words in movies
Joey: Ohh-oh, wasnt he cheating on you with her?
Rachel: Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.
Rachel: Well, apparently she caught him cheating on her with someone else. Isnt that sad? (Giggles.) God, could you imagine if I actually married him?! I mean how different would my life be?
All: (simultaneously) Oh yeah! Come on! Yeah right!
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: Come on! (They start to leave.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Fat Monica, and her boyfriend are sitting on the couch. Monicas boyfriend is getting up to get something. For future reference, for the rest of this episode Monicas fat, I wont be calling her Fat Monica throughout.]
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Rachel: (still not quite able to look at him) Hi! I love you on that show! I watch you everyday! I mean, when you took out your own kidney to save your ex-wife even though she tired to kill you
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Monica: (panicked) Oh wait! You didnt just sit on my Kit-Kats did you?!!
Ross: Come on Pheebs, its not that bad! Yknow most people would be excited if they didnt have to work for a couple of weeks.
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
Phoebe: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and youre-youre-youre rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybodys watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.
[Scene: A hospital hallway, Chandler is sitting on a gurney with his hands spread out behind his back. Then Monica comes and plops down on the gurney and one of his hands. Chandler immediately recoils in extreme pain.]
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
Ross: So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.
Ross: Hey there little fella! Hey, uh-hey, why dont we get some shoes on ya, huh? Hey, why dont you show dad how you can put your shoes on, in your room! Yay!!
Rachel: Yeah. Oh I just wish we could not be married for a little bit! Yknow I just wish we could be like on a break!
Monica: Rachel! Im never gonna think its okay for you to cheat on your husband!
Ross: Come on. (Helps her into bed as her phone rings.) I got it.
Ross: (on the phone) Hello? (Listens.) No she cant come to the phone right now. (Listens.) Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye. (Hangs up.)
Rachel: Okay! (She picks up the phone, Joeys phone number, and starts to dial.) Here we go! Okay! (On phone.) Hi, Joey! Its Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Carol is working on something at the table and Ross is reading a newspaper on the couch.]
Joey: I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. Youll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.
Ross: Yknow, if, if this is too weird for you, we can still back out at (A knock on the door interrupts him.)
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it.) If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, yknow? Because youve been waiting a very long time and I wouldnt want to disappoint you.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, the next morning, Rachel is passed out on the couch.]
Joey: Rachel, would you stop saying that?! Hey-hey look, remember on the show when-when Caprice was dying and she gave me
Phoebe: Lets go! Come on! Move it! (Grabs her coat.) Come on! (To an old man whos holding her shoes and briefcase.) Shoes! Briefcase! (Takes them both.) Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder. (She leaves.)
Ross: Look I-I dont know whats going on with you and your husband and what is hopefully an adult dog walker, look can I just say not all men are like that.
Ross: Im sorry your husband cheated on you.
Monica: Yeah, come on, eat, whatever you want. Dr. Roger got beeped again.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing a new song as the gang looks on.]
Rachel: Oh come on, I already went.
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Chandler: Well, yknow, youre-youre gonna meet somebody! Youre a great catch! Yknow when I was telling all those guys about you, I didnt have to lie once. (He sits down on the arm of her chair)
(Chandler opens the bathroom door to reveal Joey passed out on the toilet with a toothbrush in his mouth.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, its gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]
Woman On Train: Yes we are. So, coffee?
Phoebe: Well, yeah. Y'know, we were best friends, ever since we were little, our Moms worked on the barge together.
Rachel: Well yknow, we would umm, repeat everything the other said, or uh, wed jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar for the salt so theyd put salt on their cereal.
Phoebe: (in a nasally voice, from her cold) But I'm unemployed, my music is all I really have now. Well music, and making my own shoes. (She puts her shoe on the table, and it's horribly decorated) Pretty, huh? (Sneezes)
Ross: Oh, just hold on a second. Im watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I dont know what the big deal is. Im man enough to play this sport.
Rachel: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you Mon?! Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker?
Monica: Yknow what? Im gonna make this up to you. I promised you a stripper (turns on the radio), and youre gonna get a stripper. (She starts to strip.)
JOEY: Look, I'm sorry but that's what Joseph does, ok. If you try to pull somethin', he'll call you on it. 'What're you tryin' to pull,' he'll say.
Rachel: Joey! Come on! I dont wanna make any mistakes, alright? This is the only dessert and if I screw it up everybody's gonna be like Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?
Ross: (getting up) Tell me about it. (He sits up on the edge of the bed and has "Just Married" written on his back.)
Monica: Okay! Wait-wait-wait! Shhh! (Bangs on her class with a spoon to make a toast.) Okay, umm, I just wanna say that I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night. (Chandler clears his throat.) Our special night. I mean it just wouldnt be myour-our night, if you all werent here to celebrate with meusDamnit!
Monica: Go on.
Chandler: OK, is there a mute button on this woman?
[Scene: Phoebe Sr.s house, theres a knock on the door.]
Charlie: But maybe we can have dinner later? On the balcony? Will be romantic.
RACHEL: What? Come on, you do what you want to do. Do we always have to do everything together?
Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the yelling, just stop it!
Monica: All right, Im gonna show you something a lot of guys dont know. Rach, give me that pad, please? (She does so and Monica starts drawing on it) All right. Now
Male Jeweler: This ring is from the 1920s, its a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires on either side.
[Scene: Rachels Room, she is taking the ring out of Rosss jacket, looks at it, and puts it on her finger as Joey enters.]
Joey: Estelle said I didn't get it. (Sits down next to Rachel on the couch.)
Chandler: (Can't believe what he hears) Well, thank God your livelihood doesn't depend on it.
Cecilia: Joey, well thank you. That is so sweet. Oh, excuse me. (She throws her drink on a passing writer.)
Ross: Hey, what you do on your own time...
Rachel: Oh, come on! He's glad that I came, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, balls flying all over the place!
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.
(They both continue on and Ross meows like a cat.)
[Scene: A curbside newsstand, Phoebe is whistling and walking up to it wearing her fur coat. She stops and starts to look through a magazine and notices a squirrel on a nearby tree chirping at her.]
Rachel: I know! I know, she says its all mass-produced, nothing is authentic, and everyone winds up having the same stuff. (Ross looks at his table.) So come on, shes gonna be here any second! Can we please just cover this up with something?! Please?
[Scene: Kathys apartment, Chandler is knocking on the door.]
JOEY: Uh, hey, Dr. Greene, why don't you come with me, we'll put your jacket on Rachel's bed.
[Cut back to Monica and Rachel's apartment, Rachel is singing along with a song and dancing while facing the big picture window. Y'know, I think I'd pay real good money to be on the other side of that window!]
Ross: Well, if-if she thought they were on a break
Hold Voice: Please stay on the line. Youre call is very important to us.
Monica: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance!
Ross: What about the time I said we were on a break?
Monica: Come on Rach, come on. Lets see whats it like to be on a winning team for a change.
Ross: Okay, look, yesterday I would've even considered calling her back, but my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near death experience. I mean, that-that has got to mean something!
Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!
Ross: (shows Tag his sweater tag) Umm, I dont some Italian guy. Come on, read your own label. See you later.
JANICE: And what? Missed the expression on your face? Janice likes to have her fun.
[Scene: Dots Spot, Chip and Monica are on there date, eating dinner. Chip is telling a story.]
(Theres a knock on the door.)
(Both Chandler and Phoebe have shocked looks on their faces.)
Rachel: Ohhhh, come on!!!
Monica: All right, come on, I'm-I'm late for work!
Joey: (on phone) Hey! I do too think about the consequences of my decisions! (Listens) What gives you the right to (Listens) Go to hell! (Hangs up the phone and opens the fridge.) Stupid guy on my phone.
[cut to Ross in Vermont, talking on the phone.]
Joey: Its still a tiny bit on fire there.
Rachel: You guys, come on, it doesn't matter why we're late. We're all here now, please let us in so we can have some of your delicious turkey. (A slice of turkey on a piece of aluminum foil is slid under door)
Monica: Yeah, come on, we can be guys!
Monica: Third door on the left.
The Woman From Poughkeepsie: (outside Rosss window) Ross? Ross! (she knocks on the window) Wake up! Ross! (the train starts moving) Ross! Ross!! Ross!!! Ross!!!!
Ross: Eh, her-her uncle already had planned on doing it. And yknow, we-we said our good-byes this morning, so
[Cut to the rest of the gang sitting low on the couch and craning their necks to watch the interview.]
Monica: Come on! Chandler!
Joey: Hey, what happened to your fancy chefs jacket? (sees theres a burn spot on it)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is struggling with the fridge. He finally gets it open and falls on the floor]
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
(She does so by taking off her jacket seductively, only she has trouble getting one hand out and slams the jacket on the chair angrily to remove it.)
Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. Youre 18, okay, shes 44, when youre 36, shes gonna be 88.
Chandler: Hey, come on, its not your fault.
Joey: Ah! Okay, well then you dont judge me. Im gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before. (They both do as they planned.)
Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive (Thinks a little while.) Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.
Monica: (she enters with a headset on and she's speaking into the microphone) Well, it matters to me!
[Cut to Living Room, Rachel is trying to close the door on Ross.]
Joey: Hey-hey, whats going on?
Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
Chandler: Well maybe you should put some ice on it.
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19.
WAITER: (whispers) And what will that be on the side of?
(Joey picks up and turns on a hair dryer.)
Monica: The babies are asleep, Im sure youll be okay on your own for a while!
Phoebe: Come, sit. (He's hesitant.) Sit. (Still hesitating.) Sit! (He sits on the arm of the couch.) Umm, all righty, before we get started I justI need you to state for the official record that you are in fact Frank Buffay.
Rachel: I feel like were the only two people in the world. (She sets down her wine class, picks up a walnut, and knocks another one on the floor.) Oops. Sorry. (She reaches down to pick it up and Ross hands it to her. Ross is hiding under the couch and causes Rachel to scream.)
Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize.
Joey groans and gets off the phone: The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me.. <whiny voice> And they all got to meet Santa!
Monica: Oh my God, oh my God. (on intercom) Call me on the phone!
RICHARD: Yeah. I have to sleep, have to, on this side of the bed.
Rachel: No! No! No! No its not! No its not! Come on! Phoebe, ours is totally different! I mean we dont have the (Looks desperately for something different.) We dont have the that lamp! And-and that screen is yknow, on the other side.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, and Julie are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: Being pregnant is tough on your tummy.
Joshua: Oh great! (He tries on the coat.) Wow! Yeah, its comfortable.
Joey: Yeah, what going on?
Joey: (getting up) Dude, I'm telling ya! I'm fine! (He tries to take a step and falls flat on his face.)
[Scene: Allesandros, Joey is coming back in with his coat on.]
Phoebe: Ooh, yeah. Then what are you going to put on top of that?
CHANDLER: Ya know, my cousin went to hell on a football scholarship.
Chandler: Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite...
Pete: Hmm, come on, you just said to her that you .
Ross: No, but come on, were off to a great start arent we? I knew Id get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record!
Chandler: Hey! Hold on a minute, hold on a second. Do you think these pearls are nice?
Rachel: All right, come on, lets go get your coat.
Monica: Okay, so from now on we have to call you Princess Consuela?