words in movies
Teleplay by: Jill Condon & Amy Toomin Story by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Written by: Jill Condon & Any Toomin Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Jill: Ugh! I cannot believe you did this too me! You had me doubting how smart I was! (Gasps) You had me doubting my fashion sense!
Rachel: Jill, honey, I think this is the best thing that couldve ever happened to you. I mean you needed to get out on your own anyway! And you know when I did it, I-I-I at first I was scared, and look at me now! Im the only daughter dad is proud of! Okay, well this is, this is what youre gonna do. Youre gonna get a job, youre gonna get an apartment, and then Ill help you and you can stay with us. Right Pheebs, she can stay with us?
Phoebe: No. No. Its just I was umm, I was with Ross and Jill after you left and umm, Im pretty sure I saw a little spark between them.
Ross: Yknow what? I think I can take care of myself, Ill talk to you later. Good-bye. (Hangs up the phone and turns to find Jill sitting really close to him.) Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that youre just using me.
Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
Jill: That he wouldnt pay for my lawyer! Then he told me to come here and learn about the value of money from the one daughter hes actually proud off.
Jill: Oh, thats so great! Okay, Im really gonna do this! I dont know how to thank you guys.
Ross: Hi Jill.
Jill: Hi!
Jill: Oh my God, Rachel!
Rachel: Oh my God, Jill!
Phoebe: Sorry Jill.
Jill: So who made her queen of the world?
Jill: Hey!
Jill: No! They did! (Points to Phoebe and Ross)
Rachel: Jill?
Rachel: With my sister Jill and my ex-boyfriend Ross?
Jill: No you stop!
Rachel: With Ross and Jill?
Jill: She took all my stuff.
Jill: You stop!
Jill: Fine, then lets just say hes not my type.
Jill: (entering) Sorry Im late, whats up?
Jill: You think so too?
Jill: Yeah.
Jill: Me go out with Ross?! No! God no! What would make you think that?
Jill: No! I mean hes nice.
Jill: No! Yknow what Rachel? Youre right, yknow he has been really nice to me.
Jill: What?
Rachel: She-she died Jill.
Ross: Sorry-sorry Jill.
Ross: (entering) Hi Jill!
Jill: Its yours!
Jill: (entering) Hi!
Jill: (laughs) Me too.
Jill: Really?!
Jill: You dont want him, but you dont want me to have him?
(We see that Ross is returning to his apartment with Jill.)
(We see that Ross is taking off Jills coat.)
Jill: Why?!
Jill: I dont understand, do you want to go out with Ross?
Jill: Why are you so jealous of me?
Jill: Who?!
Jill: Hey!
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse, Rachel is at the counter as Jill enters.]
Jill: Its probably because not mature enough. Or smart enough. Maybe he doesnt like the way I dressNo that cant be it. Its really gotta be the smart thing. Oh Im so stupid! Im just like this incredibly pretty stupid girl!
Jill: Hey!
Jill: You asked him too?!
Jill: Oh great! Thanks Ross, youre such a good friend!
Jill: Oh, Mr. Scientist has to get all technical!
Jill: But you know what might really cheer me up?
Ross: You damn kids! You ring my bell one more time, I swear to (Opens the door to find Jill standing there.) Ohh, uh Jill. Umm, that-thats just a little game I play with the kids down the hall. Umm, theyve really taken a liking to me. (Quickly looks out to see if theyre watching.) Uhh whats-whats-whats the matter?
Ross: You take care Jill.
Jill: So? (Kisses him passionately.)
Rachel: Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you cant have!
Jill: (happily) Okay, see ya! (Exits.)
Jill: Cant have?! Excuse me, the only thing I cant have is dairy! (Starts to storm out.)
Jill: (hits him) Shut up! I did not sound like that at all!
Jill: Well okay, if it means that much to you, then Ill ask him out.
Jill: Yeah. Ooh, I know what this is missing! Alcohol!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is ranting about Jill to Chandler and Monica.]
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Jill enters.]
Jill: Okay, I bought a boat.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there as Jill enters to start her date with Ross.]
Ross: (To Rachel) You uh, you may have been right about Jill.
Jill: (To Rachel) Daddy cut me off.
Jill: Were you this cute in high school?
Jill: Oh no! But I just walked past three sales and I didnt go in. How strong am I?
Jill: Oh great! (Goes to get it as the phone rings.)
Rachel: Dont!! (Joey backs away frightened.) (To Jill) Honey, what are you doing here?!
Jill: (gasps) Thats the best one! Oh my God, (hugs him) thank you so much!
Jill: Hey! You have no right to tell me what to do.
Ross: Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
Ross and Rachel while looking at each other surprised and shocked: Jill?
Monica: Rach? (Points to Jill.)
Ross: Hi Jill.
Jill: Oh my God, Rachel!
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
Part I Written by: Michael Borkow Part II Teleplay by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan & Scott Silveri Part II Story by: Jill Condon & Amy Toomin Part I Transcribed by: Eric Aasen Part II Transcribed by: Aaron D. Miller
Jill: Oh my gosh, that was so lame. Like a pajmena could be a rug!
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting below the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them. Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.]
Jill: Hi!
Rachel: Oh my God, Jill!
Jill: (entering, carrying a bunch of shopping bags) I just had the hardest day. Those bags are so heavy. (Sets them down.)
Jill: Yknow, thanks for trying to cheer me up, but Im not gonna date some random guy from your work.
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Jill: All right, Im leaving! Because Im not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. Thats you Rachel!
Rachel: (notices Jills bags) Jill! Did you shop?!
(Rachel laughs a little too hard as Ross and Jill leave for their date. After they have left, Rachel starts to break down.)
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Jill Goodacre is on the cellular phone. Chandler's thoughts are in italics.]
Rachel: You went shopping?! What, and then you just came in here and paraded it right under Jills nose when you know shes trying to quit. Wow, you guys are terrible!
Ross: Jill, how did you pay for all this? I thought your dad took away your credit card.
(He goes into another room to get his projector and notes. While hes gone, Jill quickly checks her makeup.
Jill: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (she kisses him on the cheek) See ya.
Joey: (to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen. (says something intentionally garbled)
Jill: Oh please, I memorized those numbers when I was 15. But look at all the cool make-it-on-my-own stuff I got! (Holds up a red sweater) This is my "Please, hire me" sweater. (Holds up a pair of black pants) And these are my, "Dont you want to rent me this apartment?" pants.
Amy: You know what? When I moved in here I thought: This is gonna be so great. Just us sisters, back together again like when we were kids, except without that stupid Jill... Oh! Who has gotten fat by the way...