words in movies
Ross: Yeah, well, this guy at work gave me "Sex for Dummies" as a joke.
Ross: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thoughtit wasnt that funny. So Im still torn.
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so Id call him.
Matt: Sometimes the dialogue itself is just so funny and youllwell be rehearsing during the week and you justwhatever-whatever the joke is; its so funny we cant get through it in rehearsal and just
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
Dr. Leedbetter: There may have been a-a joke or a limerick of some kind.
Chandler: (jumping up from his chair) Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke.
Guru Saj: I dont know, whats a koondis with you? (starts laughing as if that joke was funny, Ross only looks at him, and he stops) Please, lie down! Ive got a sav that oughta shrink that right up.
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and its offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldnt be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!
Ross: (realizing his joke wasn't so good, but still giggling) Look, I took it too far!
Mr. Zelner: Its kind of a risky joke Tag, and what is-what is this drawing I cant figure out what this is?
Vince: (dead serious) Fire safety is not a joke, son.
(As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)
Chandler: Let me just say something... Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just want to say that I... I love you... And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.
(Gunther looks at the joke and laughs.)
Monica: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true. (Phone rings)
Monica: Oh, yeah, right! And after I took a shower this morning I just threw my towel on the floor! Oh God, it hurts to even joke about it.
Chandler: (nervous) My duties? (Trying not to crack a joke) All right.
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Chandler: I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke! Joke! Joke!
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Chandler: (visibly upset) He took my joke, he took it.
Zack: Ok. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny...
(Hayley laughs and goes into the kitchen thinking it's a joke, Joey doesn't see what's so funny about it)
Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!
[Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]
Joey: (laughs) Monica, look... I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore... (Monica keeps looking at Joey) Not ready to joke about it yet, okay, I see you later. (Joey walks out)
Chandler: Yes, I distinctly remember cause I thought it was a joke. Now just give her a chance, okay?
Monica: You made a joke right? So I laughed.
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Monica: And youve never been funnier. Joke, joke, joke, you were a hoot!
CHANDLER: What, you never look down in the shower? Oh please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?
[Flashback to: A street, Ross is sitting in his newly purchased MGB. Which is one of the better British sports cars ever made. Of course, better is a relative term. Which reminds me of a joke. Why dont the British make computers? Because they couldnt figure out how to make them leak oil. Anyway, the gang is all staring at his new purchase.]
Monica: Ha ha, a joke thats funny in all countries.
LITTLE BULLY: I just took your hat. See, I can be funny too. My, my joke is that I, I took your hat.
Ross: Yeah, if youre really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
Mike: Well hey, I wanna ask you about Monica's little "groomy" joke.
Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, thats the joke answer.
Ross: Open with a joke? Its a university, not a comedy club!
(She walks up to where Doug is finishing another joke to another group.)
Monica: (interrupting) Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
(Chandler starts laughing at his joke.)
Chandler: Hey ladies! What are you in here for? (Laughs at his joke.)
Monica: Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke!
Doug: The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Monica: Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.
Chandler: Why dont you open with a joke?
Mr. Geller: My joke wasnt funny.
Ross: Its my joke.
Chandler: I made that joke up.
Emily: I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. (Chandler is shocked.) Its a joke. (They all laugh.)
Chandler: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Chandler: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.
Chandler: Its my joke.
Chandler: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Ross: Its my joke.
Ross: Its your joke.
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Ross: And the Irish guy wins the joke!
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
(We hear the guy telling a joke, and Phoebe laughing.)
Chandler: Its my joke.
Joey: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesnt mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise youre just an idiot in a box!
Rachel: (looking around) Who are you talking too? Oh, youre kidding! Oh, its a joke! (Laughs.) Its funny. Its funny. I dont get it. (Joey doesnt say any thing and Rachel realizes its not a joke.) Oh. (Pause) Okay. Umm I-I uh, wow. Are you uh How did umm When?
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Chandler: Give him money? It was a joke!
Rachel: (worried) Okay please, youre kidding right?! I wrote that one as a joke for you!
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
Monica: Are you funny? Tell us a joke!
Tag: A joke they would appreciate?
Chandler: No-no-no-no! That was the joke!
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Chandler: That was an obvious joke, and I didnt think of it. Why didnt I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!
Monica: (not amused by Chandlers joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
Rachel: Oh no, I know that. I know that. Although, we made a joke that we spend so much time together he should call me his work wife.
Joey: Maybe Monicas playing a joke on ya. Yknow? Getting her own husband a hooker, thats pretty funny.
RICHARD: Oh, that's why you never see pigeons at sushi bars.(they both start laughing at Richard's poor joke) See, we're having fun.
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
Monica: Oh, Im sorry. Was that another joke?
Monica: (rolling her head from side to side) Joke. Joke. Blah! Blah! (Joey and Phoebe laugh.)
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Ross: Laugh it up, but the jokes on you. Because we dont need to get divorced, okay? We were just gonna get an annulment.
Joey: (to Monica) Did that guy really make that joke?
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
Monica: Don�t joke (?) with me, okay? I�m very, very upset right now.
Chandler: What is so funny about that? (they realise it wasn't a joke)
(And walks up right behind Ross, and standard sitcom joke 2B follows with the person being insulted standing right behind the person doing the insulting while the rest of the people become frightened and try to warn the insulter about the insultees presence.)
Ross: Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you! (He points at Chandler. Joey gestures to Ross "What are you doing?)
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Joey: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke!
Frank Jr.: Oh, you'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day he made up this joke.