words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are there, Joey is demonstrating a card trick.]
Joey: Okay, pick a card, any card. (Monica picks one) All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?
Monica: Um-mm.
(Monica is sarcastically amazed.)
Monica: Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?
Monica: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.
Monica: I have like five times, but the guy is so charming, that I go up there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.
Monica: All right, be my guest.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Monica: Honey, whats the matter?
Monica: Its Joeys birthday.
Monica: Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Rachel is talking to Monica about her job.]
Monica: I know honey, Im sorry.
Monica: (gives her a look) Gee, I dont know Rach. Order up!! I got a Yentel soup, a James Beans, and a Howdy hold the Dowdy!
Rachel: (looks at Monica) (to him) Do you want my pickle?
Gunther: (to Monica and Phoebe) Hey guys.
Monica: Hey Gunther. Hi. (to Phoebe) I mean youre going out on a date with the noisy guy upstairs?
Monica: I know, hes too charming, but if you two start going out, then its just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.
Monica: Joey, where are the Jell-o shots?
Monica: (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue.
Chandler: (to Monica) Take off your shirt!
Monica: Oh my!!
Rachel: Hi! So Im out having lunch at Monicas and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdales and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and hes gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
Chandler: (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?
Monica: How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Joeys sisters.
(Cut to Ross and Monica)
Monica: Hi.
Monica: Isnt that great?
Monica: Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy. I mean, y'know what, when he left I actually used the phrase, Hummina-hummina-hummina. (walks away)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Monica: How ya feelin?
Monica: What is the worse part?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Monica: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, hes actually going to kill you dead.
Monica: I mean, was it Gina?
Monica: No, no, no, thats Dina.
Chandler: (to Monica) You see you cant tell which one is which either, dwha!!
Monica: That was me.
Monica: Thats okay.
Monica: Y'know which one was she again?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is writing letters as Rachel enters.]
Monica: No honey, Im sorry, but the weekends not over yet.
Monica: I guess theyre back from their date.
Monica: Oh my God!
Monica: I am good. I finished my book.
Monica: I dont remember. Do you wanna take a walk?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Monica: Wait a minute, why dont you just call Mark. (they both look up in shock) I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him, youve got to make stuff happen.
Monica: (to Ross) Honey, its not pushy, he gave her his home number.
Ross: Thats right good things, that-that is what I said. (glances at Monica)
Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, its Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, dont you apologize. (listens) Yeah, Ill hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
Monica: Yay!
Monica: Oh, that is amazing!
Ross: You go get em. (to Monica) What did I do to you? Did I hurt you in some way?
Monica: What?
Monica: Are you crazy?!
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isnt even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if youre right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Monica: I mean dont you trust her?
Monica: Then get over yourself! Grow up!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The entire gang is there.]
Monica: So ah, Phoebe, how was your date?
Monica: Yeah, I do know.
Monica: Y'know if its any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you. (Rachel nods in agreement)
(We hear the guys start to attack him, but the guy manages to calm them down and gets them to agree to what he did. Monica throws up her hands in disgust.)
Monica: Oh no, I already packed. The only thing I couldnt find though was your Speedo.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are upset with each other. Phoebe is mediating.]
[Scene: Allesandros, Monica is cooking.]
(They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs away. She runs out of the park and up along the fence, she then comes back into the park and runs past Monica, as she gets to Monica, she throws the ball at Monica, and it hits her in the eye.)
Monica: Well if-if thats what it is, then its-its crazy.
Monica: (in the kitchen with Chandler) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!
Monica: Ohh! Did you do what I said? Did-did-did you tell her?
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Monica: Listen Rachel, I feel really bad aboutWhat are you doing? (She sees that Rachel is unpacking.)
Fake Monica: Monana was very brave.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]
MONICA: No. No you can't go. No this is fun. Come on we're just getting started. Here, here's your marker.
<Everyone is shocked and Monica faints and Ross catches her>
Monica: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.
Monica: No! Yknow, the fantasy! Meet someone from a strange land, fall in madly love, and spend the rest of your lives together.
Monica: Im just trying to spice it up!
Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
[Scene: A locker room, Pete is in a full upper-body cast. Monica enters, sees him, and gasps. Pete tries to turn around, and winces in pain.]
Monica: And she wants to go hunting, too!!
[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are at work.]
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
Monica: Oh, dear god!
[Scene: The house Monica and Chandler are viewing. Janice comes down the stairs.]
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Monica: Ross, we're kind of in the middle of diner here.
Phoebe: Why?! Whats happening to the coffee house?! (Monica looks at her.) Oh! (Realizes.)
Monica: Nothing. I just want the baby to be born today.
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Monica: Oh my God! Let me see. (they all look at the pictures)
Roy: So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take (he shakes his hips) downtown! (Monica points Phoebe)
[Scene: The Gellers' kitchen. Monica, Mrs. Geller and one of Mrs. Geller's friends are preparing the cake.]
Ross: Oh! And it gets worse! (Turns his side to Chandler and Monica and pulls up his shirt. There's a distinct line across his body, where his belly is very tanned and his back is very pale.)
Rachel: Thirty. Ugh, I mean thirty! Monica, do you remember mean, old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was thirty!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in there, and Phoebe enters]
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, umm when-when Monica and Chandler got engaged I started putting some stuff together, yknow just in case
Monica: So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to be. It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right.
Monica: Oh come on! You're making it sound worse than it actually was.
Phoebe: Monica had lunch with Richard.
(Rachel ignores him and follows Monica into the kitchen.)
Monica: A-ha!!! (they all start laughing, as Ross hides in the bathroom)
RICHARD: Okay, last chance. (Monica throws the candy and hits some woman in the back of the head, Richard turns around and says) Again, I'm sorry.
Monica: Oh, Aunt Liddys coming? That means we get five dollars each!
Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Monica: Umm, I think I spoke too quickly. There-theres a learning curve with this job and maybe we can try it again.
Monica: (on phone) Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday? (Listens) Okay, how about Sunday? (Listens) Okay umm, the week after that? (Listens) The week after that? (Listens) Yknow what Greg? Yknow what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny cant see that then (Listens) January 15th? (Chandler dances.) Well see you then! (Listens) Okay!
Monica: This place is really my Grandmothers. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, Im 87 year old woman, whos afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
(chez Monica and Rachel)
(They both get up and Monica expects Joey to take the lead, but he doesnt, and they fumble around for a little bit.)
Monica: Because, honey, I mean this in the sweetest way possible, nobody is gonna wanna watch that.
Monica: It's my New Year's resolution!
Monica: Damn it! Rookie mistake!
[cut to a new scene, also in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting, Phoebe is nearby.]
(Monica and Chandler do not look amused by Joeys head in the door)
Monica: Good! Now, take those salads to table 4, (to the kitchen worker from earlier) And you! Get the swordfish! (to another assistant chef) And you! Get a haircut!
Monica: Oh that's cute! We really all enjoyed it. But y'know, it doesn't count.
(She gets to Monica who has the dress balled up in one hand and is sitting on Megan who is sprawled out on the floor.)
MONICA: And I would have to say pah-huh.
Monica: Look at it! Ohhh! Wallpapers a little faded, thats okay. Carpets a little loose. Hardwood floors!!
(Monica closes the door, Chandler knocks, and Monica opens it to reveal Chandler on his knees.)
Chandler: I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! Im right. I'm right. Am I right?
Phoebe: And Tim I just wanna say, good luck here. (Shakes his hand and leaves, which disgusts Monica.)
Chandler: What? No, I'm taking Monica to a romantic inn in Vermont (shows them a brochure)!
Monica: Rach! We werent gonna miss our friends getting married!
Monica: Oh, thank you! (The gang exhibits signs of quiet apprehension and wears knowing glances.) (Monica giggles.) Whats going on?
Monica: Oh! (Laughs and points at the mask.) Him.
Chandler: Oh, its not just that, I would be Englands most powerful weapon. Jet setting heartbreaker on her majestys secret service. A man who fears no one; with a license to kill. (Worried.) Would Monica let me wear this?
Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...
Monica: Joey's bare ass!
Monica: Okay, I think thats it. The seating chart is done. This is our wedding. They all look like theyre having fun dont they?
Fat Monica: I know, but y'know, this time you're gonna definitely know whether or not you did it!
Monica: Well he is! Yeah, I mean marriage is all he talks about! My goodness, in fact, Im the one thats making him wait!
(They run to the living room where Monica has moved the chair back (Towards the step), the coffee table forward (Towards the TV), and taped a square outline on the floor.)
Monica: No, no! We should divide them up (picks up the bowl) and I should get extra because we used my card to buy them!
Monica: Yeah and-and Im sorry too. But, well I justI like things done a certain way and the chemistrys just not right.
Monica: (To Chandler) We're not really gonna buy these people steak dinners are we?
Monica: Oh really, you want to talk about quality? Have you heard of a key? It's what some people sing in.
(And he starts licking the grease which trickles down his face. Monica also squirts some on the other side of his face, and his tongue follows her movements.)
(She rises, dragging Chandler along by the wool. Rachel has to leap over a chair to follow them. Monica opens the door to find Mr. Heckles standing there.)
(He goes out into the hall and finds a very drunk Monica lying up against Joey and Rachels door.)
Monica: Oh, you know, my flock is good, I mean, yeah, my flock pretty much takes care of themselves at this point. Good flock. Flock, flock, flock.
Monica: The basket is totally empty! My God, the neighbors ate all the candy!
Monica: (points at the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby Chandler is holding) and that's a girl.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is paying Phoebe.]
[Scene: The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she is breathing heavily.]
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler comes running into the living room. Monica is the only one there.]
Ross: Hey, yknow what nickname never caught on? The Ross-A-Tron! (Monica shakes her head in disgust.)
Monica: She doesn't have a stomach ache, she's in labor.
Monica: Okay, if you need the vacuum, its in my closet on the left-hand side. Ah, the garbage bags are next to the refrigerator
Monica: Are you kidding?! I practically spent my entire childhood at the arcade! This is likeOh my, this is like my second favorite game!
Fake Monica: Well, that's just probably 'cause of your Amish background.
Monica: I just ran into Dave and he told me that you blew him off! I mean, you listen to me! Now, I'm calling the shots! I say you leave Ross alone and go get Dave! What the hell were you trying to do?
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.
Monica: Of course we will, come on we gotta make dinner.
Fake Monica: You're kidding! I-I spent three years in Amsterdam. (Asks her something in Dutch)
(Both Rachel and Monica walk into their bedrooms, stop, and come back into the living room with confused looks on their faces.)
Monica: (hands Chandler a bag) Chandler, here you go, got your traditional Thanksgiving feast, you got your tomato soup, your grilled cheese fixin's, and your family size bag of Funyuns.
Monica: She stole my jeans!