words in movies
Phoebe: Oh yknow whats sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that.
Monica: (noticing the bag Joeys carrying) Oh great! Did you get a movie?
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)
(Ross stands next to him for a second, then goes and watches the movie.)
(The movie starts, its a vampires lair and Buffay, The Vampire Layer enters dressed in leather and carrying a wooden stake. Suddenly, the vampire opens his coffin and sits up.
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
[Scene: Inside Joeys Premiere, he is intently watching the movie.]
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
[Scene: Filming a scene from the movie. Joey is dying on a gurney, Van Damme is looking over him.]
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is walking up to the director, pleading with him to let him go.]
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Joey: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long as there's a little nudity.
Joey: What? Were you like in the movie, or Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.
Joey: You wanna see what I got? (He gets up to empty out his pockets) Okay? Ive got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey!
Phoebe: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something?
Joey: So what movie do you want to seeAnd not another one I have to read. Okay? I get enough of that from books.
Ross: Y'know what, 100 million people went to see a movie about what I do, I wonder how many people would go see a movie called, Jurassic Parka.
Joey: (entering) Hey Ross! Listen, do you want to go see that new Imax movie on tide pools?
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Rachel: Ooh, Phoebes here! Okay, lets turn out all the lights and well just watch the movie!
Ross: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie
Phoebe: Maybe we can like go to a movie or something.
Chandler: (laughs) Oh thats great, my friend Joeys in the movie business.
Ross: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie…
Monica: Hey! What did you decide to do about the movie?
Joey: Mornin Pheebs. (Sits down.) Well, my movie has officially been canceled.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
Monica: No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said, (singing) the movie star.
Chandler: Well, I suppose Id have to say you!! But, what if were watching a movie in here?
Ross: Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater.
Rachel: Hi, how was the movie?
Joey: All right, you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would have said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. "Those are our men in there, we have to get them out! Even if I have to sacrifice the most important thing in my life; my time-machine."
[Scene: The next time at the movie set.]
Joey: Wait a minute! Why don't I do what that guy did? I'll take this $100 and turn it into $5,000! And then I'll turn that into enough money to get my movie going again!
Gunther: (In his head) Say Rachel, I was wondering if youd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, to out there. Maybe youd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover.
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
[Scene: City street. The whole gang is walking up to the movie set.]
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
PHOEBE: Why are you guys so upset? It's Old Yeller, it's a happy movie.
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.
Phoebe-Estelle: It’s a little coincidental, but believable. (Joey nods in agreement). Listen, I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t get you an audition for that TV movie.
RACHEL: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is about you stealing my wind.
JOEY: Hey, hey, and I'm in the movie.
Mike: (not amused) Are you rehearsing for some really bad mafia movie?
CHANDLER: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.
MONICA: Jean-Claude Van Damme. I didn't know he was in this movie, he is so hot.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
Erica: Oh, it was okay. I went to a movie with my cousin and then out for dinner. We went to this place that had... Ooh... (she looks likes she is in pain, holding her belly) Hoo... ooh... Anyway, they had these really amazing cheeseburgers.
CHANDLER: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Phoebe: (the waiter puts a piece of cake on the table) I would love it. Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake.
CHANDLER: [to guys wering yellow isolation suits] So, are you guys in the movie, or are you just really paranoid.
Ross: (sarcastic) And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie!
Julie: Thanks. Hey, listen, would you like to go to a movie sometime or something?
Dana: Apparently Howies editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Yknow I-I-I havent spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!
Joey: I love that movie. (Joey is using it as a pillow)
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie.
Ross: Well, I tell you what. Why dont we uh, why dont we just stay here? Lets not see a movie, well just hang.
Chandler: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way I can break 'em up with a movie.
Phoebe: (reading from her book) Mon (Pause as she restarts) Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks theyre supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks its at seven.
Chip: The movie theatre, you used to come in all the time.
Chandler: Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and theres nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening.
Rachel: Why aren't you guys at the movie?
Phoebe: Well, same thing we did all day, hang out at Gary's apartment. He is so amazing, we never left the bedroom. But have fun at the movie.
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
[Scene: The movie set. Monica and Rachel are saying goodbye to Jean-Claude]
(Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.)
Monica: (That annoying competitiveness thing kicks in again, what the heck is that with her and why must the writers show it every flippin' episode?!) Oh, we're not seeing a movie!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is trying to write his movie, Chandler is playing a game on the counter by trying to flip a ping pong ball with a spoon into a nearby bowl.]
Rachel: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.
Past Life Phoebe: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying(She is cut off by an exploding shell just outside the tent. When the smoke clears, she's missing an arm and the blood is pumping out like you'd see in a horror movie. And upon seeing her condition, she says ) Oh no.
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Joey: Is this movie gonna be my big break?
Phoebe: So, what movie should we see?
RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.
Joey: Look, come on you guys, you said you were gonna try! All right look, I came over here to invite you guys to a movie with me and Janine.
Monica: Phoebe, do you want to go see a movie after dinner tonight?
Ross: Hey listen I uh, talked to Chandler, sorry about the movie.
Monica: Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it?
Rachel: Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?
Monica: No, no its going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably dont say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, Im-Im saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she cant because shes dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember shes dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didnt see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesnt get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Heres to mom and dad! Whatever!
Rachel: Oh but Phoebe, were gonna be late for the movie.
Monica: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?
Ross: I had to talk loud because the movie was loud!
Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!
Ross: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is...
Phoebe: Sorry, mix up. Hey, how was the movie?
Joey: My Giant? I love that movie!
Chandler: They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real movie!
Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are watching a movie.]
Chandler: So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?
Chandler: Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say?
Joey: They uh director. Uhh, her. (Points to an old woman standing behind him. Who glares at him and walks off.) All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here.
Joey: Chandler, is that (Mimes someone using a movie camera and Chandler nods yes.)
Chandler: So you knew we were gonna miss the movie!
Joey: All right, so we should go catch our movie.
Roger: That's tough. Tough stuff. C'mon, Pheebs, we're gonna catch that movie, we gotta get going.
Rachel: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.
Joey: Oh, its a poster for that World War I movie that Im in, check it out.
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
Rachel: Hi! Well, we were just about to take off and see a movie. Oh no!