words in movies
{Transcribers Note: This is an hour-long special episode. Which means that the first part of this episode is episode 615. The second part of this episode is episode 616. Since episodes 615 and 616 are combined into one file, thats why there is no episode 616 in the season 6 table of contents and the numbers jump from episode 615 to 617.}
Phoebe: No! Barry and Mindy.
Ross: The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadnt realized she was a lesbian.
Ross: No, I just think Monica was that fat.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: No, no-no, Ross Geller.
Ross: No, its okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I dont
Ross: Uh-huh. (Steps to a random kid nearby and hands him his money.) Hey, here you go buddy. Sorry, no porn for you. (To Rachel) Okay, lets go see Monica!
Monica: Oh no! Whats the matter?
Chandler: Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride.
Monica: No Joey! Chandler could be your assistant! See, he could answer all of your fan mail and stuff!
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Monica: Ohhh! (Takes the plate.) No! This is my friend Rachel, we went to High School together.
Monica: No.
Phoebe: (yelling from Monicas room) No-no!! No!!
Phoebe: No! There-there was a little, a little diff in the market and I lost 13 million dollars.
Joey: I thought we talked about this. I dont like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isnt juice. All juice, okay?
Ross: Well I dont know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carols shocked and obviously doesnt like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesnt like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, yknow we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.
Phoebe: No! Its not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me!
Ross: (on the phone) Hello? (Listens.) No she cant come to the phone right now. (Listens.) Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye. (Hangs up.)
Chandler: No, the doctors say it may kill her.
Monica: No! Umm well, some people say that Oysters are an aphrodisiac.
Monica: No-no-no, no! Its sensual!
Monica: Okay! (They kiss again and his beeper goes off.) Ohhh no!
Monica: No. Hes not a horrible guy.
Chandler: No you are not! You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you.
Monica: No! (They both laugh.) Oyster?
Monica: I have no moves. (He moves in to kiss her and she laughs and backs away.) Okay, whatcha doin there?! (Giggles.) Oh yknow what? Im sorry, this is just too weird.
Joey: No! No! No, not after seeing that.
Rachel: No! No-no-no
Phoebe: No. Ive learned my lesson.
Ross: No! The reason Im asking is that I sorta had one last night.
Ross: No, she kept kicking me away!
Ross: No!
Chandler: Let me tell you about this chick I scored with last night! Oh no wait a minute that was you!
Ross: Umm, no.
Rachel: No seriously! Seriously! What has happened to the sanctity of marriage?
Chandler: No, there were two.
Phoebe: "No time for losers, 'cause we are the champions of the world...!" Thank you!
Phoebe: Thats right, exactly. (sees them) All right, its a good bye kiss, thats good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what Im saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, Ive decided Im gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves).
Ross: You? You! Want to watch Ben? (in the background Monica mouths Dont worry, Ill be here the whole time. to Ross.) Yes! Thatd be great, no, I just wanted to ask Monica, because I know how empty her life is. (Monica sarcastically mouths Yeah! and holds up her thumb.)
Rachel: No, he told me. He prefers to leave certain things to the imagination.
Joey: No. Here (he tears off the pocket from Ross' shirt, and tears off everything below that as well.)
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
Rachel: Well yeah, I wish that you would. (He opens the top drawer.) Well, no its not in there! (Closes it.) How about that drawer? (She points to the bottom one and he opens it. She doesnt see the folder she planted and bends over to check.)
Ross: One night, just-just sex. No strings attached?
Rachel: No, I-I just dont know how you decide who to hire. I mean Ive got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then theres this guy
Monica: No, it just remind me of something this guy did today at work. I told you about that funny guy, Geoffrey, right?
Ross: Well, yeah, kinda. Um, but thats okay, see we have an understanding, um, see we each have this list of five famous people, (gets his out) so Im allowed to sleep with you. No, no, no, its flattery.
Ross: Right, so that's a firm "no". I cannot believe this, I just keep striking out.
Chandler: No, it's like all of the sudden, we were this couple. And this alarm started going off in my head: 'Run for your life! Get out of the building!'
Phoebe: I need to change my name, please. See, I need to change it because I'm-I'm hiding from the law. (the clerk shows no change in expression whatsoever) You're fun.
Joey: Damnit! Is there no mystery left in romance anymore!?
Monica: Come here! Come here! (They hug.) Sweetie you dont have to worry. No, besides yknow what? Im gonna have a lot of new things with you. The first time we buy a house. Our first kid. Our first grandkid
Chandler: Oh no, its gonna be named after some snack or baked good isnt it?
Rachel: Well sure, if you say youre gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! (Grabs them from him.) All right, now Im gonna do this my way and I dont want to hear a peep out of you!
Joey: Nooo. No, no, ah, are you sure it wasnt something that sounded like Ginger, like ah, Gingeer?
Ross: No... I already e-mailed her.
Rachel: No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean youre [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-its just not the time for us. Im sorry.
Paul: No! No! Its just that, my dad never did. I miss my dad.
Phoebe: No, I know. That's a part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you-extravaganza.
Ross: Oh. Yeah. (Sarcastically) Uh Chandler let me win. No, Chandlers really strong. Oh my arm is so sore. Oh nurse! (Waddles over to Mona.)
Phoebe: No, Mike, I don't want to kill him! I thought we were just gonna capture him and, and you know, set him free in the country side where he can maybe meet a friendly possom and a wisecracking owl.
Parker: No, no, no wait! Dont tell me. Let me guess. (Points as he says their names) Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and, Im sorry Phoebe didnt mention you. (Chandler makes a face) Chandler, Im kidding all ready youre my favorite!
Cliff: No, Im sorry. Its just my foot itches like crazy.
Joey: Theres just so much pressure. I mean no offense, but what you guys do is very different. I dont know if youd understand.
Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, its Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, dont you apologize. (listens) Yeah, Ill hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
Hums While He Pees: No its Uh, my ex-wife Whitney is out there. I cannot deal with her right now. That woman is crazy!
Ross: No. They swoop in and steal your jackpot.
Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
The Dry Cleaner: No! It dont go up on the wall!
Phoebe: All right, I will. No, I will. But umm, yknow just remember that its still really early, okay so, if it says that Im not pregnant, that doesnt mean that Im not gonna get pregnant, okay and, and just please, just so I dont go completely nuts, just try not put all your hopes on this.
Ross: Oh no, no, no, wait, wait, Isabella. Dont, dont just dismiss this so fast. I mean this is a once in a lifetime opportunity...
Joey: Oh thats too bad. Ive kinda been saving up. (She just looks at him in horror.) Uh, are you sure theres no studies I can participate in?
ROSS: Wait hold on Tony, hold on. [answers second line] Hello. Hi, yeah no, she's right here. Um hold on. [gets first line] Hi Tony, can I call you back? That's uh, that's my sister's boyfriend.
Joey: Uh no Rach, hes gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake.
Bass Singer: No one likes a buttmunch.
Joey: Uh! That's a tough one. Oh! Wait a minute, this happened to me before! Yeah, I was auditioning for a play and the producer fell asleep and... (pause) no wait a minute... it was me who fell asleep... Yeah I mean hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase scene once in a while!?
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.
Joey: No, its not. I mean you-you made me your best man and I totally let you down!
RACH: [near tears] No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.
Phoebe: Ooh! No, no, no, no, he's not like a kook, no. He's just like this, this very passionate, incredibly romantic guy, that got like a tinsy bit carried away, you know. And we just get along really well, and he's so cute.
Monica: (with no hesitation) Sex!
Phoebe: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.
Chandler: A place where no one will ever get out alive?
Ross: There's no seatbelt!
Monica: Any time you want. Y'know, when I was younger, all I wanted to do was to play with this dollhouse, but no!! It was to be looked at, but never played with.
Rachel: No, not even close. Forget Vail, forget seeing my family, forget shoop, shoop, shoop.
EDDIE: No no no, I wanna hear it from your lips.
Phoebe: Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Monica) Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so....
Rachel: No, I have to go downstairs and come back up as if I'm coming home from the regatta gala. Okay? So just go distract him. But don't be sexy.
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Joey: No-no! No! I mean it's gonna be all smelling like Monica!
PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?
Joey: I tried to call you from the coffee shop, and there was no answer.
Chandler: (Continuing his toast.) And Im sure were all very excited that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean to think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall. (No reaction from the people.) Ohh, come on!! Monty Hall!! Lets make a Deal!! Come on, you people!! All right, forget it!! Congratulations, Ross and Emily. (He sits down.)
PHOEBE: Um, no, huh-uh. One of my clients died on the massage table today.
JOEY: Hey no, seriously, I don't need you to pick me... [Fun Bobby picks Joey up off the ground, bounces him. Joey laughs.] Alright! It still works.
Ross: I know! I know! Why do you guys need to have this conversation?! Huh? I mean no self-respecting man would ask a woman, "So, where is this going?"
Joey: No it isn't! No, it's not. Because you can also explain it with the truth!
Chandler: Oh thats not true! Thats not true! I got her that backpack and she loved it! I remember how much she was crying the day when that big dog ran off with it (notices the look on Monica and Phoebes faces.) Oh, there was no big dog. All right this sucks! I already got her this briefcase, and I had R.G. put on it (Phoebe looks confused.) Her initials
Chandler: No!! Okay!! Whats with the third degree?! Why dont you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
Ross: Well, Chandlers my oldest friend, but Joeys myNo! Ah! (points at Rachel)
Phoebe Sr: No, no, thats just Chuck Magioni, I-I sold him a house last year! And Im very sorry, but I dont know where your Father is, and thats the truth.
Phoebe: No! It�s my first birthday with a boyfriend, and he has to work. Uch, I get mad at him, but I think it�s a little to soon to show my true colors.
Chandler: Okay. Uh, well dim the lights, dim the lights. (He goes to the light switch and finds its not a dimmer switch when he flips the lights off.) Or turn them out all together. Uh, no scented candles. Okay here. Here we go. (He sprays an aerosol air freshener above her.)
Ross: Calm down. Theres no reason to get testy.
David: Damn it! I-I'm sorry. I-I don't mean that. I-I want you to be happy... But only with me. No, uhm... that's not fair. Uh, who cares, leave him!. Oh, I don't mean that. Yes I do... I'm sorry Uhm, I... I think I should probably uhm... go...
Ross: No one, I’m just saying if... (Phoebe starts pinching him in his neck)
Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
Phoebe: (no accent) Uhm... Okay, well, allright, uhm... Originally I'm from upstate, but uhm... then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison, so... I just moved to the city where uhm... I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while... (frowns are received) which was okay, that was okay, until uhm... I got hepatitis, you know, 'cause this pimp spit in my mouth and... but I... I got over it and uhm... anyway, now I'm uhm... a freelance massage therapist, uhm... which, you know, isn't always steady money but at least I don't pay taxes, huh... (everyone in the room finds it a bit surreal, which Phoebe realises and starts to talk in the accent again) So... where does everyone summer?
CHANDLER: Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet. And he was in the scale modeler's club, and I was, well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.
Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.) So what was Phoebes secret?
Chandler: No, actually I meant my fingers. Look at 'em, look at how happy they are.
Ross: No! Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? I...I mean you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42 times.
Ross: (loudly) Why?! Are there like bears or something?! (Looks around and then sees that Elizabeth is shaking her head no and realizes what Elizabeth meant.) Ohh. Oh, protection. Yeah-no, yeah-no, that-that-that I forgot.
Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me?
Monica: (Reads) Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no 'j' in 'engorged'.
Joey: No ... the leather sticks to my ass. You know, this isn't fair. What makes you think that I'm just gonna sleep with her and then blow her off? Huh? Can't you guys open your minds to the possibility that I actally like her, and might want something real? (pause) Look, the truth is, I haven't felt this way about anyone since Rachel, ok? I didn't think I could ever love again.
Chandler: Im so tired. (She starts kissing him.) Yeah okay, but no foreplay.
Emily: No. Thats not what Im saying. I just may know a few things that might help you inflict some pain.
Rachel: No! Yknow what? No! No! You thing was so stupid anyway, this was ridiculousWere gonna flip a coin! (Phoebe gasps.) All right?! (She flips the coin.) Heads! (Looks at the coin and grunts in disgust.)
Rachel: No, but they stuck me in personal shopping. Which is just a huge step down!
Rachel: (crying) No, I know! I get it! Its funny!
Phoebe: No, Im fine. Im great. Im with you.
Phoebe: Yeah no, Im telling you Rachel has such a great eye for this stuff. Ross, yknow if you ever decide you need to redecorateAnd I think that you should. You should, you should ask Rachel to help.
Ross: (whines "No.") Thats not true!
Joey: (takes phone) Hi, yeah, it's me. (Listens) Oh, no no no, we're just friends. (Listens) Yeah, I'm single. (Listens) 25. (Listens) An actor. (Listens) Hello?
Chandler: You dont think Ive tried? You think I like having 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down there! Then they use all of these phrases and peppiness to try and confuse you! Then they bring out Maria.
Ross: No, she likes that. Yeah. Faking sleep doesnt work either, I cant tell you how many mornings I woke up with her...
Joey: No, no, no! (Starts looking around the room, terrified) Don't drop by, don't drop by!
Phoebe: (not amused) Ha-ha. (She sits down on the couch.) No, its just Im so pregnant that Imy guitar doesnt fit anymore. So I thought til Im not, Im just gonna play all my songs on this drum. It sounds really cool!
Monica: Oh my God! No wonder I get such great service at Cafe Maurice.
Chandler: All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas Eve and you'd rather be with your families, but there's *no* call (he takes it off) for writing "Screw you, Mr. Bing!" on the back of my chair! (he looks at it) -- By the way, you can all call me Chandler.
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
Joey: No, we didnt even pay our cable billmaybe this is how they punish us.
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Rachel: Oh, no! No you guys! Come on, you dont have to do that! Im happy for him! I am! I reallyIm-Im happIll work on it.