words in movies
Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
Chandler: Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. Im buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldnt be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monicas older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? Im-Im-Im serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) ComeHey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? Im-Im not kidding here!
Monica: Im making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.
The Director: (approaching) Okay! Were about an hour away from getting the scene lit. So uh, if you guys dont mind, can we run it a couple of times?
Joey: We have to find the rest of the platoon!
Joey: (glances at Richard) No. Nope, I uh I thI thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. Yknow? Hes uh, hes a face toucher. (Behind his back, Richard is nodding no.)
Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his face again.)
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (Shes wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)
Mrs. Bing: Oh honey! This is so exciting! I thought we screwed you up so bad this day would never come. Oh and just think. Soon therell be lots of little Bings. (He freaks out and loosens the tie again.)
Mr. Bing: Yes! Although, I think we may be seeing a little too much of some people. Arent you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?
Mr. Geller: of course you can kick his ass son.
Rachel: Man in the black dress (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! Im Rachel! Im a friend of Monica and Chandlers!
Monica: All right, Im gonna go steam my wedding dress okay? Who wants the responsibility of making sure nothing happens to it?
Rachel: Well of course that is what Im here for!
Ross: And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I!
Rachel: Yeah but, maybe its not what we think. Maybe its tell Monica Im sorry I drank the last of the milk.
(Hes still spitting and Joey holds his script in front of his face.)
Richard: Well of course I am!
Richard: Thats what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t)
Mrs. Geller: Yeah, the list thatof people were allowed to sleep
Richard: The picture of my wife! In your pack!
Richard: Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?!
Joey: No! No! I cant! You gotta get me out of it! Ive got plans! (Spits.) Important plans! (Spits on the Ps.)
Phoebe: (looking into the trash can) Sure. (Reaching into the trash can.) Do you need some floss? (Grabs a piece of it.)
Phoebe: Yeah, okay. Hey, wait. Do you know what kind of birth control she was using?
Ross: Well, cant you at least stall her a little? Ill-Ill go back to some of the places I went last night.
The Director: What kind of surgery?!
Ross: Then you are neither of your parents!
Chandler: Its not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybodys! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And Ive met me; I am not Paul Newman. I dont race cars! I dont make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.
Phoebe: But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.
(Monica goes into the bathroom and Phoebe and Rachel breathe a sigh of relief.)
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]
Richard: Of course! Im-Im sorry. I-Id hate you to miss anything like that on account of me. I can do this!
Rachel: Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding, excellent! {Its a good thing Jennifer Aniston is Greek, because she had to pronounce those names. Luckily for me, they were written on a sign.}(The happy couple emerges.) Congratulations. (To the best man and maid of honor) Mazel Tov! (The rabbi emerges.) Hi! Oh, great hat. (Hes wearing an interesting hat and she takes him over to talk.) Listen umm, I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that?
Ross: These-these are beads of joy.
(And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door closes and carries it with him.)
Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes
Joey: (entering) Thats my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, Im sorry Im a little late. You may be confused by this now, (Hes still in costume) but you wont be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, lets get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. Ive known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as Ive left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
Chandler: (To Ross) No, thats okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way its okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if Im sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)
Joey: You may not kiss the bride. So, I guess by the powers vested in my by the state of New York and the Internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Oh wait! Do you take each other?
MONICA: Damnit Ross, get your butt out of the bathroom.
Ross: Of course not, it smells like wine, which you spilled! And thanks for wrecking my sheet by the way.
Rachel: Look, I am so so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that Im not. Im not even close. And I dont know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that thats dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler!
Monica: Of course not nothing is. Between me and you
Phoebe: Yeah, we should get a move on if we wanna make those dinner reservations. (Phoebe dumps a drawer full of makeup into a box.)
Phoebe: I hate my regular clothes now! Yknow? I look down and-and I know that this isnt gonna be the most special day of my life.
All: I dont have anything. (All of the rest of the women there hide their gifts behind their backs.)
Ross: Yknow what? I think I can take care of myself, Ill talk to you later. Good-bye. (Hangs up the phone and turns to find Jill sitting really close to him.) Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that youre just using me.
Phoebe: (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along. No, don't sing along.
Phoebe: Three months? Okay... This is probably none of my business, but uhm, how long do you think you're gonna keep seeing her?
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
Second Message: "Listen, oh... it turns I got the last spot. I'm really sorry man, it was a lot of fun working with you. Give me a call if you want."
Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
Monica: Why would I say anything? That two of our best friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives! And they would have me to thank, and we could all start having babies?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
Fireman No. 3: It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control.
Rachel: Hey! We were not on aOkay. Thats fine! Fine. Yknow what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay?
(A Chinese woman getting off the plane drops one of her bags. Ross gets off next.)
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Joey: Maybe, I should call this place and get them to put my 'Days of Our Lives' on here. You know, juice this puppy up a little.
Ross: Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) There are tons of freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear!
[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.]
Phoebe: yea you know you are a bit of a drama queen.
(Joey comes out of the bathroom reading a newspaper)
PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.
Chandler: See? (Does his laugh.) Here we go. (Starts walking her to their room, and has to pass in front of Mr. Geller whos sitting at the table and Mrs. Geller whos standing next to him.)
Chandler: Because youve only known her for six weeks! Okay, Ive got a carton of milk in my fridge Ive had a longer relationship with!
Rachel: Phoebe, Im going to Rosss wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, Im still in love with him! I mean, hey, yknow, I like Ross as much as the next guy, yknow? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings dont mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesnt mean that-that Im still in love with him. Yknow? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love himOhh! Oh my God! Oh mywhy didnt you tell me?!!
Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people youve dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends dont do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the whos who of human crap. (Walks off)
Joey: Well, I guess he says that because they were on a break when it happened, that she should of forgiven him by now.
Phoebe: (gasps) You wouldnt! Okay look, Rachel I know you really want to do this, but I-Ive never been maid of honor to anyone before! And I know youve done it at least twice!
Monica: Im sick of the signs! Its too fast, Im happy the way things are!
Monica: If Phoebe were my maid of honor
Chandler: Kind of. She's coming by to interview us and see where we live.
Phoebe: Well, this is none of my business. (starts to walk away)
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Ross: You know what? I know Chandler longer, so I always think of him as my best friend, but now... I may have to rethink some stuff...
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
Chandler: Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.
Phoebe: Well I don't think it's very nice of you to park here, y'know you're blocking the entrance.
Phoebe: Rachel is one of my closest friends. (Pause) Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay!
Joey: (in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and Ill have my health insurance back in no time.
Phoebe: Okay, this kind of back talk is not gonna fly when were married!
ROSS: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I know what'll make you feel better. How 'bout you make a list about me. RACHEL: Wha... forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna stand here and make a list of. . . ROSS: C'mon Rachel. RACHEL: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair. ROSS: See there, you uhh, alright, ya, you did what I said. RACHEL: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do feel better, thank you Ross. [she walks off and Ross puts his hand to his hair] [Scene: Back at Phoebe's. She is on the phone] PHOEBE: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number of Frank Buffay. . . OK, um, in Ithica. . . alright, um, Saratoga. . . Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you shouldn't call youself information. [hangs up] [Phoebe's grandmother enters] GRANDMOTHER: Hey. PHOEBE: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real name. GRANDMOTHER: C'mon now Phoe, don't still be mad at me. How's it going? PHOEBE: Well, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's pretty small, you do the math. GRANDMOTHER: Well, I think you're better off without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy but, but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who knocked up your mom and stole her Gremlin. PHOEBE: No I just, just wanted to know who he was, ya know. GRANDMOTHER: I know. OK, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know exactly where he lived. PHOEBE: Whattaya mean? GRANDMOTHER: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far. You can take my cab. PHOEBE: Wow. Thank you. GRANDMOTHER: Now, remember, nobody else drives that cab. PHOEBE: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad. Wish me luck, Grandpa! [blows a kiss to a picture of Einstein]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is showing off more of her drum skills to Joey by rubbing one of the sticks back and forth across the drum.]
Rachel: Ross, shes not weird, she just wants her stuff to be one of a kind.
CHANDLER: Wait, wait, wait. [Opens the top of the dish soap he's holding]
Monica: Do NOT let me sit in one of those. We'll be here for days.
Joey: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesnt mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise youre just an idiot in a box!
Chandler: (watches Joey for a moment) Okay! (Joey quickly moves the hockey stick so that hes scratching his back with it.) Listen, Im gonna be moving out so you will be in charge of paying the rent.
Monica: Wow, Monica! What an amazing opportunity to influence dozens of people.
Rachel: Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, thats four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! Im next! Its my turn! Its only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me Im going to sue you! Not this hospital, Im going to sue you! And my husband (Points at Ross) hes a lawyer!
Rachel: Oh yeah! Ive come up with a bunch of ideas!
Chandler: Me asking is kind of a sign.
Ross: What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachels belly.)
Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
Cecilia: I am. I am, but I dont know you know. An actor of a certain age is not that easy.
Chandler: Ok, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage, well I earned mineby plucking the eyebrows of my father and his �business� partners.
Donny: Now Gene I must remind you, you need all six of these to stay in the game, all right? Describe for Joey things you find in your refrigerator.
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Joey: It wasnt my ring! It fell out of Rosss jacket! And when I knelt down to pick it up Rachel thought I was proposing!
Ross: (To Monica) Lets grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.
[Scene: Central Perk, the cast of Friends along with Conan OBrien are sitting and talking.]
Chandler: All right, yknow what? Forget it, all of you forget it! Youve ruined it! Go home! Youve ruined it! Youve ruined it!
Monica: (handing him a pad of paper and a pen) Lets just do it right now. Okay? It wont be hard. Just say whats in your heart. (She goes back, sits down, and starts feverishly writing.)
[Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)]
(They both start speaking Italian to each other, and since I'm not Italian and don't understand one word, we'll move on to the English portion of the show. Not, that I'm English. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I'm not. Y'know I think I should shut-up now and move on. Anyhoo, she says something about Joey being fat I think based on this line.)
Ross: (entering) Look, I-Im really sorry I let go of the bike.
Ross: Hop in. (Phoebe hops in.) Get ready for the smoothest ride of your life.
Joey: Yeah. Okay. (Goes to take a bite out of the previously mentioned bagel.) Whoa! (Stops.) I almost forgot this was on your
Ross: That doesn't matter! We're talking about the foundation of our friendship.
Joey: (on phone) Hey! I do too think about the consequences of my decisions! (Listens) What gives you the right to (Listens) Go to hell! (Hangs up the phone and opens the fridge.) Stupid guy on my phone.
Joey: Of course! Only an idiot would wear this stuff if you didnt have the car! Right?
Monica: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse.
Chandler: No dont I beg of you!
Ross: Oh great! Hey-hey Joey, do you want to check out pictures of me and Mona ice skating?
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
PHOEBE: No. You are the boss of you. Now you march your heinie in there and get that heart tattooed on your hip. GO!!
Paleontologist: (merrily) Ok Geller. Last day of the conference, you know what happens to the keynote speaker.
Ross: There's no way around it Pheebs, you just gonna have to accept the fact that this is gonna cost you a lot of money.
Chandler: Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road. (Looks into the bag.) Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?
Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!
Joey/Drake: Stopping you from marrying the wrong man and making the biggest mistake of your life.
(In the rooms next door, Joey, Rachel, Ross and Charlie stop kissing and try to understand what the yelling was about. After a while they continue kissing. We're back in Chandler and Monica's room. Monica has some of her own hair stuffed in her mouth by Chandler.)
(They start lobbing the balloons in. Ross desperately tries to get out of the line of fire but is struck in the back. The girls all retreat to relative safety behind the couch.)
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Joey: Okay, here's my big scene. My big scene's here! (They have two of the cops on the street, then they cut to where they're entering an apartment.) Oh my God.
RACHEL: Yeah you like totally let him wash his feet in the pool of your inner power.
Mrs. Geller: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica.
Benjamin: Oh, well, likewise. Actually, not likewise. I've never heard of you until this morning, but, it's nice to be nice!
[Scene: Monicas Restaurants Kitchen, shes cooking as one of her waiters, Stu, comes over to talk to her.]
Monica: Of course! (She mouths, "I have no idea," to the rest of the gang.)
Ross: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. (Rachel gives him a dirty look) Nothing, just, just, I'm fine.
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Rachel: Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you cant have!
Ross: Dad that wont matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and all her is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is finishing off the last of the jam]