words in movies
Phoebe: Yes, I do! Today is Mike and my one-year anniversary.
[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Mike and Phoebe are walking to their seats.]
Phoebe: Excuse me, anniversary. Excuse me, anniversary. (looking at her ticket). Uhm, sir, could you move your nachos... they’re in my seat. It's my anniversary. (to Mike) Here we are! (Mike nods). Can’t believe it's been a whole year!
Mike: I know. This has been the best year... (the crowd starts cheering so he starts yelling) THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!
Mike: I FEEL THE SAME WAY!
Mike: Really?
Mike: (looks strangely shocked) Excuse me... (he leaves, then Phoebe realizes what she did).
Phoebe: Well, that’s what I said, but it turns out, Mike was planning on proposing to me that same way last night!
Monica: Oh my God, Mike was gonna propose?
[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Phoebe and Mike are watching the game. There's cheering, but Phoebe seems distracted.]
Mike: Great game, huh?
Mike: Why do you keep looking at the screen?
Phoebe: I'm not. I'm praying. (looking up) Please let the Knicks win... Thank you Thor! (Mike is standing up) Where... where are you going?
Mike: Going go to the bathroom.
Mike: Why?
(We see the screen where it says: "Mike will you marry me?" and then we see Phoebe and Mike on the screen. Phoebe stands up and kneels in front of Mike.)
Phoebe: Mike Hannigan... will you marry me? (Mike looks bewildered)
Announcer: Get a load of this... She's proposing to him. Guess we know who wears the pants in that family. (people are laughing, while Mike still seems bewildered)
(There's booing around them, and Mike sinks in his chair, holding his hand in above his eyes, hoping no-one would recognize him)
[Scene: Mike and Phoebe at a restaurant.]
Phoebe: That woman at the game didn't know what she was talking about. Mike, obviously you have balls.
Mike: But please, let's just forget the whole thing.
Mike: (puts on a fake smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it? (he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with a napkin)
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Mike: I'm gonna do this now.
(Mike starts to kneel in front of Phoebe.)
Mike: Phoebe, I...
Phoebe: Wait! Oh wait! (she takes off a ring that was already on her left ring finger. After that Mike starts to kneel again, but then...) Oh no! (She was wearing rings on all her fingers and her thumb, and takes all of these off.)
Mike: Ready?
Phoebe: Uh-huh! (and now Mike kneels properly)
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
(Mike puts the ring on her finger)
Mike: I love you!
Mike: Not possible! (they kiss, and then Mike says proudly...) She's gonna be Mrs. No Balls.
Mike: Woo-wo-hey-hey-hey... Can we not talk about that right now?
Mike: They have a game room downstairs! Ping pong and stuff.
Mike: (gets up) Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
Mike: No. well look can I think your weird and also cool for telling me the truth and also wanna kiss you.
Mike: After you, miss Banana Hammock.
Chandler: Mike didn't tell you? You have to chose one of us to be in your wedding. One of his groomsmen fell out.
Mike: Oh! Sorry, I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name!
Phoebe: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.
Mike: Mom, dad, thanks for dinner.
Mike: So you forfeit?
Mike: I heard that weddings are like a 40 billion dollar a year industry.
Mike: (disbelieving) I think I will be all right! (to Monica) You wanna volley a bit for a serve?
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
Mike: Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.
Mike: It's a Speedo.
(David produces the ring. At the same time, Mike walks in, behind David)
Originally written by Michael Borkow, Mike Sikowitz & Jeffrey Astrof Transcribed by Joshua Hodge. Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein.
Mike: (raising his glass) Thank you guys for having us over.
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Mike: Hey! You made it. Great! Chappy! Hi! (kisses his dad) Hi! (kisses his mom) Mom, I know getting married in the street isn't something you approve of...
Mike: (to Chandler and Ross) You know, Chappy's too small to handle all this snow. Someone's gonna have to walk him down the aisle.
Mike: 'Days of Our Lives'! That's why you look so familiar!
Monica: They've only been going out for a few weeks and Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike! She'll say "No", David's heart will be broken, it will be too hard for them to recover from and then Phoebe will end up alone again.
MIKE: My cousin's a paleontologist.
Ross: (yelling in pain) I know nothing! Mike’s a great guy, it was hypothetical!
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Mike: That's great! You changed you name?
Phoebe: (looking at Mike) Oh, yeah! (turning to Chandler) Are you telling me you... you're not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?
Mike: To see who goes first, you got a quarter?
Mike: Well, if I ever goto Minsk, you'd better watch out.
Phoebe: OK fine! Please come and support Mike. You don't have to sing.
Mike: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... (Looks at Monica, checking her big hair, aghast) Oh!
Chandler/Joey/Rachel/Monica: Bye bye Mike!/Cya mike!/Bye mike!/Bye bye now!
[Scene: Phoebe's at her apartment waiting for Mike Ross comes over.]
David: Right-o, right-o... (to Mike) Take good care of her. (and he leaves)
Helena: I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and (She holds the mike out to the audience.)
Phoebe: Yeah! Let's do it! Let's live together! (They embrace and Mike kisses Phoebe) Oh god, we're really going to move in together!
Mike: All right, that was Kenneth with his much too literal rendition of "I touch myself". Coming up next we've got Monicasinging "Delta Dawn".
Mike: Oh, thank God. (he laughs nervously, and Phoebe gets her keychain from her bag.)
Mike: I can't believe this is gonna end. I guess I'll have my stuff packed up.
Mike: Stop! (The butler serves dinner)
Mike: It's just my first marriage was, you know such a disaster. I kind of lost faith in the whole idea.
Mike: (takes the check from Phoebe) Ok, look! Enough! Alright? I'm stepping in. I'm putting my foot down! As your future husband I'm going to make this decision for us. (thinking) Now... what do you think we should do?
Phoebe: Mike, let me ask you something. How many sisters does Joey have?
Monica: Absolutely! Yes, you say to him "I'm sorry Mike I can't live without her, she means too much to me!"
Joey: Oh, a wiseacre. (Mike looks bewildered). No, no, no, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
Mike: and you don't have to worry about glue sniffing with me. although I do smell the occasional magic marker, yeah ah anyway I just think I can make you happy.
Ross: YAY! (He continues the happiness with her by dancing around) quick thing, I went to talk to Mike.
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz. .
ROSS: Ah?� (Mike nods.� Another pause.)� Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about.
Mike: I don't know, I mean I'm not sure (they hear cracking voice from somewhere else in the kitchen, probably a rat caught in a trap) ...
Joey: Why did I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couldn't I have said... (Looks through his address book) There's no guy in there!
ROSS: Oh, you know . . . we just drank some beer and Mike played with the boundaries of normal social conduct.
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.
Chandler: All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
Joey: Look Phoebe I'm so sorry! Hey, look, if you don't like this guy I can find you a better one. (Looks around) Mike!! Mike!!
Mike: Well, hey, at least you're getting a proper wedding. I mean, you really deserve that.
Mike: If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.
Phoebe: (really surprised) Oh wow, ooh! Ooh, big step for Phoebe and Mike.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross and Mike are sitting on the sofa.� Ross is fidgeting with the cuff of his sweater while Mike blows his cheeks out.� Ross blows a piece of fuzz from his finger.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are having a diner party with Phoebe and Mike.]
David: Uhm... uhm... Goodbye... Uh... Schto ya ztez vigul... ui... (David holds his hands gently on the back of Phoebe's neck. There's a sound of a a bunch of keys rattling, and the door opens... It's Mike)
Joey: Alright, then you go to that party and you pretend to be over Mike. And afterward you come to my place and I'll get you good and drunk!
Phoebe: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.
Monica: Ok, it's 2100 hours. (to Phoebe) Time for your toast. (Mike appears)
Phoebe: Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins. So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway?
Joey: Mike, 'attorney at law'!
Mike: You should be careful when checking your overhead bins, 'cause items may shift during...
(Ross is dumbfounded to see Mike instead of David)
Phoebe: Oh! I'm sorry Rachel, I don't have time for your childish games, ok? I still have to go find something incredible to wear so I can beat Mike at "who's more over who"! (at which she walks away)
MIKE: Ah, you mean lager.
Phoebe: No, Mike, I don't want to kill him! I thought we were just gonna capture him and, and you know, set him free in the country side where he can maybe meet a friendly possom and a wisecracking owl.
Phoebe: (pointing at Mike and shouting) I sleep with him!
Mike: Oh she's my girlfriend. That's not just how we do it here. I got to get a break and when we come back we've got Kennethsinging "I touch myself"...I'm not here to judge!
Mike: Maybe I'll sign for it. Tear it open. Pull out the packing material...
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz. Transcribed by: Ruth Curran
Mike: Trust me, I will never...
Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours.
Mike: It can't be any harder than this... I mean, If I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I... I would have stopped to memorize your face, the way you move, everything about you. If I had known the last time I kissed you would have been the last time... I never would have stopped.
Mike: This is the first time hes ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Chandler: I'm not scared. (moves towards Mike and Chappy) I'll just take little Chappy and... (he backs out) HE CAN SENSE MY FEAR. MY THROAT IS EXPOSED.
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof & Mike Sikowitz. Transcribed by: guineapig
(Mike opens the door and there is a gigantic ice sculpture standing in the doorway)
Mike: Actually yeah, that'll be great.
Joey: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?
[Scene: The New York City Children's Fund building. Phoebe and Mike are entering.]
Phoebe: HEY! Mike called were going out again! YAY! YAY! (She dances around with happiness)
Mike: Actually I've been playing a lot of love songs lately. I've missed you.
MIKE: (Holds up a six pack of Foster's Lager) I got beer.
Phoebe: Where do you think Mike really is? (she giggles, Chandler looks aghast)
MIKE: (looking at his watch) Eleven minutes.� (long pause)� And now twelve.� So, do you like the beer?
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
Phoebe: well there is no Vicrum, Ross made him up because I never really have been in a long-term relationship, I've never lived with a guy, and I've never even celebrated an anniversary so. (Pause) if that's too weird for you and you wanna leave I totally understand. In fact I'll close my eye's make it less awkward (She sits with her eyes closed and Mike kisses her, Phoebe opens her eyes and like a little child says.) You kissed me.
Mike: Your lipstick's on his mouth.
Bitsy: She actually makes me miss that pill-popping ex-wife of his. (Mike walks in) Oh, hello dear...
Ross: (To Phoebe and Mike) I can't believe you guys aren't going to be able to get married today.
Phoebe: Yeah... Ogh... Okay, fine. You made your point. Can you please just be Mike Hannigan again?
Mike: I've missed you so much! No, I'm not gonna ask you to get back together because I know we want different things, but just to be with you one more night.
Monica: I can't believe she's gonna say yes to David. She's clearly in love with Mike.