words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is eating breakfast as Rachel enters having just woken up.]
Joey: Morning!
Joey: Pretty good.
Rachel: Oh good. (She walks to the closed bathroom door, opens it, and finds a naked woman wrapped in a towel.) Ahhh! My God, sorry! (She closes the door and confronts Joey.)
Joey: Okay, really good. Anyway I gotta go; Im late for work.
Joey: YeahHey, dont worry, shes a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that Im not looking for a serious relationship; thatd be great.
Joey: Just casually slip it in, yknow lay the groundwork. Tell her uh, Im a lonerNo! An outlaw! Tell her she doesnt want to get mixed up with the likes of me.
Joey: Hey, Im gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! Hed even make the girl pancakes! Plus, hed make extras and leave em for me.
Joey: Fine! (Pause) Now, whered we land on those pancakes? (She chases him out the door as his date emerges from the bathroom.)
Joeys Date: Hi!
Joeys Date: Sorry about that, but I couldnt get that lock to work on the door.
Rachel: Yeah, Joey kinda disabled it when I moved in.
Joeys Date: You must be Rachel, Im Erin.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is coming back from work to find Phoebe, Rachel, and someone else with her back turned is there.]
Joey: Hey! Whats up?
Joey: Hey-hey, whos your friend? (Erin turns around to face Joey, startling him) Hey!!
Erin: Hey Joey!
Joey: Erin! Still here!
Joey: Why wouldnt ya? Erin is great! Then-then theres you guys.
Erin: Bye Joey. (Kisses him.) Last night was fun.
Joey: Yeah. Ill uh, Ill call ya.
Joey: (to Erin) Okay, good to see you again.
Joey: Bye-bye.
(Joey closes the door behind her.)
Joey: So, system kinda broke down huh?!
Rachel: Oh Joey, Im sorry I just couldnt tell her all those things you wanted me to tell her. And yknow we got to talking and I
Joey: What?!!
Joey: No idea? Who do you think brought her here?
Phoebe: Joey, shes so cool. She speaks four languages.
Joey: Man, do you know what guys want!
Rachel: Look Joey, come on shes so perfect for you! I mean shes sweet, she-she likes baseball, and she-she had two beers at lunch.
Joey: My beers?! Look you guys, shes a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I justI dont see it going anywhere.
Joey: Look Im sorry you guys, I-I just dont think so.
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
Joey: Now hold on a second, fifth floor against that back wall?
Joey: All right, so we should go catch our movie.
Joey: I like to see the previews. (Rachel looks at him.) The candy.
Joey: Hey!
Erin: Joey.
Joey: Erin.
Joey: (skeptical) What party?
Joey: Whos birthday party?
Joey: (still skeptical) Oh, and how is Allison?
Phoebe and Rachel: 32. (Joeys not buying it.)
Joey: (still skeptical) Yeah, look how that worked out.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are doing dishes as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Oh, unbelievable! We had the best time!
Joey: No! No! No! You guys were totally right! This is so much better than the first time we went out. Yknow? That was so awkward, we were really nervous.
Joey: Yeah that really calms me down. And! We have so much in common! She loves sandwiches, sports, although she is a Met fan, not much of an issue now but if were ever to have kids, well thats a
Rachel: (gasps) Oh my God! Listen to you talkin about having kids. Oh my Joey. (She goes over and hugs him.) Oh, please dont get married before I do.
Joey: Okay.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is entering and arguing baseball with Erin. Phoebe and Rachel are already there.]
Joey: How can you say that?! The Mets have no closer!
Joey: What about Game 1 of the Series?
Joey: You shut up! (To Phoebe and Rachel) I love arguing with her. (To Erin) Ill be right back.
Erin: Okay. (Joey goes to get some coffee and Erin sits down.)
Rachel: So hows it goin with Joey?
Phoebe: Does Joey have any idea?
Joey: (returning) Hey! You wanna go?
Joey: Okay. See you guys later.
Joey: (whispers to Phoebe and Rachel) Hey, thank you so much. (They both exit.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still And guess what, Im thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no! Its a surprise, but its gonna be tricky thought because she said she was gonna be pretty busy at work for a while.
Joey: Where are you gettin this?
Joey: Oh. Oh.
Rachel: Joey
Joey: No hey Rach, its cool okay? Yknow Im a loner too! (Heads for his room.) Right?
Phoebe: Hey Joey, yknow what? You are way to good for her.
Joey: No! No. Dont do that, just next time make sure she really likes me.
Rachel: Well that too. (Joey goes into his room.) Joey?
Joey: Yeah?
Joey: (coming back out) Finally!
Janice: Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldnt really be alone tonight. (Joey walks into view of the open door behind Janice, sees her, gets a terrified look on his face, and flees in horror.) I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family.
Joey: Well youre not selling the story! Its like; its like you dont believe it! Look, I gotta go. I got a date, but try this. Do what I do when Im preparing for an audition. Okay? Ill set you up with my video camera and you can record yourself and-and see what youre doing wrong.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
Joey: No, no, no. My hugs are reserved for people STAYING IN AMERICA.
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
Phoebe: They give you away! Theres just-theres just too much wisdom in there. (Joey nods in agreement.) Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes.
Joey: No, no, no! (Starts looking around the room, terrified) Don't drop by, don't drop by!
Monica: Were gonna pick up the wedding dress then were gonna have lunch with mom. (Joey stands up.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler are still trying to get the birds out of the foosball-table.]
Joey: Hey! How come my plate's less fancy then everyone else's? Do you not trust me with a fancy plate?
[Scene: Joey is back at Hayleys apartment.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is alone as Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Joey enter dejectedly in softball gear.]
Joey: Easy there Captain Kirk. Oh, do you have a bobby pin?
Joey: What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!
Rachel: Well, do you want to hear what actually happened or Joeys lewd version?
JOEY: But I was Dr. Drake Remoray. How can I go from bein' a neurosurgeon to drivin' a cab?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is complaining about going to the clinic.]
Joey: Dont worry! Dont worry. I just told him, very nicely, "You dont go buying peoples babies, so back off!!"
CHANDLER: Joey just called.� He's got courtside Knicks tickets for him and me tomorrow night.
Joey: No, we didnt even pay our cable billmaybe this is how they punish us.
Joey: I thought we talked about this. I dont like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isnt juice. All juice, okay?
Joey: That's some gentle comedy, dude. (he and Ross leave)
Joey: Whoa! And the... (gestures with hands) huh-huh?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross their bills.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]
Janice: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. (Laughs and exits.)
Joey: (contemplates for a few moments what Rachel just said) NAH! I don't have another level!!
(Joey is sitting in an armchair and wearing a diving mask. He pulls out a grape from a bunch of fake grapes on the coffee table, puts it on the snorkel's breathing tube and blows it out, then giggles to himself)
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around and then back at Joey.) Im tellin ya!
(Joey visibly thinks 'Of course!' and writes it down.)
JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray.
Joey: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!
Joey: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.
[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.]
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
Rachel: Thank you Joey. You know what? I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.
Joey: Im sure its a famous watering can, okay. But, come on and what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom?
Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Joey enters strutting.]
Joey: GET THAT LEGLESS WITCH OUT OF HERE!
Joey: Y'know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag! Okay? And it's as handy as it is becoming. Now, just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong. All right? So from now on you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Joey, (pats the bag) comes with a bag! (Exits.)
Joey: And-and-and-and-and-and, and were gonna be friends again!
Joey: Well, have-have you told him how you feel?
Joey: Wh? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what? Thurs(He gasps in horror.) Oh! (Runs out and Chandler just shakes his head. After a second Joey runs back in to grab a piece of pizza and runs back out.)
Joey and Ross: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let her dangle.
Joey: Right!(he starts to ape her)"Oh my God, is this the men's room? Oh, I feel so foolish, have you always known you wanted to be an actor?" (he inclines his head as if to look at a man's private parts)
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere.
Chandler: Hi. (Joey blows on a noisemaker.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters carrying a drum.]
Joey: Yeah you see umm, well, I'm an actor. Right? So I gotta keep my emotions right at the surface y'know? See what I'm saying? I gotta lot of balls in the air. (Makes like he's juggling.) Y'know what I mean? It's tough! Guys like me, y'know, you wander around, you're alone
Joey: Pickle? Pickles make her sick. Giving her pickles is like giving me salad.
Joey: (looks at the time) Wow, hey, we'd better get going. If we don't leave right now, we'll be late for dinner.
(Joey walks in and sees Ross and Charlie kissing. He gives a faint, rueful smile, then he seems to recollect something and suddenly he moves back to Rachel's room. He knocks on her door and she opens)
Joey: Oh, hey, my pleasure. (he suddenly becomes very serious) So what are your intentions with my Phoebe?
Joey: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing for the play.]
Gunther: Your muffins. (Sets down a huge plate of muffins in front of Joey.)
Monica: (hands the tape back to Joey, but doesnt let him grab it) Yknow maybe a little bit!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in there, and Phoebe enters]
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, is tied up alongside the pier; Joey and Rachel are relaxing.]
Joey: No man, that's huge! Now, I know I can stand to be around her, which means I get to hang out with you, which is kinda the whole point, anyway.
Joey: Well, what if they came in third in a modeling contest?
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]
Joey: See, I actually can pour milk, but I got you believing that I couldnt. Now, see, thats acting.
JOEY: Or clowns. Oh, oh wait. That one's definitely Ben. Remember, he had that cute little mole by his mouth.
Joey: Well, I like it. Here you go. (He pays for the hat.)
Joey: Marcel, I'm hungry.
Joey: (grunting) Oh my How much do you weigh Ross?!
Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, makes blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!
Joey: Just now, after acting class. At first I thought she was doing some kind of scene, thats why I let people watch.
Joey: (In tremendous pain) All right. Good deal.
Joey: (To a co-worker) Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne. (A customer walks by.) Bijan for men? (The customer ignores him, and Joey starts to chase him) Bijan for men?!
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
Joey: I-I think everybodys pretending they dont hear you. Anyway, look, I dont know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is one of my best friends, and if I save him a seat, Im telling you, he will sit in it! (Ross enters and goes over to the white table) Ross! Ross! Over here, man! I-I saved you seat.
Joey: Fine! Do you take Vasa or Mustercard? (He's holding the fake credit cards that come with the bag.)
Joey: Yeah, shes been in there all day (Points to her room), uh high fever, a nose problem Phlegm! Phlegm! Phlegm-phlegm-phlegm!
Joey: (voice-over) ...and he couldnt let it go, and... I dont really know what happened with that either.
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
Joey: (to Ross) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.
Joey: Its all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls apartment.)
CHANDLER: (hushed) No, no, no, no, no.� Joey can't know that I'm here.
Ross: I thought I heard voices! Hi Charlie! (Kisses her.) Hi Joey. (Hugs him.) And.. Oh! You're gonna have to introduce me to your new girlfriend. (Laughs.) I'm just kidding, I know Rachel, I know. (He squeezes her hand.) Come, please come in. Come in.
Joey: Ross. I was thinking we could just go down the fire escape. (Points it out.)
(He moves Rosss coat to get the tissues and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that its an engagement ring.)
Joey: Right! And when is that due?
Joey: From now on, its gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends. (They shake hands.) Okay! Were gonna be the new Joey and Chandler.
Ross: Joey, I did not break this! Okay? (He opens the freezer and smells inside and recoils in disgust.) That has been broken for a while.
Joey: That was a great scene! And-and-and that slap looks so real! How do you do that?
Joey: All right, ladies and gentlemen, lets poke. (they start to advance the giant poking device) Steady. Steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay, were approaching the window (as he says this the camera cuts to their view of Ugly Naked Guy, so that we actually see him!) Thread the needle. Thread the needle.
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, cause my Grandma doesnt know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.
Joey: You got to go on a ride along?!
Chandler: (excited) Guys, guys, I've got great news! Guess what Joey: Uh, ah, Monica's pregnant?! Monica: (shocked) Really? (She looks around, suddenly embarrassed) Let's get past the moment. Phoebe: What's your news? Chandler: Thank you. I got a job in advertising. (Everybody cheers) Monica: (hugging Chandler) Oh, honey, that's incredible! Phoebe: (inquisitive) Gosh, what's the pay like? (Everybody stares at her indignantly) Oh, come on people (defending) come on, now, if I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the most! (She looks at Joey) Hey Joey! (Joey winks at her) Chandler: Actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship. Joey: Oh, that's cool. We have interns at 'Days Of Our Lives'. Chandler: Right. So, it'll be the same except less sex with you. (Joey nods) Ross: So, uh, what kinda stuff do you think they'll have you do there? Chandler: Well, it's a training program, but at the end, they hire the people they like. Phoebe: (enthusiastic) That's great. Chandler: Yeah, I mean, there's probably gonna be some ground work which will probably stink, you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating (At the same time, Gunther puts down a cup of coffee in front of Chandler) Chandler: (grinning awkwardly) Humiliating and noble! (Gunther shoots a nasty look at him while leaving) Ross: You know, if I didn't already have a job, I think, I would have been really good in advertising. Monica: Ross, you did not come up with "got milk?" Ross: Yes, I did, I did! (He turns to Joey, disappointed) I should have written it down!
Joey: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dads cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner....
[Scene: Back at the restaurant with Joey and Sarah. Joey is holding Sarah's hands]
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Joey: Aww man! I cant believe I locked myself out again! (He knocks on the door.)