words in movies
Chandler: All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas Eve and you'd rather be with your families, but there's *no* call (he takes it off) for writing "Screw you, Mr. Bing!" on the back of my chair! (he looks at it) -- By the way, you can all call me Chandler.
Wendy: I was, uh, checking out that insurance company's Christmas party on three, oh, it was really beautiful, they have all these decorations and this huge tree and I just, uh... to hell with them, we have to work. -- So I stole ther ham. (She turns the cardboard box upside down over the conference table, a big piece of ham falls out.)
Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your families tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.
"Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. Now, you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No, don't sing along.
Monica: Come on Ben.
(Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.)
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
(All are leaving, wishing each other a Merry Christmas, peace on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.)
[Scene change back an forth: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica's on the other end of the line. The phone's speaker is turned on, so the rest of the gang, sitting around the phone, can hear Chandler.]
Wendy: Huh? Really? -- Hm, that'd be so terrible? (She gets hold of Chandler's tie, slowly moving her hands upwards on the tie, getting closer and closer to him, seductive.)
Chandler: This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but... you're getting ham on my only tie.
Chandler: Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still keeps her grip on his tie.)
Wendy: So? I'm married. (Showing him the ring on her finger.)
Chandler: Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us.
Chandler: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
Both: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.
Chandler: Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Monica: Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. -- Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband is having sex on a copying machine?
(Monica passes the Envelopes on to Ross, Joey and Rachel.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica is cleaning up, Chandler is sitting on the couch, checking the Job offers in a Newspaper.]
Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!
Joey: Id seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...
(there's knocking on the door which Phoebe opens)
[Flashback, year 1987. Chandler enters the school's corridor. Ross is hanging some flyers on the wall. Both have a funny 80s hair and clothes.]
Chandler: (interrupting him) All this lying has been hard on us too.
[Scene: Mike's place. Phoebe is on the phone.]
Kori: You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you! (she leaves and slams the door behind her)
Chandler: She's cheating on Joey with Ross!
Joey: Come on! you... (reaches out to touch the imaginary painting again)
(Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches her breath and massages her ankle.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the phone, everyone else is there except Joey.]
Phoebe: So you dont know thats Barneys the store! That can be yknow his friends house, or a bar. Who has Barneys the store on their speed dial?
Phoebe: Oh my god, Frank, are you thinking of leaving? Because I didn't have those triplets so you could just run out on them!
Rachel: Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, wed like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)
MICH: I don't know if Monica told you but this is the first date I've gone on since my divorce so, if I seem a little nervous, I am.
Rachel: Ross, you don't even have oven mitts on!
Rachel: Monica, last Saturday night, what happened on Walker: Texas Ranger?
Phoebe: Okay, look you wanna hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street.
Charlie: You're on fire! I'll call you in the morning, okay?
RACHEL: Maybe it, maybe it doesn't have to be this tough. I mean, maybe you were on the right track with this whole, you know, spontaneous thing. I mean, women really like that.
Phoebe: But he didn't really know, you know. He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados and proposing to me...
Joey: Now hold on a second, fifth floor against that back wall?
Ross: Well, then, maybe it's time we all moved on.
[Scene:Central Perk. Ross and Chandler are on the couch]
Chandler: She went on one of those spray-on tan places.
Joey: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought youd be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!
Assistant: Wow, you catch on quick.
Rachel: Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby�s sock is on the ground.
Chandler: Hello? Is someone on the line?
[scene: Joey’s apartment. Joey and Rachel are sitting on the couch]
Chandler: Hold on! There is something different.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
Chandler: And she's... turning on the TV... and watching... Miss Congeniality!
Chandler: (notices something) Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? (Pause, no one speaks.) Someone comment on the pants!
Rachel: Phoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me.
Donny: Joey describe these things associated with the United States congress. (Joey goes form looking very confident to looking very shocked the instant the word congress is said) Give me 20 seconds on the clock please. Ready? Go!
Rachel: Ill be right there! (to Ross) Okay, Ross, please come on! I thought we have moved on! I thought weve gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other! I mean was that just me?
Jason: Yeah. I mean y'know, we havent been going out that long. Come on, we havent even slept together yet. Huh.
Chandler: Ah, the "I'm sorry I rejected you" phone call. I'm not used to getting it from guys. (on the phone, getting up from the sofa) Hey, Steve.
Ross: Do you perhaps seeing a note on top of it?
(Rachel, Joey and Chandler pat him on his shoulders and walk off, together with Monica)
Joey: come on, come on, search your brain all right. it was (thinks) a certain amount of time ago, I was here you were here, we had sex (starts pointing out the places) here, here, here NOT there. Anything?
Mike: I put that tube top on as a joke.
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? (He gets up from the couch and goes into the bedroom to find Monica, still in the robe, lying seductively on the bed. Or at least shes trying too and as he enters the room, she takes the robe off on of her legs.) Oh-ohhhh!
Rachel: Okay Ross come on lets just forget about the condoms.
Rachel: Oh, well, (looks at her box and chair) you're not catching me on my best day.
Monica: I'm parked in a garage on Morton!
Cheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. (Ross attempts to clear a place for his coat and fold it small enough to fit. Then hit sits on the couch. Something falls on him from above and he brushes his neck off frantically.)
Chandler: I don't know! You'll tell us on Monday!
Dr. Long: Push. Push. Come on push for five seconds. 5 4
Joey: Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, moving on, moving on, next question. Ok number 29, have you ever betrayed another goddess for a lightning bearer? Ok, number 30.
Estelle: (on the other side of the line) Joey! It's Estelle!
Doug: So, in conclusion, the lines all go up (points to the chart), so Im happy. Great job team! Tomorrow at 8:30. (They start to leave) Phil! Nice job. (smacks him on the butt) Stevens! Way to go! (smacks him on the butt) Joel-burg, you maniac! I love ya! (smacks him on the butt) (Chandler walks up) Bing! Good job, couldnt have done it without ya. (he shakes his hand)
Joey: Come on robot!
Chandler: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
LITTLE BULLY: It's a nice watch, I don't wanna break it on your ribs.
(someone knocks on the door. Rachel goes to open it)
Ross: (Writing on the papers) B, B, B, B, B!
Rachel: Oh, I have to pee. If I dont come out in five minutes its because Ive choked to death on the potpourri stink. (Goes into the bathroom.)
Ross: What... what you working on?
(Finally, Monica with her parents on her arms start down the aisle.)
Chandler: On every word?
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
Rachel: Amy, that’s what I was supposed to wear today, that’s why I hung it on the door.
Joey: Yeah! Okay. (He puts his hands on her face and they kiss.)
Amy: (To Rachel) Nana is on the phone (Hands the phone over to Rachel)
Chandler: (laughs) Isnt she cute? (On Monicas death stare) No!
Joey: Look, look lets pretend its a real bachelor party. Okay? Yknow? Before your wedding. Come on, itll be fun.
PHOEBE: Yeah, come on. You know you want it, you know you want it too, come on. Let's just be bad, it'll feel so good. [She starts scratching him.]
[Scene: Elizabeth Hornswoggle's apartment; Ross is there on his date with her. They are sitting on the couch watching a movie. Ross is obviously hot.]
Rachel: All right, yknow what, come on, do we really have to watch this while we eat? (She makes a move for the remote.)
Monica: No, they gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knows what else they didn't change. (He glares at her.) Come on sweetie, I just want this weekend to be perfect, I mean we can change rooms, can't we?
[Scene: Ross's Apartment: Ross is doing something on his laptop when Chandler walks in]
Rachel: I-I dont want your job. I-I dont. Ohh this is such a mistake. I did not make out with him. Nobody made out with him. I did not use my keycard yesterday. I dont even know how to use my keycard. (The elevator stops. Ralph steps on.)
Rachel: Well, now, wait. Now Im all freaked out. Come on, you guys will watch it with me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
(Phoebe has this weird, anxious, nervous look on her face)
[Flashback to The One With Phoebe's Uterus, Monica is teaching Chandler how to turn a woman on. They're in Monica and Rachel's apartment and Monica has just drawn a diagram of a woman.]
CHANDLER: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, [puts bracelet on Joey] it's about you and me and the fact that we're [reading bracelet] best buds.
Monica: Oh yeah, the Evander Holyfield phase. Oh man you were so hard up you practically came on to me.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Sandy sit on the couch. Sandy holds Emma. Ross enters the apartment. Sandy and Rachel wipe their tears away with handkerchiefs]
Chandler: What about the ones you have on the nightstand?
Joey: Oh! Any word on casting yet?
(A waiter walks by carrying appetizers or something on a tray)
Joey: Just watch it, and if you don't like it, you don't pass it on to your bosses!
Chandler: And we just sit here. I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair! Look, we have to do something. Okay? Something huge!
Ross: Damnit! I'll put a candle on the cake.
Rachel: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number. (Hands him the slip of paper with the phone number on it.)
Monica: Rachel! Im never gonna think its okay for you to cheat on your husband!
Ross: Oh come on!!
[Scene: Chandler's office. He's on the phone, agitated.]
Chandler: Hey, guys! Come on! You gotta see what Emma just did.
Joey: No. They really like me over there. They want to do a big profile on me, but I said no.
Rachel: Okay, no, that's not the right decision. That's not, that's not right, no Ross-Ross, come on! I mean, that woman made you miserable! Okay, Ross, do you really want to get back into that?
Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!
Chandler: (on machine) This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! (The machine beeps off.)
Benjamin: (puts his hand on Ross's other cheek) I'm sorry too...
(He turns to face Rachel on one knee with the box open.)
Joey: What's going on?
(Monica is cleaning the table, Chandler is sitting on the sofa. Joey enters.)