words in movies
Joey: Mike.
Phoebe: Mike? Okay! What's his last name?
Phoebe: All right, we'll se you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours.
Joey: Why did I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couldn't I have said... (Looks through his address book) There's no guy in there!
(Joey walks in and looks around. He's trying to find a Mike for Phoebe)
Joey: MIKE!!!
Mike: Yeah?
Mike: I gotta tell you, I can't believe I'm doing this with you. Although I did just get out of a nine-year relationship, so I guess I should be open and taking some risks.
Joey: Everything is gonna be fine. Just follow my lead, okay? All you have to do is pretend to be Mike.
Mike: I am Mike.
Phoebe: Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins. So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway?
Mike: How do I and Joey know each other? Wow, if I had a nickel for every time somebody has asked me that.
Mike: Yeah, we met in college. (Off Joey's look) I mean, high school.
Mike: Well, I'm a lawyer.
Joey: Mike, 'attorney at law'!
Mike: Actually, I just gave up my practice.
Mike: I always wanted to play piano professionally, and I figured if I don't do this now, I never will.
Joey: Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
Joey: Yeah, that's because we had a bit of a falling out. Mike hit my mom with a car.
Mike: No, I didn't.
Joey: That's okay Mike, I have forgiven you. And now we're friends again everything's great!
Mike: 'Days of Our Lives'! That's why you look so familiar!
Mike: What?!
Joey: (Laughs) Of course we do! Mike is playing a game that we used to play in high school. Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games. (To Mike) Hey, remember the one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?!
Phoebe: Mike, let me ask you something. How many sisters does Joey have?
Mike: (Joey holds up six fingers) Six!
Mike: I'm sorry too. And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car.
Joey: Look Phoebe I'm so sorry! Hey, look, if you don't like this guy I can find you a better one. (Looks around) Mike!! Mike!!
Mike: It was nice meeting you!
Mike: Excuse me, hi. I was hoping I would run into you. Can we talk?
Mike: I'm sorry, really, I'm so embarrassed. Really, I'm a pretty nice guy. Just ask my parole officer...Apparently I'm not a funny guy.
Mike: Because I was told I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't. And that I'd meet a pretty girl. Which I did.
Mike: My name in Mike, and I do play piano.
Mike: There isn't a piano here.
Mike: (Plays 'air piano')
Mike: Really?
Mike: That's great. What kind of music do you play?
Mike: Do you think that maybe, sometime, I could...
Mike: Okay. Do you think maybe sometime I could take you out?
Phoebe: (To Mike) Oh, you just caught me off guard! Yeah, that would be nice.
(Phoebe and Mike look at him, and he goes over to the counter.)
MIKE: Yeah.� (pause)� Yeah, I'm sorry.� I don't . . . I don't really like to talk about it.
(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
(Joey and Ross enter. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, reading a magazine.)
Mike: Yes. Yeah and thanks for all the wedding night advice. (walks away) That didn't make me uncomfortable at all! Alright, so I'll see everybody tonight?
[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Phoebe and Mike are watching the game. There's cheering, but Phoebe seems distracted.]
Mike: hey wait wait wait wait wait! Is that true what you said Phoebe's never had a serious relationship?
Mike: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys... (Ross stands up)
Announcer: Get a load of this... She's proposing to him. Guess we know who wears the pants in that family. (people are laughing, while Mike still seems bewildered)
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof, Mike Sikowitz, Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider Transcribed by: Jim & Tracy Lambers With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein
Rachel: (angrily) No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike stand)
Mike: I know. This has been the best year... (the crowd starts cheering so he starts yelling) THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!
Phoebe: (Mike now enters and stands behind Phoebe) Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. No, he's not in like a sissy way. No, no, no... when he gets going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave...
Rachel: (Into mike) Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo!
David: I-I... Oh I...I just wanna say uhm... if you do ever come to Minsk, that's my number (gives Mike a business card) We'll uhm... we'll party up Vladnik style. (He leaves again)
Mike: I'm gonna go. (He kisses Phoebe on the cheek)
Monica: Wow! That Mike thing was interesting! I don't know what's gonna happen with Phoebe and David.
Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)
Phoebe: Well, that’s what I said, but it turns out, Mike was planning on proposing to me that same way last night!
Phoebe: Oh hi Rita! Good! (to Mike) Oh, Rita's a massage client.
Mike: Yeah well, that's the thing. For me it's as far as it can ever go.
Mike: Do you even know what a banana hammock is?
Phoebe: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
Mike: Anyway, I just wanna give you a heads up.
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof & Mike Sikowitz Transcribed by: guineapig
Written by: Jeff Astroff & Mike Sikowitz
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
MIKE: All right.� I'll do it.� (Phoebe gives the thumbs-up sign to Rachel.)� But really, how much dirtier can it get?
Mike: Uhm, did you guys know that there is a giant ice sculpture in the hall?
Phoebe: Wait! Oh wait! (she takes off a ring that was already on her left ring finger. After that Mike starts to kneel again, but then...) Oh no! (She was wearing rings on all her fingers and her thumb, and takes all of these off.)
David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Phoebe: Wow, Mike Hannigan...You sure know how to make a girl say "Hell yeah!"
Mike: Great! Come on in! (Mike kisses her on the cheek. A butler walks in and takes Phoebe's coat.)
Mike: I intend to marry her.
Phoebe: Good. It's just so hard, it's hard for me to ... let them go. I guess it just brings back memories, you know, from ... when I gave birth to my brother's triplets and I had to give them up. (Mike is shocked) I haven't told you about that yet, have I?
Mike: Not possible! (they kiss, and then Mike says proudly...) She's gonna be Mrs. No Balls.
Mike's dad: (leans in towards Mike) I crushed a pill and put it in her drink... (to his wife) Come on, sweetheart.
Mike: Yeah, I'm serious. (sarcastic) It's fun, it's different and no-one else has a name like that!
RACHEL: Oh give me , , ,� (Phoebe gives Rachel the phone.)� Hi, Mike?� Hi.� Listen.� I know this is a lot to ask, but you know what?� If you do this I . . . Phoebe will . . . do anything you want.� Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.
Mike: Oh, sorry. (He digs in again and finally finds what he's been looking for. A key.)
Ross: Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake.
Mike: You know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better, I'm gonna let her choose. (he leaves)
Mike: (Ross opens the door) You know I'm trying to think of the last time I opened a door and you weren't there, Phoebe are you ok? (She has her hands over her mouth)
ROSS: (takes the phone, but speaks to Mike) I don't understand what just happened here.
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Phoebe: Sure! Look, ok, bottom line: I love Mike... David! David. I love David. Don't look at me that way, Roseanne Rosannadanna!
Mike: I haven't been home in a couple of days and I need to get some more clothes.
Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this.
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch. Phoebe and Mike enters.]
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Mike: (puts on a fake smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it? (he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with a napkin)
[Scene: Mike's parents house, the dining room. Mike, Phoebe, Mike's parents and the Angles are there.]
[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Mike and Phoebe are walking to their seats.]
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
Originally written by Jeffrey Astroff and Mike Sikowitz Transcribed by Josh Hodge. Minor additions and adjustments by Dan SIlverstein.
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you want me to marry Mike? Alright, well, let's just gag him and handcuff him and force him down the aisle. I can just see it: "Mike, do you take Phoebe..." (gestures with her hand as if someone is covering her mouth and tries to shout "No! No!") You know, it's every girl's dream!
Mike: Well, I mean... It sounds good to me. And that way we can save up, come back in a few years and make an even bigger donation.
Ross: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean... watch! (he mimics the groommens way of walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid) Huh?
Mike: I'm sorry. Are you ok with that? Cause if not...maybe us moving in together isn't the best idea.
Phoebe: Mike knows I'm coming, and if I don't show up he'll think it's because of him! And I don't want to lose face! That's a very serious thing in my culture.
Monica: Wow, isn't it ironic that David would show up on the same day that you and Mike exchange keys?
Mike: Maybe, before the game we could enjoy some eight year old some small batch Basel Hadens.
Phoebe: So weird, you think he's so gross and you're willing to eat his crackers. (Mike throws out everything in his mouth)
Mike: Well... I'll... just show you what I'm gonna do about it... (he hits David's finger with his finger and they start to finger-fight using their fingers as swords saying all kinds of macho crap)
Monica: Hey, how did it go with Mike, is he gonna let you keep the painting?
[Scene: game room, Monica and Mike are still playing ping pong]
Mike: You don't have to go home tonight, do you?
Phoebe: No, no, it's not that. (they go sit on the couch) Uhm... Remember when you asked me if I was seeing someone and I said no? Well, uhm... I am. His ... his name is Mike.
Monica: Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident?
Phoebe: Joey, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Believe me, there's something I've been trying to get Mike to do in bed and there's... he's just...
Phoebe: Monica slow down! Ok? I'm just excited to be living with him. You know I mean, I don't know, Can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure! Yeah. Y'know..I can picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious yet classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut...you know..near the good schools where Mike and I can send Sophie and Mike Junior.. Oh my god I do.
Mike: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Is this, hot Rachel, that you took to the Christmas party, Rachel?
Phoebe: Well I'm sorry Rachel, but I'm not like you, ok? Not everyone can afford help. (she and Mike leave)
Mike: (not amused) Are you rehearsing for some really bad mafia movie?
Mike: Hey, Chandler, why dont we talk this over at the Ranger game tomorrow?
Mike: Joey, I kinda have a lot to do today, what do you want?
Mike: Yeah. We have rat babies now.
Mike: I want to stay too but I've gone as bad as much use out of these boxers as I can..
Mike: I'll make it a hundred!
Phoebe: Oh, I love you guys too, but Mike got off work early. Wait. Wait, I�m not t�not that kind of girl that just ditches her friends to be with her boyfriend. You know what? I am. Bye guys! (waves to the bar) Judy! Bye.
Mike: Hey, when did we become one of those couples whose lives revolve around their rats?
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
Mike: oh it's just you have that look (shuts the front door)
Mike: (looks at her astonished) Alright, then I'm gonna change my name.
(she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.)
Mike: (looks strangely shocked) Excuse me... (he leaves, then Phoebe realizes what she did).
Joey: Hey, hey... I can convince people to do anything, you know. I bet I can even get Mike to do that "thing". What is it?
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Mike: At one point near the end she deliberately defecated.....
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Mike: Ok, unless you're not gonna try to get me to join a cult are you?
Joey: Well, hey! Well... (he takes his mug to toast Phoebe) Here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world! To Phoebe and... (a bit uncertain) I wanna say Mike? (pause) To Phoebe and Mike!
Mike: Oh wow! Im free for her!
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
Mike: Phoebe writes lots of great songs. Wha... What was that one you sang the other night that everybody just loved?
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
Mike: (sighs) No...
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Mike: Mom, I thought I told you... Phoebe's a vegetarian.