words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Joey: Okay, pick a card.
Joey: All right now, memorize it. (Pause) You got it?
Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.)
(Joey laughs then realizes the trick didn't work when Chandler hands him his card back.)
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Joey: I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?!
Joey: Luck!
Joey: Whoa-whoa, but her birthday isn't like for another month.
Joey: Ross!! We're having a surprise party for Rachel!!
Joey: Done.
(Joey starts to giggle.)
Joey: They're gonna do it together.
Joey: What, so I gotta shut it down now?
Joey: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial?
Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Joey: What?! Are you kidding?!
Ross: (Pause) Of course I am! (Joey is relieved) Okay, let's go godfather.
Joey: All right!
[Scene: Ben's audition, Carol, Ross, and Ben along with about 10 more families are in a waiting room as Joey enters happily.]
Joey: Hey! I'm in, they're gonna let me audition!
Joey: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Joey: That's great. Listen, wouldn't it be great though if I got to play Ben's dad?
Ross: Joey, you look nothing like Ben.
Joey: I look more like him than you do! (He winks at Carol.)
Joey: (also downtrodden) Yeah, I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback.
Joey: (Happily) Yeah I did!
Joey: Well, unfortunately, I don't get many callbacks so
Joey: Who knows?
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
Joey: Oh this is great! I might actually get to play Ben's dad!
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
Joey: Man, this is gonna be kinda weird.
Phoebe: Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups. (She goes and opens the door to Joey.) Oh, hi Joey!
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (To the guys) Hey!
Joey: Ross good, I'm uh glad you're here. I wanna talk to you about something.
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
Ross: Wow, uh, Joey that's-that's great. Thanks man.
Joey: That's it? You're-you're gonna let me do this?! This-this is my career we're talking about here!
Joey: I just said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it! Look Ross, if anyone should step aside it should be Ben!
Joey: What? Chandler! Tell 'em!
Joey: At least I care about his feelings!
Joey: Do you know how hard this is gonna be on him when he doesnt get it?
Joey: Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!
Joey: You just give him a spoon baby!
Joey: Yeah! Because this commercial belongs to me and Mitch!
Joey: Yeah?! So's yours!
[Scene: Joey and Ben's audition, Joey is rehearsing his lines, uh correction, Joey is rehearsing his line.]
Joey: Hmmm, soup! (Tries again.) Hmm soup! (Tries again, with a little caveman thrown in.) Hmm, soup!
Carol: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?
Joey: Oh yeah, no problem.
Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
Ross: (entering, angrily) Joey!
Joey: (angrily) Ross!
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
(Raymond and Joey go in the office.)
Joey: Hi!
Joey: Uh-oh.
Joey: Well this is noodle soup and uh, I've been working with tomato. But that's okay, no problem. No problem. Hmm, noodle soup.
Joey: Oh, what did I say?
Joey: How's that different? (She looks at him until he gets it.) Oh! Yeah!
(Raymond and Joey both eat a spoonful and Joey turns to Raymond and says )
Joey: Hmm, noodle soup.
Joey: Okay.
Joey: Hmm, soup. (Pause.) I mean, noodle soup. I mean soup!
Joey: No! No! I-I can do it one more time! See? Look! (Eats another spoonful) Hmm, noodle soup. Damnit! (Storms out.)
[Cut to another part of the room, Ross is going to talk to Joey.]
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Yeah right! (Gets up for a refill to his snow cone.)
Joey: Yeah? Well look Ross, you don't have to. Okay? It's not your fault I suck. I mean what kind of an actor can't even say, "Hmm, noodle soup." (Nods his head in disgust.)
Joey: What you do mean?
Joey: Wait-whoa-whoa, you lost me.
Joey: Well, you're way sounds a lot better than mine. (Thinks about it.) Yeah. Yeah! It's not that I'm a bad actor
Joey: No, it's just ah, I care so damn much about little Ben that uh, it was more important to see him succeed.
Joey: Thank you! So, did-did he get it?
Joey: Eh, what are you gonna do?
Joey: Oh!
Joey: Ketchup!
Joey: Oh.
Joey: Relish!
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Joey: Yeah...
Joey: A rock, a dog, the earth.
Donny: Oh, time's up! Joey! You were, uh, almost on a roll there...
Joey: Oh, wow! I'm so sorry, ok? I promise, we'll do better next time!
JOEY: Yeah, unless you hook up with a bunch of pigeons.
Joey: Hey, it's a lot harder than it looks! Okay? (Quietly) She-she-she's hurting me.
Joey: (smiling from ear to ear) Ah-haah! I win!!
Joey: Uuuh.. yes, they are my stuffed clams.
Joey: (out of his Monica character) Very good! Drawing on your own experience, I like that!
Joey: Chickens?
Joey: Enough said, I'm there for you man. Where is she, upstairs?
Ross: Everyone? I would like to make a toast to Rachel and Joey.
Joey: All right, Im here, lets ahh, get this over with.
Ross: Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you! (He points at Chandler. Joey gestures to Ross "What are you doing?)
Joey: (nervously) Yeah...
Joey: Hey, listen to me, listen to me you are never ever gonna be alone. Okay? I promise thats not gonna happen.
CHAN: No, no, see? See? [the printer starts to run] Hey, it's printing. [to Joey, rattled] Hey, it's printing!
Donny: Well, welcome to the Winner Circle. Joey and Gene, you guys ready?
Joey: I-I-I don't know. Types of trees?
Joey: (sympathetic) Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know any Spanish words.
Joey: Oh, oh, oh... (5 seconds left)
Joey: Things that burn.
Joey: Things that go "tssst" when you put them out.
Joey: Oh, oh, oh... What a dog says.
Joey: Dude, dude! I think you're losing it.
Joey: Pssst...
Joey: (instantly) Pizza toppings, next!
Joey: Where? (looking around)
Joey: Girls Chandler could never get?
Joey: Anyway! Her and Ross just started yelling at each other.
Joey: (To the rest of the gang) Hey, see that? He just needed his pal to come home. All right, uh, Ive got to go memorise my lines. (Starts to go his bedroom) Me and Charlton Heston bright and early tomorrow morning! Yeah-yeah!
Joey: Yeah! You, Chan, and the vein!
Joey: They're ribbed for *your* pleasure.
Joey: So he can't come?
Phoebe: Oh, hey Joey.
Joey: Uh, hey.
Joey: (afraid) Yeah.
Joey: Seriously?
Joey: Oh no, no, no, let your dad get this.
Joey: Look, can I just stop you right there for a second? When people do this (Makes quote marks with his fingers.) I dont really know what that means. (Ross just looks at him) You were saying?
Joey: Hey, you're Mike's parents, right?
Rachel: Joey, do you have peanut butter on the back of your head?
Sandy: Actually studies have shown that the movement and colours help their cerebral development... The whimsical characters are just for us. (He winks to Joey and Rachel. Ross's face says he disapproves. Joey sees that and kind of angrily says...)
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Joey: Strike three! You only get one more, Mike!
[Scene: Wedding rehearsal dinner. Joey and Mike are talking.]
Joey: Strike two!
Phoebe: Oh Joey, you bummed him out! This was the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him!
Phoebe: Why, do I have a feeling thats not as happy as it sounds? (Joey points out one going into the chipper to her, as this haunty, demonic music starts to play in the background) No! Nooooo!!! (she winces in horror and hides her face against Joeys shoulder, as she sees the tree spit out from the chipper.)
JOEY: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.
Joey: Dont worry man, I get to bring a guest. Well show him.
(Joey comes out from his room)
Joey: I can come back.
Joey: Ewwwww!
Joey: (to Mike) Hello Michael.
Mike: Joey, I kinda have a lot to do today, what do you want?
Joey: May I have a word with you, please?
Joey: It's okay. You know, I totally understand, alright? You guys, make way more sense than her and I ever did, you know. And... I want you to be happy.
Joey: (almost crying) That was ME!
Joey: And remember whatever comes up first. Okay? And hurry, because �
(Mike and Joey come out of Joey's room)
Joey: I'm glad we had this little talk.
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Rachel and Phoebe walk in, loaded with bags.]
Joey: All right, I guess I can hold out a little longer. Let's have a game.
[Scene: Rachels Room, she is taking the ring out of Rosss jacket, looks at it, and puts it on her finger as Joey enters.]
Joey: (To Henrietta) My friend Rachel has a kid. I totally know nursery rhymes! (makes a thumbs up sign)
(Joey walks in)
Joey: Hey, what are you guys gonna do?
Joey: I don't think they are.
Joey: Yeah according to the news, most of the city did.
Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'.
Joey: Oh hey, don't worry. I'm still ordained from your wedding.
Joey: I can scratch that right off.
Joey: (whispering to Phoebe) Okay...
Joey: Oh thanks. Thanks. It was great meetin ya. And listen if any of my friends gets married, or have a birthday, or a Tuesday
Joey: Yeah?
Ross: Uh Joey...
(one of the groomsmen gives the rings to Joey)
Joey: Mike, do you take this woman to be your wife?
Joey: Oh, okay. Phoebe, do you take this man to be your husband?
(Joey has a "Yeah you do" smile on his face)
Joey: Nice. Oh hey, what about Ross?
Ross: Joey, you shouldn't lie on your résumé.
Joey: Well, so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.
Rachel: What? Ross and Charlie? (Joey nods) Wow! She's really making her way through the group, huh? Ah, who am I to talk?
Joey: Ok.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Got it.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Hi.
Joey: Really? It sounds exactly the same to me.
Monica: Joey. Erica, baby!
Joey: Oh, you know what you should do? You should walk all the way at the top of Statue of Liberty.
Joey: Oh, so we didn't win, but it's fun to play the game, right?