words in movies
(Joey and Ross enter. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, reading a magazine.)
(Monica is cleaning the table, Chandler is sitting on the sofa. Joey enters.)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: What's going on?
Joey: Hey, is this person who decides whether or not you... get a baby?
Joey: Hey, maybe I should stop by! She could be a soap opera fan! It's very impressive when the little people know a celebrity.
Joey: (pointing at himself) Celebrity.
Joey: (going out with the VCR in his hand) Well, I guess we'll never know whose it is!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment.]
Monica: Ohh... that wouldn't by any chance be... Joey Tribbiani?
Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Joey: Guys? Everything ok? It's me, Joe...
Chandler: (Screams to interrupt Joey) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......AAAaaa-doption!!
Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls. (Joey bangs on the door again)
Joey: Guys!?
Joey: What's going on?
(cut to Joey on the other side, who finally leaves the door and goes to his apartment)
Joey: Everything doesn't sound fine!
(She starts checking her form. Chandler sees movement near the window from the corner of his eye and when he looks he spots Joey climbing up the fire escape and onto their balcony. He warns Monica silently.)
(Joey enters through the side window and jogs towards the kitchen holding a baseball bat)
Joey: Well, you wouldn't let me in, so I thought you were in trouble.
Joey: But you called me 'Bert'!? That's our code word for danger!
Joey: We don't? We really should. From now on, 'Bert' will be our code word for danger.
Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)
(Joey gets up and look annoyed)
Joey: (quivering with anger) I did not care for that!
Chandler: (escorting Joey to the door) You have to get out of here. You slept with our social worker and you never called her back and she is still pissed, so she can't see you.
Joey: Ok, ok! (He leaves)
(Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.)
Joey: I forgot my bat.
(He picks up his bat and holds it up, but then Monica and Laura enter the living room again. When Laura sees Joey, she freezes...)
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
Joey: (to Chandler) Bert! Bert! Bert! Bert!
Chandler: I can explain... Joey...
Joey: Uhm... ok... uhm... Well, yeah... You have got some nerve, coming back here. I can't believe you never called me.
Joey: Oh... yeah... Probably you don't even remember my name. It's Joey, by the way. And don't bother telling me yours, because I totally remember it... lady. Yeah! I waited weeks for you to call me.
Joey: No, no! Don't try to turn this around on me, ok? I'm not some kind of... social work, ok, that you can just... do.
Joey: Really? Think about it. Come on! You're a beautiful woman, smart, funny, we had a really good time, huh? If I had your number, why wouldn't I call you?
Joey: No, no, hey, no! Too late for apologies... ok? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you? (and he leaves the apartment, leaving her shocked)
Laura: Joey, wait!
Joey: (acting sad) NO! I waited a long time, I can't wait anymore... (and closes the door behind him)
(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)
Joey: LAURA! (and points to her, very confident)
Joey: (pause) Hows that going?
Joey: Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. (Realizes.) And I just got what you meant againThat isI tell ya, that is a tricky one!
Joey: Uh, Pheebs, about your mom...
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
Joey: I took a shot.
JOEY: Take it easy. If it means that much to you, I'll uh, I'll go find something else.
JOEY: It's my VISA bill. Envelope one of two. That can't be good.
Joey: No! No. Umm, just myself and if they dont like me for(Laughs.) Im sorry I couldnt even get through that.
Joey: Okay, good, good, good, cause, good, cause I was kinda having second thoughts too.
Monica: Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the isle.
Joey: Yeah...
Joey: (still trapped in the entertainment center) WHAT?!!
Voice: What is the name of your roommate who is very, very sorry and would do anything (Joey realizes its Chandler and hangs up the phone in anger.)
Joey: Sure, its hard to forget! But that doesnt mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, (to Chandler) ever talk about.
Joey: I, I dont get you. I mean first, you hate me. Then you sleep with me. Then you want nothing to do with me, now you want me again.
[Scene: Backstage at Joeys play, Joey is arriving, late.]
Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel: Thats a good call. Right.
Joey: All right, youre probably not gonna want to hear this but ah, if it was me, and this is just me, (Chandler gets ready to throw another dart) I would ah, I would bow out.
Joey: Hey!! We are so in luck! Treeger said that we could have all this cool stuff from the basement. Wait right there. (Goes back into the hall)
(Ross gets fed up with Joeys banging and stops him by pulling him away from the door.)
Joey: Dude, you dont have to brag! We got nothing here!!
Joey: Just pickle.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey enters, upset.]
Joey: Come on Treeger, dont say that. You just ahh, you just need more practice. Here, come on, lets ahh, lets try it again. Come on. (they start dancing again) Plus, it was, it was probably mostly my fault, anyway. I mean, yknow, Im not really that comfortable dancing with a(Treeger throws him) We-he!! Hey!
(Phoebe hides her eyes in shame. Rachel is starring at them wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Joey and Ross are stunned to temporary silence.)
Joey: Uhhhh. (Hes not sure)
(Joey just nods his head.)
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
JOEY: Look, I'm sorry but that's what Joseph does, ok. If you try to pull somethin', he'll call you on it. 'What're you tryin' to pull,' he'll say.
Joey: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium.
Joey: Why did I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couldn't I have said... (Looks through his address book) There's no guy in there!
Joey: Its All Relative.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are eating, and Phoebe is preparing Ben's milk.]
(Ross looks at Joey, dumbfounded at his stupidity.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around after the party. Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter.]
Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!
Joey: Im out.
JOEY: Wow, look at that. The car is on fire, yet somehow it's expensive paint job is protected by the Miracle Wax.
Joey: Hey, listen, I gotta tell ya, I feel kinda bad taking credit for this, because man, am I gonna get a lot of credit for this!
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Joey: Oh! ah! eh... Britney Spears!?
Joey: Ah, y'know just in general people being gay, thing. Im totally cool with that.
Joey: (getting out) Awww, man! He promised he wouldnt take the chairs!!
Joey: Hey Ross, check this out! (he tries to spin a basketball on his fingertip but he throws it against a table) yeah, I can't do that!
Chandler: (in a manly voice) Yeah well, Im gonna go spit. (He goes into the bedroom. On his way out, Joey gives Rachel a wide berth.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is now reading the V book, with the salesman watching.]
Joey: You wanna see what I got? (He gets up to empty out his pockets) Okay? Ive got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey!
[Outside in the hallway, Chandler, Joey, and Monica exit]
Joey: Oooh, the next parts the best, when that dead lady in the bathtub...
(Joey grabs her and kisses her.)
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
Joey: Sometimes I get in here just to get away from it! Hey, a nickel!!
Joey: Come on, Ross, that didnt mean anything! She just had the baby, she was all freaked out about doing it alone, she would have said yes to anybody.
Joey, Rachel, and Ross: Hey!
Joey: No-no! No! No! You dont tell a Broadway guy that! Now he just thinks Im a soap actor.
Joey: Wh-whats going on?
Joey: No he doesnt!
Joey: They do that a lot. Hey, you want a beer?
JOEY: Goo, goo, goo, waaah!
Joey: Whoa-whoa, Treeger made you cry?
Joey: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple weeks. (points to the sling he is wearing)
Joey: Spocks birth control.
Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her!! With her, Oh, Im so talented. and Oh, Im so pretty, and Ooh, I smell so good.
Joey: I have actually not heard of that.
Joey: Oh okay, how about this one. I was gonna wait until the end of the night to kiss you, but youre so beautiful I dont think I can.
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler, who hides it under the table.)
Joey: Well he made Rachel cry!
Joey: Pantyhose! Yknow? They way they start at your toe and go all the way up to here (He mimed that and stops when he realized he went to far.) I should go take these off shouldnt I?
Joey: Well obviously this is a mistake! You cant be pregnant! Because you have to have sex to get pregnant!
(Chandler and Joey are loaded down with baby stuff, and Ben)
Joey: What, what is it?
Joey: Yeah-yeah, absolutely.
[Scene: Mr. Treegers apartment, Joey is there to suck up.]
Joey: No-no, thank you.
Chandler: Thank you, Joey.
Joey: Come on man, youre not a potato.
Joey: What?
Joey: No I didnt.
Joey: All right.
Chandler: Oh, umm, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!!
Joey: Yeah, yeah sure, goodnight.
Joey: Come on here, have a seat.
Chandler: Well, I am drinking lots of cups of coffee because Im exhausted! Because Joey started snoring!
(Joey hands her the book and she puts it in the freezer.)
Joey: Well, it looks like it wasnt heeled after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now! (Sits down in it and groans.)
Joey: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Joey: What?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
Joey: (To Mr. Treeger) So you ah, ready for our last practice?
Joey: Hey, dont get mad at us! No one forced you to raise the stakes!
Joey: We did it!!
Joey: Look, you wanna use our place?
[They all turn around and look at Joey.]
Joey: Okay.
Joey: (intrigued) Really?
Joey: Oh well, okay, good luck.
Joey: How? I guess I could break down your door.
Joey: Go get em Treeger.
Joey: No, Im good.