words in movies
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
[Joey enters holding a letter]
JOEY: Hey, hey, check it out, guess what I got.
JOEY: No, my first fan mail.
JOEY: Oh my god, I got my very own stalker.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are standing around in the kitchen.]
JOEY: Hey, whaddya wanna do for dinner?
JOEY: Ah, the stalker.
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
JOEY: Let's get out of here.
JOEY: OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met. CHANDLER: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.
JOEY: She's comin'.
JOEY: Uhh, this is it, this is how we're gonna die. Ready?
[Joey opens the door and sees Erica (Brooke Shields). Joey gets a huge smile and Chandler squeezed the dish soap in the air.]
JOEY: Erica.
CHANDLER: Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.
CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.
[Scene: A nice restraunt. Joey and Erica are dining.]
JOEY: Yeah it is. . . what?
JOEY: Yeah, that was a tricky one. In reality, that operation takes like, over 10 hours, but they only showed it for 2 minites.
JOEY: No one.
JOEY: Good, otherwise my watch would fall off. [laughs hysterically]
JOEY: Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather emphatically] Wow, you're good at that.
[Scene: Restraunt. Joey and Erica are still there.]
JOEY: Uhh, cause, uhh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh, uh, foodal chokage. Alright, look, I got to tell you something.
JOEY: But that's what...
JOEY: Hey I- [she cuts him off with a kiss]
JOEY: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. He-hey.
JOEY ON TV: Damnit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.
JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.
JOEY: Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.
MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
JOEY: Hey Erica, c'mon in.
JOEY: Right, they uh, they choppered me in. What's up?
JOEY: Who?
JOEY: It's not what you think, that was...
JOEY: Alright look, that's it. I don't think we should see each other anymore, alright. Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, OK. I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.
JOEY: Somebody wanna help me out here?
RACHEL: Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on it.]
JOEY: 'Cause it's a television show.
JOEY: I'm not Drake.
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
JOEY: Right. Goodbye Erica, good luck in Salem. Take care
ERICA: I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door in her face]
JOEY: OK, alright, the people who threw the water.
JOEY: This is amazing.
JOEY: I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's makin' movies.
ROSS: Hey, hey buddy, Marcel. Marcel. [Marcel doesn't react so Ross starts singing] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [no reaction from Marcel, Monica and Joey urge him on] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [Marcel looks over and everyone joins in] a-weema-way, a-weema-way..... [Marcel runs over and hops up on Ross's shoulder]
JOEY: Closed set. We know but we're friends with the monkey. [guard lets them in]
JOEY: Woah, dude, burn.
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
JOEY: Gotcha. Phoebs, walk with me.
JOEY: Well, we're, we're just goin' over here so that we can get away from the horrible flesh eating virus, for the love of God woman, listen to me. Is he lookin', is he lookin'?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and the girls are sitting at the couches.]
JOEY: Oh man, she's so smokin, she has got the greatest set of. . . no guys around, huh.
ROSS: Hey Joey I have to cancel racketball for tonight, that was Marcel's trainer. He's gonna let me have him for a couple of hours.
JOEY: You're blowin' me off for a monkey?
JOEY: Yeah, unless you hook up with a bunch of pigeons.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is setting up for his time with Marcel. Joey is there.]
JOEY: Oooh.
JOEY: Yaaahhh. Ahhh, candles. What'dya thinks gonna happen here tonight?
[Scene: A fancy restraunt (Marcel's). Joey, Ross, Chandler, Susie, and the Director's Assistant are there.]
JOEY: Forget about it.
JOEY: So, assistant to the director. That's a really exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool responsibilities.
JOEY: So what're you guys gonna eat?
[Scene: Back at the restroom at Marcel's. Chandler is still in the stall, Joey comes in to go to the bathroom.]
[Joey starts whistling, Chandler finishes the tune. Joey whistles again.]
CHANDLER: Joey?
JOEY: Ma?
CHANDLER: Joey!
JOEY: Chandler? What're you still doin' here, I though you guys took off.
JOEY: Are you naked in there?
JOEY: Huh, you uh, you always wear panties?
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
JOEY: Well, let me see.
JOEY: Alright, alright. [climbs up in the next stall and looks over at Chandler] Woah, someone's flossing.
[Ross enters, sees Joey in the mirror]
ROSS: [to Joey who's looking over a toilet stall] Joey, some people don't like that.
JOEY: Chandler's wearing panties.
JOEY: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.
JOEY: Oh, I'm gettin' heat from the guy in the hot pink thong.
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front of him, and leaves.]
[Joey enters]
JOEY: Hey, hey, and I'm in the movie.
JOEY: One of the virus victims called in sick, so Cathy recommended me and boom, I'm dying on the gurney. Oh Ross, Marcel just finished his last scene if you want to go down there and say goodbye.
[Scene: Filming a scene from the movie. Joey is dying on a gurney, Van Damme is looking over him.]
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh. Mommy
Joey: Im telling ya, you guys are totally getting back together!
Dream Joey: Aww, me too. Now let's finish this and go to bed.
Joey: I got that! I forgive ya! Don't come out here!
Joey: I mean, theres no way I can make myself taller now, yknow? And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular sized man?
Joey: I can do that, yeah. How is Friday?
Joey: Are you kidding me? Watch! (Makes funny faces trying to cry) Well I cant do it with you guys watching me!
Chandler: (looks him in the eye) I'm not breaking up with her! (they stare at each other for a while, then Joey blows in his face)
RACHEL: Ok, doggie get the- aahhh. Ok go get the sandwich, get the sandwich doggie. [dog ignores the sandwich] Good doggie get the sandwich, get the...ok, Joey, the dog will lick himself but he will not touch your sandwich, what does that say?
Joey: If you want, Ill sell my friends and use the money to buy you presents.
Joey: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!
Joey: (answering the door.) Hey, how did you do that?! Come on in. (He brings them inside.)
Joey: Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size.
JOEY: Well uh, I had breakfast here so technically I saved $3.50.
Joey: (eating) Huh. So then I can heat this up? (Goes and does so.)
JOEY: All the way to the airport huh? You know that's over 30 miles, that's gonna cost you about so bucks.
Joey: All righty, what do you say we head back to my place?
Joey: Hey babies! Oh, Im having the best morning. That uh, that Porsche Ive got the keys too, still there!
Joey: Well thats it. Im done. Whew! (Wipes his forehead.) There come the meat sweats. (Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.)
JOEY: Well, I couldn't do it. I told her I didn't want to get the part that way.
Phoebe: Oh no! He's not getting away that easy! (Phoebe and Joey run towards the bathroom and enter)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
Joey: Who invented bifocals?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Joey is looking at a National Geographic and giggling.]
Joey: (stopping him) No, no, you cant, you cant, okay, you cant, you cant buy her pearls, you just cant, you cant, you cant.
Joey: Oh, really? You know what your great friend did? We're out to dinner, ok? (he starts talking about the date and we can see what happened through a flashback video) We're getting along, having a really nice time. I was thinking she was really cool. And then, out of nowhere...
(Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter.)
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.
Rachel: Joey, God, your apartment is like a hundred degrees!
Joey: You know, I could like maybe... I could do a dramatic reading of one of her books!
[cut to Joey as Estelle, Joeys agent, approaches]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is showing everyone a poster as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Im gettin my chair back! (Heads for Joey and Rachels.)
Joey: Well I tried, but people kept coming in and then you took your breast out!
Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! (catches her in the hallway)
Joey: Yeah, I-I-I'm down with that. (He turns back to the woman.) Okay, here goes. (Thinks.) How (Holds up his hand like an Indian) you (Points at her) a-doin'? (Does a little twisting motion with both hands and ends up pointing at her, he then winks. She smiles and waves again.) (To Monica) It worked! She's waving me over. (Towards the woman.) Okay, I-I-I'll be right over. Let's see, she's on the third floor
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there, Joey is on the phone.]
JOEY: Absolutely.� You'd do it for me.� Not that you ever have to because I know how to keep my women satisfied.
Cecilia: All right Joey, I will help you. Not because I-I owe it to this stupid show, but because I owe it to Jessica.
(Joey hands her the cheese without looking at her.)
Joey: Okay. (he gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave)
Joey: (outraged) A MONTH??
Joey: And I couldn't find this little plastic thing (holds up plastic thing) that goes on top of the blender...and I thought...well... how important can that be, right...? Turns out very!
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs away from the table.)
Cecilia: That is a tricky one. Well, Joey I really wanna thank you. Youve, well you made a very difficult time for me a little less painful.
[Scene: A restaurant. Joey is on his date with Phoebe’s friend, Sarah. They are sitting opposite each other on a table for two. Their waiter approaches with two plates.]
Joey: Yknow what? I think thats enough for now. Yeah. I dont want to be over rehearsed.
Joey: Well, I just tape it to the back of my toilet tank. (realises that anyone could have overheard that) I didn't say that! It's in a bank guarded by robots!
Joey: ..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying to call you.
Joey: Then you go to Tokyo.
Joey: Youre not stupid. Youre meaner than I thought.
Joey: Bye-bye. (The interviewer leaves and he sits down with the rest of the gang.) I did it!
CHAN: Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it.
Joey: Come on man, you drove all the way up here.
Joey: Well, I'm totally over it Chandler. Friends forever! Don't come out here!
Joey: Did you tell the guy you wanted to have sex with his wife and then fall right out of your chair?
Joey: I figured, take a guess, help a charity, free boat!
Monica: Oh my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Erin: Hey Joey!
(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)
Joey: I dont have a key, they took mine to give to you.
JOEY: Geez, look how fat she got.
Rachel: (ecstatic) Oh my God! Its Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!!!!!!
Chandler: (who has just entered) Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!
Joey: But it's available now! Isn't it?
Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey: No, I wasnt gonna ask you that, no.
Joey: Hey Rach listen, no matter what this guy says I want you to know youre not gonna be alone in this.
Joey: So, system kinda broke down huh?!
Joey: My whole familys from Naples!
Joey: Didn't I tell ya? Always showin' off.
Joey: Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani! (Holds up the piece of paper bearing the proof of his ordination.)
Joey: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! (in a low voice) Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.
Rachel: Ohh, I love Joey! Joey lives with a duck! (Goes and hugs Joey.)
Joey: Monica what're you doin'? You can't go shopping with her? What about Rachel?
Monica: Joey, please dont do that. I think its best that we just forget about it.
Joey: (on the tape) All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!
Monica: (stopping Joey from answering) Ohh! Fish, seaweed, a sunken ship.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is in the kitchen as Joey enters from his bedroom.]
Joey: See? Thats a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. (Chandler immediately does The Face.) Youre changing it!
Monica: I don't know. I mean, you saw him do a love scene, so maybe you don't have a thing for Joey, maybe you have a thing for Drake.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are watching a basketball game on the couch.]
Joey: Were playing Strip Happy Days Game!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is telling Ross how he didn't get the part.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Cecilia is entering the living room from Joeys room followed by Joey.]
Joey: Youre ready to have a baby? My boys all grown up!
Joey: Have you heard about a little something called, Not Making Girls Cry.
Joey: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Rosss points!
Joey: No, no, Emma has one Hugsy, the new Hugsy, huh? The other Hugsy, I don't know, I guess I'll just take it back.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is uh, is she gonna be all right?
Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
Joey: Hey-hey don't look at me! I just work here! (Walks away.)
Joey: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!
The Director: (entering carrying a newspaper) Here we go people! (starts reading the review) Boxing Day! The Lucille Lortel Theatre, blah-la-la-la Ah-ha! Joey Tribianni, gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production.
Joey: It's ah, step-ity, step and jazz hands.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, (And thats the last time for that line, no more Chandler and Joeys or Monica and Rachels, ever!) Joey and Ross are carrying the last table of Rachels. Rachel follows slowly, but is stopped by Monica.]