words in movies
The Director: Kate Millers awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, youve ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mothers crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
(Joey steps in a picks up the paper, the gang all look at him.)
Phoebe: Nuh-uh! Theyre maternity pants. They even came with a list of baby names. (Pulls out a sheet of paper which lists whos been naughty and whos been nice.) See, these names are good, and these names are bad. (Finally, she figures it out.) Ohh.
(Chandler opens the door and startles them. He picks up the paper)
ROSS: Toilet paper?
Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!
(She throws the paper at him, misses and hits Monicas door, they all jump back at the sound.)
CHANDLER: OK. [reads paper] Brake left, gas right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are there. Chandler and Joey are looking through the paper.]
Ross: They published my paper.
Chandler: Kathy! Kathy! Hi!! Kathy! Kathy! (She doesn't hear him and keeps running, Chandler starts chasing her as the theme to The Mod Squad starts to play. First, a car almost hits him and then gets mustard splashed on him as he runs by a hot dog vendor.) Kathy! (He keeps running and gets tangled up in the leashes of five dogs, in desperation he throws his paper.) Fetch! Fetch it! (He frees himself and resumes the chase) Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! (He now trips and falls into a pile of garbage, he tries to get up and scream her name again but he has a piece of spinach in his mouth. He gets out of the garbage and starts crossing the street by running over the hoods of a couple of cabs.) Kathy! (He jumps in front of her and out of breath he says) Kathy.
RACHEL: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing [a pigeon flies in the window and lands on the table] OH MY GOOOD, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. [hangs up] OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. [grabs a pot and lid] OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. [puts pot over the pigeon] Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh. [knock at the door] It's open you guys.
Joey: But youre still moving in together, right? Because my ad came out today. (Shows him the paper.)
CHAN: Does anyone have one from a different paper? Ross, read yours.
Gavin: Thank god you finally said that, I saw you make a note on your pad three hours ago. (Rachel throws away that paper) Man, I really bug you, don't I?
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
MNCA: [reading the paper] There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me.
JOEY: Chandler gave me word of the day toilet paper. I'm gonna get some coffee.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters.]
Chandler: Multiple, so many paper cuts.
Chandler: Hi. You guys have any wrapping paper?
(Joey lets himself in, carrying a large paper shopping bag.)
MONICA: Ya know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. His name was in the paper.
Phoebe: Umm, that papers two weeks old.
Rachel: Well, they never have any paper in there y'know. So my rule is no tissue, no tuschy. (Phoebe laughs and gets out.) Well, if everybodys going. (She gets out and starts to close the door.)
Joey: Well, Ive just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didnt have naked chicks on it.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang's all there. Ross has a slip of paper that he throws on the ground tying to get Rachel's attention.]
MONICA: So, I read this article in the paper the other day that says you're not supposed to throw rice at weddings, because when pigeons eat rice it kills them.
Ross: Sure, one year is paper, but two months is lapdance! (Joey nods his agreement.)
Ross: The paper.
Chandler: (reading the paper) Says here that a muppet got whacked on Seasame Street last night. (to Ross) Where exactly were around ten-ish?
Chandler: Pheebs, can you help me pick out an engagement ring for Monica? I cant figure this out! Its so hard! Should I get her a (turning to each page) Tiffany cut or a Princess cut or aah-ah! Paper cut!
Ross: (on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! (Listens) Yes were surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Gary: So you uh, you checked the paper for listings in Brooklyn Heights, right? You-you checked the Post?
Monica: Wow! Youre a lot sturdier that Chandler. He crumpled like a piece of paper. So how was youre trip?
Rachel: What? This-this, no, oh no, no-no-no, this is notthats-thats not what it is. See, see, okay, I work in fashion, see and-and, this is a real dress actually. Its-its, theyre-theyre wearing it in Milan, so part of my job is too wear the clothes, and then I see how people respond, and then I report back to my superiors at Bloomingdales, so And obviously in uh, in-in this case, (She grabs a pen and paper) I am going to report back, "USA not ready."
Monica: C'mon Chandler, I think we have been given an opportunity. I mean, the mistake has already been made. They are writing up the paper right now.
Chandler: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is desperately trying to make his Valentines Day gift. He takes a paper cup, turns it upside down, sticks two pencils into the top, and hangs a coat hanger from the bottom.]
Phoebe: (singing) And I'm still waiting for my paper mache man. Thank you my babies.
Charlie: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
Phoebe: Oh, I love paper mache! What did you make?
MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
Joey: (taking apart the invitation) Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! Youre at the wedding, you have to cry, "Handkerchief?" "No-no, I got my invitation."
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Rachel: Well, you ripped the paper out of the court reporters machine!!
Ross: Well remember that paper I had published last year on sediment flow rate, huh? They loved it.
Phoebe: (looks at the paper) Are these for rent! I thought people were just bragging!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.]
Joey: Food? Uh-huh gimme! (She hands him the paper.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is working on her book at the kitchen table, Monica is on the couch, and Chandler is entering from the bathroom carrying a package of toilet paper.]
Monica: Hey guys check it out! My mom sent me the paper!
MONICA: Ok people, I want you to take a piece of paper, here you go, and write down your most embarassing memory. Oh, and I do ask that when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back on them because they will dry out.
Joey: This is impossible Monica, why dont you just pick all 15? (Hands back the paper.)
Rachel: Youre out of toilet paper!
Monica: Joey, that papers like a year old!
(Rachel removes a paper on the floor which is covering a hole and gasps.)
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
Phoebe: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a piece of paper.]
Jen: I forgot my paper. (Ross quickly hides the card in his mouth.)
Rachel: I know. I know. Oh God. (Looking around) Theres no tissue! Can you grab me some toilet paper?
Chandler: Well, close to (Notices Rachel leaning in to hear and decides to write it on a piece of paper and hand it to Monica as Phoebe averts her eyes.)
Rachel: No yknow, I dont want to switch! Come on! I can throw wet paper towels here!
Joey: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, (Joey from TV) you know that's bad for the paper tray.
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Monica: (interrupting) I love it! Its huge!! Lets open it! Open it!! (Monica rips open the paper.)
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
Chandler: All right Rock, Paper, Scissors who has to tell the whore to leave! (Joey smirks.) What?
Ross: Hum...So...hum...Oh hey I noticed you were reading the paper...another flood in Europe? Here�s a question: "Would you...would you rather drown or be burnt alive?"
Joey: Yeah, he had a paper route.
RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there as Monica enters with the local paper that has the engagement picture in it.]
(they all tear off the wrapping paper)
Phoebe: It was the end of the party, you were probably ironing wrapping paper.
Rachel: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number. (Hands him the slip of paper with the phone number on it.)
Joey: (walking up carrying a brown paper bag) Hey!
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Joey: (interrupting him) Uh Ross! Are there uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?
Monica: Wait, were supposed to organize the wrapping paper drawer.
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Joey stops by. Chandler is reading the paper and Eddie is fixing eggs.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Mike: This is the first time hes ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Chandler: (entering, happily, with a bottle of champagne, thinking that Monica is the only one there) Ha-ha-ha-(sees everyone)-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!
JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray.
Lowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads. How 'bout you?
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
Monica: (writing on a piece of paper) Phyllis is sitting in a chair.
Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
Ross: Ah y'know, this building is on my paper route so I... (gives her a flower)
(Joey enters with Monica's paper and hands it to her.)
Whitfield: (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written.
Phoebe: All right fine! This looks like so much fun. (Examining the bowl of wet paper towels.)
INTERVIEWER: Alright, lets see if you're as good in person as you are on paper. Make me a salad.
Phoebe: Oh, I love you Hexadrin! (She kisses the box.) Oh look! It comes with a story! (She pulls out the instructions and side affects paper.)