words in movies
[Scene: Moondance Diner. Ross, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are sitting at the counter, Monica is working. Monica is wearing her costume, including big fake breasts.]
JOEY: Really. Why can't we just get some pizzas and get some beers and have fun?
[Joey is staring at Monica's breasts]
MONICA: Joey they're not real. I start miles beneath the surface of these things, ok, they're fake. See [squeezes her breast] honk honk.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are planning Rache's birthday party.]
JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, uh, no Shannon Cooper.
JOEY: Cause she uh, she steals stuff.
CHANDLER: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back.
MONICA: Joey that is horriable.
JOEY: Hey I liked her, alright. Maybe, maybe too much. I don't know I guess I just got scared.
JOEY: I didn't think anyone'd buy that, ok.
JOEY: Oh no, can't invite her. She also steals.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are setting up for the party.]
JOEY: Oh that's nice. Happy birthday Rachel, here's some goo.
MONICA: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey.
JOEY: Uh, hey, Dr. Greene, why don't you come with me, we'll put your jacket on Rachel's bed.
MRS. GREENE: Oh well thank you. Such a gentleman. Thank you. [Chandler takes the hot pink coat and grimaces at it] Ahh, it all looks so nice, so festive, all the balloons... [Chandler, remembering that Joey and Mr. Greene are in the bedroom, throws her coat in a cupboard] The funniest thing happened to me on the way here. I was...[Joey peeks out]
JOEY: [peeks back out] Ok, now that your coat is safely in the bedr-, [sees that the coast is clear] oh, ok we can come back out in the living room.
MONICA: So uh, Joey and Chanlder, I, I think it's time that you take Dr. Greene over to your place.
JOEY: Right this is staging.
JOEY: [as they're walking out, Dr. Greene questioningly gestures at the Happy Birthday sign over the door] This is clearly in the wrong apartment. [they all walk across the hall]
MONICA: Right now, Joey and Chandler's, go now.
CHANDLER: Joey, Joey. Hey, some girl just walked up to me and said, 'I want you Dennis,' and stuck her tounge down my throat. I love this party.
JOEY: Quick volleyball question.
JOEY: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you?
CHANDLER: Joey, a woman just stuck her tounge down my throat, I'm not even listening to you.
[Chandler and Joey stop dancing and laugh at her]
JOEY: Ahh, you drive safe.
JOEY: Thanks for coming Mrs. Greene. [grabs her and kisses her to distract her. She goes limp in his arms. Mr. Greene leaves.] Well, ok, you take care.
JOEY: Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection.
Joey: Thatll be $3.85.
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving the bill to the same beautiful woman from before.]
Joey: (still singing) " Amy! Happy birthday to you!"
Joey: Yeah, not it here it isnt.
Joey: Or! You can just, yknow (He walks up close to whisper in Rosss ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
JOEY: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.
Joey: But it really
Joey: Damnit! (Storms off.)
(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)
Joey: (singing) "Happy birthday to you!"
Joey: What? No-no its her birthday!
Joey: (overhearing them) Oh-ho, and mine!
Chandler: Hey! (Joey quickly hides the magazine under the couch.)
Joey: So, youd hire me, right?
Joey: See? Eh, wasnt that fun?
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are talking.]
Chandler: Joey
Monica: Joey we know you steal our food.
(Joey offers them some potato chips.)
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Joey: Yeah you got 5 years left!
Joey: You wanna make it 6?!
Joey: No, no, no! My talents as an actor!
Joey: Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman
[Monica and Chandler make What was that? gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachels old room.]
Joey: Movies?
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
Joey: (laughs) I dont think so.
Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Joey: Nicole Eggert. You'll like her.
(Joey and Ross enter.)
Joey: Sort of
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Hey, y'know in Roman times this was more than just a hat.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Joey: Ha-ha, very funny. I dont know what to do! Yknow? Holy crud!
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey: Well uh, I went down there and told him that no one treats my friends like that and that hed better come up here and apologize. Ill see you later. (Starts to leave)
Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!
Monica: Oh Joey, look, we know you're having a hard time with this, but we really, we love it here.
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Joey: Aww, you guys are so cute!
(Joey and Ross exchange looks.)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh no, not you too!
Joey: Nice!
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
Joey: You do?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Thats great, but isnt it gonna bother that people still think youre a porn star?
Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. (Joey doesnt answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
JOEY: Well, maybe he's, maybe he's this really cool pharmacist guy.
[Cut to Joey and Janines, theyre entering.]
Joey: Oh I am!
Joey: You forget how many great songs Heart had.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
Monica: Wait a minute...Joey. Joey you can't ask her out, she's your roommate. It-it'll be way too complicated.
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
Joey: Okay. Okay. (He looks at the card.) Ace!
Joey: Oh, God! (Hurriedly closes his legs.)
Phoebe: Who are you kidding? (To Joey) You just find some guy off the street for me? Oh God! This is humiliating!
Joey: (not impressed) Wow!!
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Really?
Monica: Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant!
Joey: Thats great! That would be great! Lets do that!
Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?
Joey: Oh right great! Welcome aboard!
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
Joey: Well youre whippin so slow! Cant you do it any faster?
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
Monica: (getting up) Joey!
Ross: Sometimes, you should come over (Joey returns from the bathroom) sometime! Ill play you one of my other
Joey: (shaking Rachels hand) Hi!
Joey: (turning and whispering to Monica) Shes not crazy is she?
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.
Joey: (To Rachel) So uh, how you doin?
Joey: What?
Joey: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?
Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.)
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
Joey: I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.
Joey: Oh great. (Starts to go in.) (To Chandler) Hey! Go take off those pants, they look ready!
Joey: Really? I can do it?