words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Joey: Okay, pick a card.
Joey: All right now, memorize it. (Pause) You got it?
Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.)
(Joey laughs then realizes the trick didn't work when Chandler hands him his card back.)
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Joey: I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?!
Joey: Luck!
Joey: Whoa-whoa, but her birthday isn't like for another month.
Joey: Ross!! We're having a surprise party for Rachel!!
Joey: Done.
(Joey starts to giggle.)
Joey: They're gonna do it together.
Joey: What, so I gotta shut it down now?
Joey: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial?
Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Joey: What?! Are you kidding?!
Ross: (Pause) Of course I am! (Joey is relieved) Okay, let's go godfather.
Joey: All right!
[Scene: Ben's audition, Carol, Ross, and Ben along with about 10 more families are in a waiting room as Joey enters happily.]
Joey: Hey! I'm in, they're gonna let me audition!
Joey: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Joey: That's great. Listen, wouldn't it be great though if I got to play Ben's dad?
Ross: Joey, you look nothing like Ben.
Joey: I look more like him than you do! (He winks at Carol.)
Joey: (also downtrodden) Yeah, I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback.
Joey: (Happily) Yeah I did!
Joey: Well, unfortunately, I don't get many callbacks so
Joey: Who knows?
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
Joey: Oh this is great! I might actually get to play Ben's dad!
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
Joey: Man, this is gonna be kinda weird.
Phoebe: Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups. (She goes and opens the door to Joey.) Oh, hi Joey!
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (To the guys) Hey!
Joey: Ross good, I'm uh glad you're here. I wanna talk to you about something.
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
Ross: Wow, uh, Joey that's-that's great. Thanks man.
Joey: That's it? You're-you're gonna let me do this?! This-this is my career we're talking about here!
Joey: I just said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it! Look Ross, if anyone should step aside it should be Ben!
Joey: What? Chandler! Tell 'em!
Joey: At least I care about his feelings!
Joey: Do you know how hard this is gonna be on him when he doesnt get it?
Joey: Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!
Joey: You just give him a spoon baby!
Joey: Yeah! Because this commercial belongs to me and Mitch!
Joey: Yeah?! So's yours!
[Scene: Joey and Ben's audition, Joey is rehearsing his lines, uh correction, Joey is rehearsing his line.]
Joey: Hmmm, soup! (Tries again.) Hmm soup! (Tries again, with a little caveman thrown in.) Hmm, soup!
Carol: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?
Joey: Oh yeah, no problem.
Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
Ross: (entering, angrily) Joey!
Joey: (angrily) Ross!
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
(Raymond and Joey go in the office.)
Joey: Hi!
Joey: Uh-oh.
Joey: Well this is noodle soup and uh, I've been working with tomato. But that's okay, no problem. No problem. Hmm, noodle soup.
Joey: Oh, what did I say?
Joey: How's that different? (She looks at him until he gets it.) Oh! Yeah!
(Raymond and Joey both eat a spoonful and Joey turns to Raymond and says )
Joey: Hmm, noodle soup.
Joey: Okay.
Joey: Hmm, soup. (Pause.) I mean, noodle soup. I mean soup!
Joey: No! No! I-I can do it one more time! See? Look! (Eats another spoonful) Hmm, noodle soup. Damnit! (Storms out.)
[Cut to another part of the room, Ross is going to talk to Joey.]
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Yeah right! (Gets up for a refill to his snow cone.)
Joey: Yeah? Well look Ross, you don't have to. Okay? It's not your fault I suck. I mean what kind of an actor can't even say, "Hmm, noodle soup." (Nods his head in disgust.)
Joey: What you do mean?
Joey: Wait-whoa-whoa, you lost me.
Joey: Well, you're way sounds a lot better than mine. (Thinks about it.) Yeah. Yeah! It's not that I'm a bad actor
Joey: No, it's just ah, I care so damn much about little Ben that uh, it was more important to see him succeed.
Joey: Thank you! So, did-did he get it?
Joey: Eh, what are you gonna do?
Joey: What?
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, theyre finishing up dinner.]
Joey: Okay, all right.
(Joey enters, looking extremely pleased with himself.)
Joey: Fan out! Fan out!
Joey: All right, relax. Its just a shoe.
Joey: (jumping in triumph) OH YES!!!!!
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Joey: Huh.
Joey: I know.
(Joey finally wakes up.)
Joey: Whats the matter, Pheebs?
Joey: What?!
Joey: Its not just the stuff he paid for, I mean its-its everything. Yknow? He read lines with me. He-he went with me on auditions when I was really nervous, and then he consoled me after I didnt get parts that I really wanted. You always believed in me man. Even, even when I didnt believe in myself.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is getting ready to go to Joeys premiere and Phoebe is still on hold.]
Joey: (with food in his mouth) You talked to him. Are you crazy?
Joey: (to Ross) Wanna play strip poker for practice?
Ross: (to Joey) Oh no, she took down Monica... And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in converstation. Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing.
JOEY: Yeah really, Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?
Joey: (even more abashed) A place to eat spaghetti.
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
Joey: Ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah! (He drapes it around his shoulders.) Enh? All right, what do you think?
Joey: Well so, how come you blew me off? Y'know? How come you were with him?
Billy: (to Joey) Hey, Im trying to have a private conversation! Is that okay?!
Joey: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, youre not gonna be on TV!
JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.
Message: "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it)
Joey: Y'know what, hold on, let me go get Chandler. (gets up and leaves.)
Joey: Who-ah-ho.
Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.
ROSS: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.
Joey and Chandler: Gnight.
JOEY: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then... [rubs his fingers together]
Joey: Uh, yeah but uh, (In Drakes voice) I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.
Joey: Oh no! No!! My hole!!
Joey: Well, theres really only one thing you can do.
JOEY: Well she better get here soon, the outlet stores close at 7.
Ross: Look, you guys, you guys should go. (Joey tries to say something, but Ross cuts him off.) No, Im, you, you planned this all out, and I dont want to ruin it, so you guys should just go.
Joey: Alright, well, I'm gonna order a pizza. (gets up)
Joey: Me too.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]
Joey: No?
Joey: It was, yeah. I kind of don't want it to end. Hey, you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage?
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
[Scene: The Xerox place, Chandler and Joey are waiting in line.]
Joey: Its between us and the sea, Ross!
Joey: Toutes la smore! Bu blu-ay bloo blah ooh! Pfoof!
Joey: Man, she is going to have a great time! Is she staying at the Hotel Corona?
Joey: Nope.
Chandler, Monica, and Joey: NO!!!
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Joey: All right. (gets up)
Ross: What happened? Joey?
Chandler: And then Joey remembered something.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are there as Mona enters.]
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
(In horror, Joey wipes his neck and smells it.)
Joey: (to Chandler) The Irish gig guy?!
Joey: You know, on the one hand you're happy for them, but on the other hand it's hard to let go.
Rachel: Okay. (Starts to go.) God yknow, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbianis apartment
Joey: Oh, youre switching apartments?
JOEY: Eggs. Who's eggs do you like better, his or mine, huh?
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)
[Flashback to Monica and Chandlers apartment. Chandler has a bunch of people over in formal wear to give Monica a surprise birthday party. Joey is coming out of the bathroom and removing his tie.]
Joey: Because, Monica, the guys so good, and I really, really want this part.
Joey: Look, were not throwing it out! I built this thing with my own hands!
Joey: I mean naked game. Strip poker, we should totally play strip poker.
Phoebe: (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.
Joey: Half hour. (Rachel turns to look at him and he nods yes.)
Joey: Looks good, uh?
Joey: Oh. What do you do?
JOEY: How can they do this to me?
Joey: What? Whats wrong?
Joey: Oh hey but, before you guys do that (To Rachel) I need to talk to you, and Ross, I need to talk to you.
Joey: Yeah that's not such a bad situation they got going over there. I'm thinking of getting me one of those.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree.]
JOEY: Uhh, well, right now I'm in between things. You know how it is. One day you're processing, the next day you're not so much... processing any more.
Rachel: Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.
[cut to Chandler and Joeys apartment, Tommy is using the phone]
Phoebe: What the smell from Joeys? No, I can hardly smell it over here.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight.
Joey: Pretty nice?
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey is giving Chandler the bracelet from season 2.]
Chandler: (to Joey) Is that your new walk?
Joey: (to Peter) Good for you!!
Joey: (to Chandler) Nana?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters]
Monica: Oh, no. He doesn't have time for that. But if you want, you can go help him and Joey pack up the guest room.
Joey: (pause) Hows that going?
Joey: Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. (Realizes.) And I just got what you meant againThat isI tell ya, that is a tricky one!
Joey: Uh, Pheebs, about your mom...
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
Joey: I took a shot.
JOEY: Take it easy. If it means that much to you, I'll uh, I'll go find something else.
JOEY: It's my VISA bill. Envelope one of two. That can't be good.
Joey: No! No. Umm, just myself and if they dont like me for(Laughs.) Im sorry I couldnt even get through that.
Joey: Okay, good, good, good, cause, good, cause I was kinda having second thoughts too.
Monica: Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the isle.
Joey: Yeah...