words in movies
(She exits and Phoebe goes over and sits down at the machine that works your shoulders and tries to do one, which she does, easily.)
Ross: (on machine) "Hey Ross, it's you!" (Hits the stop button) Oh yeah, no that's-that's an old message, nobody needs to hear that.
(The old lady at Phoebe's machine wins. Phoebe turns around in shock.)
Monica: Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. -- Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband is having sex on a copying machine?
[Scene: The casino, Phoebe is playing on a slot machine. Suddenly the lurker sticks her head around the aisle of slot machines.]
Joey: I had a dream once about a fax machine that did that. (Ross picks it up)
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
The Museum Official: (on machine) I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available
TERRY: You don't clean the cappuccino machine?
MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
Ross: Well, that just leaves the big Green poker machine, who owes fifteen...
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
(Monica puts the groceries down and goes to check the answering machine and hears.)
ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
Phoebe: 'Cause it's good money! But that doesn't change the fact that this is an evil blood sucking corporate machine!
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Rachel: (Faking crying.) Yeah, he dumped me. He said, "Rachel, I cant do this. Even though you are a very, very, very beautiful women. I cant do this. Im married and Im sorry." And then I dont know why but he said, "and you will never get promoted. Especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in the Ralph Lauren machine."
Rachel: No, she left a message. (He starts for the machine.) (Stopping him.) But it-it kinda got erased. There's just (Pause) something wrong with your machine.
Janine: ...and live forever as a machine!
Rachel: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another machine for pants?
[Cut to London, we sit Ross sitting outside Emilys apartment. We hear Emilys phone ring with amazing clarity. Apparently, sound travels quite easily through the walls of British buildings. Anyhoo, Ross looks around for the ringing phone and in the meantime Emilys answering machine picks up and once again with amazing clarity we hear Emily say ]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He walks in reading his mail, and plays back his messages on the answering machine]
[Scene, A Restaurant, Rachel is on her date, drunk, and is leaving that answering machine message.]
Joey groans and gets off the phone: The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me.. <whiny voice> And they all got to meet Santa!
(Sound of dialing numbers is heard from the speaker of the machine)
[Scene: The Vending Machines, Phoebe is buying a soda and Joey is shaking the candy machine.]
Ross: And I too am just a love machine. (Hums a little bit and mimics Pauls flexing.)
Rachel: Oh, 'scuse me. I was kinda using that machine.
Rachel: Hi, uh, nothing. That horrible woman just took my machine.
Chandler: I cant believe I let you talk me into buying this stupid gumball machine looking ring!
Ross: So, I just finished this fascinating book. By the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same amount of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically you could download your thoughts and memories into this computer and-and-and live forever as a machine.
(The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Chip: (on machine) Good runnin into you at the bank today, so ah, heres my number, 555-9323. Give me a call. Later.
Rachel: But, Pheebs, you can still use the copy machine where I actually work. But, just come by at lunch so my boss doesnt see you. Cause Kim will just freak out and she already doesnt like me very much.
Joey: Her answer machine?
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Phoebe: (sees Rachel's face) What? Did you go to a costume party? Let me guess umm Pancho Vila? (Points at Rachel) and you're Bob Saget. (An old lady has sat down at the slot machine Phoebe was just at.)
Phoebe: Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.
Joey: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few.
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.
RACHEL: Come on, Terry, I'll even clean the cappuccino machine.
RACHEL: Hey. Whe-ell, look at you, finally got that time machine workin' huh?
Emily: (on answering machine) Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
Machine: Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone.
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
Machine: "You have two new messages."
Monica: I know the code to his answering machine.
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
Machine: Good-bye.
Machine: You have three new messages.
Machine: Your outgoing message has now been changed.
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Jane: (from the answering machine) Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye.
Rachel: Y'know Ross why dont you put that on your answering machine!
RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
Monica: Rach, did you check the machine?
Alice: Sweety, now, shes a woman, not a gumball machine.
Rachel: Eh, Im just so sorry I put you through it. And, I y'know, I dont want to get back together over a machine.
Monica: She's this girl who used to live in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and she picked up this fake British accent. On the machine this is her message. (she apes Amanda using an awful British accent) "Monica, darling! It's Amanda calling!"
Chandler: Yeah, hes really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.
Phoebe: Oh hi BenNo!! Dont look at the machine! (Covers the screen.)
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!!
Ross: (on machine) "Hi Rach, are you there? It's me, pick up. Rachel. Rach!"
The Museum Official: (on machine) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller.
Joey: Uh, I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner.
Ross: (They kiss and the phone rings and machine picks it up, its Ross putting on an accent pretending to be Vicrum) This is Vicrum.
Joey: Not a problem. And listen, hey! Since you're gonna be here for a while, why don'tI was thinking we uh, put your name on the answering machine.
Phoebe: (on machine) "Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm already there when your playing this message?" (to the guys) Is that too spooky?
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
Issac: Yo, Chloe, do you have a quarter for the condom machine?
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, and laughs.)
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Monica: (on the answering machine) Rach! It's me! Pick up!
Ross: No suds? Excuse me, hold on a second. (to woman) That's my friend's machine.
Ross: (on the machine) Hey Ross! It's you! I just want you to remember this feeling. You are lucky to be alive! So live everyday to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? Okay. Oh, and also get stamps. Bye! (He hangs up.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels new apartment, Rachel and Phoebe are making their answering machine message.]
Rachel: Well, you ripped the paper out of the court reporters machine!!
Answering Machine: Your messages have been erased.
Phoebe: Im, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdales and use the copy machine.
Phoebe: That's like the third time that lady's won on a machine I was playing.
Rachel: (on answering machine) Hi, its me. Ive been trying to reach you all night. I feel awful. Please, Ross, you gotta know there is nothing between me and Mark. This whole break-up thing is just stupid.
Joey: Hey, you dont even live here anymore! What are you doing answering my phone? I have my machine!
[Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for Ross. An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading it with her things.]
Ross: Okay when you're playing a machine and it hasn't paid out, a lurker waits for you to give up and then
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Phoebe: Dont worry about me, Im a robot! Im just a machine!!
Chip: (on machine) Hey Monica, its Chip.
RACHEL: Well then uh, we better make this night count. [He starts to carry her out.] Oh wait, I forgot to turn off the cappucino machine. [He carries her over to turn it off.] Anchors away. Oh no no, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my pu rse. [He carries her to the counter to pick up her purse.] Oh, you know what. I forgot to turn off the bathroom light.
Chandler: Yknow when we move in together, can I get a gumball machine?
Chandler: A vending machine?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is reading the newspaper as the phone rings. He lets the machine answer it.]
Phoebe: Its a Ms. Pac-Man machine!!
Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine, its absolutely state of the art.
Monica: (looks at it more closely) Oh that's an eye removal machine.
Joey: Come on you stupid machine! Come on!
(Cut to Chandler. He's walking around looking for Ross. He sees him kissing a girl next to a vending machine)
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... (she plays the answering machine)
Monica: Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. But it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, because you know it was like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God, what if it wasn't breezy?
Ross: Hey! I did not dump Rachel! (To Mona) Nor are we still together. (The phone rings and Ross goes to answer it, only hes trapped behind the apothecary table by Dr. Green.) Can I just (Dr. Green glares at him.) Why dont we just let the machine get that?