together and if they can't deal with it, who cares.
Monica: Hey, how did it go with Mike, is he gonna let you keep the painting?
Joey: (entering) Thats my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, Im sorry Im a little late. You may be confused by this now, (Hes still in costume) but you wont be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, lets get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. Ive known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as Ive left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]
Rachel: Oh, Barry..! Come on, this is all way too..
[Scene: Ross's new apartment, he is showing his boss, Dr. Ledbetter his new place and new outlook on life.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Ross: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol!
Phoebe: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?
Rachel: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald.
Phoebe: So how is this for our big double date tonight? (She is all dressed up)
Rachel: Oh sure it is!
Monica: God, Ross is on a date with your sister! How weird is that?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving coffee as Mindy enters.]
Phoebe: I dont believe you! That is brilliant! And Monica has no idea?
Mindy: Oh no, it isn't! No! I think Barry is seeing someone in the city.
[They keep flicking each other. This turns into slapping each other. This leads to wrestling on the floor. All the while Phoebe is saying "Happy thoughts". Eventually Phoebe gets fed up.]
Rachel: Okay. (She tilts her head back and squeezes the eyedropper. The only problem is, it's not over her eye.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is confronting her boss, Terry.]
Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.]
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is eating breakfast as Chandler enters.]
Monica: Whats with all this sand? (picking a handful of sand off of the floor, which is covered in sand)
Chandler: Oh, is she related to Ralph Lauren?
Chandler: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. (pause) No, Andr� is not here. (to Joey) Third time today. (on phone) Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don't perform those kind of services.
Chandler: That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut up!
[A guy is sitting at his desk and his boss comes in and drops a huge pile of papers on his desk. The guy looks dejected.]
Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Chandler: And this- is my reward!
Monica: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
Rachel: Which one do you think she is?
Joey: Come on Rach, not again. I got it! Okay? Lets start sailing, and I want to go over there (Points) where that boatload of girls is! (Yelling to them) Yo-ho-ho!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is entering.]
Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys. (hugs them)
Joey: No thats not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when youre 90 youll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
Rachel: No! Ross, no! It is not fine! Eh-eh-according to my plan I should already be with the guy I wanna marry!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Phoebe enters.]
Erica: Well, if there is anything else you wanna know... (Monica and Chandler look at each other)
[Scene: Rosss birthday, night has fallen and Joey and Ross are walking by where his car is parked to find that both cars blocking him in have left.]
Monica: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?
Phoebe: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black.
Rachel: Yeah, but it was different with him today! And he wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy, y'know? I mean, we had fun! Is there anything wrong with that?
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.]
Rachel: I don't know where the phone is.
CHANDLER: Hey, guys, it's after midnight, merry Christmas everyone. [Ross and Phoebe hug, Monica and Rachel hug, Chandler is left standing]
[Scene: 4 Queens Club, Helena Handbasket is singing.]
(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.)
Phoebe: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for the love of God, Monica, don't do it!! ...Thank you.
Monica: Uh, Aunt Iris? This is Phoebe, and that's Rachel...
Joey: Man, she is going to have a great time! Is she staying at the Hotel Corona?
(Everyone is amused by Chandler's comment.)
PHOEBE: What, what's about to happen? [starts watching] I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, watcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no Travis, put down the gun. No no no no, he he's your buddy, he's your Yeller, no, no no, the end, THE END. [hear the gunshot from the TV] [Scene:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard is on the balcony smoking and Monica is on the phone.]
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder.]
(Marcel points the remote at Monicas television, pressing a particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.)
Lydia: There is no father.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is looking at papers.]
Phoebe: Okay, dont sweat it. (Looking around her.) Chandler is nowhere around so go ahead get it out of your system. That guys cute. (Points to a guy sitting behind Monica.)
Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?
Joey: Oh, it is.
Joey: It is.
Lydia: Oh, that is so not true.
Molly: (goes out of the room) Hey! Guys, this is Tabatha (they kiss on the lips in a romantic way). (to Ross) I'll see you tomorrow.
Joey: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players run the team.
Ross: Who the hell is Jordie?
Phoebe: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?!
Ross: Please. This is so your fault.
Susan: How, how is this my fault?
(Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.)
Chandler: That is so weird, because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienists blouse.
Ross: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long?
Rachel: (entering from her room) Hey guys do you think this is too sluttyHi Kash!
Monica: This is it. Yeah, this is the one. I cant believe I found it!
(She hugs him and he starts to hug her back but notices the look Phoebe is giving him and pushes her away.)
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.
[Scene: Monicas birthday, Monica is now dressed and is being helped out by Chandler and Rachel.]
Lydia: No, this is a loaner.
Guy: Your mom called me. So is this her?
Rachel: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of started the whole independence thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job.
ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.
Phoebe: This is so great.
[Scene: Estelle's memorial service. Joey is giving a speech. Next to him is a blown op photograph of Estelle behind her desk and there's a man standing next to him.]
Susan: Oh, hes fine. Hes fine. Its just that us getting along is difficult for him, because he doesnt like me.
RACHEL: Well, the point is, maybe I should just stop waiting around for moments with Ross, you know?� I should just . . . move on with my life.
Joey: No! (She nods no to Chandler) Because he didn't believe in my movie! Which is a big mistake because it is real! Real!
Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!
Susan: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me.
Ross: (to Ben) I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.
Ross: No, this is pretty much it.
Monica: He is so amazing.
(Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this point.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are living here and Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle when Rachel opens the door causing the door knob to hit his hand.]
Joey: Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
Joey: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not right!
[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]