words in movies
Joey: (starts to imagine it) I cant. I keep seeing it the good way.
Ross: Id bet Id still be doing my kara-tay. (Thats karate, hes just saying it that way.) Towards the end of our marriage I was doing a lot of kara-tay as a way of releasing the tension from yknow, not doing anything else physical.
Chandler: Maybe the problem was you were pronouncing it kara-tay.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: No-no. Its-its me, Ross!
Ross: Is-isnt it the best?
Rachel: Oh, its the best! (They both exhale contemplating the joys of marriage.) So, umm hows Monica?
Ross: No, its okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I dont
Ross: (putting the magazine back and holding the money for it) Okay.
Monica's Boyfriend: (returning) Here we go, one Hazelnut Latte. (Hands it to Monica and sits down.)
Monica's Boyfriend: Yeah. Yknow, the hazelnut actually not a nut, its a seed.
Joey: Oh dear God, let me think. (Starts to sarcastically think about it.)
Chandler: I could use the money; it could give me time to write.
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Monica: Oh my God, sit down! Sit down! How long as it been since weve seen each other?
Ross: (answering it) 1987, the day after Christmas, at Sean McMahons party. I played you one of my songs, yknow Interplanetary Courtship Ritual.
Chandler: Well its kinda hard to be friends with Drake because of his busy schedule and the fact that hes not real.
Joey: Well, its always nice to meet the fans.
Chandler: Uh-oh, its my boss!
Ross: Come on Pheebs, its not that bad! Yknow most people would be excited if they didnt have to work for a couple of weeks.
Monica: Honey, having a heart attack is natures way of telling you to slow it down.
Phoebe: How long has it been since you had sex?
Ross: Okay, I think I got it.
Phoebe: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and youre-youre-youre rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybodys watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Chandler: (approaching) Here you go Joe, heres the freshly squeezed orange juice you asked for. (Hands it to him.)
Joey: Thanks! (Looks at it.) Yeah, theres pulp in that. (Hands it back.)
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Rachel: (mouthing it to him) Yes, you did.
Chandler: Its not all juice! (Rachel quickly gets out of the way.)
Ross: Carol our sex life isits just not working
(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica wont let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesnt budge.)
Chandler: You wanna share it?
Monica: Its not mayonnaise!!
Joey: Fresh squeezed orange juice, with pulp! Just the way you like it.
Chandler: Oh you wouldnt uh, care. Its just a stupid comic book story.
Joey: Wait a minute. That sounds a little familiar! Did they already do that one? Cause I think I read it!
Monica: Well, yknow its none of my business, but arent you married?
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Rachel: Monica. Youve, youve done it right?
Monica: Say it louder, I dont think the guy all the way in the back heard you!
Guy All the Way in the Back: Yeah, I heard it.
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Rachel: Oh my God!! Do it!! Honey, youve waited long enough!!
Monica: Rachel! Im never gonna think its okay for you to cheat on your husband!
Phoebe: No! Its not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me!
Monica: Put it out!!
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! (Puts it out and comes out of the bathroom.) Im so glad youre here.
Ross: Come on. (Helps her into bed as her phone rings.) I got it.
Phoebe: Oh, give it to me.
Ross: I got it!
Phoebe: Give it!
Phoebe: Was it my work? Were they mad? Was it Jack? Did he yell?!
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is watching Days of Our Lives. Of course its a Dr. Drake Remoray scene. Its set in a hospital room, and Dr. Wesley and a nurse are talking about a female patient with a bandage around her head.]
Rachel: Okay! (She picks up the phone, Joeys phone number, and starts to dial.) Here we go! Okay! (On phone.) Hi, Joey! Its Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.
Ross: Oh. (He takes the notepad she was using and looks at it.) Wow! (Flips to another page.) Huh. (Flips another page.) Boy! (Flips another page.) Well, someones been doing their homework. (Flips two more pages.)
Ross: Oh, I know. (Laughs) Yknow, just-just talking about it is getting me kinda
Carol: Oh umm, yknow I think it would be better if we just save it.
Ross: Yeah. Right. Save it. I can do that. (Gets up and does a little kara-tay.)
Ross: Hey, hows it going?
Monica: But, I put some honey in it.
Chandler: No, the doctors say it may kill her.
Rachel: Ohh, I mean its just so realistic!
Joey: I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. Youll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.
Rachel: Pat the dog. Oh! Oh! I get it!! (Laughs and finishes her drink.)
Rachel: Oh, I probably shouldntso I will! (Joey starts making her refill and Rachel notices that rain thing Joey has.) Oh! Wow! Its like its raining!
Joey: Pretty cool, huh? But if youre thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldnt get sucked up into the mechanism, well youd be wrong.
Joey: Its uh, right through there. (Points.)
Joey: Yeah, lifes pretty great isnt it?
Rachel: Yeah, it sure is!
Monica: People! People say it! Come here! (She grabs him and kisses him.)
Dr. Roger: Yknow, its funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases
Monica: No-no-no, no! Its sensual!
Dr. Roger: Im sorry sweetie, its the hospital. The food looks great, maybe save me some?
Carol: Looks like it.
Carol: (jumping up to get it) I got it!
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Susan: Oh, I wouldnt miss it for the world.
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Chandler: Well, I could make it seem like hes here. (Imitates him.) "Heres some little known facts about cous-cous. They didnt add the second cous until 1979." (Mumbles something further.)
Monica: Stop it!! Thats not funny!!
Monica: Im sorry, okay? It justtonight was supposed to be yknow, it was supposed to be a big deal.
Monica: Oh really? When? Do you wanna do it with me?
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it.) If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, yknow? Because youve been waiting a very long time and I wouldnt want to disappoint you.
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Monica: Its harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!
Chandler: Well, if it helps there were only three. So it would just be for tonight, right?
Monica: Absolutely! It would just be one friend (Points at Chandler) helping out another friend. (Points at herself.)
Chandler: Stop it! Were doing this! Lets do it!
Chandler: Yeah, lets just forget it.
Joey: Sure! As long as they dont find out you can keep whatever you want! And I want you to have it.
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Phoebe: Lets go! Come on! Move it! (Grabs her coat.) Come on! (To an old man whos holding her shoes and briefcase.) Shoes! Briefcase! (Takes them both.) Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder. (She leaves.)
Joey: All right! So, was it amazing?
Ross: It was, it was okay.
Joey: Just okayDid you do it right?!
Ross: Look, its just did, did you ever go to a party and think, "Would really anyone miss me if I werent here?"
Ross: Its just, my part seemed to be over pretty quickly and then, and then there was a lot of waiting around.
Ross: It really was!
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
Jack: Take it easy. (Sits her down.)
Woman: Hey Pheebs! Hows it going?!
Rachel: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you were going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbors dog walker?!
Rachel: Oh. (Doesnt believe it.)
Ross: Hey! There are some men who will do whatever it takes to make their marriage work! Okay? There are some men who will stand by and-and watch as their wives engage in-in what only can be described as a twosome with some-some woman she barely knows from the gym!
Rachel: Well, you might want to tell him it sounds like his wife is (whispers) gay.
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Monica: Then what is it?
Monica: Y'know what, Ive got to walk out of here right now, cause getting over you is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I dont think I could do it again.
Ross: Just go for it Chandler.
[Scene: Phoebe Sr.s house, its right after she told Phoebe that shes her birth mother.]
Phoebe: Well the doctor says it takes a couple days, but my bodys always been a little faster than Western medicine.
Phoebe Sr: Its open! Come in!
Monica: And it has to go perfectly, because if she doesn't like something about us she can keep us off every adoption list in the state.
Chandler: All right, how about we, how bout we sell it.
David: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you.
Monica: God! If youre gonna cry about it! (She grabs the box and goes to through it out.]
Ross: Uh actually Joey, its the Cretasous period.
Tour Guide: Thats just the way it is.
Joey: Ahhh! My ah, my agent said it wasn't a dancing part.
Elizabeth: Yeah. I felt a little weird about it. Youre a teacher. Im a student. But would you maybe want to go out with me sometime?
Phoebe: Ooh, yknow what, I think its time for puppy to go out again. Come on, lets go to the balcony.
Monica: (to Chandler) So, did you do it?
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
Monica: Well, it was the first time. Yknow, theres not always a lot of agreement the first time.
Monica: Uh-oh, it was bad?
Joey: No-hey-no! If you dont want me to do it, I except that. I dont care about that. I just I dont want you to be upset.
Monica: Its kind of an important one!
The Waiter: Yeah, people get pretty generous around the holidays. And it never hurts to wear tight trousers.
Chandler: Well believe it baby!
Rachel: No, it was a stupid bet! We were just playing a game!
Chandler: Well you might if it were anything like 7!
Phoebe: Yeah, say my name. Say it! (She stops when she realizes what shes doing.) And now Im going to cover you back up, and umm were never doing this again.
Ross: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round beginsstop it (Chandler stops jumping)now. What was Monicas nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Chandler: I knew it!
Ross: Uhh, it was fun. We, we just had coffee.
Monica: Ill take care of it.
Rachel: How did it go?
(Theres a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Chandler: Okay! (They hug.) I was gonna wait til uh, it was official yknow? But I got so excited I just had to tell you guys because youre my best friends.
Rachel: Well it stupid, unfair question!
Rachel: No its not!
Joey: But it is our apartment!
Rachel: Will you stop calling it your apartment!
Monica: What is it?!
Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Knicks season opener tonight. I thought maybe you guys would come over and watch it.
Chandler: What?! What-what is it?!
Guru Saj: Oh sure, we should see resultsWhoa!! Clearly not the way to go!! (quickly wipes it off)
Chandler: Oh no, now its not gonna make any sense!
Ross: No! No! It would be weird if we were still in that place, I mean are you still in that place?
Joey: Okay look, look, let me ask you a question, when they were doing it on stage, was it like really hot?
Joey: Im sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and its either this or a bathrobe! Look, whats more important, the way Im dressed or me being with you on your special day?
Phoebe: No, and so there's no one to walk me down the aisle and... well, I would just really love it if you would do it.
JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. [turns back to the car window and the dog is halfway through it.] Ahhh.
(Janice starts to breath into it and sucks in the reciept, and then spits it out.)
Monica: (laughs) Please, its a relief is what it is, is what it is.
Joey (to Rachel): Dude, chill! (to Ross) Okay, we also kissed in Barbados, but we didn't plan it, okay? And the only reason that that happened was because I saw you kissing Charlie.
Rachel: Ohhhhhh, look its the roller blades.
SUSIE: It looks like one of her eyebrows fell down. Now unless someone convinces her to let me bleach it, Jean-Claude Van Damme is gonna be making out with Gabe Kaplan.
Rachel: Oh-oh, sorry, its this way, its this way. (Motions to the correct way.)
Joey: Look, its not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I dont want to live with some one who doesnt know what it is to be a friend. So, Ill see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Kathy: Its a good play, isnt it?
Chandler: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken.
Joey: Because its faster.
Joey: Sure it is! She needs a pen for work, she's writing, she turns it over.... "Whoa! It's time for my date with Joey!"
Monica: Yeah, its just something I picked up.
Joey: I dont know, it smells good.
Rachel: Its Joshua.
Phoebe: Yeah, I dont need it.
Chandler: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.
Monica: I gotta tell ya, I think its okay to be that guy.
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Joey: (climbing out of the hole) What?! What?!! What is it?!
Guru Saj: Well its gone.
Rachel: I dont even know how I would go about it.
Mr. Geller: I didnt even have a chance to act as though Im okay with it!
Chandler: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
Joey: Howd it go?
Joey: I dont know, it looks the same.
Phoebe: (laughs harder) You make it so funny.
Ross: Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as Im sure you are with your wife! (Realizes) Oh, Im sorry! (To Elizabeth) Its unbelievable!
Joey: (examining it) Ohh, a hunk of sandwich from last year. (Monica drops the sandwich)
Chandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.
Rachel: Okay. (they both look into the camera, and Ross waves.) Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...
Chandler: Yeah, its like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
Rachel: Sure. You got it. Great!
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Rachel: Really? It doesnt seem desperate?
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Monica: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and its sooo close.
Ross: No, I missed and hit the door. But, it opened really hard!
Joey: Well, it doesnt matter what I would do.
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Frank Jr.: Yeah, I really cherish these moments, 'cause before you know it, they're gonna be awake again.
Monica: Its only been a couple of hours, so just give it some time.
(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)
Phoebe: (gasps) White Plains. Oh, it sounds like such a magical place.
Ross: No-no-no, a bunch of out of control jackets take over an island. (Makes an unusual sound, then he realises that he still has his jacket on and quickly tries to shake it off, thinking its alive and attacking him.)
PHOEBE: [entering the kitchen from the party] That's funny, no. Cadillac, cataract, I get it, no I get it, you stay out there.
Chandler: It just doesnt feel like were breaking up.
Chandler: Well, lets just say its ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.
Ross: All right, Ill do it.
Phoebe: It kicked! I think the baby kicked!
Monica: So? How did it go with Joshua last night?
Rachel: Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! (Pause) That isthats greatthat is really great-great news. (Pause) Yknow cause the whole not being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be. (Starts to cry.) God.