words in movies
[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.]
Nurse: Now, which of you is the father? (Points to Joey and Ross)
Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?
Phoebe: (standing up) Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. (As she is talking Joey is sticking the camera under her skirt.) And then my mom wants to know-(notices Joey)-Joey, what are you doing?!
Joey: I gotta get the before shot!
Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.)
Joey: Ooh, something hurts!
Joey: Are they? I didn't know I cared that much.
[Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.]
Joey: Oh my!
Joey: Not in my head.
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O
Rachel: Joey, how do you make that dirty?
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Joey: Yeah, I was bummed too.
Joey: I think Saturday(groans in pain again).
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
[Scene: Another hospital room, Joey has now been admitted and his doctor is about to break the bad news to him, Monica, and Chandler.]
Joey: Umm, well, what else could it be?
Joey: Or?
Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an optionwhat's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
Joey: Ohh, get these things out of me!
(Joey starts breathing hard)
Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.)
Joey: Argh!
Joey: Argh!
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
Joey: Oh my God.
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
Joey: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
Joey: Oh my God! I didn�t feel a thing ! Hey, are you still looking for a job because you can tweeze circles aroundthat sadistic bitch at the saloon
Rachel: Well, believe it or not, it's true. When Joey and I were together, he was wonderful. He was thoughtful and mature. And for the one week that we went out, he didn't sleep with anybody else!
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, its me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
Joey: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
The Casting Director: Any time you're ready, Joey.
(They leave as Ross stares in awe at Joey.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey enters, amongst snickers from the gang.]
Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes.
Joey: Thank you.
Joey: So what're you going to do?
Joey: I don't know. What are you wearing?
Monica: (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love".
(Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette.)
Monica: (faking joy. Rubbing her stomach and smiling at the same time, like Joey said) Mmmm! Its good!
Rachel: Joey no, this is wrong! You have to take it back, okay? You dont want to win an award this way. Youre very talented. And someday youre gonna win one of these for real and that one is gonna mean something.
JOEY: Great, well, I'm happy for ya. [picks up the orange juice carton and it's empty] Alright that's it. He just comes in here, Mr. Jonny Neweggs, with his, his, his movin' the mail and his, his 'see ya pals'. And now there's no juice. There's no juice f or the people who need the juice and want the juice. I need the juice.
Monica: (to Joey) OK, try this salmon mousse.
Joey: (tasting) Mmmm. Good.
JOEY: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column.
Joey: Uh-oh.
Joey: Hey, hey, Chan. She could work for you.
Joey: Hey, can I ask you something? In this, in this picture of you and your wife, is your wife Rachel?
Joey: Hey! Samboucha Margarita?
Joey: Why not? Come on! Just, just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now.
Ross: Joey, please.
Joey: Alright, now you say something.
Joey: ....yeah... what else?
Joey: You want to see her again, right?
Joey: There you go! Keep going. Keep going!
Joey: Come on! You like this woman, right?
Joey: Say it... say it!
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Joey: You're not going to believe this!
Joey: Oh, but hey look, at least let us bring the wine.
Joey: Yeah well next thing you know, hell be telling you that your high heels are good for his posture!
Joey: Hi, uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio.
Joey: All right, Ross!
Joey: What a tool!
Joey: Yeah, where the hell is he?
Joey: Does it have to be a whole day?
Joey: No, no... how come you are working here?
Joey: (entering) All right! Hey, who wants pizza?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is helping Joey rehearse for a part.]
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Nope.
Joey: Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today.
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Joey: (getting out) Awww, man! He promised he wouldnt take the chairs!!
Joey: Nope.
[Scene: The New School, Monica, carrying her dish, and Joey are confronting the food critic.]
Joey: Hold on. Hold on. (Picking up a note pad and writing and reading the message aloud.) Rachel coming. Do...Something.
Joey: Well, I had the audition but Gunther said I had to stay here and be in charge so he could go get his hair dyed. So, I went anyway, and then he fired me.
Joey: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!
(They grab the luggage and drag it into Joey and Rachels forcing Monica and Chandler to follow.)
Rachel: Joey? Could you get that? (There is no answer and she goes and opens the door to Joey.) What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room?
Joey: It's like the cheapest college ever.
Joey: That's what this is about! Oh my God, you hate Ross!
Joey: Pheebs?
Joey: You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?
Joey: She is so hot!
Joey: Cool, thanks.
Joey: He hooked up!! Tell us about her!
Chandler: Yeah, listen, Joey isn't gonna be here tonight so why don't you come over and I'll let you uh, feel my bicep. Or maybe more.
Joey: Loud and clear! (Mouths, "Youll show me," and nods.)
(They all laugh and Joey joins them, not to be left out. When the laughing dies down, he has a depressed look on his face.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is lamenting to everyone about hid dad's affair.]
JOEY: I'm sorry. I'm 28 years old, I've never lived alone, and I'm finally at a place where I've got enough money that I don't need a roommate anymore.
(He exits and starts to walk away, passes a window, stops, and says "Rachel?!" again. Joey sighs and turns around to face Gunther.)
Joey: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is.
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
Rachel: (waving them in his face) Take 'em! (Joey makes a noise and jumps out of the way.) Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
Joey: How young is young Ethan? Young?
Joey: So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh?
Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.
Chandler: Oh yeah, I just showed this a picture of you and guys were throwing themselves at me! Theyre buying me drinks! Theyre giving me stuff! (to Joey) Knicks tonight?
Chandler: (watches Joey for a moment) Okay! (Joey quickly moves the hockey stick so that hes scratching his back with it.) Listen, Im gonna be moving out so you will be in charge of paying the rent.
Joey: Okay... Well maybe now Im not okay with it not being okay.
Joey: Out.
Joey: You meant sex, right?
(Joey nods his head.)
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
Joey and Chandler: We already knew that! (they hug)
Monica: Hon, you gotta talk to Joey.
JOEY: Phoebe here with the cab yet?
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Joey: Hey! That must be why I got fired last week! Does this Orson Wells guy direct Burger King commercials?
(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.)
Dina: I cant believe shes really gone. Look around you, all of this is ours. (They move into kiss but; theyre stopped by Joey entering with a huge bandage wrapped around his head.)
Chandler: (pours more and slides the refill to Joey) All right, say you do that. You know sooner or later somebody's gonna come along that slices a better cheddar. And then where're you gonna run?
Chandler and Joey: That's nice.
Joey: Uh no Rach, hes gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake.
(Rachel slams shut her window and storms into the living room, where Joey and Monica are eating breakfast.)
Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?
Joey: He should take the sack?
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.
Chandler: All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. (yells at Joey) GET UP!!
Joey: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys. (He has a pocket TV)